My Response to Buffy Sainte Marie's Response (and What You Can Expect in the Future)

And I do believe I'm live. I'm laughing because you get to see how messy my desk is. I didn't even check that before I went live. So this is authentic. This is real. What can I say? I'm gonna change here so I can see the chat. Awesome. I see we got some people in the room. Yay. Huh? So here we are again, discussing Buffy. Years ago, when I saw her on Sesame street and all the times I've seen her since. Really didn't think she would be the topic of so many of my videos. Didn't see any of this coming. Hello. You. You made it. I am so thrilled. Z. Zxy I'm not sure how to pronounce your online name, but hello. How are you? Oh, Martinez here. Yay. S Mountain. Tiny Sandy. Ah. Awesome. Welcome. Boju. Yes. Z. Perfect. Awesome. That was a fluke. So, as I advertise, I don't want to, like, have you guys hanging around for nothing. I value your time. That is my teachings. I would never disrespect your time. So. But Buffy responded. And that's probably pushing the definition of responded. But she did have some things to say, and I wanted to comment on it. So there's three things I really wanted to highlight. Three things that I wanted to bring your attention to. Now I'm gonna assume I see names I know. So there's quite a few of you in here that watch my videos. Whether you've seen them, you know, all my recent videos, or one or two, really doesn't matter. But I really look at not only my videos, but the comment section of my videos as a learning opportunity. And I have to be careful here because that's actually in a video that's coming out next week that I just reviewed. So I'm gonna try not. Oh, Robert, thank you so much. I love you, too. I love all the people that meet at my kitchen table. So what I mean by a learning curve I've mentioned or a learning opportunity I've mentioned in quite a few of my videos, too. I really want to educate you on watching the words. Like, starting to pick up on these potential pretendions that there's a huge difference between saying I'm a proud member of Seine River First Nation and saying that I was influenced by the elders from Seine River First Nation. And I hope you caught the difference, because it's that kind of sleight of hand, that kind of what I call double speak that allows people to get hired, whether it's to do a keynote or hired in a position of Authority. Because someone wasn't able or didn't catch the double speak. We. Thank you so much, Emica. One of the things, indigenous people. And if there's any indigenous people in the chat, I know you're going to agree with me on this. We get called out all the time for how blunt we are, how direct we are, that we actually can catch people off guard with that. We don't do it to catch people off guard. We don't do it to be disrespectful. We. We actually do it to be respectful, that I'm going to value your time and I'm going to be crystal clear on what I'm saying, what I want, what I need, what I heard from you, keeping in mind that what I heard may not be what you said, but if I tell you what I heard, we can have that discussion. It's the double speak that has been Canadian or North American history. The misleading and the. What do you call that? The shell game. Right. So we have just learned to be really careful. Why all of that? Listen to what Buffy said. So the first one, her quote was, it was quite shocking to hear a city clerk say she had 100% confidence in its authenticity. She was referring to her birth certificate that was in the Fifth Estate documentary. And hit that, like, button. And it's a sign of the times. I'm going to go off on a tangent here for a second, and you may totally disagree with me, but 59 years old, bringing some experience to the table here. If there's one thing that scares the daylights out of me about the time we live in is, well, I know where it originated, but we won't go there. There are now so many people that do not trust anyone that has a voice, anyone that has any authority. When I did my video last week, calling out Thunder Bay, another video that I ended up crying, just calling out what it's like to live here. I. That incident in the hair salon started before we got to the racist stuff. It started because I was speaking to my hairdresser. Not the problematic one. My guy is amazing and I love him, but I was speaking to him and I asked him if he had heard about what happened in Niagara Falls. Now Canadians will know what I'm talking about. The car exploding, going airborne and then exploding at the border. And at that time, they had no idea what it was. So they shut down three of the borders, the bridge crossings from Canada to the U.S. just as a precaution, because it might be a terrorist attack. Right. You just got to Be careful. Our American brothers and sisters would definitely understand that. I would think. And I was saying that to my hairdresser. And then the problematic person just, like, really loud, really aggressively said, well, did your government tell you that? Do you actually believe them? And I was like, it was on the news. Like, what are you talking about? And he said, do you actually believe it? At the time, I just wanted nothing to do with him. I kind of just ignored him. But I thought, am I supposed to believe you? Like, what authority do you have? Do you have the video clippings from