Why We Don't Hang with Non Indigenous People ...

Hello, you absolutely amazing person, you, problem. To the people on my daily email list, I may or may not have lied to you. So here's the thing. I told you I was going to do one thing in today's video, but I'm definitely going to do another thing. If it doesn't take too long, I'll do what I promised at the end. And that probably didn't make sense to 99.9% of you watching this video. That's okay. Let's talk about it. Hi, everyone. My name is Sandy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine River First Nation in Treaty 3 Territory in Northern Ontario, Canada. And as you can tell, the office has changed again. Those tech goblins almost took me a goblins, Gremlins, whoever they are. So that's why there wasn't a video yesterday. Hopefully this one works well. We're not going to have any issues and life will be good. Now, before I talk about what I promised to do today, we're going to talk about what I want to talk about. Have you ever wondered, well, I've definitely heard people say, if it's so bad in the communities, why do Indigenous people keep going back? So that's one side. Or if you've ever wondered why Indigenous hang out with Indigenous, like almost exclusively, that's what I want to focus on today because I don't think you realize the reason. And guess what? It's not racism. So remember the wall metaphor, right? I talked about this last week in a couple of videos. So there's the three groups of people, there's people like me that are up dancing on the wall and I can jump off in the middle of Toronto or Vancouver or jump off in the middle of Martin Falls First Nation or Ganoogaming or or Sandy Lake or whatever the case may be. And I know who I am. I know my humility teachings. I know how to be respectful. So I'm good. And there's a whole bunch of us woke people. That is not a negative. That's actually a pat on the back. There's a whole bunch of us who from different backgrounds and we're dancing on the wall and it's amazing. That was the first group, the second group I've described as often, that's where our allies are. It's the people touching the wall that they want to get up on the wall and they want to be able to dance with us. But they're lacking information. They don't have enough knowledge yet. This is also where a little bit of knowledge can be dangerous. They have include into the humility teaching. They think they have all the answers and they end up either causing harm or getting called out and feeling pretty bad about it. And then the third group are the people so far away from the wall, you recognize them because they say things like, why bother? Why bother trying to learn how to work with indigenous people? They're never going to get it together. Indigenous people saying, why bother? Canada is never going to respect us, so why even try? So there's the three groups that belong to in the wall metaphor. But when it comes to indigenous hanging out with indigenous and being really leery of hanging out with other people, the wall metaphor, excuse me, the wall metaphor does an amazing job of explaining that. So imagine for the sake of this, this discussion that it's indigenous people dancing on the wall. This is why we go back to our communities. This is why we hang out with each other. Because I can hang out with my indigenous friends and share something that someone said that frustrated me or I felt disrespected or whatever. And all I have to tell them is what was said. And they just look at me like, seriously, they said that. Like, they get it. They so get it. It's like hanging out with your best friends. It's like eating your favorite comfort food. It's a breath of fresh air. It's a whole bunch of people who get it. Now, of course, like, I know, me personally, I enjoy meeting new people. So I don't want to just hang out with indigenous 90% of the time. But the allies and the people that are potentially allies are the ones touching the wall. It is a very rare ally that I see dancing on the wall. Very rarely has someone had enough teachings and have enough respect and enough humility to understand they're dancing on the wall with us, but not one of us. Right? They cross that line. So there's very, very few dancing on the wall. Most allies are touching the wall. There are non indigenous friends. And can I just say, if you want to be friends with an indigenous person, you darn well better be an ally. If you are not defending indigenous peoples and indigenous issues and explaining things when we're not around. You're not a friend or an ally just putting that out there. So the allies are touching the wall. They. They know they have things to learn. And for the ones they want to be on the wall, they want to be that amazing ally. But honestly, most allies watching this video right now would say, like, I could never be on the Wall. I would never understand anything, all of it. I'm just going to stay here. And it's that humility teaching that makes them such an amazing ally, that they are so realistic in the fact that they have limited knowledge that they tend not to overstep because they understand. It's their lack of knowledge. But here's why so many indigenous, me included, sometimes have a hard time hanging out with non indigenous, even allies. It's because you guys are exhausting. It is exhausting. Just when we think we're comfortable. Just when we think maybe you are on the wall with us. Yes. Say something or do something that reminds us you're not. And this is where the group separates and we find out, is this person going to be an ally or. They're never going to be. And it's when you do something wrong as an ally or a potential