Why the Bridges Burn ...

Bonjour Mishko pogganong kwei nadishnikas mung do dem. Hi everybody. It's Andy Boucher here once again. And today I wanted to talk about one of the reasons I see bridges burn on a regular basis. And what I'm talking about are the bridges between non Indigenous entities and Indigenous communities, people entities, nonprofits, whatever the case may be, when the cross cultural relationship crashes and burns. And there is one reason that causes that collapse, and I see it over and over again. And for the sake of the non Indigenous attempting to work with Indigenous people, I thought I might highlight this for you because it's kind of obvious to us why the bridges are burning. I'm just not sure it's obvious to our non Indigenous counterparts. So let's talk talk about it. Hello again. As I mentioned in the opening, my name is Andy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine River first nation in Treaty 3 territory in Northern Ontario. And today I'm talking about the bridges burning when the cross cultural relationship between Indigenous and non Indigenous crashes and burns. And the reason for that happening. And of course there is not only one reason, but there is one reason that rears its ugly head on a regular basis. And come to think of it, now that I'm thinking about this, I think that what is that? It was written in the sand or stars or wherever that was going to crash and burn from step one, before the original relationship, before any steps were made to start it. And by the way, this is not a video about judgment. I don't do that non Indigenous people. That is my career. On one side I'm empowering Indigenous people and on the other side I'm helping non Indigenous people understand what they don't yet understand, what they cannot see with their cultural lens. It's the back to back teaching. Again, as an Indigenous person, I can see issues and challenges that they can't see. They can see issues and challenges that we can't see. But when we respect each other and actually believe, when we share this stuff with each other, we could actually make a difference. The problem is the Indigenous voice. And the Indigenous view in these relationships is still so often minimized, minimized or dismissed. And then the bridge burns. So for those who have struggled, this is not judgment, this is society teaching you how to do this. And unfortunately, what you've been taught works in mainstream, doesn't work in a cross cultural, Indigenous, non Indigenous relationship. And what I am talking about is the authenticity of experience over Education, the authenticity of experience over education. And I mean you. It's the difference between living something and learning about something. And I hope and I pray that you can understand that when you live and go through an experience, you have a greater depth and understanding of whatever that was than being taught about it in school. Unfortunately, mainstream values education. It values. How much have you been taught? How many degrees do you have? And that feeds what I have seen. That ego that thinks I can solve your problems, even though I've never had that experience. Even if you have lived with that experience for 30, 40, 50, 60, 60 years. And that's where the bridges burn. So. So it's the difference between who you are and what you know. And authenticity is everything to Indigenous people. When someone is being real with me, vulnerable, authentic, you know, sharing their truth, that bridge is built almost instantly. But when you're coming at me with your degrees and how much you know and your experience in business over who you are, all you're doing is making me nervous. All you're doing is making me wonder, what are you hiding? It's why so many Indigenous nations, we're, to use a Christian phrase for a second, we're going to break bread first. We're going to sit and have a feast together. Together. We're going to have a meal together. Not to discuss business. I need to know who you are. I need to know the things you were taught, where you were raised, the things you believe. When I know those things about you, we can start building a bridge for so many Indigenous people now. And I don't think it's a surprise to any that many Indigenous people living within Canadian borders are impoverished. And my experience as an impoverished person in my past and working with many impoverished people, impoverished comes with its own layer of authenticity. And if you don't believe me, watch the houseless population. Okay? That would be gross. Don't sit around watching people, like, give them some kind of dignity. But if you do end up interacting with any houseless people, they do not have the luxury of putting on airs. They are who they are. They need what they need. This is as real as it gets. That facade, that fake image that presenting yourself as someone you're not is a luxury. It is a privilege. And the impoverished don't bother now going out on a dangerous limb here because we live in a time, in an era where people are spitting out some really ugly stuff, stuff that used to remember the days when we didn't talk about politics or religion, that those were topics off, off the table. And now everyone does to the point that mine is better than yours, that I don't care what you think. Again, social contract just burning. I believe that if you don't care how your actions or words are affecting another people, another person, that you need to go live on an island by yourself because you need to care as part of society, if you want us to care about what your experience, you need to care. Teach other people how to treat you. You need to care about other people. And I know a lot of people are at the end of their rope and they just can't. They don't want to care about other people because no one's caring about them. It starts with you. Teach other people how to treat you. You want people to care about you. Care about other people. You want people to treat you with respect. Respect other people. You want people to treat you with kindness. Be kind to other people. Teach them how. And for the impoverished, we don't have the luxury of pretending to be anything else. And this. Thinking about this video and preparing for this video for you, it reminded me of an experience I had and I never forgot, even though I have no idea what that person's name was. I only spoke to him for 5, 10 minutes. What he said has stuck with me. And I would have met him, God, 30 years ago. I didn't want to do the math on that. Late 20s, early 30s, and I'm about to turn 60. So 30 years ago, so I was in my 20s, I'm going to say 27, 28, single mom, working full time, struggling to make ends meet. My kids were like three and five, working full time, raising them as a single parent, it was ridiculous. And my escape from my re. And it was. That's what it was, was on Friday, Saturday nights, me and my girlfriend, my best friend, used to go out to a local bar and we would dance and we would have a few drinks and. And for one evening or two evenings, for the time I was there, I didn't have to think about the bills or how I was going to raise my kids on my own or how I was going to get past how exhausted I was. It was the escape. And you can judge me all you want for doing it. It's what I did. I can't change the past. And for that time, it worked. And, I mean, I was nice enough looking then. My girlfriend is beautiful, always has been. And we were at the club one night and, you know, having a drink, listening to the music, getting up to dance every now and then. And this young man came to speak to Me. And you know, he was hitting on me, let's put it that way. And he just by the way he was phrasing things. I can't remember what he exactly said, but just by the way he was phrasing things. He assumed I was successful. He assumed I was a professional or something, that I had a career. And I found this very interesting. So I just let him talk for a while and then finally I stopped him and I do you mind if I ask you a question? And he agreed. And I said, like, you've made some assumptions about me. You know, that I'm a professional and that I have this great career. And like, why. I'm just wondering what, what led you to make that assumption. I will never forget his words. Four words that probably became the roots of the career I have now. And all he said was, because poverty is ugly. He assumed I had money. He assumed I had, I was successful because I looked nice. Didn't realize the outfit I was wearing I bought at the secondhand store. Didn't realize I had 10 bucks to enjoy my evening because I couldn't afford to spend any more than that. It just blew me away, the assumption that was made. And I think that goes both ways. I have met incredibly wise people that were totally impoverished and disregarded by other people. My mom was an incredibly wise woman who was disregarded as an ignorant Indian who didn't know anything. The assumptions we make is just absolutely ridiculous. So if you truly want to help, whatever your work is, set down the ego. This is not about how much you learned. How about find out what the people you're trying to help know. Listen to their wisdom, listen to their lived experience. No, they don't have your degrees. They don't have your certificates. They have life experience. They have the lived truth. And if you really want to build the bridge, start. Start seeing past the judgments that you may have of how they look and how they're dressed, the assumptions you want to make, put those aside and make room for actually learning who that person is. Because those people in the communities with under boil water advisories for decades know how to laugh in the face of adversity. They know how to laugh in the face of grief. They are some of the strongest people living on Turtle island and it's time we start seeing them that way. If you could just change your lens just a teeny bit, I hope that made sense. It has been an amazing week. I am hoping I have a voice for you next week. But it's busy season for me, which means a lot of seminars and a lot of speeches and we can pray until next week. You take care of you. I love you. Take care. Bye. Bye.