there? They weren't saying what it was. And. And he was implying all these conspiracy theories, and they're keeping things from us. And it's like, what? Like what? Everything I preach on this channel is the fact that you need to speak to indigenous people about indigenous things. Go to the person that knows it. And in the case of Buffy's comment, because, yes, this does relate a city clerk who has worked there forever and works with birth certificates and could no doubt recognize a fake one on site, who was able to point out, like, see the texture of the paper, the ink, the. The information that was on it, the fact that it was in chronological order. If she doesn't know it's authentic, who would? And that's my point. At what point did we just stop disregarding the people that. That have the knowledge and experience and start listening to people that are, excuse the expression, into blowing smoke up your butt. Right? Like, that drives me nuts. The disrespect for people who have worked hard to be experts in their field drives me insane. So she was shocked that the city clerk said she could 100% authenticate it and say that it's real. By the way, I don't care who you are. If you're sitting in front of a reporter and a TV camera and you go on record as saying 100% you believe it's 100%. No one is backing themselves into that corner unless you really, truly believe it. So she then went on, and this is where I can't remember who I heard it from. Okay, yes, I do. It might have been Judge Judy. Don't judge me. Don't judge me. But she was saying, if you let people talk long enough, they'll dig themselves a hole. Like, you'll be able to tell who's authentic and who's not. Just let them dig. I don't stop them. Don't question them after the first thing. Just let them talk. So. Oh, I'm seeing all these hearts and faces. I love It. Love it. Love it. She went on to say, are you ready for this? She added that she had had a birth certificate her entire life. I didn't know if it was authentic really, because there's a whole bunch of interviews that she gave over the years that said she didn't have a birth certificate. Now she's saying she's always had one. She just didn't know if it's real. Why would she think it's not real? Right. How convenient. Are you just going to decide now that all the documents you carry are not real because you didn't see it created or you don't know the government department? This is nuts. This is getting nuts. Yeah, exactly. Z. She sees counting. Only Judge Judy can judge me. Martina, I think I love you. That was a man. Teresa, you're a sweetheart. Thank you so much for the ghost. Stormy, my sidekick. Red Thunderbolt Woman has Stormy as a sidekick. How perfect is that? I saw her on npr. I'm not sure what NPR is saying. She didn't even have a birth date, let alone a certificate. True, true, true, true. I saw that too. Who would gain from her birth certificate being forged? Well, what they were saying, okay, so we're going to be careful here, is that children, indigenous children that were taken 60s scoop put into families. And what she's saying is the family didn't want to acknowledge that they adopted a child, so they created a birth certificate certificate for them. And I don't know if there's incidents of that. So this is me saying I'm not 100% on that. I'm having said that. And we're Talking what the 1940s she was born in. We're not talking like huge metropolises here. Wouldn't you notice if your neighbor came home with a baby suddenly, like whether they had a birth certificate or not? I think I would notice. I once got kicked out of the class in third grade when I respectfully challenged the teacher who was teaching Pacific Northwest history and the indigenous history that was printed prevent presented was incorrect. That still happens, Teresa. Unfortunately. Yuck. The other thing which I happen to think is worse, and I own that it's my indigenous language speaking. I have heard of many cases where there's the one indigenous student in university or college, and basically they're centered out. The teacher will say, some professor, whatever will say something and say, well, is that right? Is that right? Like. Like they weren't centered out already and you're just going to make it worse. That's just. Oh, national public radio is NPR. Thank you so much in the U.S. so we have the CBC, right? Or the Canadian broadcast system. Yeah, not government supported. Some grants, but mostly corporate enlisteners. I love jj. Back to Buffy. She's like the Prestige movie magician. Carrying a fishbowl between his legs at all times. The trick becomes the truth in life. Great movie. Okay, now I gotta watch this movie. Okay, so we talked about the birth certificate. Suddenly she has one that she didn't think was authentic. After years of saying she didn't have one. Or even a birthday for that matter. And then if you look at the CBC coverage of her response. They interviewed a retired indigenous lawyer, Michelle Good, who Now I thought this was amazing. Way to go, cbc. And I mean don't come. Don't get me wrong. CBC has been known to get things wrong. But she's a retired lawyer from the Red Pheasant Cree Nation in Saskatchewan. Like talk about area that's relevant. And she said considering all the deep. Now she knows this. She's indigenous, she's a lawyer. And she said considering all of the information, the