ally, because it's gonna happen. Right. This is not your culture, not your teaching. So of course there's going to be missteps from time to time. And we points that out and you react in one of two ways. An ally is going to react with humility. Wow. Oh, my. You know what? I get it now. I get it. I didn't even realize it. You're right. Thank you so much for pointing that out to me and explaining it to me. I had no clue. I definitely will do better in the future. Humility teaching. That is an ally. That is a person that has the potential of dancing on the wall or. And unfortunately this happens more often than not. They respond with ego. Do you know who I am? I have worked in Indigenous communities for how many years? I know what I'm talking about. I am qualified to say and comment on the conditions in the communities or. What was the other one I wrote down? Yes, Handy dandy index card. I wrote down another one. Oh, defending like. Well, you know, like what they're doing is really wrong. And I. I have the facts. I know, like I should be able to call that out even when it's not their place. If you're a non indigenous person and you're calling out the actions of an indigenous person, you're already on the wrong side of the feather. You're already proving you're not an ally. Remember, it's not. Judgment burns bridges. Humility builds them. Ask the questions. I don't understand why this is happening. I don't understand why Indigenous people don't do this or that. That's beautiful. That's humility. So the next time you see a bunch of indigenous people hanging out together and they don't feel. It doesn't feel warm and fuzzy when you walk over. As a non indigenous person, understand they might just be taking five minutes to enjoy the fresh air. They're enjoying hanging out with someone who gets it. And you potentially could be very exhausting. Maybe not, but maybe you are. And we won't know until we put in the time and effort. And if you prove to be exhausting that all we're left with is exhaustion, I hope that makes sense. I hope and I understand humility teaching is not a teaching that is common in mainstream Canadian culture. But if you want to work with indigenous people, if you want to be our friends, if you want to be someone that we enjoy hanging out with, then you need to embrace humility teaching. Forget the ego, get okay with saying you don't know, you don't understand. Holy moly's. There is so much I don't understand. Does that make me a less person? Of course not. Of course not makes me an authentic one. Which is something else that came to my mind earlier. The two traits that you need to even have a shot at being an ally or a friend of ours, Authenticity and. Oh, what was the other one? Authenticity and patience. Right. So you have to be real, authenticity and honest I guess is you have to be who you say you are. Because we're on guard until we figure out who you are. And if what you say is not congruent with who you are, we're picking up on that. And that's flashing red light. Don't trust this person. You have to be honest enough, vulnerable enough to be able to say I don't understand. I don't. Can I do this? Is this okay? We appreciate the questions and. And you have to be brave enough to do that. So get comfy with who you are before you try to amalgamate yourself into who we are. And by the way, why? Why are you so hell bent to hang out with a bunch of indigenous people? If you want to be inclusive, I get it. But if you just put us on some fake pedestal and think we're all that in a bag of chips because of our teachings and you want extraction mentality, you want to be able to absorb those teachings and use them, then please stop. Stay the hell hell away from us. Seriously? Seriously. So if you wonder why we're not embracing non indigenous is not because we're being racist. It's just we do a lot of hard work every single day. Especially anyone who deals with anti indigenous races or more deals with missing and Murdered indigenous women and girls, deals with super suicide epidemics, deals with youth in care, deals with, you know, the health crisis, the mental health crisis, addictions. Our work is not easy. The indigenous path is not easy. And if you desperately wish that you were indigenous, that proves to me you have no idea what our path is. So keep it in mind, don't judge, understand, and please back up and let us enjoy our fresh air. I do have time. That didn't take as long as I thought. So what I had promised to the people on my email list was this entire channel. All my work that I do is sharing what things look like through indigenous eyes. It's the back to back teaching. I know you can't see this corner of the room that I'm staring at, so. So I'm going to describe to you what it looks like. And no, you're never going to see it that way. But if you listen to us and believe us and incorporate it into what you're doing, we can actually build bridges. So what I had promised to do was I was going to share. Well, I picked four. Is anyone surprised that I chose four? No, I picked four different scenarios. And what I was curious is what goes through your mind or what do you see in each of these scenarios? And then of course I'm going to ask the question and then of course I'll share with you what it looks like through indigenous eyes. But whatever your cultural background is, whether you, you consider yourself true blue Canadian or you have another cultural background, whatever the case may be, I would love to hear and you, you know, sit with it first, don't just rapidly type, think about what goes through your mind. What would you think? What would you say? What would you see in these scenarios? So, for