Is Reconciliation the Wrong Word?

Okay, so we gonna talk. And we're gonna talk about the word reconciliation. Because for years, like, there was reconcilia action, and there is no such thing as reconcilia. There's been a whole debate over this word for. Since we started using it, talking about the Canadian Indigenous relationship and what we would like it to be. And I am a reconciliation consultant. I believe we can get it together. But I'm starting to think maybe there's a better word. That's what I want to talk about today. And by the way, stick around to the end, because I was watching another video, an Ed Mylet video. I know you're shocked. And it was talking about purpose and where you find your purpose and how do you know you're doing what you're meant to be doing, doing. And it was one of those. The answer popped into my head and it totally blew me away. And you're going to want Kleenex. Just saying. Let's talk about it. Hi, everybody. My name is Andy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine River first nation in Treaty 3 territory in Northern Ontario. Like I said in the opening, I really want to discuss the word reconciliation. So my first question would be, when you hear the word reconciliation, is it a negative or a positive for you? And I know some people are going to say, well, it's just. It depends who you're talking about. It's just a neutral word. No. When we're talking about Canadian Indigenous reconciliation, is it a positive or a negative? Now, based on my 15 years of work in this area, in front of many, many, many, many, many, many audiences, I'm leaning to the negative side that I don't see it as a negative word. I think two people not getting along, two groups not getting along, finding a way to get together and work it out, that's a positive to me. That's awesome. But what I've realized that reconciliation kind of implies, at its base, a couple of things that are problematic. So the first one is reconciliation kind of implies a hurt party that could be seen as a weak party. And the side that inflicted pain, the abusive side, I don't see either of those as a positive. I know many Indigenous people, one of the problems we have is that mainstream looks at us as weak and doesn't realize our resilience and our strengths. So that's problematic. And I mean, where do you think the whole Pretendian problem comes from? It's people not wanting to be seen on that side of the Feather the abuser side, the one that did the problem. They would rather identify as a victim than they would as an abuser. That could be a whole other video in itself, but I get it. So that's the first thing. And the other thing it implies is, and I know I've heard this from many people, that it implies that the relationship was good at one point, that we're trying to reconcile to get back to the good part of the relationship. Now, I don't believe that's true. I believe two parties could reconcile and they've never gotten along, which would kind of be Canada and indigenous peoples. Because the reality is we're in the middle of the biggest learning curve ever right now. I mean, Canada has never tried to respectfully work with this, with the indigenous people. I almost said with its indigenous people. Wrong. With the indigenous people within Canadian borders. Saved myself there. No possessiveness, no parental BS here. So they've never tried. Canada has never tried to work with us respectfully before, which is why all the mistakes are being made, is it's a learning curve. So that's problematic. So people don't want to be seen as victims. People don't want to be seen as abusers. We don't want to imply that the relationship was ever good at one point. So what we need, and this is. Thanks. Remember, I'm still reading this book. John C. Maxwell, 16 Undeniable Laws of Communication. Yes, I'm still reading it. I have a busy schedule. Get off my back. Come on now. And it wasn't even the focus of the chapter. It was just the party was in. Which is why I love learning and growing. Because there. Most of the people I listen to for inspiration are not talking about reconciliation, but often they speak to something that could be applied to my work. Which is why you should be open to all the teachers. Unless they're total BS and your spirit tells you that. Then walk away. Of course. So in one of his chapters, not the point of the chapter, but he mentions, are you ready for this Transformation, not reconciliation. Transformation. So think of it. Transformation to me implies leveling up, improving, getting better. A new and improved Canada. That sounds pretty good. How about new and improved work environments that work for everyone? New and improved relationships of the authentic kind. Not that that kindness crap I was talking about yesterday. New and improved and healthier people. Is that not why we want to reconcile? To have that stuff? So I'm thinking we're not talking reconciliation, we're talking transformation. Working together. Now this is where it gets exciting. In his book, John c. Maxwell's the 16 Undeniable Laws of Communication. He talks about the six steps to transformation. This is where the highlighter came out and he got my attention and I started writing notes and decided to shoot this video. So get this. He uses six images, which is. Was the focus of his chapter, to highlight these six steps. So I want you to picture a mirror like the mirror you look in. Clasped hands together, a ladder, a heart, a table and a bridge. So why those images? Those are the steps to transformation. One the mirror. Why? Because