birth weight and all of that stuff on the birth certificate. It would be really hard to believe it was a created document. So here's what I wrote. I was like thinking about this this morning. Buffy said the most important thing was that she's been adopted by a family on the Pia Pot First Nation and accepted by community. Okay? That is authentic. That has to be recognized. It does not make her indigenous. It makes her a member of that family. It might even make her a member of that community. But it doesn't change her bloodline. And what drives me nuts is people who have. I had a great discussion this morning about recognizing pretendions. One of my viewers sent me an email. I love, love, love when that happens. We have such great discussions and we were talking about how I use as a guide to trying to figure out. Authenticity is humility. When someone, everyone and I know non indigenous people that have been adopted by indigenous families, welcomed into a community. They are so humble, they are so grateful. They are not setting themselves up as leaders. They are so grateful for the gift and the teachings and the knowledge and the relationships. That's where the authenticity lies. Not an excuse for why you're the way you are in the same way. Different scenario. I don't want to imply they're the same, but related. I guess it was a bad word to use this time. But a non indigenous woman who before 1985 married an indigenous man. Legally she was recognized as indigenous. I would have a serious problem if she was out there teaching and school if this was her culture. Because it's still not. Even though she's on the band list, she's still not indigenous. So not indigenous by blood in both cases, either by marriage or adoption. And then she went way out on a limb and I was like. Like I rewatched this like 20 times. I don't know. So here's the quote. Direct quote. Being an Indian has little to do with sperm tracking and colonial record keeping. It has to do with community, culture, knowledge, teachings, who claims you, who loves you. Okay. Being an Indian has little to do with sperm tracking and colonial record keeping. It has to do with community, culture, knowledge, teachings, who claims you and who loves you. Okay, so let's list off the problems with that statement. First off, that means any person who became close with the community, Maybe you work in the community, you get to know the people, you learn the culture, whatever by that definition could claim to be indigenous because they would know the community, the culture, the knowledge, the teachings, Right? Like what? Yes, Buffy said that. That's her response. What bothers me even more, besides the open door to the pretendions, what about all of the indigenous people, through no fault of their own, who were taken through the residential school system, through The Indian schools, through 60s Scoop, through foster care, whatever. Totally complete. They're never sent somewhere close. They're totally, totally removed. So they don't know their community, their culture. They don't have the knowledge or their teachings. They're still indigenous. They didn't even choose to leave. Now, generations later, often they feel uncomfortable coming home. If that doesn't break your heart, I don't know what would. Like that. That was so problematic. Well, Blake. Blake's upset. Okay. To me. I'm sorry. What did she call it? Sperm tracking? It is bloodline. Bloodline is part of it. Part of it. So all of those people that saying she needs to get a DNA test. It is so much more than that. It is because if you and I've talked about this before, the difference between indigenous identity and indigenous ancestry. You have a great, great, great great grandmother who was indigenous. You have indigenous ancestry. Walking around claiming you're indigenous is going to be misleading. Because you haven't even received those teachings for how many generations. And considering when that person was alive, were they even listened to? When they were alive, were those teachings even shared? If the rest of the family is non indigenous, you are indigenous. If your mom, your grandma, whatever, your dad, your grandfather are indigenous. Even if you were not exposed to the culture. But it is also. Ryan McMahon is a really well known indigenous individual in Canada. And I know he got questioned on an interview, in an interview about Indigenous identity. And it was around the sixties scoop, because these people are totally separated and often feel totally lost. And what he said was, it's who claims you, right? Because all of the First Nations I work with, they know people were taken and they're still willing to welcome them. I mentioned this ages ago, way back in a video. A colleague of mine, we ended up at the same event. We were both speaking, presenting to the audience and she got up and we happened to be in this specific First Nation community. I didn't know this until she spoke. She got up to the microphone and she introduced her name and her spirit name. And then she said, I'm actually sixties scoop. I was taken from this case community. And then what got me going was. And then she just continued on with what she was saying in classic 60s Scoop style because she's not comfortable with that. She feels separated. She doesn't really want to own indigeneity because she wasn't raised that way. See the