The ONLY Place I Found Acceptance as an Indigenous Woman in Canada

Today is going to be a very real, from the heart, personal video. And that's not to say that all my videos aren't. But today we're going to get real because I've dedicated my life to Indigenous Canadian reconciliation. But the problem is if you are going to reconcile and work with and try to build bridges in a relationship with someone else, then you have to at least attempt to understand what they're going through. If your partner was hurting, you would try to understand and you would try to imagine how hard it would be to go through and know you're not going to tell them what you would do because that's what you would do and that's not what they're going to do. But you'd be there and you'd realize that minimizing what they're going through doesn't help. And you would ask questions and you would want to learn so you could get better at understanding. And I think for many Canadians, they have no idea what it's like to be Indigenous in this country. They have no idea what it's like to have so few places that are safe. And what I mean by safe is places where you feel comfortable, where you feel accepted, where you feel welcomed, where you feel valued, where you feel heard, where you feel like you can be yourself. Now, for many women of different cultural backgrounds, especially if they're racialized, marginalized people of color, they know what it's like to walk into a place and have heads turn like, what are you doing here? If those words are not said, you feel them, you hear them. Even if no one says anything. Any woman, even a Caucasian white female, walked into an all boys club. You know that feeling. The problem is for white men, there are many of them that have never known that feeling. The more privilege and power they have, the more they walk into a space, space and expect respect and even demand it. They would judge someone else for lack of service before they'd ever believe that they don't belong somewhere. And that's the problem, because they have a very hard time imagining what it is like to feel unwelcome, unaccepted, unwanted, disrespected, invisible. What I wanted to talk about today is the reality, that is the fact that there are so few safe, comfortable, welcoming spaces for Indigenous people in Canada. Even though many of us still exist on our own traditional territories, our own lands, yet we don't have the luxury of feeling accepted or comfortable or welcome. So I wanted to give you some examples today to help you understand what that feels like and Then I'm going to share the one place where I found that acceptance in my younger days. And it may not be where you think it is. In fact, many of the places that I list off, you might actually assume they would have been safe and they're not. Let's talk about it. Hi, everybody. My name is Sandy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine River First Nation in Treaty 3 Territory in Northern Ontario. And first off, I'm going to apologize for the microphone. I tend to like to keep it way more hidden, but when I have it turned the other way, it disconnects. And I shot three different videos that I then discovered didn't have sound. Anyways, today we are talking about the fact that there are so few safe spaces for indigenous people in Canada. And I don't just mean safe from physical harm or attack of any kind, verbal, physical, whatever the case may be. I'm talking about the places where we can be us, where. I don't know if you know this, but Anishinaabe, especially Anishinaabe women, we laugh loud and we make really funny faces when we do it. And we are blunt, direct. We why are you doing that? I have definitely made a few people uncomfortable with my bluntness over my life's journey. We keep it real. We laugh often because laughter is really good medicine and we, yeah, we just keep it real. Conversational English tends not to want to impress people and really don't like it when people talk down to us. But the reality is there are so few places in Canada where we can be all of that now. Now, the person I am now, my home is one of those places. My office is one of those places. Any one of my relationships that I maintain it's because it's one of those places. But with any one of my friends, I am just me. And they may laugh and say, oh my God, that's Sandy being blunt and direct again. But I can be me. And it feels like fresh air. What I wanted to do today is list off, help you understand just how rare that is. I hope you know how amazing that feels. I hope you have places where you feel accepted and if you happen to be one of those white men, I hope you can do back to back teaching and hear me and not dismiss it and not minimize it, but just imagine what it would feel to walk into a place and know almost instantaneously that this place is not meant for you and that you are not welcome here. So first off, I live in the City of Thunder Bay. You might want to Google that if that doesn't mean anything to you because this city is known nationally for its anti indigenous racism and it is well earned. That is reality. Now I'm white presenting, I can go out and unless they see my tattoos or unless they know who I am, if they know who I am and know I speak up for indigenous voices and indigenous people, yes, the attacks are going to happen. But otherwise, if my tattoos are covered up and I'm not wearing any bead work today, well then they, they, I'm going to go under the radar. But my darker skinned family and friends, including my son, are not. And it's blatant. It's easy to see if you look. And anyone who lives in the city of Thunder Bay and doesn't think it's happening or denies it's happening better get their eyes checked. Because for those who want to admit it and see it and not deny it or minimize it or excuse is blatantly obvious. Oh, and by the way, Thunder Bay, Regina, Saskatchewan, Winnipeg, on and on and on and on. When I lived in Thunder Bay or Thunder Bay, when I lived in Toronto, I definitely found acceptance largely because I'm white presenting because again, I saw, when we got into more impoverished areas of town, often large indigenous population, and I saw the racism that I knew all too well from being in this city before I moved there. And the other thing I saw was that racism was alive and well. It just may not be directed at indigenous people. And I'm sorry, racism is ugly. I don't care who it's directed at and I don't care who's throwing it. If you're indigenous throwing racism and another group, group, shame on you. You know how bad it feels. Why are you doing that to someone else? That's ridiculous. And I, I'm sorry. If you're an ally to indigenous people and you are not to other marginalized groups, let me be the first to tell you some hard truths. You're not an ally because racism is racism. And if you practice racism, you're not an ally. End of story, full stop. Another one. For many indigenous people, school is not that safe space. Whether we're talking elementary level, high school, college, university, either they're centered out and bullied for being indigenous. I know the hell my son went through for wanting to have his hair long. Absolutely