Who’s rejecting the New You?

Hey y'all, I'm going to add Sharnita in here now. I am like, okay, Sharnita, let's add Sharnita in here.

Hey, how is it going? It's good to see you, Sarah.

Good.

That blue on you, thank you. Likewise with that green and them glasses, you know. I love it. Oh, I love the color. I'm excited to be here tonight.

Me too. I'm so excited. So excited. Um, you know, I've been trying to have these conversations, and I feel like having a conversation like this with someone like you is just, just even better. So, um, journey— I'm, I'm still figuring a lot of things out, but I know you've been here and you're, you know, you've been doing this walk, so I'm excited. I'm excited to have you. I'm excited to, to record this so that way we can share this with other people, and I'm ready to go.

Yeah, I, I, I'm honored. Thank you. And I love that it's, it's a lifelong journey, and I don't— you know, it's good to know that we don't have to do this journey alone, and it's good to, you know, have other believers that can actually walk along with you and not expect you to be, you know, perfect. We're not, you know, And not— we're not. So I'm excited to be able to, you know, give all the glory and honor to God tonight with you.

And for sure, prayer.

Yes, yes, I'll definitely go before our Heavenly Father just to give him all the glory and all the praise. So, Heavenly Father, we come boldly before your throne of grace, thanking you for being the God that see us, hear us, and we can give you all the glory and honor and the praise. We thank you for being a provider, providing us with a space, providing us with your word. Thank you for Jesus, who, who we can model ourselves after and look to and know that our help comes from him and him alone. So we thank you that you are forgiving, that you are good, that you are abounding in love to all who call out unto you. So we call out unto you today, Lord, and say, have your way. We adore you. We are— we stand in awe of you. And we stand and say, we put everything in your hands, Lord. The things that we may not understand, we will trust in you with all our heart and lean not to our own understanding. So we thank you, Lord, for what you're about to do, the lives that are going to be touched, the hearts that are going to be renewed, and the minds that's going to be transformed. Lord, we thank you for your grace. We send up every request, every heart's desire, things that are are known and even the things that are unknown, we place it in your hands for everyone, Lord. We pray for everyone, Lord. We pray for healing. We pray for sustenance of your word, Lord, that they will be sustained, that everything that they go boldly before and as we go boldly before, we believe that it's done. We believe in you and we thank you that you've given us faith to believe in you, Lord. And we glorify you, we reverence you, and we call it done in your name. Your Son Jesus' name we pray. Amen. I was trying to keep it short. Like I, I didn't invite the Spirit on in, so it's like have your way, Lord.

Yes. I mean, that's what we're here for, right?

Yeah.

But we really wanted to share. What's important to us, you know. So, um, so this is about— this particular conversation is going to be about who is rejected when God has called us to be different, to do different, to walk differently. You know, we, we listen to different things, we Change our habits. We are, um, you know, looking to him more for our answers. We are taking our time differently and reading the word ourselves to actually understand and walk in it, you know, because again, I've been in church all my life, but I've never walked the path as the Bible says. We should. So although we know about the Bible, we have the Bible, I have it at home, doesn't mean that I'm walking, you know. So I guess, I guess I can start off asking you this question because, um, like I said, I know you've probably been walking this for a little bit. So like, what does that look like as far as like what you've had to let go and, you know, people you've had to kind of maybe disappoint or— You know, by choosing God and choosing to walk differently? Like, what did that look like for you?

For me, it looked like really understanding what— when he says, love me with all your heart, your mind, your soul, it's like everything. And then you're like giving everything up to God. Like, that's what it looked like. Like, no matter what it is, Even if it's family, if it's an item, whatever we see, you know, we can see with things, but we can see things, but we can't see the unseen. And that's the thing, as far as understanding, it was more understanding really what he means by walk by faith and not by sight. And then that was like the start of the journey, like when I was like seeing things that weren't clear. It was just like, this is— I know this is not who God called me to be, so what am I holding on to that I need to let go? And first, how do you let go? Where do you start? Like, God, this is a whole new— you know, you talking about new, you talking about the beginning. And just thinking about the word, the beginning, Genesis.