humility again. That's what I'm talking about. What happened next, I will never forget because I think it was the most beautiful thing ever. The chief of the community was there. He was kind of emceeing this event and welcoming everyone. And he went up to the podium to thank her for her presentation. And into the mic he said, before I say anything else, welcome home. Even to this day, that chokes me up. It was like they know who was taken and they are thrilled to welcome the back. Whether you know anything or not is irrelevant. If there's someone out there that's 60 scoop and you're worried, they will welcome you home and they will help you to remember what you weren't allowed to learn. So these people that claim 60 scoop that aren't drive me insane in. What was her name again? The lawyer? Michelle. Good. One of the points she made. And can we get T shirts anyone? You cannot choose to be indigenous. I don't care how cool you think our culture is, it you. It's not a choice. And all of the people that would like to make that choice are proving they have no idea what it's like to be indigenous because we pay a high freaking price for being indigenous. Reflect back to my video on calling out Thunder Bay. If I could just go to a coffee shop, go to a restaurant, buy a car, get my hair done and not have to endure racist comments, I would be so freaking happy. But that is not the case. There's a whole lot of things going on. Not Sandy. Oh. Thank you. Thanks, Martina. I was wondering. Is he talking about me? I, I, I'm glad to see that she's rich. Forget home DNA test. She could get one in a university. She had time to do it. We saw the birth certificate. Yeah. There is zero doubt she's Caucasian. I totally agree with you. Totally, totally agree with you. One of the sentences I wrote that I really wanted to share with you because I think this was so much for me. Buffy has known no indigenous pain. She just appropriated indigenous glory. And I think that's the truth. That's the truth that she and so many people buy the Hollywood Indian. Now, don't get me wrong. They are introduced to our teachings and they realize how powerful and grounding and empowering they are. And I get it. I get the attraction. But crossing the line into I want that extraction mentality again, that is really good. I want that not yours to have. And that's where we move past white supremacy when non indigenous start realizing just because you like something doesn't mean you can have it. Hollywood Indian. Yeah. I've had big regrets in my life for terrible decisions I've made. So I can't fathom how painful and brutal the reckoning is for some. No. If you're talking about Buffy, Jen. No. I'm sorry. You know what? There's a freedom in honesty. She's suffering now under this magnitude because she continues the lie. If she actually came forward, then, then there's the freedom. Then she finally gets to be she indigenous. I know Anishinaabe culture is. We are big on forgiveness and welcoming you home and. But you have to take the responsibility and the ownership first. You have to acknowledge what you did before we can help you get past it. Right. That's it, Blake. Zero accountability. It's like, ah. And then you know what? Nailed it for me. Almost said nailed to the cross. That would have been disrespectful. And I don't want to be disrespectful. What they. As part of the CDC coverage of her response, they speak spoke to the chief of Piapot First Nation. Huge. And he acknowledged that this Buffy crap has torn his First Nation apart. There's the half that sees pretending and they're disgusted and disappointed. And the other half that does not want to give up who they thought she was. And he acknowledged that he really wished she had said more than she did. That this so called response was a whole lot of nada. Right. That, that he for the sake of his community. He really wished he had put. She had put this to rest. Whether it was acknowledging the lie or the DNA test or whatever. Once and for all. Putting it to bed. And she didn't. And for me, that's when the door closed. Because now. And I talked in all of my Buffy videos about the pain she has inflicted on indigenous peoples. And she's doing it again. She is tearing apart this first nation she supposedly loves and doing nothing to stop their pain. No hard pass, if there's one thing. Yeah, she doubled down. I considered feeling sorry for her because she's over 80. Then I remembered my situation. Yeah. And you know what? The age thing. We respect our elders above many, many, many cultures. The fact that she lied so long that she's now in her 80s is not an excuse or a get out of jail free card. I'm sorry. She should have come clean on this a long time ago, and she wouldn't have to worry about this in her 80s. But she made that bed. She disrespects indigenous folks, adopted people. Abuse. Yeah, yeah. Like problems, problems, problems. But when I heard the chief acknowledge the pain. So pain being inflicted on indigenous people again, then? Ah, unreal. Just. Just unreal. Unreal. By the way, I don't know if someone can check is. Are the super chats and stickers an option for you guys? I hope I could see that. This is the first time I tried turning them on. I don't know if you can see them, but people asked if there was a way to support my work without having to do a monthly membership, and that would be how to do it. And I'm pretty sure you get to choose how much you want to pay, so that's awesome. But when that happens, then I can see it as a super chat or a super sticker. And that's amazing. That. That's awesome. Okay, so that's Buffy's doubling down. She is digging herself one heck of thank you. Hila Isla. That's an amazing name. Thank you. Yeah, I. You know what? I don't know how she got in this mess. Oh, Joanne, you are amazing. Super chat. Thank you so much. You just made my life, woman. