How To Talk To Kids About The Climate Crisis

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Hi, welcome to Talking Sense, a podcast with me, Dr. Marta. I'm a clinical psychologist trained in family therapy and and every week I answer one of your real life questions offering you psychological understandings, ideas and suggestions to guide you. Before we begin, I always like to give you a small moment of pause. Today I invite you to put one hand on your heart center and just notice. How are you feeling today? How's your heart today? Is it open? Is it closed? Is it feeling a little bit anxious? You don't have to judge any of it. Just notice. And when you're ready, let's begin.

Today's question is about how we speak to our children about the climate crisis. Crisis. I know this is something so many adults and children alike are concerned about. So let's have a listen. Hi Dr. Marta, I hope you're well. My question relates to how do we prepare our children to be resilient in the face of our rapidly changing world? My question, I guess relates to how do we actually talk to our children about the climate crisis and, you know, all of these really difficult topics in an age appropriate way that educates and empowers them, but also doesn't riddle them with anxiety and worry. Thank you so much. So, firstly, I really want to say thank you for this question because I do think it's a concern that many, many, many, many are having. And actually, I think it's a healthy concern to have. One of the things about anxiety that I don't think is spoken about a lot is that it's a really important, healthy emotion. There is nothing bad about having anxiety. It's there to tell us that something important is going on and that we have to pay attention. And often it's telling us we need to take some form of action. Often anxiety, the way I think about it in a reframing position, is to consider that it's there to help you plan and adjust something that is happening or about to happen that doesn't feel quite right to our body. So if you're worried about climate change and the impact this is going to have on future generations, including our children, I want you to know that you're definitely not alone. There are frightening predictions out there. And for children, this is not just a concern. It is probably something that they're going to be living through. They're going to be experiencing the impact of how we have been living as humans for the past 20 to 50 years and they're going to experience it in real life. So of course this is going to bring up anxiety and worries for you. And if it does, I want you to know you're not alone. But also, this is healthy, this is important. And as somebody who also feels deeply the ideas around the climate crisis, I think it's something that we need to consider as realistic and individually consider how we take positive action towards this and, and how we support our children in understanding what we're doing in terms of action or activism and how we support our children to take small steps towards this too. Because one of the things that helps the most with anxiety is when we have a sense of control. And I think with climate change, it can feel like a different story. It can feel like a situation where the threat is really clear. Lots of powerful people, such as good governments, are not really considering that this is true. And therefore lots of people, you, me, children, have to hold on to this anxiety and try and muddle through it. One of the issues with this is that it can feel like we're not doing enough, like these tiny little actions that we make or that we consider or we think about or we plan through are not going to make a big enough impact to our overall climate change. But this is my hope, my belief that actually individually, we can take action and we do have power. And of course, if we did this, all of us together joined forces as a society more than as a society, you know, as a culture of humanity. If we all joined forces and said, this is our world, this is our Earth, this is what we need to protect at all costs. Because if it's not here in the next 100 years, none of us will be here. So we need to be really kind of aware of this and work together. Of course, there's power in numbers. And I really believe that the more we talk about the climate crisis, we, with positive action, not just anxiety, the more we can reframe the idea of anxiety around the climate crisis into something that is more like activism towards our joint futures on this planet together. So, for me, we need to help shift anxiety into activism. And I'm going to show you how, how to try and implement this on an everyday basis. Small steps that can really make a difference to you, to your family, and to all of us in general on this planet Earth. So first, let's talk a little bit about worries and anxiety around the climate. Because often this is the first step when children come up to you and talk about it. They've heard about it at school. School, or they've become aware of something in the news. It's really important that we validate children's fears because they're based on reality and they're real. So if your child brings something frightening to you that they have heard about the climate crisis, I want you to validate that emotion. Okay. I want you to basically say to your child, this anxiety or worry that you have is real. And that might sound something like that news you've just heard. I