Like vs Love, Acceptance vs Understanding and WHY Understanding Can be Scary AF!

Hello, you super duper double delicious person, you. And I hope I am the 25th person who has said that to you today. The 25th person who has reinforced your value and just how much you're needed here. Because we all are. That's in line with my teachings, the reality that everything happens for a reason. If and if creators sent you here and now, it's because you're needed here and in Now. My mom used to always point out that, you know, when I was reminiscing, saw some movie about a hundred years ago, she would say that if I was meant to be born 100 years ago, I would have been. And if I was meant to be born 100 years in the future, I would have been. But Creator sent me where I was needed. I was needed here to create the children that I have created, to create the friendships and relationships I have created, to create the change I have created. So don't ever fall into that trap of thinking you're not important because you are an essential puzzle piece. If you've ever tried to put together a puzzle and it's missing that one piece, honey, that's you. So let's just remember that. Now I'm having an all over the place day today. My mind is adhding out like crazy. And no, I'm not officially diagnosed. Just ask my family. But there was two revelations, realizations that came to me today that are in totally. I don't want to know what the.

Cats just did, these revelations or realizations. Just looking at my work and realizing the path I walk. I don't know if you ever do that. Have you ever looked at what you're heading towards and where you've been, what your path could be described as? And don't just say it's rocky. All our paths are rocky. But have you taught people love? Have you taught people kindness and compassion? Have you taught them resilience and determination? Your path was needed. So I want to share my revelations or realizations with you today so maybe you can relate. Let's talk about it.

Hi everybody. My name is Sandy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine river first nation in Treaty 3 territory in Northern Ontario. And yes, today I have a handy dandy index card because as I described in the opening, my brain is all over the place today. So I jotted down some notes so this just wasn't a rambling video. So the first realization hit, I don't know, this morning when I was looking at my events coming up and my meetings coming up, who I'm going to be meeting with, who I'm talking with, the challenges I'm going to face and the bridges that have already been built. And I realize, like I have said for the longest time, that my career is putting together the feather, dancing on both sides of the feather, making sure that when I'm speaking reconciliation words that I am supporting both sides of the feather. The. The healing and the resurgence of Indigenous people, remembering the power of our teachings and that we are needed even if someone else can see that their vision problem is not your value problem. But the other half of the time I'm working with non Indigenous Canadians. Now, of course, excuse me, of course, the problematic people do not come to my seminars. Thank you, Creator. I have no interest in talking to a wall. So the non Indigenous people I get to work with, I totally believe in. They want to understand, they want to ask questions. And that's where the realization came in. Because I realized my entire career, no matter who I'm working with or where I'm working, whether it's online or in real life, whether it's a meeting or consulting or public speaking, that my entire career is a battle against edam. And I don't think I'm the only one having this dance. So first off, again, handy dandy index card. The first ego I battle is my own. And that was a decolonizing process. That is confidence without arrogance. That is realizing my value and that I'm needed here. But so are you and so is every single person I speak speak to. That is growing to understand the value of my words without thinking they're more valuable than someone else's words. In my topic area, I would be considered an expert, but I know nothing. The example I always use is cooking. Don't ask me to cook something I have no idea. I have a kitchen because it came with the house. Like, like Sarah I. The stove is a great place to put things on the oven. Handy storage, right? You got was realizing that ego and arrogance were often the results of the seed of insecurity or lack of confidence and overcompensating. Right? Needing other people to see my value.

Because I couldn't and unpacking that it was humility. Teaching that which is my absolute favorite. Teaching that, you know, I am a.

Humble small person among many, many, many.

People on this planet and I have.

A job to do, but it is.

No more or no less important than anyone else's job. And that hopefully, I mean, the greatest gift, the greatest legacy would be to.

Be remembered after I'm gone.

But if I'm not, that's not on them, that's on me. If I wasn't a person that people want to remember, I got to own that.

So creating safe spaces, realizing it was.

Mind blowing for me. I'm an indigenous woman in Canada. I'm a Schnabe Kwei. I have been very conscious of the fact the need for safe spaces for a long time.

I'm a 10 year domestic abuse survivor.

Trust me, I know not only how much we need safe spaces, but how rare they can be and how quickly.

A safe space can become unsafe. It was mind blowing for me when I started working with non indigenous Canadians and realized they need safe spaces too. They need spaces where they can honestly, humbly, vulnerably admit I don't understand. I don't know what reconciliation means. I have no idea. My part in this, I don't know why that phrase is disrespectful. And I hear people saying political correctness, but that doesn't sound right. So I create the safe spaces so we can have those conversations. And last but not least, realizing that to do my work, to walk a humble walk, to be able to be vulnerable and honest and confident without arrogance, I need to always live the role of an eternal student. Knowing that I can learn from every single person I meet. And if they're open to it, they could learn from me as well. And it's okay if they're not. Doesn't have. There's no requirement. Creator sent them my way. I can say hi, it doesn't cost anything. So the first part of battling ego is battling my own. But then I may create safe spaces for non indigenous.

But don't get me wrong, I still run into the ego of many non.

Indigenous and it is safe, scary af.

Because I run into many, many people who want to understand, understand. They want to understand how we look at the world. They want to understand why this is important and I've been important to us, whatever it is. And I have said for years, you will never understand. What we need you to do is accept. I do not understand why my Jewish.

