If You Are Struggling - This Can Really Help (Has Always Helped Me)

Yes. I'm going to attempt to do one more video today and totally push my voice and hopefully not have a coughing fit on you. Because today I got to talk about what do you do when you're struggling? I mean, yesterday we talked about how to be successful, but what if you're not even thinking about success yet because you're struggling? Well, once again, I'm going to share with you what's worked for me a hundred different times, allowing me to move out of poverty and violence into a life I absolutely love. And that's what I'd want for you. So let's talk about it. Hi, everybody. My name is Sandy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine River first nation in Treaty 3 territory in Northern Ontario. And just in case you're new here, welcome to my channel. Here we talk about all things Canadian reconciliation, the Indigenous Canadian reconciliation that I think has to happen because I believe everyone who lives within Canadian borders should feel like this is an amazing country to live in. And I think that's important because I know what it's like not to believe that it's harder for marginalized and racialized people. And it is definitely harder for Indigenous people who have been oppressed throughout Canadian history. And yes, that oppression continues. And that's why I wanted to do this video today, because we got to talk about what if you're struggling? What if right now you're up to your neck in it and trust me, been there, done that a million flipping times. So I am going to share with you what works, and then I'm going to use my stories and my life journey to highlight this for you. So first off, if you're struggling, I need you to sit down somewhere comfy, probably alone. That would be best. I want you to think of the hardest time you have ever gone through, the hardest struggle. You now you're going to be tempted to think this one, there's been other struggles. So think of another incredibly hard struggle you've been through. And then what you need to say to yourself. And I mean, I want you to think about it. I want you to remember the details. I want you to remember how hard it was. There's a point to this. I'm not just torturing you because then I want you to say to yourself, I made it through that I can make it through this. I made it through that I can make it through this. Now, for me, I have a whole history of things. I can call upon those struggles. I was all of 17 year old. 17 years old. When my dad passed away and I was daddy's little girl, I was the only daughter. I thought I could walk on water, basically because my dad told me I could. I was a straight A student. Honestly, there was nothing I didn't think I could accomplish because I had the best cheerleader in the world. And. And he just. It wasn't like he was just giving me empty compliments. He honestly believed. My dad believed I could be Prime Minister one day. And trust me, that is job I want. But my dad believed that could happen if I wanted it to happen. Remember, my dad was the one. If you've been around for a while, watching my videos, you would have heard me say, like my dad always said, you could be whatever you want to be if and only if you're willing to work hard enough to get it. He promised me people were going to try to stop me. He promised me that people were going to tell me I wasn't going to be able to do it and that I had to decide were they right or was I going to be right, was I going to do this? Which was, I swear to God, I am successful because of that kind of teaching. 17. July 6, 1981. I woke up to my mom screaming that she couldn't wake my dad. My bedroom was upstairs. Their bedroom was on the main floor. She was screaming at me. I was the eldest child in the house. My brothers were off on their own already. She was screaming at me to come downstairs and see if I could wake up dad. So I did what she asked me to. I jumped out of bed and I raced downstairs. And I remember running into their room. I remember seeing dad laying in bed and he looked like he was sleeping, except he looked really white. There was no color to his face. And luckily for me, even in the midst of that grief, my mom realized what was going on and she yelled out, don't touch him. And I now know what she meant. She didn't want me, that coldness for me to be the last memory of my dad. So my life blew apart that day and a lot of very bad decisions followed as I tried to cope with a grief I didn't even know I was coping with. So when I think of really hard times I've been through, that's one of them that definitely comes to mind. Another one that definitely comes to mind. I'm all of 20 now. It's 1984, and it's December 9th. And my daughter always Fallon, was all of two months old. She always woke up at 7am Every single morning, gooing and gawing and happy little camper. And I woke up and realized it was like 7:30. And I couldn't figure out, well, why didn't Fallon wake me up? And then I noticed this eerie quiet. Suffice to say I raced over to the crib and I touched my daughter's face, her cheek, and it was ice cold. The autopsy would later tell me that she