The Indigenous Cold, Complex PTSD, and My Experience with Both

You know, I'm going to say it. I'm going to do something slightly different this week, like I do every week. For those of you who have attended one of my keynotes, a workshop or a seminar, you would know that I may be talking about legislation, I may be talking about theory, I may be talking about history. Often I use metaphors or stories to help illustrate the information. But if there's one thing I'm adamant about, especially in the last few years of my work, it is tying whatever information I shared with modern day reality. Helping people to see the manifestations in their co workers and their family members and their friends. Helping them to understand what they can do to help if at all possible. So today I wanted to do that. There's going to be three parts to this video, not including this introduction. First, I'm going to share a metaphor that I have shared for years with my audiences. Second section, I am going to share with you something that happened to me personally recently, very recently. And then in the third section, I'm going to tie the two together and give you some suggestions on what you can do. So let's talk about it. Bonjour, Mishko Paganung Kwei Nadishnikas Mang Dodam. Hi everybody. My name is Sandy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine River First Nation in Treaty 3 Territory in Northern Ontario. And I am completely and totally dedicated to uniting Canada. I believe that truth is is learning the history of Canada, especially as it relates to its indigenous peoples. Reconciliation is the end goal, but relationship is what is going to get us from truth to reconciliation. So I help people understand what they're seeing, whether it's indigenous or non, so we can build those relationships that get us where we all benefit from reconciliation. So as I mentioned in the opening, I want to start with a metaphor I've been using for years and it's called the indigenous cold. Now to explain this, I need you to think of the common cold. You've had the common cold at some point, maybe even already this year. You know people that have, and there's definitely different states, stages, it affects people differently. Or maybe one cold affects you one way, the next one doesn't. So for the sake of this metaphor, the first context. Oh, I forgot to turn off my do not disturb. Let me do that so that little beeping annoying sound doesn't happen. Sorry about that. So for some people who get a cold, they just get the sniffles, they feel a little congested, not anything that warrants any kind of medication. So it's just annoying. They go about their day, they raise their family, they go to work, they go to school, they do whatever their schedule has set out for them. It's just annoying. That's stage one, the sniffles. Stage two, these are the people. And I bet you know what I'm talking about. You got those body aches happening. This is more than annoying, and it's really hard to ignore. So people in stage two medicate. They take contact C or cold F X or whatever it might be, and once they medicate, they're fine and they can go about their day. Stage three are the people that are bedridden. They are not capable of functioning at all. They're not going to school, they're not going to work. They're hoping their partner can take care of the kids. They just got to succumb to this for a time. And then stage four is someone that's healthy. That's the indigenous cold. Because you thought I was describing a cold. What I was actually describing is the indigenous experience trying to deal with oppression and internalized oppression. Stage one are the people that have the sniffles. So in the case of indigenous people dealing with oppression or internalized oppression, these are the people that every now and then they got unpacked something. The assimilation is still there. Maybe they discover another stereotype they've carried for too long. But 99.9% of the time, they're fine. They're going about their day, they're doing good work. They're probably really good medicine for someone. Stage two of the battle are all our loved ones who have to medicate to do their lives. These are the people that may work 9 to 5, Monday to Friday, but they're tying one on on the weekend just to deal with what they had to deal with. Often these are the people biting their tongue, just enduring the jokes that are not funny, the stereotypes that their co workers or maybe even their partner spit out on a regular basis, and they escape into some form of medication to deal. Not judging, just explaining. Stage three, the bedridden. This is our brothers and sisters, our family members, our friends, our colleagues and co workers who are now on the street. We are this close to losing them. And then, of course, the end game, the goal, healthy. So that's the indigenous cold metaphor helping you to understand indigenous people trying to overcome oppression and internalized oppression. Let's go into section two now, because I got to tell you about something that happened to me recently. Okay, so recently I was traveling to A small northern Ontario town to work in a First nation community. The communities don't tend to have lodgings, unless of course, they were remote, then they always do. So we were looking, we, me and the other people I was working with on