Friends.

Celebrate and practice the traditions they do. I don't need to. I need to accept it as important for them and respect that. I do not understand the ceremonies and practices of my Muslim friends. I don't need to. I need to accept it's important to them and respect it. Now acceptance, rather than striving to understand actually keeps you humble.

And here's why, why it's so important that I reach the non indigenous and back them away from trying to understand. Because one of two things will happen if they ever, God forbid, got to the stage where they actually think they understand us. One, they will eliminate us. Let's get real. If mainstream non indigenous Canada ever thought they could benefit from our teachings without having to talk to us, they do it in a heartbeat. Reconciliation is not easy. Working by yourself is easier than trying to work with the team, especially if the members of the team are totally different from you. So that extraction mentality that is so common in mainstream, it's not build a relationship, it's get what I need and then I can get out of here. So if non indigenous Canadians ever got to the point where they thought they understood our worldview or, or, you know, didn't need our guidance anymore, they would either eliminate us or even worse, b become us. And that's are ever popular pretend ians they're just going to go out there and share our teachings as their own and, and you know, share that they understand, which is pure ego and zero humility. So any kind of cultural appropriation that's firm in the ego camp. So that was my first revelation that my entire career is a battle against the forces of ego. I suddenly need like a Luke Skywalker outfit. No, no, not my style. The second thing I realized that even though that may be true and that I spend every single day trying to battle ego, there are times that the two worlds dance together without even planning to. And it happens every single time. I come across a quote from mainstream a non indigenous person and it reson deep in my soul, I am not adopting it. I am not appropriating it. It is wow. We both see that tree in the same way. We both see that river in the same way. So I have a couple of examples. The first one, is it a quote? It was a little video on tik Tok. I'll own it. That's where I saw it. I get inspirations everywhere. And it was this little video where a child asked their parent, what's the difference between like and love? And the parent responded by saying that imagine you come across a beautiful flower. If you like that flower, you pick it and you take it home and you put it in a vase and you give it water and you put it in the sunlight and you take care of it and you appreciate it for all its beauty. If you love that flower, you leave it there and let it continue to grow. Yeah, make sure the soil is good. You make sure that there's nothing there. To harm it so it can continue living. That's the difference between like and love. So are you trying to cherish something and make it your own? Are you letting it live? Huh? Quote number one. That one definitely resonated. Now, the second one. What was I watching? I'm gonna guess an Ed. My light training video. I know you're surprised. It happens so often, but was it. Yes.

Yes.

I was thinking, is it the John Maxwell book I'm reading, or is it Ed Mylet? It's an M. Mylet quote. And of course he's talking. In this case, he's talking about speakers and public speaking and leaders and leadership in developing leadership skills. So whether you're in public speaking or not, chances are good you're not. You're a leader in some capacity, whether you're leading your family or leading your friend group or you take turns and lead at different times, whatever the case may be.

The quote is.

I'll read you the quote, and then I'll tear it to shreds. In a good way. In. In loving way. The quote is, many think you have to say new things to old people. The best leaders say old things to new people. So what does that mean, coming from a business perspective? First, the first line. Many think you have to say new things to old people. So these are the businesses or the speakers like me, that are constantly coming up with new topics and new seminars and new workshops. They are trying to offer new things to their existing customer base. The old people. Right? The people that have been around for a while. But as they said, the best leaders say old things to new people. And instantly, as soon as I heard that quote, I thought of our elders who have been repeating the same timeless wisdom for as long as I've been around. But new people are hearing them again. Not to appropriate or steal, but to appreciate. If you hear it, that was a gift for you, not to teach. It didn't come with a teaching certificate, but you can most definitely take the lesson with you. So it also reminded me of one of the best compliments I've ever received.

And I know I've told this story.

Before, but it's definitely been a while. I was doing a local event. I was actually standing in for a speaker that wasn't able to attend. And one of the participants turned out. She recognized my name, and she turned out to be the daughter of a friend of mine. And she said that, you know, my mom really likes you. And I thought, well, that's amazing. Your mom's absolutely amazing. So I love hearing that. And she came back with no. She said you're one of the few people she knows that has been delivering the same message consistently for a decade. Old message, new people, that's authenticity. If your words are timeless, like, of course we're going to grow and learn and you're going to fine tune things, but your values, what you say. We all know those speakers that change their message depending on their audience. There's no authenticity there. And of course you're going to fine tune it a little bit. But the base teachings are the base teachings. I am Sandy in a video talking to my son or on seminar stage. This is who I am. I'm going to call up the same stories, the same teachings. My mom's going to walk with me every step of the way. I have never done a speech seminar workshop that mom wasn't there with me and thank Creator for that. So keep that in mind.

It's not always about coming up with.

The new shiny thing. Canada maybe.

It's deciding what you stand for and.

Consistently acting so people know what you stand for. I don't care what party you belong.

To, what year it is, or what province you're in.

Show us who you are. Then I can decide if I want to walk with you or not. I hope that made sense. That was me revealing things about my life I love. As crazy as this day has been and as all over the map as it's been, I love it when I realize what my path is and why I'm here. I got work to do until tomorrow. I love you. Take care. Bye Bye.