understand why you're scared. Please tell me more about what's worrying you. I'm worried about this, too. It's really healthy for our children to hear us say that. We're also worried about something around the climate change. It's really normalizing of their anxieties and their worries, and it can open up a conversation between you about what you're worried about and, and what steps you're going to take. Now, at the same time, this is also important. We want to really balance the validation of the fear and the worry alongside something like bravery or being able to take action, having a sense of agency. Because if we just allow the anxiety about the climate crisis to sit in our children's bodies without moving it through positive action, then we're leaving children and ourselves unable to deal with these anxious feelings. And like I said at the beginning in the introduction of this podcast, I know it can feel like very tiny steps towards a massive goal that we need to contribute to more as an entire society, like, worldwide. And it's important to help children feel like they can take some control over this. So you might say something like, I know this is really worrying you, and it makes so much sense, but I also know that we can work together to find ways of making this better. Shall we have a think about what small steps we can take that can help with the worry that your child has, which might be reducing carbon emissions, which might be recycling, which might be loads and loads and loads of things. So I'm going to talk about those in a second. But I do want you to find a balance between anxiety around the climate crisis, which is real and factual and valid 100%, and the ability to take control and have a sense of agency around this, because otherwise what happens is we feel hopeless, helpless, and completely stuck, and that is not a useful position to be in. Okay? When we just feel stuck and we can't take action, that's when things can get really challenging for our children and for ourselves, because then children are just moving through their day by day with lots of anxiety inside their bodies. So what we want to do is shift anxiety and into activism. And if what we're doing right now, as parents of my generation, is creating children and young people who become, you know, climate activists, then that is wonderful. You know, it's in my mind as well. You know, I've got a part of me that says, it's kind of too late. It should have been what our generation did, but our generation didn't have the knowledge, didn't have, you know, the information that we have now didn't possibly have this sense of agency and activism that was passed down from the generation before us. They didn't because they didn't know either. So rather than think about blame or to look back and think we got it wrong, which we did, and we need to accept that. For me, it's about how we move forward from here. We can't go backwards, but we can definitely change the future. Like, I really believe in our communal empowerment of changing the narrative of this climate crisis. I believe in that. And if you're listening to this podcast, then I've got a sense that you probably believe in that, too. So let's make our children feel like we are part of this and they can believe in it and they can take positive actions alongside us. Because what we role model, the words we use, the actions we take, they're going to make a huge difference to our children in being able to consider this is possible. I can do this, too. So before I dive a little bit into taking action with your child alongside your child, I also want to just touch on the fact that anxiety often needs help to calm down. Okay? It's not about fixing it because we can't. Like, the climate crisis is such a good example of a worry or an anxiety that we can't just fix and take away, but we need to learn strategies to help soothe the anxiety in our bodies and give our children some coping tools so that they can do this, too. So one of these kind of really simple strategies is to learn how to breathe through anxiety. And there are lots of breath techniques, but one of the most powerful ones, which is the one that I try and teach everyone, regardless of age, is the one where you breathe out for longer than you breathe in. Now, I know I've practiced this once, I think, at the beginning of a podcast, but this is a really good excuse for us to consider it again. And it's really simple and very effective. But our bodies learn through practice, okay? So relaxation and calming our nervous system becomes more and more effective the more we do some of these breathing practices. And one of the things that is true is we can't control our thoughts. Our minds have the ability to chatter all the time, and we need to see thoughts as just being that. Ideas, images, words that come into our mind, but we don't have to hold on to them too tightly if we don't want to. But the one thing we always have control over, which we often don't think we do because it's so automatic, is how we breathe. So tiny, tiny little exercise for you to try. Just breathe in for a count of three. I'm going to try and do it with you. And then I want you to breathe out for a count of six. And then we're going to extend it. So let's try just that. Breathe in for a count of three.

Breathe out for a count of six.

Great. Now try that again, but this time, try and breathe out for a count of eight.

Breathe in for a count of three.