this project were looking for some kind of accommodations. Hotel, Motel B and B, whatever it is. I have no idea what was going on in the small town or in that area, but there were no accommodations to be had. Finally, one of the hotels, the event planner found out that one of the hotels actually maintains a couple of apartments in town, usually for tradesmen coming into the area. And one of the apartments was available for the night. I needed to be there. There was something about that that made me uneasy, like I almost panicked at the thought. And I don't say that lightly. That's if you ask the people I was emailing with. They were probably wondering why such a strong reaction. And I didn't know why. I just knew I didn't like this idea. I didn't feel comfortable. But after some emails and some time had passed, it became obvious that there was no other option. So it was like, you know what, fine, I'll make the best of it. I'll bring what I need to be comfy, I'll stay in the apartment. And that's what I did. I traveled to the small town, checked into my apartment, unpacked, settled in, and that's when it hit me. For those of you who follow my story, you know I'm a 10 year domestic abuse survivor. And thanks to a lot of healing and a lot of therapy and a lot of amazing elders and friends and family members who have supported me for the most part, I have unpacked and healed from that experience. But having said that, years ago I was diagnosed with cptsd. So complicated or complex post Traumatic stress disorder. For those of you not familiar, Post Traumatic stress disorder usually results from a one time traumatic experience. You're in an airplane crash, you're in a vehicle accident accident, you're unfortunately attacked by someone and that it haunts you and it comes up in your memory and in your dreams. You have these flashbacks. Post Traumatic Stress disorder is not easy, complex or complicated. Post Traumatic stress disorder does not result from one incident. Rather it's a series of incidents. One of the ways it's been described is it's not an incident, it's your life. This is common for men and women in combat for a long period of time. This is childhoods or survivors of childhood abuse that was ongoing and often long term domestic violence survivors Like I said, for the most part, I have dealt with those issues. But in this case, in that apartment, alone, isolated, suddenly it was me in the home of a friend or family member. On the countless times that I, or my children, both, all of us had to leave our home because it wasn't safe. And suddenly I was right back there. The shame, the guilt. How could I have picked a partner like this? Why is he doing this? The guilt of putting my children through this. It was overwhelming and it felt crushing. I am by nature a positive, outgoing person. Even in a challenge, I'm going to roll up my sleeves and find the solution. But in that moment, it was just there. It was so much more than a flashback. I was living that guilt and shame again. That's what happened in the next morning. I did manage to sleep. But the next morning it seemed even worse. I did reach out to my co workers and even to my daughter to explain what was going on so they understood my reaction to staying in the apartment. And it wasn't until I was killing time because the event wasn't starting for hours. And I felt so trapped until I remembered that I didn't have to stay in the apartment and wait for the event time. I could get. I could pack up and I could get in my car and I could go get a coffee and I could drive around until the event was ready. And as soon as I had my way out, I escaped the ghosts. That's what happened. Now, let's go to the last section. So in section one, after the intro, I introduced you to the indigenous cold. And it's a really nice metaphor. And in the moment it might have resonated. Resonated with you. But what I wanted to highlight after the sharing of what happened to me recently is the fact that sometimes I'm healthy stage, and sometimes I have the sniffles. And for the most part, people who know me think of me as empowered and strong and having healed. But that's the nature of healing. I'm not sure if we ever heal 100%. It's an ongoing journey. What is that quote? Healing can be a long and painful journey, but without it, life is a long and painful journey. So I hold no guilt or no shame for what I experienced. I realize that's something else. I still need to unpack and I fully intend on doing that. I share this with you today not to just trauma dump on you, but instead to highlight, be careful with the indigenous people you work with. If on some day they are acting erratic or they seem to have zero coping skills, or you're just wondering why they seem so short for one, it may have nothing to do with you. Give them space and time and compassion. Don't ask them what's going on unless you have a super close relationship with them, because all of this stuff requires incredible vulnerability to share it. Just understand that maybe today they have the sniffles. Maybe they need some time to deal with whatever's going on. It's not them being disrespectful. It's not them being difficult to work with. It's the indigenous cult, and I hope that helped you understand. I would love to see your thoughts in the comments. Until next time. I love you. Take care. Bye Bye.