Yeah.

To the end of Revelation, and then waiting for God to reveal, you know, what he has for you and really understanding that, that's what it looked like. All of that and saying, I want all of God just like he wants all of me. Having that same desire, that same approach to that relationship with God and saying, God, I want all of you. I want the, the good, the bad, everything. The trouble you said. You will have trouble in this life, but take heart. And so I won't even want the trouble because I know that you are with me.

Right.

And really giving that over to him and saying, okay, I'm going to give you everything. And, and that's, that's, that's a journey in itself. So yeah, that was for me, just giving everything over to God and saying, I trust you, and actually meaning it. That's why I said with the understanding, the understanding in our heart. Like, what do I really understand in my heart? And I remember when my heart was just really full of everything. So just really getting everything out of your heart, it, it— that's where I would say start. Like, yeah. For me, it was the journey of letting everything out of my heart. I'm holding on to something. I may not know what it is, but I'm gonna get it all out.

Have you had somebody that was like close to you that, that it was hard to kind of separate from? Like, that it was kind of like a little difficult to separate from because you knew you had to do different and they weren't— obviously you can't take everybody along with you on a journey. So, you know, like maybe not dismiss them all the way, but you have to have like a boundary, you know what I mean? Yeah, you do.

Yeah, yeah. Yes. Um, so, um, you know, I really hear people say you have that agape type love. Uh, okay, you love everyone. So imagine trying to love everyone and give love God with all your heart. Like, so imagine how much I had to really give up, like, the relationship I had with each and every one of my family members. I grew up really close to my, my brothers, my sister. And my mom, my dad, everyone, even my, my family, every— everybody, even the people I didn't know. Okay, so even having to give them up to God, that was the— like, that was the really hard— like, okay, I know we had this relationship and I would do this for you, but now that my eyes are open to— oh, I only want to see God, like, and I understand what he's placed on my heart. Things are going to have to change. And it was like really understanding how to have those hard conversations. And I'm really grateful for when you give something up, God, he sends something better. And he sent so much. I'm not saying that the people in my life wasn't, but, you know, for me, if I'm able to be better, then they're better, you know? And I see that. Like, so he brought people in my life for—

Yeah.

To really lead.

He uses you to get to them, to kind of show them, you know, you walking in that.

And then that was like, God, use me. If I'm really wanting you to use me, you've been with me the entire way, and you're not going to fail once I, I take my hand— my hands off of it. You know, I know you're not going to fail. So it made it easy to say, okay, let me— it was, it was becoming a disciple and really under— like, going through that training and that discipline. Like I said, the fundamental thought of my entire existence is I want to be where God is. So when I found my unmet needs, as you know, so gracious to me, because I understand she has a book called, uh, Finding Unmet Needs. And I was always trying to figure out what the fun was when it comes to me wanting to be where God is. And that was this finding my unmet needs. And then when I put the D on it, which I used to really fund my mental, was the discipline, it really helped me to have a fundamentally sound stance on different things. So now I'm able to stand because now I found my unmet needs, I added discipline on it, and went through the process of being trained to be one of Christ's disciples. Like, really, when he says take up your cross daily. First he says deny yourself. You have to deny yourself. So if I'm denying me, I'm denying everything with me. So even, you know, with that comes being able to take accountability.

You're the type of person— accountability, that's going to be very hard to deny, to deny your flesh, to deny your desires and needs and everything else, and really give it to God. Like, that's where I'm at right now. I'm not saying it's easy, but, um, he definitely forced it upon me because he talked to me, talked to me, and I kept not listening. I kept, I kept being pulled in a different direction. And because I'm such a perfectionist, I guess, if I don't see what's next, I can't move. Like, like, I'm a planner at heart. So So it's like, like, move to Georgia, okay, but I don't see anything out there. Usually you're like, okay, I need to find a job. Like, you prepare to do those things. With God, he forced it upon me where like he took away all my financial stability. He took away like my whole place. I had to get rid of it. I had to put everything into storage. Like, I came here blindly and I'm still here like— I don't know, God, but next step of really obedience, you know what I mean? I've always fought it because I don't see the next step, and that's the whole point of walking in faith. Yeah, the next step, but he has— can't tell you everything, you know what I mean?