This is the kind of exercise that works really well when you do it three to four times in a row, and you just extend your breath up to a count of eight. If you can do it up to a count of 10, that's even better. But eight is enough. And you do it at time like now, listening to this podcast, which hopefully means that you're in a pretty calm, relaxed state, or so I'm hoping. And when you do that, your body starts to learn. This breath brings calm and it will be calming you, it will be calming your nervous system, and it will be slowing down your heartbeat and deepening your breath. Now, at times of anxiety or worry, you can use this exercise. Exercise, and it will bring you back to a state of calm. And it's such a simple exercise that you can do as a guided meditation with your child, no matter how old they are. With really little ones, one of the things that I always suggest is either use bubbles like a bubble wand or use a little candle. So if you're using a bubble wand or a candle, it can really help children learn how to blow and extra slow when they're blowing out, because if they blow too hard, the candle goes off and the bubble, instead of creating a really big fat one, which is the aim of this game, you just end up having lots of tiny little bubbles. So even with little children, you can do this. And I've been practicing this with my child since she was 2 and she is, you know, she's not a master at it. She, she's a four and a half year old, but she is very good at it. And at times when I feel like the worries are escalating, we will talk about it and I will say to her, shall we do some breaths together? And she knows what I mean. She tends to put her hand on her heart and she will blow very slowly, as slowly as she can. So do this for yourself and do this with your child, no matter how old they are. Because for me, it's a really important thing that when we experience intense emotions, we also have practical ways of managing anxiety. And when we do that, then we're able to switch our thinking brains back on so that we can consider what actions we need or can take.

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Now let's take a moment to think about how to take action and how.