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, I hear negative things about YouTube all the time. Any social media platform. Thanks to you guys. You guys are such. You people are such. Oh, my God, your class act. You've been so welcoming, so supportive. You asking your questions, engaged, not just watching. I love, I love, I love you have made this YouTube experience so amazing for me. I wasn't Planned. I'm not supposed to do a live again until December. I think I have to do it weekly because I miss you guys. So the other thing I promised to do today, how are we doing time wise? It's almost right halfway. It's like I planned that. Anyone who's following my videos knows my index cards and these are ideas that are coming up for future videos in no particular order and I'll try to remember which ones were suggested to me. It's 4:29am in Australia. Blake, you are amazing. 10 minutes behind. Like what you said about indigenous ancestry, did you mean you want me to repeat it? Elkie, I think that's how you pronounce your name. I can definitely repeat it. I'll just watch for your response. So here's an idea of what's coming up in the videos. I received an email from a viewer that requested about that I do a video on the Governor general of Canada who happens to be the first indigenous governor general commenting on the online hate she receives and the fact that she's an older woman. I don't really remember how old she is. Probably none of my business but the fact that she has to learn French. So that's going to be future video I am going to do. It is called can you see this? It is called your solutions suck. And I'm really going to talk about the assimilation that is still happening. Several different processes or industries that TJ thank you so much. You are a sweetheart. Thank you. That is the cutest little sticker I've ever seen. I'm liking these stickers. That that is amazing, amazing, amazing. There are just so many times assimilation is still happening and I'm not sure that people realize. So we're going to talk about it. I asked in the community and by the way the people that are chatting in the community love you tons. That that's so much fun. My mom had one mission in life and she used to repeat it to us over and over and over. It is a huge part of how I turned out the way I did. And I think anyone who has children, has grandchildren or has someone in their life that they want to empower, that video is going to resonate with you. So mom and her mission and I have like lots on that one. I'm going to do a video on lateral violence. So that is that attacking of your own that's happening in first nation communities. It happens in all marginalized groups. Just really explaining that to people because a lot of people have never heard the phrase before. Lateral violence just Found out your husband has indigenous ancestry. That's pretty cool. Elgie, are we talking ancestry or close? Like, are we talking generations before? And what I had said about ancestry is there's nothing wrong with telling people you have indigenous ancestry. You stop short of indigenous identity. So you shouldn't be speaking for indigenous people if it's just one puzzle piece 5,000 pieces ago. What's my point? Only difference is the parents info has been replaced with my adopted parents info. What was my adoption Birth certificate has the same information on it that hers has. Yes, but we know hers is authentic and in numeric order. Again, we're going to listen to the experts on this and they have authenticated it to 100%. Okay, so. Oh, thank you, TJ. Okay, I'm going to do one. This is really leaning on anyone who works in a corporation. You want to try to have an impact. These whole. These corporations that are trying to come up with national indigenous engagement strategies and why they're going down the wrong path. Oh, this one I received like three or four emails about it happened somewhere in the states. I don't know how many of you are in the States. Why? What's the big deal? Why it is so horrific to cut an indigenous person's hair. There was a child in the school wool and I believe the principal forced him to cut his hair. There's been several cases. So that's definitely a future video. Tamara being told I look like her. Being a sixties scoop married to the son of a political world leader, it makes me sick. A native friend who traveled with her said, no, you don't look like her. Right, Tamara? Right? Yeah. I think in one of my video, I showed the image of the poison tree, right? The tree that looks like it's dying. There's ways past that. There's ways to get past oppression and internalized oppression. It's called the six Solutions. That will either be a video or a podcast. Dd in my book, the path, which would be that one over there, I'm trying to see, of the four, that one, there were 10 what I called accepted truths. Like if