Yeah, and, and that was good. Like you say, it's not easy, but, um, Myron Golden, he said one time, he said that it's easy to not do it and it's just as easy to do it. So, you know, you might as well just do it because it's just as easy. So just knowing the path to walk, like, that really, that really set me free. I'm like, okay, and I know I can get to the part of overthinking. You know, for me, it's like, really, God, I need you to guard my, you know, my thoughts because, um, for me, For me, I have a very strong imagination, um, because I believe that's that hope. I believe God. I believe that you can do it. Like, really, when we say exceedingly abundantly more than we could ever ask or imagine, I believe that. And I, I, I've seen it, you know, with my own eyes. Like, God, you, you really— and that's my prayer— like, really show yourself strong and mighty and, you know, set the world right. you know, as it is above. So just like you, you, you deal with heaven, I know that you, you can do— like, you created the heaven and earth just off of a word, you know. And so that's, that's the power I, I could believe in, and I do believe in. But when it comes to really thinking about it, it's like he said, I know the plans that I have for you. Those plans are not to harm you, but to give you hope and for a future. So that what you're feeling, that overthinking, is your hope. You know, keep your hope in me, um, but know that it also takes perseverance. So that perseverance, you know, comes from our suffering. So when we're suffering something, we can also persevere. And when we persevere, it builds up a character in us. So I'm like, okay guys, now how do I get to that hope? Because you know me, I'm like really overthinking.

Crazy you said that because my whole life I have like struggled in many— just struggled. Like, and my brother, you know, my brother did things by the book, college, he's a pilot. I mean, he just has the life, right? Here I am struggling. I'm like, I could, you know, I was talking to my mom, there is no way. Like, there's no way that I'm going through anything for, for no reason. I'm like, God has a bigger plan. me that I don't know yet. And I kept— I kept saying that to myself for years because no way I'm going through all of this for nothing. Whether it's to be inspirational, whether it's to others, whether it's to— like, one of the things my best friend told me, like, one of my, my best traits, I guess, is my resilience. Because she has seen me go through so much. She goes, I don't know how you're standing. Like, I don't know how you smile and just— Happen and move on. And I'm just like, God, that's the only explanation that I have.

Yeah.

Because everyone else, as you know, there's a lot of mental health issues, there's suicide, there's so many other things going on because they don't have a foundation in God, you know. I, I still don't know how I got through so many things. And so it's crazy that you said that, you know what I mean? Like, you go through these things because God is preparing you for something.

Yeah, and, and I like that you said that, like, we may not know because that's the uniqueness of God. Like, he called— that's our calling, it's, it's that uniqueness he gives. He gave everybody a unique calling and they all play a part in his plan. And sometimes we can try to rush his plans, but then when he actually said, okay, I called you for this purpose and I, I put you through different things because I know you have that resilience. I know you can persevere. I know what's in your heart, what you understand, and I even know what you don't understand. And that's— I love His grace. I love how compassionate He is. And I was praying over mercy because I'm like, Lord, I really didn't understand what mercy was. And when I asked Him, you know, He says, ask and it shall be given to you. And so I asked, I'm like, Can I, you know, have— if you've taken your spiritual gift assessment, but mine was, it was low in mercy and I was— yeah, so you— I was out, huh?

There's an assessment for this?

Your spiritual gift assessment. Yeah, so I think it's gifttest.com or org.

I'll put it later because I need, I need to, I need to figure this out.

And it helps you to figure it out.

Yeah.