Encourage embed this within our everyday lives. Now for everybody, adults, children alike, taking action and contributing to solving a problem is incredibly empowering. And one of the unique aspects of climate anxiety is that you can take individual steps to address this problem. And turning our worries into activism is such a powerful way of shrinking anxiety because it gives us as adults and our children a real sense of agency. I have control over this. I can take steps towards the goal that I want to achieve, towards a goal that hopefully benefits not just me as an individual, but benefits our wider community as humans on this planet. So for me, this is really important to think about and reflect on. And before I think about some ideas, I want to tell you just very explicitly that these are not kind of limited ideas, okay? This is not like an entire breadth of all the things that you could do with your child. It's unlimited. And what works for you and your family is very, very, very unique. There are lots of people who take daily steps that are incredibly powerful for our climate. That might be things like owning an electric car or not owning a car at all. And for some families, that is just practically impossible right now because of the context of their family, because of what they need to be able to do day by day. So I want you to know that actually comparing your active steps to others can be really unhelpful because when we're taking individual activism steps, we need to consider that they are individualistic to us and every little step matters. So even if you're not the person on the bike or on the bus, you are the person in an SUV car, okay? Petrol car, whatever it is, and we know that that contributes to, to the climate crisis. You may be doing other things that help, which might be recycling, which might be using less plastic and being really considerate about how you do that, or it could be as simple as making sure that you're growing pollinator plants in your balcony or in your garden. Now, you may have heard those three little examples, and they've just come out of my mind as I'm talking. Think. Well, some of those outweigh more than others. And the issue here is that if we just use that kind of comparison, it can make some people feel like what they're doing is not enough. So what's the point? And where I want to shift, you, me, all of us, is that taking any of these steps is important, that the more intentional we are in taking steps to help with the climate crisis, and that we just accept that sometimes there are steps that individually we find too difficult and therefore we cannot do that is really, really, really important. Okay, we can't all take the same steps at the moment. I agree that obviously if our governments were more engaged in this, then maybe there would be easier solutions for all of us and active steps that we could all feel empowered to take to get together. But at the moment, I do believe that it's about taking the steps that make sense for you and your family and embedding them into your everyday so they're no longer tokenistic. They are part of your everyday life. They are part of how you're educating your child on the active steps that can keep our world healthy and protect our climate as much as possible. So I'm going to share some ideas. And just remember, even if your actions seem really small, there is collective strength in this. Pick the things that you think make sense for you and your family. And also just notice the things that you're already doing, some of which you may not have considered, are steps towards protecting our climate. So for me, little ones, from the beginning, spend time in nature with your child. Help them develop a sense of love for the animals, the plants, the insects, so that what they want to do is take care of them, expand their curiosity around nature. And again, this is such a simple thing that you can do from as soon as your baby is born, which is walk around, you know, parks, forests, look at plants, do sensory things like, you know, touch the herbs and smell them. Help your child have a joy or passion for gardening. Grow things from seed, even if you only have a balcony. You can grow a tomato plant, you can grow a strawberry plant. This seems so simple, and yet we know through lots of evidence that when children spend more time in nature, when they interact with nature in these very simple ways, very kind of instinctive ways, you know, Touching leaves, looking at flowers, figuring out how to care for plants and nature. What we do is bring out this sense of I want to look after it. And when we want to look after our plants and our animals, I really think that's a foundational step towards activism in protecting our planet. So think about those things and they don't have to be big, okay? They can be really small. Even if you don't have a garden, you can have indoor plants and you can grow things from seed. Another kind of powerful, simple action that you can take and embed into your everyday, which I believe most people do. But even in the uk, I know there are postcodes that are still not doing this. So yes, there are governments, councils that are still not recycling. And recycling is such a simple action, daily action that we can do that can really care for our planet. So think about litter picking in your community. Do it as a regular activity. So we do this in the woods. I've done it on the beaches when I go out on a holiday with my child. And children love this, by the way. It's great fun. And you can talk about nature and you can talk about why suddenly there's litter on a beach or why we're picking up, you know, packets of crisps in a forest. It's really important. And what they see is that you're there with a bag ready to litter pick and you do it as a family activity. And I'm serious that I do this with my child. We've done it around the world when we've gone traveling and it's really powerful. It's really given her that sense of we don't throw rubbish children just anywhere. And recycling is important and we want to protect our fish and our plants and our animals. If you can recycle and compost in your own house. And like I said, there is a little bit of a postcode lottery even in the uk, Please do. Even if it means that what you have to do is go to the skip to do the recycling, consider doing it. You don't have to do it every week, maybe you do it once a month, but it can be such a powerful action that your children begin to learn it is important in protecting our climate. We know about plastic being really difficult to kind of do anything with when it's out there already. So consider, first of all, reusing plastic as much as you can. Think about buying things that are made of plastic secondhand. So kind of like the circular economy. Think about buying and reusing. There are so many, so many forums out There that often secondhand. Everything from Vinted to Facebook community groups, there's so much out there. So really consider do you have to buy things brand new or is there a way you can buy them secondhand which is one, cheaper and two, really great for kind of reusing things? And particularly with children, I think of toys. So my daughter mainly has second hand toys and if they're plastic, I actually quite like it because I can wash them, because I can put them in the dishwasher and clean them really well and then offer them as though they're brand new. Little ones don't care about boxes, they don't know that it's brand new. They just care about the toy and the smaller they are, the easier it is to kind of do this. So consider that. And then when your child is done with those toys, consider passing them on to a friend or to