you want to work together and get on the path of reconciliation, these are the 10 things we're going to stop arguing about and just accept that they're true. That's a podcast. A future podcast episode. Oh, yes. Some job interviews asked me to cut my hair. I explained its significance to my spiritual beliefs. It meant nothing to the interviewer, unfortunately. And that's when you walk out the freaking door. I had an employer ask me to choose between My kids and my career. We will never be able to stop employers from saying stupid things in interviews. Doesn't mean we have to stay. Acceptance. Silence is acceptance. If we say nothing and keep putting up with this, it's never going to change. Got to walk out the door. My owner cut my hair off all my. My owner cut my hair off all my hair at 10. It was a soul hurt as well as many other abuses. Oh, yes, Okay. I was going to say your owner, but now I get it. Yeah. We're talking from an indigenous specific, the teachings behind not cutting your hair. Another video. The two little words that can change any engagement. You're talking to someone and it's starting to be an argument because you're sharing your opinions. I'm going to share the two words that can keep that on safe ground. Oh, you're 60, Scoop. That's right, Tamara. Yes. So how to call out racism is definitely going to be one. What's in it for non indigenous people? Why should you care about reconciliation? I am going to do a whole video on joking. I was just joking. Problems, problems, problems. I am going to do. I don't know if it's going to be. It might be a podcast because it's going to be longer. We're going to talk about the other pretendions that have been in the news over the last couple years. Michelle Latimer, Joseph Boyden, Marie Chapelle I think was her last name. All of them. I'm going to teach you what walking softly is and why it's imperative for cross cultural relationships. Someone asked me to do a video on the difference between an indigenous worldview and a mainstream worldview. You because I've spoken about or said those words a few times. So definitely going to do that. Another one. I use a lot of quotes from my books, so we're going to do a video on some empowering quotes for you. The seven grandfather teachings. Many, many people asked about those. That's going to be a series of videos. So I'll do one for each video because you got to do with justice. So I gotta flip through all those. Another thing that comes up often is the medicine wheel teachings. So I will definitely be doing a video on that. I got a couple emails on this one talking about the Indian hospitals and that whole thing. Doing a. What is intergenerational trauma. Talking about the effects of the residential school experience. Explaining to people why we're still seeing those. And by the way, last residential school school closed in 1996. That wasn't that long ago, but we're going to look at that. Yeah. Thank you. Crave one. Oh right. Martina. I was just joking. Don't be so sensitive. Don't say things that are idiotic and I won't be sensitive. I'm not being sensitive. I'm being honest. Why humility is so key to engagement. Oh, I don't need to do that one anymore. Oh, I'm doing a video. It's gonna talk about God knows people on this channel, new people to this channel love to comment on the fact that I'm not dark. And we're going to look at through history how being it opened the door to pretendience. Right. So we need to talk about that. If there's one thing. Yes, I agree amica. If there's one thing that gets thrown at us. I don't know if it happens in the states but it definitely happens in Canada. The critics love to talk about race based legislation that we have to eliminate race based legislation. This is the people that see us as getting all these benefits again. The glory and none of the pain. We're going to talk about that. We're definitely going to talk about that. I don't know if you guys have ever heard of a blue ocean but to me that's like a blue ocean strategy is what I'm talking about. I'm thinking that's the secret Canadian reconciliation. We're going to talk about that. And allyship is something people really want to know about. What makes a good ally and how do I become a good ally? So that is upcoming videos. Let me know if there's anything you'd love to hear about. You can either comment on any one of my videos. I try to see all the comments. My phone kind of blows up when you guys comment. Not complaining. So I try to go see all the comments. I might miss a few especially as they get more and more and as I get into busier seasons. The best bet is to email me sandy sandybouchet.com then I'm definitely going to add it to the list. If I'm not adding it to the list. If it's something I don't feel qualified to speak to humility teaching then I'm definitely going to respond to your email. I'm going to respond to your email anyways. But I would tell you that so awesome. Let's see. Thanks for speaking about the dangers and negative effects of pretendions. Yeah. 100 thank you. Yeah. Yeah. All the time. Amica. Oh the. I was just joking. Okay. I'm gonna go on a person I got A few minutes, right? I want to talk about that. I am just joking. And the comment that abusers use that all the time. And again, and I've said this in a few videos, it is so easy to know the facts, but often that disconnects from the