The Nuances of Self Esteem

So I'm totally switching the game now from yesterday. Still memory lane tripping. But now yesterday was all about poverty. Now let's talk about another barrier that holds people back. Indigenous 110%. But again, we're not the only ones. Today we're going to talk about self esteem. And really the nuances of self esteem. Let's talk about it. Bonjour, Mishko Paganon Kwei Nadishnikas Mando Dam. Hi everybody. My name is Sandy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine River first nation in Treaty 3 territory in Northern Ontario. And I am a reconciliation consultant. I work in the realm of Indigenous Canadian reconciliation, whether it's empowering Indigenous, non Indigenous, Canadian corporations, businesses, municipalities, whatever the case may be, to better understand the Indigenous experience so we can truly work together. It's not not about sympathy. It's not about looking down on us. It's not about feeling sorry for us. It's actually recognizing the value we bring. Our resilience, our strength, and how we can actually help you grow your business or perform the duties that you want to as a municipality or a nonprofit. The other half of the time I'm working with First Nation communities to overcome often internalized oppression. When you've been oppressed for a long period of time, you start to believe the bs. And when you're living in a reserve that has limited supports and limited services in gets really hard or it gets really hard to believe it could be ever, ever be different. I can speak honest. And it gets really easy to give up. I mean, honestly, it is easier to stay marginalized and just give up than fight to get out. It is worth the fight. But don't judge someone for not wanting to climb the mountain. Ask yourself what When's the last time you climbed a mountain to overcome something you know you should overcome? It is so easy to judge. We got to get better at understanding what they're going through. So as I said, today I want to talk about self esteem. I'm actually going to give you a little quiz. We're going to run through the 16 questions because everyone's you need good self esteem. You got to believe in yourself. Oh, she can't do it. She has poor self esteem. It's one of those phrases my mom would have hated because it takes some huge concept and turns it into two short little words. So today, really handy, get a pen and paper or count on your fingers, whatever the case may be. The rule is it says this self esteem test is quick and simple. Answer true or false to each of the question and if you cannot answer 100% true, then answer false. That's really important. This is not about beating yourself up. This is about recognizing a barrier that's stopping you so that you can work on overcoming it. Maybe at the end I'll give you some ways On I'm a 10 year domestic abuse survivor. Trust me, I used to have zero self esteem. I believed the BS about me. I believe the abusive comments. I believed I was stupid. I believed that my kids would starve to death if I ever left. I I believed all the crap 0% of it was correct. H Another person's opinion of you is none of your business. They don't know who you are and they don't know why you're here. Creator does and you are here on purpose. But let's do the quiz first before I go off on a motivational rent. Okay? First one honesty here. Honesty. Hopefully you're doing this by yourself or with a friend. They don't need to know what your answer what your answer is. But I need you to be honest with yourself. Other people are not better off or more fortunate than me. True or false? Other people are not better off or more fortunate than I am. Number two I accept myself as I am and I'm happy with myself. This is not just settling for all your flaws. You're happy with who you are. Next. 3. I enjoy socializing. 4. I deserve love and respect. Genuinely believe you deserve love and respect. Number five I feel valued and needed. Number six I don't need others to tell me I did a good job. I know I did. I did it on purpose. Number 7 Being myself is important. Number 8 I make friends easily. Number 9 I can accept criticism without feeling put down. Number 10 I admit my mistakes openly. Number 11 I never hide my true feelings. Number 12 I always speak up for myself and put my views across. Number 13 I'm a happy carefree person. Number 14 I don't worry what others think of my views. Number 15 I don't need other people's approval to feel good. And number 16 I don't feel guilty about doing or saying what I want. So There you go. Question 1 to 16. Pause the video if you need to, go back and rewind it if you need to. You're going to give yourself one point for each true answer. So out of 16, if you answered them all true, 16 out of 16 right? If you add up how many true answers you have, okay, if you have 15 or 16 points 15 to 16 times you said. True, you have a high level of self esteem. If you got 12 to 14 points, not bad, but room for you to improve 8 to 11 points. Low self esteem is definitely holding you back from who you're meant to be and what you're meant to achieve. And below eight points, your esteem is drastically low. Now something just came to mind that we need to talk about. Some people, they identify with having low self esteem. They will not give themselves credit for every single one of those. It's almost the light now. Some people genuinely have low self esteem. That's not who I'm talking about. I'm the people. I'm talking about the people that are scared or to admit that they do like who they are. And I'm not talking about the lowest common denominator, the lowest version of yourself. Those people that are God awful and mean to each other and say it's just the way we are. No, that's not. That is horrific. And please stop doing that. If you want to believe in yourself, a couple things has to happen. One, there's nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. You may have challenges, you may have diagnosis, you may have things you can do. That's you. You are perfect just the way you are. Every single one of us has things we can improve and things that are outside our control. Yeah. Play the hand you were dealt and you play it the best as you can. You figure out how to play it. Okay. I was one of those people that believed. I actually believed. And this keeps coming up in my life and it just blows my mind. Now I am old enough. Remember I was born in 1964. I honestly believed that if I didn't have a partner, if I didn't have a husband, if I wasn't living with a significant other, that I would starve to death. That there is no way I could ever generate enough income to sustain a household on my own. I was a straight A flipping student. All of my teachers thought I was going to become a lawyer and that I could if I wanted to. I didn't happen to believe that, but that's another story. I have not only paid for my own housing and run my own life and paid for it. Not only have I done that for years, but there was a time that I did that for myself and my children. And at one point I had myself, both my kids and both their partners living with us. So you will forever be limited by the barriers you choose to defend. You will forever be limited by the barriers you choose to defend. So quit telling yourself you can't. If you insist on I can't make a good lasagna, because that happens to be true. And if you tell me it's easy, I'm gonna come right through this camera at you. What are you gonna do? This is gonna change everything. Three letters are gonna change everything. Are you ready? Add the word yet. I can't make a great lasagna yet. I have no idea how to earn a million dollars yet. I haven't got my dream job yet. I haven't found a significant partner yet. I haven't lost the weight I want to lose yet. Because you will if you really want to. You can climb those mountains if you really want to. So start adding the word yet and start believing that you can find a way. Have you found a way to survive so far? Did you learn how to walk and talk? Because those are huge. Did you learn how to open a bank account? Did you learn how to buy a ticket and go to the movies? Did you learn how to do your homework? Did you learn how to sign your name or write your name? Did you learn how to drive? Did you learn how to shovel the driveway? Just remember what I have to do next. Yet all those things you can't do yet. Because if you want to, I know you will. So take that little test just as a benchmark of where you are now. Maybe even save this video so you can watch it a year from now and see how things have changed. Isn't that an amazing idea? That would be called setting goals. And that's a way to get to where you want, even if you're not there yet. Until tomorrow. I love you. Take care. Bye. Bye.