passed away about midnight, shortly after I had put her to bed. We were playing on the couch and having a great old time and trying to be a good mom. I was like, fallon, you have to go to bed. We could play all night. But you know, like, then you're going to be grumpy and I got to be a good mom and I got to put you to bed. Of course, in retrospect, I would have played with her all night. Kind of wish I did. So that one, 20 years old, dealing with the death of your child, that's a hard one. So that's definitely one I can think of, the next one. Now I'm in my 40s and my mom's. I'm living in southern Ontario and my mom's in southern Ontario for heart surgery. And this is a quality of life surgery. They tell us that her heart is starting to struggle. As she gets this surgery, she's going to have a lot more years. This is going to be wonderful. Long story short, my mom didn't survive the surgery. She never woke up afterwards. She struggled for three days before the doctors finally told us we have to let this one go. And I made the decision to turn the machines off. So yeah, that's definitely a day I can think of. And then, believe it or not, there was another time that I think is one of the worst I've gone through. And it's back to beliefs. And I talked about beliefs yesterday. When you believe and a belief is destroyed. Now if it's a limiting belief, we've got to destroy those. But if it was a positive belief and it blows apart, that can feel like it takes you out at your knees. I mentioned, and I have mentioned in many videos that I'm a 10 year domestic abuse survivor. When you're in that, I don't know if this applies to everyone in that situation. And I honestly wish I was the only one that ever experienced that. I know I'm not, but I sure wish I was for their sake. But when I was in those relationships, I never believed in tomorrow. Like, I knew it was a rocky relationship. I knew this could blow up at any given time, I didn't envision us growing old together is what I mean. So when I left or when I met my last husband and it wasn't that relationship, it wasn't violent, there was no alcohol blowing our lives apart. He was a counselor is account. I don't know what he's doing now, don't care. But for the first time in my life, I was actually in a relationship that I thought was going to last forever. I allowed myself to believe this is the person that I was going to grow old with and. But over the seven years that we were together, without getting into really details I shouldn't be sharing On a public YouTube channel, I started to notice we were really good roommates and that we had drifted apart and we were always busy doing other things and not with each other. And I tried everything I could to, you know, mentioned I missed him and you know, I'm getting a little worried. Is everything okay with you? And after trying everything I had in my toolbox, I finally suggested that, you know, maybe we should separate because this really doesn't seem to be working for me. I did not expect the enthusiastic okay. It took him five minutes to pack and leave. And I remember standing in the middle of the kitchen going, I'm missing something. There's something going on here that I don't know. Now I'm a nice person and this is a man I loved. So a couple months before this, he had purchased me my first cell phone. That's how old I am and you know, little Nokia for anyone memory, lame tripping. And I realized he was leaving. I had the house, I had the comfort of, you know, the normal things. He was going to be staying at a friends and totally inconvenience. So I suggested he take the cell phone with him so at least he had a way to get a hold of work and his friends and whatever. And so he agreed. It was like three, four days later, the hydro bill came in and it was incredibly big bill. And I thought, you know what, he was living here during the time we we used this hydro. He should be contributing to it. So I called. I knew the number, it was my cell phone. So I used the home line to call the cell phone and his girlfriend answered. So I kept it together, just asked if he was there and she said nope, but he should be home anytime now. So just very politely I asked her if she could get him to give me a call when he got home. And she said that she would hung up. Five minutes later the phone rang. It was him and all, I'll admit, class and kindness went right out the window as I screamed into the phone, you bring back my effing phone. So the reality is, I had been in school at the time. We were dependent on his income. I had asked him if that was okay as I had supported him while he went to school. I was now in a house. I had no money coming in. My car had died. I had this older than dirt car that I couldn't afford to fix. We were in the middle of renovating the house. So two of the rooms literally had insulation and vapor barrier. We hadn't even put up the drywall yet. Drywall, sheets of drywall are incredibly heavy. I can't do that by myself. So I couldn't afford to feed the dogs. Luckily, my kids no longer lived at home. They were off in their own. My son was actually at his dad's and my daughter had her own apartment. And