experience. So you guys like, I love the fact that I'm 59 years old. I am now me. This is me. This is the me my kids have always known. The, the goofy, the silly, the thinking in cartoons, the animated Muppet type personality. This is me. Which is why I'm loving this so much. But I wasn't always like this. And I mentioned in past videos that I'm a 10 year domestic abuse survivor. I happen to be living proof that your past doesn't have to be your future because there is no way in heck I could have done this kind of work back then. But I wanted to share a little story with you because even knowing when they say I was just joking and knowing it still hurts, even logically, knowing that it doesn't mean it doesn't affect you. And true story. After my relationship hadn't even ended yet, I was still trying to save my marriage. And I suggested marriage counseling for me and my partner. And when it came time to go to marriage counseling, he didn't go. He didn't want to go. Anybody shocked? I was with an abuser who's shocked. I decided to go because I thought, you know what, maybe I can learn a couple things that will help the relationship. All honesty, you know me, you see my personality. I walked into that marriage counseling appointment, therapist introduced himself, asked me, you know, if I had any questions or whatever. And I said, well, you know what, if you could help me with one thing that would be like super helpful. You would think I would say, get my partner to stop doing what he's doing. I don't want to traumatize anyone here. But what I said was, well, I know now that I don't have a sense of humor. And the therapist was like, pardon? And I said, well, I always thought I did, but I know now I don't, so if you could help me with that, that would be really awesome. And he just kind of looked at me, to his credit, didn't change his expression, and said like, what makes you think you don't have a sense of humor? Like, I'm just curious. I'm not saying you're wrong, but I'm just curious. And I said, because my husband says all these things and I get upset when he says them, but his response is always Like, I was just joking, but I don't think it's funny. And then he tells me I don't have a sense of humor or I have a lousy sense of humor because I don't realize he's joking. I have never been so happy that I went to a counseling session that my partner wanted me to cancel because there was nothing wrong with my sense of humor. But when you hear these things over and over, like non indigenous people have heard stereotypes over and over. Yes. Start to believe it's true. One of the instructions I give at the beginning of my seminars is you have to be willing to unlearn what you thought up until now was true. That's how we build the bridge. The disrespect and stereotyping is endemic. As a non Aboriginal person, I really appreciate the tools you can give me to make the best response. I will respond. But I want to be the most effective. Exactly. And. And I love my work. I work with the best non indigenous people ever because the problematic people aren't coming to my seminars. The people that are coming to my seminars or hiring me to do a keynote want to learn. They want to. And if they've never been exposed to this, never been given any kind of guidance before, how can they do a good job? So I create the space for them to learn. So awesome. Awesome. Awesome. What? What? Martina? Capital. What? So, yeah, he was gaslighting 100. He was. But you know what? Guess what? That was back. Do I want to do the math on that? That was back in the 80s. So we didn't even use oh, he's a long export partner. Blake. I couldn't be me if we were still together. 110% definitely an X. And gaslighting wasn't even a word back then. But yes, that's definitely what he was doing. So did you. Did the therapist call out the gaslighting during that session? The therapist was flipping amazing. Again, he didn't use the term gas lane because no one at that time time was using that term. But he got me to realize there was nothing wrong with me. Now, keep in mind, I was an abused woman or an abused person. It doesn't matter that I was female. But if you know anything about people in an abusive relationship, if you try to attack their partner, they're so codependent on them that they will actually come to the defense of their abuser. So what I found so amazing about that therapist is he was able to show me there was nothing wrong with me without making it seem like he was attacking my partner. In other words, I was able to hear him. So he was really super good at his job. Super, super good. I found it so hard, crazy hard, finding my Ojibwe teachings, taking my children to all the ceremonies. Yeah, yeah, I get that question. If Buffy Saint Marie came forward and admitted her life has been in life, how do you think Canada's indigenous communities would respond? That's an excellent question, Jennifer. Thank you for asking. We don't have one voice like any group, right. So there's going to be a whole bunch of different responses. I would be able to have respect for her again if she admitted to it. Right. Because she's human and this was stupid. And I believe this is a train that started going and she didn't know how to stop it. But you can't get to the healing and the making amends until you admit. So it really depends too, on where the individual