How to Create a Safe Space (Full Day Seminar in One Podcast Episode!)

It's Sandy Bourget here once again, this time with the PATH Podcast. And you've heard me say a hundred times that safe spaces are essential for Indigenous engagement. How the heck do you create a safe space today on the PATH podcast? I'm going to tell you, you might want to grab a pen for this one. Let's talk about it foreign. Hi, everybody. My name is Andy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine River First Nation in Treaty 3 Territory in Northern Ontario. And I'm here today with the Perth podcast, which is my once a week longer type videos where we can really dive into either understanding a complicated issue or I can share some training with you free on YouTube. That's what we're going to do today. So, as I mentioned in the opening, you've heard me say a hundred times that safe spaces are essential to Indigenous engagement. I'm going to go far as saying safe spaces are essential to learning. And I'd be willing to bet there's a whole bunch of parents and a whole bunch of students out there that just yelled heck yeah at the video because it's next to impossible to learn in a space where you feel uncomfortable or threatened or judged. I could go off on a tangent talking about our education system, but I'm not going to because that would make this seven hour podcast. That's not what we're here for. So what we are here for is to discuss safe spaces and how to create a safe space. So before I go into that, I want to go into my lily pad analogy, because you've heard me say a hundred times, there is no Pan Canadian solution. There is not. Let's do one thing and this is going to result in reconciliation from coast to coast. Not going to happen. It's kind of like making a really good stew or Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, whichever. It's one dish at a time and each dish is one ingredient at the time. If you want the big picture, fix the little picture. That's where you start, right? All of our beautiful traditional beading is started with one bead. It starts at the center or outline, whatever the case may be, but you build up to the final product. Don't start with the final product and try to come inwards. You're doing it backwards. So when I talk about lily pads again, like, look, hello, welcome to my world. I like frogs and I like to think of my home and my office are lily pads. I can leap over to my office and I know I'm not going to be judged there. I'm not going to be condemned there. I don't need to worry about a racial slur being said in my office space. It's a safe space. Same thing with my home. Another lily pad. Same thing with going to the home of my best friend or the homes of my children. Safe spaces. The. I can think of the organization Shout out to Pero that helped me start my business, Safe Space. It was actually a haven for me when I was starting my business because everyone was telling me I was nuts. But I knew I could go to Pero and there I would find encouragement. Was a safe space. So all I need you to do is to create a lily pad. And I want your home to be a lily pad. I want your office to be a lily pad. And maybe not even, like, not the full office. Your office, your desk, your cubicle, the room you operate in, your classroom. Safe space. So how do. And by the way, I realize that a lot of people do not have the authority to create that safe space. You can be a safe space. I'll never forget. And that's. I actually learned that through the process of working with my participants. I was. I'm always been adamant about creating a safe space in my seminars, but I had just finished giving a speech, and afterwards, people often want to come up to me and talk to me. And I love that. I love that because I've shared a part of me. They want to now share a part of their story. They want to ask a question. It's always phenomenal. At this particular event, a few people had come up to me to talk. I was in a conversation with this one particular person, and suddenly, next to me, like, this high. She was young. She was little. This young indigenous girl came and stood, like, right? And that's how close she was standing to me, like, zero personal space. And she kind of just stood there like she was part of my arm. She didn't say anything. She didn't interrupt. She just stood there. And of course, I noticed when she came up and kind of. I did the hello. And she just smiled and. And stood there while I continued my conversation and I answered the question. The conversation came to an end. Then I turned to the young girl and I said, can I do anything for you? And she just smiled and said, no, I just want to stand here. I thought that was interesting. So I said, do you mind if I ask why? And she said, no, you can ask. I'm standing here because nothing bad is going to happen to me if I'm Standing next to you, you can become a safe space even if you don't have control over the environment you're in. So grab a pen. There are five steps to creating a safe space, and I'm going to run through them with you. So step one, like, what do I want to imagine? Let's imagine a classroom. Let's go that route. Yeah, that could be complicated, but we're going to try. So we want to make this classroom a safe space. Step one is identify the group that you want to make sure feels safe in that space. So what you have to do is sit