RANT WARNING - Lateral Kindness? NO! Just NO!

I debated this. I really, really did. I actually have two different index cards, two different videos that I'm going to shoot today. And I really debated did. I want to start off the week with a rant? But this drives me nuts. So I guess we're gonna. Let's talk about it. Hi, everybody. My name is Sandy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine River first nation in Treaty 3 territory in Northern Ontario. And I get it. I so get it. There are people like me who do seminars and workshops, and we're trying to earn a living and build our businesses. So we market our products, and sometimes we come up with new seminars and workshop shops, hoping to build our business and attract even more people. But every now and then, someone comes out with something that, in my humble opinion, is the biggest bunch of BS I ever heard. And it gets even better when past customers reach out to me, wondering if I do that type of seminar or workshop. What am I talking about? I'm talking about lateral violence. And. No, no. Lateral violence is the reality. What I'm talking about is lateral kindness. Workshop. Give me an effing break. So let's. Let's backtrack here for a sec. Lateral violence is a reaction to the environment, a natural human reaction to oppression. There's three natural human reactions. Remember violence in all its forms, which means bullying, which means gossiping, which means lateral violence. When people are tearing each other to shreds at the same level, like we see in our communities and in our agencies, it is real. It is not that we're doing something wrong. Is this a healthy work environment? Of course not. But it's a reaction to the environment. And until we stop blaming ourselves and start realizing where it's coming from so we can choose a different path. Because, yes, we got to stop doing this. But it's not. By pointing the fingers at us, then things can change. I told you this was going to be a rant. And then someone came up with this flipping idea of lateral kindness. We just need to learn to be kind to each other. I need to do the research to find out who first came up with this, because one can you say minimizing. I would never, never, as a quay, as Anishinaabe Kwei, as an Indigenous female, Ojibwe female, walk into a First Nation community and suggest we just got to be kind to each other. I would get my head ripped off, and deservedly so. Why? Because what they've endured, those people that are hurt and angry and lashing out, suggesting that they just be, be kind is insulting. It is minimizing what they've been through. And we've had enough minimizing. So one, I don't think an indigenous person would ever do that. Two, if you're non indigenous, insulting, we've had enough people minimizing our experience. Let's not do that. So for one, that, that would be highly, highly insulting to. Let's think of that environment again. So we grow up in this environment where, you know, it seems like the whispers are your less than and and we learn to look for our value in the hands of other people, which is incredibly dangerous. And then you want us to just be kind to each other. So one, you're telling us that our reaction to the environment is wrong, that we are wrong again, and then you want us to just bury what we're actually feeling and be kind. I don't know about you, but anyone who's ever survived any kind of oppression, any kind of violence, any kind of trauma, you end up on high alert. Like we, I teach how to create safe spaces because we desperately need safe spaces. I walk into a place and I sense that someone's got an attitude. I can literally feel that I'm not being my open, transparent self. I'm going to do it to the best of my ability. But I'm also understanding that this space may not be safe and I got to keep my guard up. Have you ever run into anyone who had on the fake smile and wanting to be friendly with you and they might as well be in neon green because, you know, it's bs. That's what it would be like. An entire work environment of people pretending to be kind to each other or being kind to people that they don't even really like or don't even really respect. And it's coming across as so fake and so far away from authentic that who in their right mind would want to work there? To me, lateral kindness is a cop out. Let's just jump to be kind to each other and just avoid all of how we got here. That no hard pack. By the way, do I do lateral kindness workshops? One guess I so don't. We can sense the lack of authenticity and we can smell the bs. So bs. So here's my thoughts now. And I understand. As a quay, I've done a whole lot of healing. I literally, as part of my career, are constantly learning about personal growth, personal healing, whether it's with the elders or with mainstream non indigenous experts and mentors. I mean, this has been my path for 15 years. I understand that I have had so many more healing opportunities than most people. So for me, if I'm in a work environment, actually you know what? I'm gonna take that back because it is the way I am now. But it's not because of all the healing. Because 20 years ago when I didn't have the healing, I was still the same way. I prefer authentic. If you don't like me, I am so totally cool with that. You know why? At least you're being real. At least you're being honest. And by the way, kudos on your own self awareness that you know you don't like me and you're owning that. That is totally cool. I am going to celebrate your self awareness. Don't pretend to like me if you don't. The last thing we need are more fake people and more fake conversations and fake relationships and fake promises. And as indigenous in Canada, we've had enough right up to here. Okay, so lateral kindness. You know where kind comes from? Someone being healed enough, aware enough, empathetic enough to be able to be kind for you. Because I've had to the chance to heal enough from my wounds. Now in some cases it's someone who's totally not identifying their wounds. They're going to be kind to you because they don't want to deal with their own. There's other people that are being kind to you because they're desperately trying to prove their worth. I mean these are all realities. But just like there is no way I would ever teach this workshop because I believe facts are powerful. I believe if our youth know that the anger they feel is a natural human reaction to the environment and country they live in. And now let's talk about how to cope with. Cope have been coping skills so you can deal with that anger in, in useful ways. In, in ways that aren't going to harm you. Now we're talking. Don't deny, don't bury under fake kindness. Because I don't know what world you live in as a quay in Canada. If I walk out my front door, it's a really good chance. It's not going to be a kind world. There's going to be people that might have an attitude with me and, and I'm going, I. They don't decide who I am. I decide who I am and learned that from my mom. Just because you're going to be mean to me doesn't mean I'm going to be mean to you. Because you don't control who I am. I'm not giving you that power over me. I'm sorry. Hard pass. But to. I'm sure as hell not going to go out there thinking everyone's going to be kind to me and I can put all my defensive walls down and everything's going to be great. No indigenous person on the planet would have survived if we thought that way. And no, I'm not being cynical. It's called survival mechanisms. So, lateral kindness seminars. In case I wasn't clear enough, I do not do lateral kindness seminars or workshops. If you want to talk about how to really heal or to understand what's really happening in our indigenous communities and agencies, then you give me a call and we will get together. But BSing and pretending you're not hurting or you're not angry or you're not frustrated. Baloney. Hard pass. Baloney. We didn't do this to ourselves. But telling us that we're wrong again because of the way we do things is not how you fix it. A little more understanding and a little less expectations. Can we do that, please? Please. That's my rant for today. Tomorrow, I promise not to rant. I already know what I'm talking about tomorrow. So, by the way, tomorrow we're going to talk about today. Was lateral kindness a phrase? Two words. Tomorrow. One word. Believe it or not, the word we're going to talk about is reconciliation. But that's tomorrow. Take care, my friend. I love you. Bye. Bye.