Sandi L. Boucher explains why low self-esteem damages you: others' rejection doesn't change your intrinsic worth. She uses a puzzle-piece analogy to show that criticism and refusal don't diminish you, and argues that keeping your self-esteem intact matters more than chasing incompatible relationships.
Chapters
Foreign. Hi everybody. I'm Sandy Boucher, Red Thunderbolt, woman of the loon clan. I'm a proud member of Seine River First Nation in Northern Ontario. And I'm here once again to reinforce the second of the 12 principles of personal power. Now, as we've been discussing for the entire month of February, the second principle says another's opinion, past or present, is just that it does not in any way diminish your value. It is so imperative that you understand this. And, and today I want to do a little experiment with you, a little illustration to really drive home this point. So if you've ever been to one of my seminars, I talk about puzzle pieces a lot. The fact that we as individuals are made up of many, many puzzle pieces. All the things we've learned and seen and experienced and been taught, all of that stuff. And we are also an essential puzzle piece in our families, in our relationships, our in, in our communities, and on and on. So this is you. This is an amazing puzzle piece. And guess what? When this puzzle piece, when you wake up first thing in the morning, I want you to imagine that confidence wise, as soon as you wake up, you're a 10 out of 10. You are amazing. You're awesome. You get out of bed, you go look in the mirror. Now that confidence level can start coming down depending on what you say to yourself. Now personally, I can make fun of how crazy my hair looks first thing in the morning. I can like, oh my God, I look horrible. But I know I don't look horrible as an individual, I just look horrible in that moment. So it's not a shot to my confidence. In the same way that if I do something silly or even stupid, I know I'm not stupid. Maybe that action was, it's separating your identity and your confidence from these external things. So hopefully you say something really nice to yourself. Hello, you gorgeous individual. You go out and have an amazing day today. This is you. This is you with your curves and your colors and your likes and your dislikes that make you unique. But chances are really good, at some point during the day you're going to interact with another individual. Now in this case, you have some commonalities. I see the same color, you have some round parts. If this is a business relationship, maybe you two came together or a work relationship, maybe you've come together to discuss an idea. You have a new idea you think they might be interested in, so you share it with them. Or it might be a personal, potentially intimate relationship. You're attracted to them, they're Attracted to you. And the conversations start. In this example, as time goes on, you realize you don't actually fit together. That it's really not going to work. And this person is confident enough to tell you that that this business idea you were planning on doing together really not going to work for them. Or maybe the dating arrangement you were considering is really not going to work. If this person is confident enough to do that. And I'm not talking about ghosting you and letting you not know what's going on. This person is conf enough to honestly tell you that without insulting you. Just being honest. If you're a confident person, you can totally appreciate the honesty. Wow. Thank you so much. You just saved me time. That's. That's amazing. I super appreciate that. I wish you all the best. Problem is, if you are not a confident person with a healthy self esteem. When someone tells you they don't like your business idea or they're not interested in a relationship, you can start to feel like something's wrong with you. Now that's absolutely silly because you haven't changed. You're the exact puzzle piece you were before this person even came along. The fact that they showed up didn't change you, so there's nothing wrong with you. Even worse, if this person. If you are suffering from low self confidence or low self esteem, often when this person says I don't like your business idea or I'm not interested in a relationship, insecure people attack. They attack you and say something must be wrong with you for you not to see how amazing I am. That is a hurt person hurting someone. And that's why we have to get on top of this. We have to understand that your value is not in the hands of someone else. Their opinion is just that. Otherwise, do you know what happens? I'm being attacked by a cat here. Hang on a sec. We're just gonna move the cute little kitty out of the way so I can continue the scenario. What's gonna happen? This person leaves. Especially if you insulted them, they're gone. The next person comes along, same scenario. You have things in common. You start working together. Eventually, in this case, again, it's not going to work out. It doesn't fit. Again, they tell you it's not going to work. I don't even want to know what my cat just destroyed. Again, it's not going to work again. You could start feeling like there's something wrong with you. Even though you have not changed, you are exactly the same as before. This second person came along again. If you're not healed, you attack two people you've hurt. Or you can get your confidence together, you can get your self esteem together. You can realize those were their opinions and nothing more. That it did not diminish your value in any way. And eventually someone comes along and it works. You fit. Notice you're not identical. They're unique. You're unique. You still have your differences, but you have things that work together. There was nothing wrong with you. You just need to find the puzzle pieces that fit so that we can stop hurting each other. Remember, another's opinion, past or present, is just that. It does not in any way diminish your value. Next week we go on to principle number three. Until then, take care of you. I love you. Talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.