another in your community. You know, let's, let's not try and get lots of brand new plastic. Let's try and keep it flowing in a way that makes sense for both our environment, but also ourselves and our economy. Similarly, consider where and what clothes you buy for you and for your child. Our children grow really fast, so they often need new clothes and that makes sense. And I'm going to caveat here, clothing is really expensive. So you know, I can't ask you all to go out and just buy like expensive brands that do clothes in sustainable ways, which is ideal. But really I feel like all brands should be doing this. But we also know that things like fast fashion are one of the worst things for our climate crisis. Like there is so much research on this and how, how much it pollutes our climate. So one of the things that you can look into is buying pre loved secondhand and vintage options. Now this is something I will genuinely be very honest about. I only really personally got into it just before I had my first child. And most of my clothes are either pre loved or vintage. They are second hand. I don't tend to go to big shops to buy clothes. I really avoid that as much as possible. A lot of my maternity clothes and my child's clothes have been hand me downs from friends, from family, from neighbors in my community. And we do the circular economy thing where we recycle it with each other. And it can feel really strange at first is what I'm going to say. Okay, when you're used to just going to a shop trying on clothes and buying them brand new, it can feel really weird to buy them from somewhere that somebody's already worn it, and particularly when they're hand me downs or they're things that are like vintage pieces. One of the things that I've been really struck by by personally is that they can be a real joy and pleasure in wearing an item of clothing that has memories from someone else, possibly somebody that you like, that you're familiar with or you're friendly with. And when it comes to kind of pre loved and vintage pieces from strangers, there is some kind of freedom in the fact that not every piece comes in every size. So if you really like a dress and it doesn't come in your size, and you may have to wear it baggier than you usually would if you really like it, or you may find that actually the sizes on the item don't really matter because what matters is how you're going to wear this piece and how it makes you feel overall. And in the end, there's something very unique about buying pieces of clothing that are pre loved and vintage because not everybody has them anymore. They're not the trend or the current fashion. And it can be just really uplifting to feel very unique and very individual in your clothes. And when it comes to children, to me it makes so much more sense financially to buy them pre loved or secondhand. They're cheaper, sometimes they're more comfortable, particularly like jeans and things for little kids, they're just a bit worn, which means that they're a bit softer. But also like with all the hand me downs, it's so much better than having to spend hundreds and hundreds of pounds a year just to keep your child fully clothed. Now, of course there's going to be things that you do buy brand new, whether it's underwear, whether it's school uniforms, any of those kind of things. It's going to happen. And you know, there's part of me that thinks just accept it, you know, just accept you can't do everything. And the little steps that you take can make a really big difference too. Another thing that is important that I know can be controversial before I even say it, but I do think we should all be considering this, which is about being really mindful of how much meat we consume, how far it's traveled to your plate, where does it come from? How have these animals been treated? Now, not everybody can be vegan or vegetarian for lots of complicated reasons, and I'm not going to go into that. But to me there is a privilege and a socioeconomic difference in being able to eat in these ways. And also there is a health component like not everybody can eat vegetarian and vegan and be fully healthy and okay. So whatever you do, and when it comes to food, I would really consider, you know, where do your fruits and vegetables come from? How far have they traveled to your plate? What about the meat? Where has it been? Or the fish? Really think about these things. Again, small steps, just creating awareness. And like, noticing when you buy something in a shop where it's come from can be a big enough shift because it can help you think intentionally, consciously. Do I need to buy this fruit over this other one? This one has traveled, you know, over continents and this one is local. Which one is the one that I need? Just that tiny thought can be the beginning of taking a new active step in protecting our climate. Finally, you can also involve your child actively in a conservation charity or thinking about climate change. And there are some really good organizations out there like Climate Action Families and also Parents for Future. And they have also some great ideas of ways that you can get involved and you can engage and invite your child to join you in taking active steps to both shrink anxiety around the climate crisis by empowering you to take steps that protect and look out for our climate for all of us. Finally, I just want to say, try and keep this conversation going in your home. If you feel able to, it's okay to remind children that this anxiety and the worries are real. Remind your child that lots of adults are working towards finding solutions, that they're not alone, that there are adults who are responsible to look out for children's well being and children's future and they are working together towards this, because they are. And remind them that it's okay for them to be worried and that if they worry that they can come to you and you can have a conversation and you can think together about what active steps make sense in order to give them a sense of control and, and help them feel like they are fighting climate change. And it's okay to do this in tiny small steps. The tiny small steps build into bigger actions. Collectively, it is better to do something small and sustainable every day than try and do something massive that you can't keep up. And it's just a token and we're coming to an end. I feel like this conversation could go on for a lot longer. So I hope that what I've offered you is enough to help you think about how to support your child, but also take some active steps for yourself, your family and all of us together. I really do believe we're all in this together. And if you've listened to this podcast. I'm very grateful because I know that you're in my tribe and you're one of those people who wants to protect our Earth for the next generation.

So just remember, you're not alone. These tiny steps we're all doing, they are contributing to something greater. And if you have enjoyed this podcast, feel free to rate or review on the app you listened. It really helps others know whether this is a podcast for them. And if you'd like to find out more about how to engage your child's cooperation and willingness, then have a look at the Confident Parent course. I developed it for children 18 months up to 5 years and it's linked in my website www.drmartypsychologist.com. i look forward to seeing you in our parenting community online. I always like to end on a little mantra for you to hold you for the rest of the week, and today's mantra is I'm trying my best. I hope you will join me for another Talking Sense next week. Until then, see you soon.

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