A short, personal YouTube message from Sandi L. Boucher offering empathetic advice to viewers who are struggling with grief, loss, or relationship endings. She emphasizes the importance of grieving fully, shares two personal examples (her mother’s death and an ex-husband leaving) to illustrate a healing timeline (about 18 months in her case), and encourages reaching out to friends or emailing her for support.
Chapters
Hi everybody. Cindy Boucher here, and welcome back to my world. Today my message goes out to a few people that mean the world to me. As I've been watching what's going on in the lives of a few of my friends, I've noticed that unfortunately a few of them are struggling at this time of year. Now you hear me say time and time again that our lives are a result of our choices and that everything that happens is a result of choices we've made further upstream. And I thoroughly believe that. But there are events in life that happen that are just life happening. As I said, life is a river. And sometimes there's boulders and sometimes there's rapids and sometimes people we love disappoint us. And sometimes people we love choose to leave us. And sometimes we lose people we love to death or tragedy. It's at those times that we are challenged to the greatest extent. First off, if you are one of those people, I highly, highly want to stress the need to grieve. If you cared at all, you're going to be sad and sad and grief and anger are all as real emotions as happiness. And they have to be honored and they have to be experienced. This is not a time to medicate yourself out of reality or to pretend you're happy or to see seek happiness elsewhere to deny your grief. Because guess what? It's waiting to be experienced. And the longer you put it off, the longer it lasts. I think we've all met people who have gone through a relationship and years later are still angry or upset over it. It's because they've never healed, they've never gone through that process. I had a conversation recently with someone that I very much value their opinion and. And they shared with me that how after I lost my mother, they were actually quite upset with me for a time being because I didn't seem to get on with it, that I was still grieving. I'll be the first to admit it took about 18 months for me to come to terms with the passing of my mother. That's how close I was to her. For the first six months. There were more days than I can count that I couldn't even get out of bed. I couldn't stop crying. I just could not believe that my mother was gone. But over time I noticed that in between those days were good days, or at least alright days. And then it would be a couple days in between crying fits and then maybe three or four days and then maybe a week till it got to the point where maybe I'd have A bad day once a month. And then eventually I caught myself telling stories about her and not crying, and I was able to go on. And then when I thought I was past it, wham, I would have one of those days and just couldn't stop crying. And I realized I had to go through that and honor that. I am happy to say that now. I do believe that my healing's in the past. Will I have bad days? Probably. Will I have times that I cry? Yeah. My mom was an amazing woman and I loved her that much. So I honor her with the extent that I miss her. But I accept now that her time was done and she did amazing things while she was here, so I can go on with that fact. It's harder for the people I believe that have a relationship. And when the person you love chooses not to be with you anymore or chooses to be with someone else, that's a little bit harder on the ego. And I've been there too. Now, in retrospect, I can look back and I know without a doubt that the best thing my ex husband ever did for me was to leave. I could have lived without the cheating. That was hard to swallow. But I know now that our relationship was so far less than what a healthy, happy relationship can and should be. And I know without a doubt that I never would have had the strength to leave that relationship. So I'm glad he did because it gave me the freedom to work towards what I want and need without settling. Settling out of fear that I may not find something else. Since that relationship's ended, I've become quite comfortable with the woman I am. I've become quite happy with my life. And I have no doubt in my mind that at some point I will find someone absolutely amazing to share this world with when it's time for that. Right now, I have no problem with enjoying life exactly the way it is. So to all of you people out there hurting, take the time to hurt. Know that there's people like me who are thinking of you, and we're just an email away if you need someone to talk to. For the women out there, talk to your friends. It's how we heal for the men. Some of you like to talk. Some of you like to get active and work it out physically. Do what you need to, but don't run from it. Don't hide from it. Cry until you can't cry anymore, and then cry again if you need to, but get it out. And then one by one, you'll start realizing that you're still here. And you're still strong. It is these hard times that help us build our coping mechanisms, mechanisms that a lot of people, unfortunately, today, just don't have. And it's because they have run and they haven't built their skills. Way back when, we had to learn to crawl, before we learned to walk, before we learned to run. That's what these experiences are. They're helping us walk strong. I'm thinking of you. I'm praying that you're happy at this time of year. And if you're not, I'm praying for you. You'll be okay. I believe in you. I've been there. And I'm no superwoman. I'm just an ordinary person like you. If I can do it, so can you. If you need me to help, I'm an email away. Talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.
