Mom Needs Us to Listen!

Again, you amazing person, you. Thank you so much for checking out video. Most often on the channel, I am speaking to non Indigenous Canadians, trying to help them understand the challenges, the differences between Indigenous and non Indigenous. Basically, the work we have to do to bring us closer to reconciliation. The that is my career. If I'm not doing a video, then I'm doing a keynote or a workshop or a seminar. And I'm either in a non Indigenous corporation or nonprofit entity or in a First Nation community. Today, I want to talk to the Indigenous because there's a teaching of my mom's that keeps coming up loud and clear. I hear it every single time I go into our communities. And. And I think it's one we really need to start listening to if we want to change the future. And I know so many hardworking, dedicated Indigenous people who want to do just that. But they might be missing the boat on this one. So let's talk about it. Hi, everybody. My name is Sandy Boucher. Red. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine River first nation in Treaty 3 territory in Northern Ontario. And I have dedicated my life and all my time and energy to Indigenous Canadian reconciliation. And did you notice that I always say Indigenous Canadian reconciliation, not Canadian Indigenous reconciliation. And like with everything that is on purpose, because I believe the healing and the empowerment of the Indigenous peoples, the healing from what was done to us, must happen first before reconciliation can happen. Mainstream has to own their history. We've all inherited this. Own the damage done and do their part in making sure that we heal that our First Nation communities, the states they are in, is not a natural manifestation of Indigenous communities. It is what happens to a group of people when they've been oppressed and marginalized and racialized for a long period of time. The violence, the acquiescence, the nonviolent resistance, these are all natural human reactions to oppression. And you see them all in our communities. But as a follower of this channel, and I hope you're a follower of this channel, I hope you're a subscriber to this channel. If you're new here, welcome. I hope you get tons out of this video. I hope you subscribe. Hint, hint, nudge, nudge. As a person on this channel, if you've seen any number of my videos, you know, I mention my mom a lot. My mom was my mentor, my teacher, my best friend. Is my goal in life. Like, just I won the mum lottery, and my mom was a proud Anishinaabe Kwe from Kucha Ching First Nation in Treaty 3. Now, my mom was not perfect. My mom had things she had healed from and others she didn't. My mom was human. But that doesn't mean I have to minimize how incredibly valuable she was to me as that example of a strong, beautiful Anishinaabe Kwei. So one of the things that my mom used to be adamant about a teaching that she repeated on a regular basis was that each of us have the responsibility to teach others how to treat us. That in her words, they've never met us before so how could they know what is respectful to us or what we need? That we have to be assertive enough, not aggressive, not attacking, but assertive and confident enough to explain to people how to treat us. And the problem is so many indigenous and non misinterpret that and think that we're teaching other people how to treat us by how we treat them. That's ego centered. That's assuming that how you like to be treated. Everyone likes it that way. That's a huge ego based assumption. We are different, we have different needs. Why would you think that? That's that golden rule. Treat other people like you want to be treated. That's a bunch of baloney when it comes to cross cultural relationships. It's the platinum rule. Teach other or treat other people the way they want to be treated. And it's worth put putting in the time to find out what that is. So when my mom said teach other people how to treat you, she believed that we do that by them observing how we treat ourselves. So what she would say is if you want other people to be kinder to you, they got to see you being kind to you. If you want other people to respect you, they need to see you respect respecting yourself. And if you want other people to observe and you know, listen to your boundaries, then you have to listen to your boundaries. That is the teaching that comes to my mind every time I come into a First Nation community. And I have asked several of them a question of late. I have a magic wand that I use in seminar. I like my props. I'm definitely knowledge keeper and a public speaker leaning towards stand up comic at times. I'm multifaceted. What can I say? Say that I need to eat something again. So I have a magic wand that I use in my seminars and I say to my audiences when I'm in a First Nation community, if I were to wave this magic wand and instantaneously Canadians would start treating you the way you treat each other, would you be happy with the end Results. I've yet to have a group that said they would be, because the reality is Indigenous communities are still healing. And we're seeing that violence, that acquiescence. We're seeing the gossiping about each other and the bullying, which, by the way, are forms of violence. And every single time, like, the image I always have is a bunch of people standing around or sitting around in the kitchen talking about people that are not there and the kids are in the next room playing. And I always point out to my audiences, you just taught the next generation lateral violence. You taught them how to bully and gossip like that is nothing to be proud of. We have to start showing people how to treat us. We have to start teaching Canada how to treat us. I am never disrespected at my events because if I was, I would leave. I am not a target. I am a trainer. I am a guide. I am that. That, you know, that information that you need. But that does not mean you get to attack me. That's my line and my boundary. So we have to start showing people how. And I hear it all the time, you know, well, they did it first. So I can hear my mom's voice clear as day saying, so you're a leaf in the wind. You're just going to get blown around by what other people do. The reality is, if you treat people the way they treat you, they are in charge of your life. You're not achieving your goals or your dreams. As long as someone else is in charge of how you behave. That is your responsibility as an adult. You decide I am me all the time. Because you act like a jerk doesn't mean I'm going to be one. It just means I no longer have time to hang out with you. Right? I'm going to practice who I am, and I'm going to respect my boundaries and you're not going to be around. But I don't have to sink to your level. So what we have to be is the first in our communities. The person that everyone knows always has a kind word about other people. That doesn't gossip, that doesn't bully. Because if one person starts doing that, they're going to attract other people than do that. And now you have a group of empowered people. And if that keeps growing, you have the empowered community. And if that keeps growing, you have the empowered nation. And eventually we're able to meet mainstream in the middle of the bridge. We have to do this. We have to remember. And it starts not only with what we say to others, but what we say to ourselves. Your self worth is built on the words you say to yourself. You want to be more confident, change what you say to yourself. And by the way, the voice in your head is programmable. I know because I've done it. I'm a 10 year domestic abuse survivor. The voice in my head used to constantly tell me how stupid I am. You know what it says now? Sandy, that's your fourth mistake in a row. Maybe you should slow down. Sandy, you're sounding kind of grumpy. Don't you think you should go eat something? Sandy, you're starting to make a lot of mistakes. I think it's time to call it a day. You're getting tired. It's possible to change the voice in your head. Be the change we need. Be the change. Now, I wrote a little sticky note to myself. Oh, yes. It says, literally says final thought. I work in so many First Nation communities and I know many, many, many indigenous people in this day and age are focused on speaking truth to power. That's the phrase you use, speaking truth to power, daring to say what need to mainstream. How much power are you giving them for one? But instead of focusing, well, you want to speak truth to power. You have the ultimate power on your side of the feather. You have the power to decide your path. There's going to people be people that trying to stop you. There's going to be people that get in your way. There's going to be people that judge you for it. You decide if they are going to win or not, if you're going to be the leaf in the wind or not. So if you want to speak truth to power, start speaking truth to yourself. You are not less than you are not. All those horrible stereotypes we hear. You are valuable, you are needed, you are loved. And it's about time we started treating each other like we're valuable and needed and loved. Because mainstream isn't going to start doing it if we don't. This is a responsibility we carry. I don't care how mainstream treats you. That's their side of the feather and we can judge them for that if you want to. How do you treat yourself? How do you treat your fellow community members? How do you treat your family members? Do you think to their level? Do you put them in charge of your life? Or have you decided you want to be the best version of you despite all the insanity? If I can do it, so can you. I have faith in you. I have one more video for this week and tomorrow it's going to be different. I need your opinion on something? I still. I've been debating this one for a while and I still don't know where I land. So tomorrow we'll talk about it. Until then, I love you. Take care. Bye. Bye.