In this short solo talk, Sharnita Gates clarifies what it truly means to “let go.” Drawing from spiritual, emotional, and conversational intelligence, she argues that letting go is not about abandoning a person or avoiding a conversation, but about releasing the emotions that block honest dialogue. She explains how fear‑based “fight or flight” advice often leads to unfinished issues and erodes trust, because people avoid confronting feelings. Gates outlines a process for approaching tough conversations: recognize the emotional charge, pause, then engage with clarity about one’s own feelings and boundaries. She highlights the importance of building conversational intelligence—listening, expressing needs, and maintaining trust—while also developing “rejection intelligence” to handle being dismissed without severing relationships. Through examples, she shows how to navigate statements like “I don’t like you,” turning them into opportunities for growth. Finally, she distinguishes between letting go of emotions versus letting go of a person, stating the only true time to let someone go is when that person is physically absent, otherwise the goal is to work toward relational growth and mutual understanding.
Chapters
Hi and welcome to Quick Chat. I'm Sharnita Gates and I'm here to chit-chat today. I just want to talk about the topic of this conversation. This quick conversation is going to be about letting go. I want to bring some clarity that I've learned going through some spiritual intelligence modules, some emotional intelligence modules, and even some conversational intelligence model. So when I'm learning about those different aspects, even spiritual intelligence, learning about those different things, a lot of times we get a quick answer. So in this quick chat, I want to kind of quickly define what it means to let go. A lot of times when we have issues, we think that we supposed to let that individual— or just let that individual go, or just not have that conversation with that individual. Now, letting go is actually letting go of those emotions and the things that you are feeling, because a lot of times the reason why those conversations cannot be had is because there's a lot of emotion behind it. And a lot of times what it leads to is the— if the other individual is able to handle a conversation Then it leaves that individual that was not able to get that conversation with not only a feeling, but it leaves them with an incomplete issue. And we wonder why we walking around with a lot of issues. And when we get that advice to just let something go, it's usually by an individual who may not be able to emotionally handle tough conversations. And so the best advice that's being given is that fight or flight advice. And a lot of times fighting and flighting, that is not the way to go because we can leave the conversation. Instead of saying let go of that individual, tell them to let go of that conversation. Let it go for a moment and, and just think about how to have the conversation and how you were feeling at the moment. to let the moment go and not necessarily let the conversation go, because it leads us into a space where we are not able to solve issues. And then we go on and on and on and on without actually never really having those conversations. And then we, we have those conversations— a lot of times it's indirectly, it's not necessarily with the individual that you initially had the conversation with. And then this is what causes a lack of trust. And a lot of times trust goes 2 ways. You can trust someone that they— oh, they're— they— you can't believe their word because you never really heard their word. So therefore you have no trust in them because you don't know their word and you have not yet to understand their word. And then you also have the fact of someone Who stands— you lose trust in someone because they never stand firm on their word. Their word is their word, but their word is not necessarily true, is not necessarily kind, is not necessarily the best option out there. And it leads you to saying, hey, I can't accept that for me. And then that person— trust is lost in, in the mix of that. And If you're not able to have those conversations where you trust when that this is the person that I can grow in a conversation with, you never really get a chance to build up your, your conversational intelligence, how to have a conversation with someone and say, hey, this is how it makes me feel, but however, this is what I stand on. This is where I, you know, this is my, the, the lowest bit that I can take. Mm-hmm. For an example, if someone says, "Hey, I don't like you." Well, no, that's the wrong way to start. That comes probably a little bit later. But they say, "Hey, I want to have a conversation with you because of the fact that you said something in my to someone that I heard with my own ears. I heard you say it with my own ears, and it made me." feel like you were trying to put me down in a way where you got a benefit from it and I did not. And however, although it made me feel betrayed, I cannot accept you having conversations About me and we still communicate. Me knowing that this is how you speak on me and you never want to have a conversation with me, I'm going to have to step away. I'm going to have to let you get to a place where we can have a conversation because I feel that you, you may need That, and I may need it as well. And however you want to have the conversation, or if you don't— and one thing we have to learn is that we cannot continue to just push and push and push to have a conversation. Sometimes you just have to realize, like, that's not your assignment. Your assignment is not to stop that person from talking about you. It's not your assignment. Your assignment is to continue to work on you and, you know, stay in prayer that this person will grow in their own time. And that's, that's the purpose of growing in your intelligence in multiple areas and not just staying firm on what you may know, because there's a lot of stuff out here that we need to know. And as you grow in love, as far as kindness Patience and not boasting, then you would kind of understand as far as there is room for growth for everyone. And you'll be able to go into a conversation and have that conversation and say, hey, this conversation is bringing us growth, so I'm willing to have that conversation. And if we need to step back and revisit Let's revisit. It will show, and it will also build up our trust. And that's how you become more relational. And that's what you want in all your, you know, your relationships. If you, if you have to have that relationship, it's not necessarily a relationship of love, or, um, it's just you have to be able to relate to someone. And even you can Even if you don't agree, you can disagree and still relate to someone and say, hey, I understand, but that, that's how you, you know, perceive it, or that's how you receive it. But the only time there is rejection— and a lot of people may not be able to have conversations because they feel that sense of rejection and they already have their ways as far as how you handle rejection. So you have to have a rejection intelligence as well. How you handle relational rejection. If you get rejected by someone, how do you respond? A lot of times you can— if someone rejects you, it's so, you know, you may harbor some deep feelings towards that person. And you have to sit back and think a little bit more on how you handle rejection. A lot of people may not be able to handle rejection in a way that you may be able to handle rejection. Some people, once they're rejected, they walk away and cut off the relationship, and until they feel accepted, then They continue to walk away quickly from rejection. Then you have some individuals who say, hey, okay, yes, you rejected me, but you rejected me— well, a part— or you rejected something that I may have said, which is okay because we can agree to disagree. Um, and a lot of times what you may know may not really be What you need to know. It may not— it may not work for you. It may work for you. It may work for someone else, and it may not work for someone else. But just being able to know that there's differences in letting go. And the only one time we need to really let someone go is when you or another person have Moved on and they're physically no longer here, because then you're harboring something on someone who's no longer even here. So that's the true time you let someone go. I'm Sharnita Gates, and I thank you guys for this quick chat.