And I recommend that to everyone. If you're trying to figure out just where to start, he's— he talks about, you know, the gifts and, you know, which ones you can desire. All he said, desire the best gift. So I'm like, mercy seems like a really good gift because without it— once I said it's your ability to call— it's your ability to cause harm, but instead you show them compassion and forgiveness. And I said, thank you, because without, you know, we perish for a lack of knowledge. And so for me, without the knowledge of understanding what mercy is, how can I be compassionate, or when to apply compassion or forgiveness? And I'm like, okay, I can forgive because I know what that feels like to forgive, because God forgave me in so many different, you know, so many. areas, and that he loved me so much. And if I have— if I say I love others, and that's the command that he gave us, is to love others, then therefore I need to know how to show mercy. So it starts with asking, asking, and then you shall find. You know, it should be— I mean, not asking, it shall be given to you. Seek and you shall find. And when you seek it, like, I started to seek it, like, okay, God, I'm, I'm, I'm just gonna find you. I want more and more of you. I want you to guide my life. Um, and I put it in your hands because I had to really say, do you really understand? Do you really understand? And you can't understand. And then you start to read Job and you're like, uh, I really don't understand.

And Job is one of my favorite stories, man. I read that and I was just like, I feel like I could relate in every aspect.

Yeah.

Like, those stories so much, it's just, it's insane. Like, I just, like, I read that story and I'm just sitting there like in tears because I'm just like, I really didn't understand, you know? And to read it and to see God's grace and to see, you know, everything play out the way it did, I'm just kind of like, all right, I feel better. Like, I feel better. I already, you know, and I think one of the things we have to do, no matter who rejects us, no matter who rejects our new person that we're going into, is that we literally have to fall in love with God. Like, falling in love with Him is different than just knowing Him, you know.

Yes.

Anybody can know God, anybody can know what God is doing. You actually fall in love with Him, actually want to know Him more, that's when you want to walk for What he said is the right way to walk because you're in love with the fact that he loves you. He does. The things that he's gotten me out of, the things that— the amount of time that he's waited for me to get to this point, you know what I mean? I fell in love, which was what made me want to get baptized again and walk this walk. And I knew I had to get there at some point in my life. I just didn't know when. And I'm the type of person, if I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna dive all in. I'm gonna put my 100%. If I don't feel like I can do that, I'm not.

Yeah.

I think falling in love with, with God is probably very, you know, a very important part of it.

It's very important. Like, you got me over here excited. I'm trying not to— I told you I'll bust out in songs because that was Um, it was probably like 7 years ago. I was, you know, I'm in the choir, and this was at one of my other churches. And the first time I led a song, and it's just when you were speaking, that song was just playing in my head, and it was Falling in Love with Jesus.

Hmm.

And then the words is, falling in love with Jesus is the best thing I've ever done. And that's so much power. Like, it brings so much to my soul because at that time in my life, where I was. Like, I remember that day and literally driving on, um, 75 and tire blew out. Tire blew out. I swerved. Literally, there was no car in sight. And so glory and honor to God on, on that, because even just falling in love with Jesus, like, at that point in time I always desired for Jesus, but it was— to have that personal relationship where I'm at with him now is the best thing I've ever done. Like, really falling in love, like, to hear his voice, you know, to spend time with him. That's in the word, like, really spending time in the word and having that and, and not worrying about time, like, really just managing that energy, that intimacy, like I need more of the word of God. And you say we talk about faith, and faith comes by hearing. So if I'm not hearing more about, you know, hearing the word of God, which is the word about Christ, how do I know him? So how can you fall in someone— fall in love with someone that you don't know? I don't know. And the more and more I got to look— when you talk about in love, baby, I'm sorry. Let me look, okay? That's between me and Jesus, okay?

Trust me, I mean, I can— I, I— how, um, you know, when you fall in love with God, it's like no one can come into your life and take that away from you. Like, like, there's no one that can give you the amount of satisfaction God can give you when you actually know, like, his word, you know what I mean? you can't hear him unless you know the word. How can you hear him if you don't really know him? You know what I mean?

Mm-hmm.