down with a pen and paper or use your laptop or computer, showing my age here, and come up with a list of all the groups that use your space. So for example, you might have like, say, for example, it's a split class and grade five and six are both in the same class. So you might have grade five students is one group. Grade six students are another group. You might have like straight A students and students that are struggling. You might have like born and raised in this community students and new to the community students. You might have male students and female students, whatever. You know, the groups that show up and hang out together, identify those groups. Now, when I ask audiences, who would you like to feel safe in your space? The answer is obvious. Often everyone. And I. Amazing goal. You can start big, remember? So what you have to do, what I want you to do, is come up with that list of all the groups. You might have parents coming into your space. You might have EAS working there. You might have other teachers, I don't know, cleaning staff, whatever the case may be, come up with the list of people that use your space. And what you have to do is go through this process separately for each group on the list. Now, I heard you groan. I heard some people out there. Oh, that's a lot of work. In the words of Pam Palmer, if it's convenient, it's not reconciliation. If we didn't have to change things, we wouldn't be having this conversation. It is worth the work. And on top of that, by the way, what's going to happen if you do the process with each of the groups? You're going to come up with commonalities at the end and. And that's going to work in your favor. So step one, identify the group. Next, you need to get together a group of people. 4, 5, 6 people that represent the first group you've chose to work with. Remember, when we're going to work with them all separately, pick one group to Start with. So you need like a focus group and a sample of people from that group. Create a safe space so you can have a discussion with them. You don't want to intimidate the daylights out of them. They got to be able to speak freely. Oh, I need to eat something, sorry. What you need to ask them, give them a couple pieces of paper or two flip chart papers or whatever the case may be. They can do it as a group, they can do it individually, they can do a combination of both. Your choice. But what you need to come up with is what they one, sheet of paper, what they would expect to find in a safe space and two, what they would would never exist in a safe space. You cannot do this exercise because if it's your classroom, you already feel safe there. It's important if you're trying to reach a group. And by the way, if there's a group of people that never come to your space and you wish they would, then this is a really important exercise for you to do. Go to them because they're scared to come to your space and find out. Now I'm not talking about paint color. When you come with the list of what should be in the space, you might hear things like I feel like I'm valued in the space. I feel like I'm heard that my voice. They hear me in that space. I feel physically safe in that space. I feel welcomed, like they're happy to see me in this space. Those kind of things on the list of what should never happen in the space. Being insulted, being embarrassed, being centered out, having to endure racist slurs, being scared for my physical safety. Those kind of things. Oh, excuse me, I gotta. It's getting near lunchtime here. I definitely should eat something. So step one, identify the group. Step two, come up with the list of what should and shouldn't be in the space. Hopefully it makes sense so far. Step three, what should be in the space. You're just going to set that aside. That's pretty clear. Make sure that stuff happens in your space. That's pretty self explanatory. What are you going to do now? Is expand on that what shouldn't be in the space. Step three is the consequences and responsibilities. So what you need to do is ask the group, for example, racial slurs was on the list of should never happen. So ask them if someone uses a racial slur, what should happen? What should be the consequence and who's responsible for imposing that consequence. Way too often we expect the victim to say something that's asking Way too much. There's got to be some kind of supervisor or other person observer that can do it. So, for example, with the racial slur, maybe the consequence is the teacher or whoever's supervising at that time is going to say to them, excuse me, sorry, those kind of comments are not welcome here. We don't use that link language here. See? So what's going to happen and who's going to do it? And if that doesn't work and it happens again, then you figure out what happens next. Now everyone thinks the answer is automatically going to be we're going to kick them out. Don't make that assumption. Work it through with the group. But the one thing you're trying to avoid, and I can tell you 110% as an indigenous person in Canada, if we see one more court case where an indigenous person lost their life and the non indigenous person that took their life gets a minor sentence, that's what we're trying to avoid here. We're making sure that the people, the group that is being hurt feels that the consequence is warranted. It's something that