This YouTube vlog (uploaded Sept 19, 2023) features Sandi L Boucher (Red Thunderbolt) giving a trigger-warninged personal reflection about surviving domestic abuse and her journey to selfhood. She explains that early in the abuse she often "did nothing" because she "wasn't me yet," uses a soil/soil-health metaphor to argue that toxic environments prevent growth, and urges viewers not to self-blame but to seek healthier people, training, or supports. She also invites listeners to sign up for her free weekday motivational mentorship on her website.
Questions this video answers
September 19, 2023
10 years
Identifies as Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon Clan, member of Seine River First Nation in Treaty 3 Territory (Northern Ontario).
59 years old
In her late 40s
Chapters
So I'm going to give you a heads up. Today's video and blog posts relate to my past, my experience. And no, I'm not going to get into some big traumatic details, don't worry about that. But it does involve domestic violence and I did want to give you a heads up to that. So if you don't think you can watch the video, don't. Please take care of yourself. I'm always going to promote that first, first. But if you can, please watch it, because even if that's your history too, I think you're going to find this encouraging. Let's talk about it. Hi everybody. My name is Sandy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon Clan and a proud member of Seine River First Nation in Treaty 3 Territory in Northern Ontario. And today I'm talking about the September 19 blog post and it was called I wasn't me then or I Wasn't me Yet. So as I mentioned, anyone who's followed my work knows I'm a 10 year domestic abuse survivor. I know what it's like to hesitate before you open the door and walk into your home because you don't know what's going to happen there. And I know a lot of other things that I'm really not going to share here because like I said, my intent is not to traumatize people, people. But when I'm in seminar and I share that, if it relates to the topic, I share my past. Often my audience who knows me now and knows the woman I am now, they will ask me, wow, what did you do when he said that horrific thing or when he did that or whatever the case may be. And the reality is often my answer is nothing. I did nothing. I didn't say anything about the insult, I didn't say anything about the violence. I did nothing. And they're always so shocked to hear that because they know how empowered I am now and how none of that would happen in my life, for one, and if it did, it would be shut down incredibly quickly. I have no one in my life that that insults me anymore. And I am so happy to say that that was a choice that took time and effort and I loved the results. So they're often surprised to hear I said nothing. But the reality is I wasn't me yet. I wasn't this person, this person that I was meant to become. And this is the important message I wanted to get out there. If you're not yet the person you know you could be, it's because you're Trying to grow in unhealthy soil. So this is not a shortcoming on your part. The soil you're in is healthy enough that you're able to identify that I can do more than this. But it may not be healthy enough to, to allow you to grow into who you're supposed to become. That doesn't mean you have to do anything right now. But if you want to know that to become who you are, there's a really good chance you're going to have to find healthier soil. And that might be finding people that believe in you, that might be standing next to someone else. That might mean going back to school. School. That might mean, you know, signing up for some confidence and self awareness courses, whatever the case may be. But you are going to need healthier soil. And when you find it, you're gonna become the absolute best version of you. So what I don't want you to do is beat yourself up for not being there yet. For not being you yet. I was in my late 40s before I started on the path of truly like I finally stopped trying to become who other people thought I should be and finally just started being me. And you know what I can tell you, I promise you this is true. There is nothing better than looking in the mirror and loving every aspect of, of the woman or person that looks back at you. I am in no way perfect. And I definitely don't meet some magazine standard of what I'm supposed to look like. I'm 59 years old. I don't even meet the age requirement. But I love the woman I am. I love who I became. I love my self awareness. I love my commitment to constant growth. I love that I am so much more than the woman I was last year year and then next year. I know I can say the same thing. So if you are in soil and you have that support and encouragement to grow, then grow. You stand up and you soak in that sunshine and you be everything you're meant to be. But if you're not, know that it's healthy enough that you've already identified. This soil isn't what you need. That's not a judgment of other people. It's just identifying what you need. And know with everything in you that at some point in I hope the near future you're gonna realize and you're gonna start changing that soil. Maybe one positive person at a time. And by the way, if you need a positive voice in your life, you got to go to my website and you got to sign up for my motivational mentorship. It's an email you get every weekday. It's free. It's me trying to share some motivation with you because, yes, I care. And if that would work for you, then do that. Please sign up at my website, because if I could wave a magic wand. Funny, I talk about that in a later blog post this week. But in this case, if I could wave a magic wand, you would instantly be standing in the most amazing soil. I hope that resonated. So if you're not you yet, don't beat yourself up. That's an environmental thing, and the climate's changing. I love you. Take care. Bye. Bye.
