A short speech by Sandi L Boucher addressing how staff in First Nation agencies often carry unhealed trauma yet work to help others—"hurt people trying to help people." She describes how empathy without healing leads to burnout and lateral violence within agencies, criticizes some non‑indigenous allies for quick judgment, and argues for embedding culturally appropriate self‑care and healing (elders, time on the land, ceremony) into job supports so teams and communities can become healthier. Includes personal testimony about domestic abuse recovery and lessons about forgiveness and accountability.
Chapters
Foreign. This next one again, I did some work, quite a bit of work with our First Nation agencies over the last little while. And you've all heard the phrase hurt people, hurt people. And that is true, absolutely true, whether it is in the lashing out or in the not being able to participate because of their own, you know, wounds, their own lack of healing, whatever the case may be. But what I came to realize is in Anishinaabe territory, in indigenous territories, hurt people are trying to help people. Right? That's the people working in the band offices and in our programs. These are not people that were afforded the luxury of doing all this amazing healing and they've now come so far. Many of them are educated. That is different than having healed. So what happens, and I see it time and time again, is these people have so much empathy and compassion and time and, and just put so much effort into supporting their clients. It is beautiful. They give to other people what they often never received for themselves. It is, it is unreal to see these people give so much and have nothing left for their co workers because they put so much out and they haven't done their healing and they don't have their self care practices. Self care is not just a blow your money on a fancy spirit body. That's, that doesn't fill your cup often enough or I'm not even sure it really does. You know, time in the bush, sitting with an elder, getting that stuff out, crying, that's refilling your cup. So what happens is that's the lateral violence in our agencies. These people are lashing out against each other. And then, because we're just going to add a whole other layer to this dynamic in so many cases because we still have allies who want to help the poor indigenous because it's easier than doing the work on their side of the feather. Yes, I'm calling those people out. The problematic people we're trying to survive are on your side of the feather. Maybe do that work, just saying, or, or at least half the time, balance the feather. But anyways, they come into our communities, they come into our agencies and they start working. Now these are non indigenous people that have not endured. I'm not saying they haven't endured trauma, they haven't endured generational trauma, they haven't endured trauma inflicted on entire communities and nations. So they come in and often very quickly, they fall into judgment. Well, why are they behaving that way? Why the gossiping? Why the bullying? This is an unhealthy environment. Duh. So I always use Thanksgiving Just passed. So we can use this analogy. You need the good ingredients to make the great dish that becomes the great feast. Ingredients. Dish. Feast. We're demanding healthy work environments, but we don't have healthy teams because we don't have healthy people yet. It starts with each and every one of us. It starts with getting our staff support so they can do the healing they've never been allowed the time and space to do. And that does not mean a scheduled appointment with a counselor. That might mean a weekly visit with an elder or a priest. Their choice to just sit and have tea. And the healing will come eventually as they feel comfortable. This is not mandated. You have six months to do this. This is building self care and healing into the job description because we need the healthy ingredients to make the healthy teams to make our healthy communities and agencies. Okay. Does that make sense? Remember way back when Josephine Mondawman, who was one of my elders and a dear, dear friend, she used to say that what happens to Mother Earth happens to equate to Indigenous women. That this raping and pillaging of the resources and the taking and not caring about the damage to Mother Earth is exactly what's happening to our Indigenous women. And we're seeing that's happening to all Indigenous, that we're all feeling that and we can't. Our healing cannot be dependent on the actions of the abuser. Our healing cannot be dependent on Canada getting it together and giving us enough supports to do this. It has to become our priority. It has to be something that we do. I'm a 10 year domestic abuse survivor. There was a time I couldn't have attended a conference, let alone been the keynote speaker. I couldn't have sat at a table at lunchtime and had a conversation because I was convinced I was too stupid to do that. And look at what I do for a living now. Not because I'm all that in a bag of chips. Not because I don't make mistakes. Of course I do. I'm human. I make mistakes every, every day. You know what I learned, Grace? Forgiveness. I am not stupid. That does not mean I don't make mistakes. And guess what? When I make a mistake, I own it. I apologize for it without excuse. Intent is not needed to harm people. It doesn't matter if I didn't mean to hurt someone. If I did, an apology is needed. And then a conversation so we can talk about how to work together. Does that make sense? So hurt people are trying to help people in our communities. Let's get them the help they need. So they can continue helping to a better degree, To a longer degree. These people are amazing. They need our love and support. Next.