makes sense. So you're going to go through the entire list. What is the consequence and who's going to say or do something. Okay, pick the group. Decide what is and isn't in a safe space. What are the consequences and who's taking responsibility. If something that shouldn't happen in a safe space does step number four post the rules? There should be a big flipping poster on your wall that says, this is the rules of this safe space and these are the consequences of not obeying these rules. What you're trying to accomplish in step four is no surprises. No one should be surprised. They should be able to walk in there and see it. This is not a paper in some policy manual locked away in the HR department that no one's going to see the other thing. It guarantees that if you take action against someone, you have to impose a consequence. And they say, well, you're just picking on me. You never say that to anyone else. You're just. The rule is clearly on the wall. You're not being, you know, have a favorite or going too hard on someone. You apply it. Which brings us to number five, which is follow the rules. If you just went through all. A safe space doesn't just happen. It has to be defined, it has to be created and it has to be maintained. And if you're not willing to do that, your space is not safe. And by the way, in my seminars all the time, I get someone Putting up their hand and saying, well, is my space a safe space? The answer is pretty easy. Did you do those steps? If not, then it's not a safe space. It's just a safe space waiting for something bad to happen. And then in that moment, they're going to be scrambling and going, what should we say and what should we do? That's why we have policies. Ask anyone in hr you have what happens or what you should do figured out long before it hits the fan. It's worth the process. And by the way, I used to teach at the college. I taught a couple semesters and the very first class with my students was this exercise. Okay, guys, you're gonna use the space. What do you need? Right? What makes you feel safe? What doesn't make you feel safe? What are some rules for this engagement? I use PowerPoints. Do you're okay with PowerPoints? Do they help you? What do you prefer? Have the conversation? Guess what? They're going to feel valued. They're going to realize that you want them in your space. That's probably one of the things they identify they wanted in the space. Now sometimes it gets complicated because sometimes there's people in your space that aren't under your control. So I did want to share an example with you that I thought was just totally on point. And I've shared it in many, many seminars. So I was working with one of the national banks in Canada. I'm not going to name which one. It was a virtual event. I had all the VPs from across Canada in on the session. Very short. It was like an hour lunch and learn kind of thing. And then afterwards a Q and A. And I love the Q and A because then we can talk about the real issues and not general stuff. We can get to the problems where I can give them solutions that are actually going to make a difference. Love it. So One of the VPs put up her hand and she said, okay, there's this situation that just keeps happening. We're not sure what to do about it and we'd love to get your opinion. So I was like, whoa, okay, this sounds important. Because she identified it keeps happening. This is not a one off. So I think every single one of us have been in a bank or even seen one in a movie at some point. You know, you have the counter and on one side are the tellers and on the other side is the general public. As she explained it to me. I want you to imagine that there's two customers, two members of the general public at the counters. Getting served by two different tellers. Obviously, one of the members of the general public is stereotypically indigenous. You look at them, you know they're indigenous, right? That, that classic look. As opposed to me, the other member of the general public, not an employee, but a member of the general public. The other person says a racist slur out loud, loud enough for the indigenous person to hear. She wanted to know what they should do. Not going to lie. Kind of broke my heart that this keeps happening. Ooh. And I'm so glad because I guarantee you, if I was in the bank, I would have said something. We'll talk about that more in a second. So what I explained to her was there was two points that she had to understand first. And, and do you understand her point, the challenge? If it was an employee saying something racist, then they had total power in the policies to be able to do something. But it was a general. A member of the general public, not an employee. They don't control what the general public says. That was the challenge. So I explained to her two things you need to understand. One, if you do nothing, the bank is the one that's going to take the reputation hit because that indigenous person is leaving and going to tell their family and friends. Moccasin telegraph is a thing. And word spreads like wildfire. And not just gossip. That's our communication tool. And she's going to say, you know what? I was in that bank. This idiot was there. He was saying all these horrible things and the bank staff did nothing without saying the words. Everyone knows not a safe space for indigenous people. Will