indigenous person is in their healing journey. We have a lot of really angry indigenous people, largely because they have yet to have the opportunity to truly heal and put that anger down. It's not hurting the person they're angry at, it's hurting them. So there's going to be a wide response, but it is the only way she's going to have a chance to be accepted in any way, shape or form. Now she's pouring. What is it? Pouring vinegar in the wound. It's not vinegar. I don't know what that phrase is, but you know what I mean. Salt. Salt. That's what it is. Salt. Yeah. So this woman has been an absolute gift to my journey. I'm hoping you're talking about me, Martin, not Buffy. I'm thinking you meant me, Eddie. I believe her family, when they said Buffy got bullied for Italian nose, that came up with being indigenous when she was in her teens. Possible. You know what, the other thing at that time, what I said in my very first video, there was the whole Hollywood idea of being an indigenous princess, right? And little girls like to imagine that there's someone. I like to believe that I was actually born to rich, affluent parents and they switched babies in the hospital. My parents didn't have a lot of money. I had great parents. Don't get me wrong. I was being a smart ass little kid, but. And I could see, you know, I want to be someone else. I want to be this indigenous princess and. And telling the lie. Kids have been known to lie every now and then, but you abandon it. What is more likely, unfortunately, if you watch the Fifth Estate documentary, she had her Career. And it wasn't taking off. She needed an angle. She needed something to make herself stand out, and that's sickening. True, anger is a curse. 100% anger is. Anger is pain. But anger is more socially accepted. So we go to anger first. But anger is holding its pain, trying to find a way to express itself. No one was using the term gaslighting, and I only studied narcissism at the turn of the century. 100%. 100%, Russ. People that have been around longer, we didn't have these cool words. I had a hard time growing up. My Metis mother had the idea she wasn't indigenous anymore because she married out of. It was hard being half white, half Metis, and people acting like, pick a side. Oh, 100%. Totally hear you there, Coral. Totally. Like, that's a choice. Like, I have an indigenous mom and a French dad. And no, I'm not Metis. I showed my status card. I am first Nations. But I honestly. And this is going to sound crazy, and maybe all of you are going to abandon me when I say this, but I honestly believe I was born to do this work because I saw how amazing life is when the bridge does exist. My dad never wanted my mom to give up being indigenous, being Anishinaabe. And my dad. Mom didn't want my dad to adopt her ways. She appreciated, you know, his Catholicism. They worked together. They had beautiful respect for each other. They held space for each other. They supported and encouraged each other. The Bridge is possible. We don't need to become on something else to allow space for another person to want to forgive. I totally agree, Blake. I totally, totally agree. Yes, you are, Sandy. You're a delight to listen to. And you brought wonderful people in this chat. Oh, thank you. There are amazing people in this chat, for sure. I like that. Pain trying to express itself. Yeah. Anger, Blake. Yeah, Especially. I'm gonna go out on a limb here, and this may sound sexist based on my experience. Men go to. And women do it, too, but men really tend to go to anger over expressing pain because they grew up in a society that says men can't say they're hurting. And. And it's another thing I love about being Anishinaabe. We sit in healing circles. We cry all the time. I don't care if you're young, old, male, female, whatever. We are taught that if you feel like you need to cry, that is your body saying, I'm ready to release this now. And we wouldn't even consider holding it in. When I meet people, men especially, that have never been taught. That's okay. I. These are the guys having heart attacks. I mean it comes out in some way. No, I don't JC Although I do did understand what you asked. Dad passed away away when I was 17 and he would have loved if I had learned to speak French. But of course I was a cocky 17 year old and didn't think that was something to do. I had awesome parentsy. Phenomenal. I won the the the parent lottery. That's for sure. Totally, totally true. I was adopted and autistic. Undiagnosed, non indigenous. I can only imagine the pain of losing a really functional and self aware culture as well. Yeah. Crying is purging stress like singing 100%. Oh Debbie, I love hearing that your father was like that. Ah, that is amazing guys. I hope you know what, I'm reaching through the computer and giving you the biggest hug ever. I hope you guys realize how amazing you are. Thank you for making this journey so amazing. Thank you for coming out on a Saturday afternoon or early morning for Blake and joining me today. I just seriously, I am definitely sticking around because you guys just make this too amazing not to. I'm gonna let you go. We're coming up on the hour mark now. But again thank you so so much for coming out for your comments, for your questions, for the super chats and stickers. These guys are amazing. Until next time. I love you. Take care. Bye. Bye.