Sandi L Boucher draws on 15 years of Indigenous reconciliation work to explain how opposing groups can build trust. She uses the "back-to-back teaching" analogy, where two people cover each other's blind spots, and stresses humility, curious questions over judgment, and accepting people as they are. A key insight: we're not in the same boat, we're in the same storm.
Questions this video answers
Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan
Seine River First Nation in Treaty 3 territory in Northern Ontario
15 years
"Back-to-back teaching" (two people standing back to back to cover each other's blind spots)
Chapters
If you know anything about my work, you know that I am 100% focused on indigenous Canadian reconciliation, getting groups that often have very different views and very different opinions, getting them to come together and build a bridge and actually form a sustainable relationship. But as I watch world activities and all the things that are going on, I realize there's a hundred different examples of opposing sides. So today I thought I'd share some of the examples I've dealt with and what has helped me to build those bridges in hopes that maybe it's going to bring you some comfort in these really unsettling times. Let's talk about. Hi everybody. My name is Sandy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan. I'm a proud member of Seine River first nation in Treaty 3 territory in Northern Ontario. And for the last 15 years I've worked full time focused on Indigenous Canadian reconciliation. I work in First Nation communities with First Nation audiences. I work in Canadian business and corporations with entirely non Indigenous audiences. And often I have a mixed audience. What I've realized is reconciliation for Indigenous peoples living within Canadian borders and Canadians is not a lot different from any two opposing groups with different opinions and different views. So like I said in the opening, I thought I'd share some examples that I've dealt with and maybe you can gleam some hints and tips and clues that'll help you feel a little more comfortable in these unsettled times. So what I'm talking about, if you've watched my videos or followed my channel for any length of time, of course you know it. We're talking back to back teaching. Two people standing back to back. Neither of them can see the entire room they're standing in. Both of them have a blind spot. The important part is the blind spot for you is obvious and directly in front of the person you're standing back to back with, and vice versa. They can describe a corner of the room that you can't see, but together, if you actually believe them, you can see the entire room. Now, the problem, most often the view of another person. Because you can see it, it's dismissed. And then you limit your knowledge and your efficiency. This is the physical representation of the statement, I've got your back. I'm going to tell you of threats coming your way that you can't see. But if you don't believe me, I can't protect you. Now, back to back teaching really works when you're talking about two groups with opposing views. And the reality is, if you're working in the area of indigenous, non indigenous relationships like I do. Often what you come up against is Christian teachings versus traditional indigenous teachings. Both have value, both are valued by the people that follow those teachings. But we can't make the mistake of thinking there's only my way or the highway kind of thing. Think about Republicans or conservatives versus more liberal or Democratic. If you assume that the other side are idiots, that they have no idea what they're talking about, that they obviously don't have any brain cells to rub together, you're never going to be able to build a bridge because you're standing in the most disrespectful place asking things like interesting, why do you believe that? Or what does it look like to you? What are you afraid of? Why does this policy seem like a bad idea to you? I'd really be interested in hearing. Can you see how those statements build a bridge? Judgment burns bridges, humility builds them. Asking honest, humble questions. I want to learn. I want to see what you see. The part of the room that I can't see. Now, sometimes the differences are huge. For example, I have come across Christian people who reference sin. That's a sin. I'm never going to do that because that's a sin that is totally foreign to me as an Anishinaabe Kwe. There are things you should do and shouldn't do if you want to be a good person. But we don't have that damning God or that one that is going to punish you. So the whole concept of sin can be very confusing. And yes, just to make this even more complicated, there are many indigenous people that are die hard Christians. That's an internal war I wouldn't wish on anyone. And keep in mind for an indigenous person to be Christian and I always get kickback on this, but facts are facts. That means somewhere in your family tree one of your ancestors was told they had to become a Christian because if that didn't happen, no indigenous people would be Christian. We had our own teachings, we had our own traditions until they were condemned as sinful or devil worship. That's what we practice now in modern day there are many indigenous people that choose to be Christian. I'm totally supportive of that. I am not going to be the person to tell you that what you believe in is wrong for a second time. But let's not judge the indigenous people that choose to follow their traditions either. Again, judgment burns bridges, humility builds them. So sin, as soon as you get into that judgment, the bridge is burning. A more subtle example would be reference to God. Or reference to Creator. I use Creator. It's in line with my traditional teachings. If you want to use God and that's in line with yours, all the power to you. You do, you boo. If there's one thing that's essential about bridge building, it is accepting people where they are. It's not assimilation. It's no longer about forcing one group to do things your way. That's not bridge building, that's bridge burning. So we're going to be more accepting. And remember, accepting that my friend is a die hard Christian and uses the word God every second sentence has no ill effect on me. I'm not worried about being converted and they're not trying to be to convert me. And honestly that's something that's always confused me. If you are terrified of hearing of someone else's teachings, honestly where my brain goes is like how shaky is your faith? I could hear about a hundred different faiths. It's not going to change mine. It's just going to let me know you better. So maybe some self analysis there. Now one other one that I came across recently and it was actually in a comment to one of my recent videos and I can honestly say as a Nishna be quay who follows her traditional teachings, this one stopped me in my tracks. I had written my morning blog post, that's what it was. And I put those in the posts on my YouTube channel. If you look in the menu bar on posts, I put in a morning little inspiration every morning. But it was in response to one of those where I was sharing how I have been feeling kind of lost lately. Am I doing what I should be doing? And then creator sent me the answer and made it really obvious and I was thrilled because as always my creator came through and the person that commented now not a negative or a positive, just their viewpoint mentioned that they always obey their God and they love to see me obey my creator. Obey doesn't come into the discussion. I push back right away. It's like nope, nope, my creator doesn't need me obeying anything. My Creator is the best parent you can imagine. Like my mom used to say, they just want you making good choices. They want you becoming a good human being. They want you to do everything you can to help your fellow man, to take care of the animals, to take care of mother Earth. We're all in this together. None is better or worse than any other. But obey. No creator can send me a message and if I don't listen to it, I pay the consequences. That's not Creator Punishing me. I built that bridge. We're going to talk about bridges today. Last but not least, just one thing I wanted you to think about. When you're talking about two groups with different views or ideals trying to work together, I remember my inappropriate terms bingo card and all the phrases we shouldn't use anymore. I think I have to add this to the bingo card. The phrase is rolling the same boat. No, we're not. No, we're not. If there's one quote I've heard that totally resonated is, we're not in the same boat. We're in the same storm. Some people are driving a yacht, some are in a rowboat. That's the reality. So, no, we're not all in the same boat together. We're in the same storm. So lay down the judgment. Even if, especially. You know what, my mom. I'm going to leave you with this. My mom used to always say, if you see someone doing something that you would never do, ask yourself, how scared would they have to be, how overwhelmed, how isolated would they or you have to feel for me to think that was a good idea, how overwhelmed would I have to feel? Then you're getting closer to understanding that person. Judgment never helps. And in the INSANITY that is 2025, it is so easy to judge and call names and point fingers. And we love sharing the memes. That's not building bridges. We got to get better. And that's why we revere our elders so much, because they've developed that patience over their long life journeys. And they can say things like, interesting. Explain to me why you think that without getting upset. Honestly, it's way easier on your blood pressure. I hope this made sense. I hope it helps. The next time you see something online, even though it is so easy to say that is so ridiculous, ask yourself, I wonder why they feel that way. How scared are they, how overwhelmed, how isolated. Until tomorrow. I love you. Take care. Bye. Bye.