take our business elsewhere. And by the way, it's worth looking into just how much money indigenous money comes into the economy every year. That's not a small chunk of change. So that's the point. First point, the second point was that I totally understand you can't control the general public, but train your tellers to say something. And what I suggested was the teller that was serving the person that said the horrible comment, they should say right away. Excuse me, sir, madam, whoever, we're not, we don't use that language here. We're trying to create a safe space for everyone. So I'd really appreciate it if you didn't say such things. Thank you. That's it. Go back to your business. There is a really good chance that that person's going to say something else just as ignorant. Guess what? The indigenous person is telling family and friends now she's leaving and saying, oh, my God, there was this idiot in the bank just saying all These things. But you know what? The teller tried to stop him. She spoke up and said, that's not allowed here. Of course, the guy was an idiot. And he kept saying it. But, like, I was really impressed. They value us here. See the difference that implies to store owners, restaurants, whatever the case may be, feel free to use it. Now, what was my other point I wanted to make about? Oh, if I was in the place. So. And I would definitely say it's automatic now. It's a. I'm going to tell you a funny story. So years ago, I met a friend. She was at a local adult establishment having an adult beverage, and I hadn't seen her in ages, so I decided to stop in and visit her. She's indigenous, so we were there having a great conversation. She smokes, so at one point she wanted to go outside to have a cigarette. I am not wearing a bar, in case you didn't figure it out. And I'm not sitting in a bar by myself. So I thought, I quit smoking ages ago, but I thought, what the heck? I'm going to go outside and hang out with her. As we. If you're indigenous watching this, I'm about to say something that's problematic, so kind of brace yourself. Heads up. As we were leaving, a guy in another part of the room saw her. I assume, well, I know they knew each other. And he yelled out, hey, Indian. Because I guess that's the joking around term that he calls her all the time. She is not the most empowered person I know, thanks to Canadian history, internalized oppression, all the stuff we talk about on this channel without even thinking of it. It was a natural gut reaction. I spun around to look at him. I have no idea what the expression on my face was, but my girlfriend grabbed my arm right away and went, no sand. No. I don't know what you thought I was gonna do, but he saw the look on my face and instantly, to his credit, blood red, instantly. And went, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean anything by that. It's what I say to her all the time. So I just looked at him and said, but we're not going to say that anymore. I understand that she's allowed it up to this point. No hard pass. No, you now know better. You're not going to do that anymore, right? And he just went, no, no, I absolutely won't. So I guarantee you, if I was there, I would say something. The other thing that I teach people to say, if, like, grocery store lineup, someone says something ignorant, right? You know, same kind of situation. People love to talk out loud when they're saying something totally idiotic. What I teach people to say is ouch. Like, ouch. That was rude. Ouch. That hurt. Ouch. I can't believe you said that. Ouch. Not in my city. Ouch. Not in this country. Smarten up. All you got to say is ouch. And what happens when people hear you say, and you got to say it loud, with enthusiasm? People are going to turn to look at you because you said ouch. They're going to see that you're not hurting, you're not bleeding or anything. So then their mind goes to, well, what? Inflicted pain. Because the word ouch implies inflicted pain. And now they're looking at the person that said the ignorant comment. You don't need to argue with them. You don't need to say anything else. Leave them be. But guess what? Everyone in that gathering, in that space with you just realized, yep, that was inappropriate and she was gutsy enough to say something. Nothing changes if nothing changes. And one is that that famous poem, like, if they're coming after some other group and you say nothing, then they go after another group and you say nothing, eventually you're the group they go after. And there'll be no one to defend you either. We got to do better. So there you have it. How to create safe spaces. Identify the group that's going to use your space. Get them to list off what should be and shouldn't be in the space. Come up with the rules and consequences. When someone breaks a rule of the space, post the rules, enforce the rules. I hope that makes sense. That's a whole day seminar condensed into one podcast episode. You can do it. You can create a safe space one lily pad at a time. And I'm looking forward, me and my friend. I'm looking forward to hopping over to your lily pad until next week. I hope that made sense. Comment below. Love the comments. Thanks for coming out. Don't forget to, like, subscribe notifications, that stuff. You know it. Talk to you next week or I guess on Monday with my next shorter video. I love you. Take care. Bye. Bye.