ridiculous. Or like, I mean, if I hear one more case of an indigenous student being centered out by their teacher to explain some indigenous history or an indigenous worldview further centering out that child. That's ridiculous. And I hope if there's any teachers watching that, you get that. And it never seems to go anywhere. I know parents and grandparents that have gone to the school and complained and there's always excuses that they're a really good teacher and they've been here forever and I'm certain they didn't mean anything. Irrelevant. Intent is not needed to cause harm. Can we get that on a billboard or T shirts? Intent is not needed to cause harm. And that kind of action causes harm. Next. K. Truth. You would think that our Indigenous agencies would be safe spaces. And most of the time they're not. If you watched any of my videos on the evolution of the marginalized and you can go back in my videos, I'll try to put a clip here. That is where that's stage three. There's so much lateral violence, there's bullying, there's gossiping there. Who do they think they are? Baloney. A healthy. To have a healthy community or a healthy work environment, you need healthy people. And unfortunately, what I'm seeing now from some Indigenous people, they are demanding or expecting that our agencies are healthy. And I don't understand why. At what point was this group of Indigenous people given all the time and supports they need to heal? We're all on a healing journey and if we start attacking that they haven't healed yet, that is the equivalent of getting upset with someone because they're still grieving. It makes no sense. In the same vein as our Indigenous agencies would be our Indigenous communities. People look at our communities and think, oh my God, they're so uncivilized. And that's the result of what has happened to us. We didn't learn communication skills, conflict resolution, assertiveness training in residential school. And how many generations of our people went there? Then our kids got fostered out or 60, scooped out, or whatever the case may be. The parents didn't get the support to deal with what they went through. It's insanity that the demands are there that you should be healthy. If you are in a First Nation community, unfortunately, expect the unhealthy behavior. Get supports in there so they can become healthy. The next one might really surprise you. And when I realized this one, this one was heartbreaking because this should be a safe space for Indigenous people. And this is more Anishinaabe, Northern Ontario. Ontario. It's not across the nations, that's for sure. But some it applies to some nations, others it doesn't. And what I'm talking about is powwow. Powwow are the traditional gatherings where we used to gather. So once a year you met up with family and you showed off your new babies and you got to chant with the elders and the mums got to get together and the dads got to get together and you drummed and you danced and it was meant to be beautiful. Except healthy environments need healthy people. So you get a whole lot of indigenous people together and watch the gossiping and the backstabbing and they'll look at their regalia and who do they think they are? And look how fair she is. Why is she even here? And that includes the men sitting around the drums talking really inappropriately about the women and teaching the young men that are listening to do same. It is not healthy. But anywhere, and there are way too many. This is my humble opinion, but I believe it with everything in me. There are way too many indigenous indigenous people worried about winning a prize for being the best jingle dress dancer or having the best regalia or being the lead dancer or whatever the case may be. And few. Way too few people worried about being a good example of a healthy person practicing healthy teachings, using healthy words and having healthy conversations. Being a role model and not of what we don't need in our communities. Last but not least, water. I need water. This is another one of those heartbreaking ones. There are indigenous people out there that could watch this video and totally, completely argue with me. And that's because they have found so called acceptance at church, never once realizing how conditional that acceptance was, that that acceptance is conditional on their assimilation, on them having adopted the religion of the colonizer. And so often these are the very people, very devout in their Christianity, that turn on other indigenous people for being traditional and practicing traditional ceremonies and teachings. I have had elders open up events with the Lord's Prayer, and I think that's heartbreaking. That's reality. That's what they were taught, especially the survivors of the schools. I understand where it comes from, but we gotta understand where it comes from and quit thinking this is indigenous now. As I said in the opener, like, my life is amazing now. I know my power, I know my strength. I know my teachings. Not all of them. I am constantly learning. That's why I'm still here. But my home is a place where I can be me. My office is most definitely a place where people are welcome to be who they are, all of my relationships. But it wasn't always that way. And it wasn't that way for most of my life and in my younger days, when I was definitely less Empowered. Even up to 15 years ago, when I started my business, there was only one place I found total, complete acceptance of who I was, no matter how I laughed or how I spoke or how I dressed or how I looked. And that place was a barstool. Because sitting in that bar, they might want to know my first name, but that's all they needed. No one cared what part of town I lived in, what my postal code was, what kind of car I drove, or even if I had one. They didn't care how much money I made or if I even had a job. And they definitely didn't care how much money was in my bank account. You could always run a tab. They were there for their own reasons, and I was there for mine. And no one judged. 99.9% of the time, no one even asked. They were just there with open arms, willing to buy you a drink and welcome you in. And that's where I was in the first year I started my business, when I was terrified of starving to death. And would I ever be able to do this? And am I gutsy enough to share my truth? And would people listen? And could I make a living doing this? And there were times more often than I care to count or admit that I would lose myself in that bar with my girlfriend sitting beside me, always willing to join me. And the acceptance was intoxicating. And I use that word on purpose. So for all of those people, we love to judge for what they consume or the condition they're in. Maybe try walking a mile in their moccasins. Maybe ask yourself what they're escaping. Maybe ask yourself, is there any other way and any other place they can find acceptance? Because if you really heard my message today, you'd realize that depending on where they are, there might not be. We can do better. Indigenous people deserve safe, welcoming places. On indigenous lands in Canada, you are indigenous lands. Until next time. I love you. Take care. Bye bye.