example, which is a perfect lead in, give me the easy one first. The first scenario is you're at a meeting of a whole bunch of different people discussing some topic that you're interested in. And someone at the meeting says, but it doesn't look that way to me. What are you thinking? What are you seeing? What are you feeling? Now for me as Anishinaabe Kwei, are you really surprised? It's back to back teaching for me, I want to hear because this is a person that has a perspective that is different from mine. And if I listen and accept it as truth because it's their truth, who am I to deny that? Then I get to see the whole room. And maybe the initiative we're working on is not being inclusive or is even going as far as being disrespectful. Or harmful. We need to listen to that different perspective. So to me, that's a learning opportunity is what I see. What do you see? And be honest, because I've met a whole bunch of people. I've been at those meetings when someone says that and what the other people at the table see is a troublemaker, someone who's gonna make this meeting last even longer, someone that they don't want to know. Second scenario. Okay, so I want you to imagine now you're job hunting. You know, you got your qualifications, you know the kind of job you're looking for, and you see an ad on a job board, whatever the case may be, for the type of job you're looking for. What do you see? What do you feel? What are you thinking? I can honestly say, as Anishna be quay, I see that and I get excited for a moment because that's exactly the position I'm looking for. And then I go into. But what is this company? What is their track record? How many indigenous people have worked there? How many do work there, like percent of staff? What is the turnover in this position? Is it a brand new position or has there been people before me? And what kind of power and authority comes with that position? Is it the Indian in the cupboard type? Just pull me out when you need guidance on indigenous issues and put me back in. But I have no authority to. And you're going to make whatever decisions, I'm going to be the one that has to explain it to indigenous communities. What is the. Is this a safe space for indigenous people? Am I going to have to listen to jokes that are not funny? Am I going to have to listen to stereotypical comments about indigenous people in the lunchroom or on coffee break? That's what's going through my mind. That's what I see. What did you see? No shame, no guilt. You saw what you saw. I'd love to hear it in the comments. The third scenario. Oh, this one happens all the time. And this, by the way, this process is called unpacking, right? This is where you stop and think, where did that thought come from? Why do I feel uncomfortable? And instead of just being uncomfortable, you unpack it, you look at what causes it and maybe you can actually change it because you realize it's just some old teaching that doesn't even apply anymore. You know, more now, some old stereotype you want to discard. The third scenario is you're in a room, whether it's the lunchroom or a restaurant or whatever, nail salon, whatever nail Salon comes to mind because this happens often. And nail salon, or at least in the one I would go to. What do you see? What do you feel? What are you thinking? When you're in a room with people that are not speaking a language you understand and they're talking to each other, what do you think? As Anishnaabe kwe, I always smile when that happens. I am happy for them. I am happy that they've maintained their language. I'm happy that they have other people to speak their language with. To me, I'm viewing yet another group dancing on the wall. Not the same wall I'm on, but a different section of the wall. And it's amazing to see. But I've also seen many non, indigenous, non, whatever language is being spoken, get really upset and offended. Like, they're so insecure they must be talking about us. It's like, that's a horrible negative lens to be looking at the world through. Like, seriously, you're just going to assume that they're talking about her boyfriend or they're talking about what a pain in the butt their kids are, or they're talking about the movie they saw last night that they couldn't believe how great or ridiculous it was. They're talking about the things like we time. By the way, if you think they're gossiping about you, is that because that's what. What you do in a group of your friends when someone else is nearby? Is that the pot calling the kettle black? That's up to you to decide, number four. Well, I'm going to bring this full circle back to the point I made at the beginning of this video. Number four. Is someone telling you what you said is offensive. If you. Let's remember, intent is not required to cause harm. If someone tells you what you said is offensive, your first course of action has to be to apologize. Sorry, that was. I'm not even sure how it is, but the onus is not on you to teach me that. I will figure it out. If you want to share some insight, I'd love to learn, but I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to to. Because I just offended you. So I'm sorry for that. And. And I will do better to. And I will learn more so that I don't do that again. You don't go to the ego. You don't go to the defensiveness. You don't go to. Well, you misinterpreted me. You don't attack. You apologize. That's how it looks through indigenous eyes. So again, as I close off this video. Don't judge us for hanging out together. Just like everyone else. Sometimes we just desperately need, you know, some fresh air. I hope that made sense. Until tomorrow. I love you. Take care. Bye. Bye.