it begins with you, which is the point I've been trying to make forever with reconciliation. So transformation begins with you, the. The clasped hands. Because the next step is partnerships actually working together, which is the boat we were missing in the reconciliation conversation. So many people still trying to design indigenous engagement strategies without talking to indigenous people was a little crazy. The third one is another boat I think we totally missed. Just flew right past, drove right past, whatever the latter. Because the third step is helping other people rise. Not saving us, not looking down on us, but actually creating opportunities for people to rise and grow. Can you imagine how different Canada would be if we actually started doing that? Everyone being assisted to rise up and grow. Another boat where many people are missing. Number four is the heart. Because for transformation to happen, you have to not only embrace good values, but live them. And I was talking about reconciliation standards a while ago. I have a post it note on my wall, which is why I looked up the standards you want to maintain in your organization that's going to result in reconciliation. That's what this is talking about. The values that you're not only going to put on a plaque on your wall, but you're actually going to live. If you want to treat everyone respectfully and that is a value you're committed to, then I shouldn't have to worry about people gossiping behind my back in the lunchroom. Because that wouldn't be respectful. Full right. As long as you adhere to you the values you choose, your own values, then we can transform. So mirror begins with you, clasped hands. Because partnerships is the next step. So miss that boat. The latter help others rise. The heart embracing good values and living them. Number five is sitting at the table together, coming together to share ideas and desires. Can you see how we leap forward Frog to try to do that with the reconciliation? And we missed all the other key stuff. And finally the bridge not between us because we got to come together right in step two, the bridge from where we are to where we want to be as this new and Improved Canada. Think I have to do a seminar on this. Thank you. John C. Maxwell. Specific to reconciliation, of course, or more importantly, transformation. What do you think? Is it a better word? Is it more positive for you, Indigenous or not? I would love to hear. Now last but not least. Did you go get your Kleenex? I was watching an Ed Mylet video and I forget the name of the woman he was speaking to. If you have any kind of issues with having healthy relationships, whether they're intimate relationships, familial relationships, work, work relationships, whatever. You're going to want to watch this video. I'll link it in the show notes. Adult, amazing, amazing woman. But you get to the end and Ed asks her, I'll put her name here so I don't feel as bad. And answer what got her into this? Why is she so committed to this, you know, subcon. Understanding the subconscious mind and, and understanding relationship. And she mentioned her story that she's actually an addict and she struggled with the conscious mind not being able to overpower the subconscious mind. And until she understood her subconscious mind, she, she battled with her addiction. And Ed made the point that he works with a lot of people that don't know what their purpose is or why they're interested in what they're interested in. Has long suggested look at the pain in your life because your purpose might be buried within that pain. And I almost fell out of my chair because I'm an indigenous woman in Canada who works in the area of reconciliation. Why are you ready for this? I made myself cry. Hopefully I'm not going to do that on this video. But I definitely did earlier when I realized this. I do this work because my dad loved me 110% wholeheartedly accepted me and loved me not despite my flaws. He didn't see my flaws. Why is that important? Because I'm an. My dad was French. So I believe with everything in me that it's possible. And for those who know my story, you know, I lost my dad at 17 and then I went on to endure 10 years of domestic violence and I was driven to do reconciliation work because I refused to believe that my dad was the only non indigenous person who could love me or love us Indigenous people as a whole. So why am I committed to this work? Because I believe in non Indigenous Canadians. I have met the people. I do not believe that my dad was the only one that could love us. And feel free to shout it out in the comments whether you're indigenous or not and whether you can love us just the way we are. No assimilation required because that's the people I believe in. I did it without crying I'm totally impressed with myself well you didn't see how many Kleenex I went through earlier so it's all good until tomorrow my friend tomorrow or at least sometime this week maybe not tomorrow I may forget I said this in the video I'm definitely going to do one more of those the facts the legislation that I touched on in a video last week I'll do the next set I think I brought us up to the common area we talked about BCE or BC before the common area era or before Christ well now we're going to talk about start bringing us closer to modern time so stay tuned for that if you haven't subscribed yet please do why have you not subscribed yet? And please share these videos or share this channel with your friends. Together we can do this work because I know I love you until tomorrow. Bye bye.