it just felt like absolutely everything had blown up. My kids were gone. I couldn't afford to feed the dogs that depended on me. I couldn't pay the bills I couldn't afford. I was eating once every three days and drinking a lot of coffee on the days in between. That's because I was trying to make the money stretch. And finally I decided, enough's enough. I can't do this. I called my kids and told them I was leaving, that I was going to sell off everything and I was moving to Toronto, that I needed a new start. I apologized to them that I had nothing to give them right now, that I couldn't be there for them because I had nothing. And I asked them to forgive me for that and to please support me. They did. We had a good cry and a good conversation and I left. And within six months, both my kids joined me. Ended up landing my dream job, that 4 million dollar organization I told you about yesterday. Then I ended up starting my own business. All of that happened before this. All of this amazing life I have now happened after all of those events. But I'll tell you right now, I've long said that if you get knocked down as many times as I have, you stop worrying about your ability to get back up. You know you're going to. When I went into business and I was working with other people and they were terrified they were going to starve to death, going to fail, I thought, me, I've done poverty before. I'm good. I've failed at bigger things. I'm good. There is so little that scares me because I can count on My resilience. I can count on my intelligence even when lockdown hit. And at that time, I was only doing live events. I lost $48,000 in 24 hours with event canceling. And after three days of freaking out because you got to do your mandatory tears, you got to do the healing, I realized, you know what? I've started from zero before, except this time, I'm starting. I have experience. I have 10 years of experience on how to start and make money in business. I can do this. My business is now stronger than it's ever been. So I know you may be going through a really hard time right now. Don't underestimate how many hard times you've made it through that. You're on this side of that challenge, and you got to sit down and give yourself credit. Maybe you got to remember what helped. And I hope it's not bad stuff like alcohol and drugs. And escaping that way does not help. It's a temporary fix that can turn into a way worse problem. But maybe there was a really good friend that was really good at sitting next to you and just crying with you and not giving you advice because that's not what you need. Just need someone to hold space for you. Or maybe there is someone you turn to for advice and they really super helped you. As my mom would say, this is not your first day in the canoe. You've struggled before. You will struggle again. But I have no doubt in my mind you will get to it. The rocks in the river are not personal. They're just rocks in the river. The challenges in life are not personal. Someone's not out to get you. It's just part of the journey. So you pack a good canoe, you prepare for those rough days, and you enjoy the good ones, right? It's the seasons of life, and I hope that helped. I hope that hearing what I've been through and realizing where I've landed inspires you to realize that even the darkest night eventually ends, even the coldest winter eventually ends. Even you will get through this. Keep going. Do whatever you got to do to get through it. If that's spend the day in the bed crying, we all going to do that every now and then. I bet the guys even do that, even if they don't want to admit it. Do what you got to do. But you're going to get through this. And if you need to reach out and you have no idea who to reach out to, I sure as heck ain't a counselor. But you could send me an email until tomorrow. I love you. Take care. Bye bye. Yikes. I almost forgot to paint the picture for you guys. I promised you I was going to do that. So what does getting over personal struggles have to do with in Indigenous Canadian reconciliation? Well, it kind of ties into what I was saying yesterday. For one, Indigenous people are struggling. Many, many Indigenous people are struggling. It's the environment we're trying to grow in. But they're starting to believe, or many of them believe it's because of something we're doing wrong. And that's not the case at all. So many Indigenous people I've met are the wisest, strongest, most resilient, funniest, wisest people I've ever met. So Indigenous healing is part of reconciliation, creating space for Indigenous healing. Time for Indigenous healing. I don't want to hear about. You need to go get a job. You created an environment that's horrific to try to you as in Canada created an environment that's so hard to thrive in. Give us a chance to figure out how. So less mainstream demands, more understanding, more creating better environments. Allies be out there helping people understand that we need the time to hear heal. Indigenous take the time to heal. That's how this fits into the reconciliation puzzle. I hope that made sense. I'll see you tomorrow. Love you. Bye. Bye.