I think like that's where I'm at. I think I'm in the process of really reading and understanding and reading the word so that I can hear him better. Because obviously, you know, he's tried to talk to me and it was just kind of like, yeah, it was more like I didn't trust myself. I didn't trust in Him enough to really have that discernment of what He was trying to tell me. And I learned the hard way. The way that He's taught me is putting me through the hard things so that I can know for sure that it's Him. Because there's no other way I could have gotten out of it if it wasn't Him.

And I want to know it's Him.

So he kept trying to tell me stuff. He's like, well, I guess you're just gonna have to learn the hard way again. I guess you just— this last time, it was this last time this March that when I tell you it was just like a switch, like nobody could— like nobody recognized me. Like it was like just a switch. It's like, how does she just— like, what just happened to Sarah? What just happened to her? Because Everything changed because I knew it was him. And because I knew it was him, I was like, the first thing I did when I got here was I need church. And yes, there are people moving away from me. There's people, there's people that are not reaching out to me. And I'm like, thank God. Like, God, because that's showing me who is really for me and who's not for me. You know what I mean? And what God means the most. Those people can't be around.

Yeah, and I love that you said that because, you know, like Pastor Darius, I love that he's my, my coach, my mentor, and, you know, spiritual guidance in all 4 Q quadrants— spiritually, emotionally, um, um, relationally, and in leadership. Like, really having a coach, like you said, God can do it quick and fast. And when he says the, the best investment that you can make is in yourself And, you know, really spending time in the word is investing in yourself. The value— just think of the weight of the word, like how powerful just the Bible alone, how powerful it is to change our lives. That's how powerful receiving Christ and receiving the word into your heart and having that understanding and just even having that mustard seed of faith, like you said, that mustard seed of faith. To blossom. And that's, that's the— especially when you're on good soil.

Mm-hmm.

And when that seed falls on good ground, it produces like so much fruit. And that's, that's the, that's the great thing about the word of God, just having someone just to plant that seed of faith in you and, and, and grow and let God do the cultivating. How is up to him. He do the how, he do the watering. You think about like in the beginning in Genesis when he had not yet sent the rain, so, you know, and then when he did send the rain, it was like a huge flood. So, you know, he do the how, and it's up to us now in this, this new covenant with God, this new promise, is to really work on ourselves. Like, we are good soil. Like, we want our hearts to be good soil. Soil, so when we do receive the word, we can receive it not with necessarily a hardened heart. And you know, really, like that's a prayer, like asking God, like when he says, create in me a clean heart and renew a righteous spirit within me, like really saying, God, create in me a clean heart and renew a righteous spirit in me. And I that is that the the words. that's coming out. You're— when it comes out, that's the word of God. It comes out and it's abundance. Like, you really want a clean heart. Like, that's, that's, that's the start. Like, you really start once you get that wisdom, you know, and start fearing God. Like, somebody asked me the other day, they was like, how would you define the fear of God? And I said, oh, that's a really good question, you know, because I I know how I used to define it, but that's when I was leaning to my own understanding.

Mm.

Now that I'm leaning to, you know, trusting in the Lord with that understanding, I don't want to be without him. That's the fear that I have, is me being, you know, disobedient. And now that I know— it's one thing to not know, but now that I know that he's given me wisdom and from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding, I have— there's, there's— I don't— now I know what obedience is and how he protects us. And it's not for— it's not for us. I mean, it's for— the obedience is for us, not for God. We don't have to be obedient for God. We have to be obedient for ourselves because we don't— the fear of being without— just think about protection. Like, he is our, our, our safe place. He is our refuge. He's our He's our all, he's our protect— he's everything that we need. And so to be without that armor, like, of God, like, really putting on our helmet of salvation— remember how it was his saving grace that actually, um, helped me to be in my right mind on today? Because I know what it feels like to not be in my right, right mind.

That, that— remember I told you, I was like, I suffered so bad from panic attacks Anxiety attacks from just feeling so lost, and especially as a single parent, you just got so much stuff on you. There's just so much stuff you have to do, and you just don't know how you're gonna get it done. And like I remember like having this panic attack, and when I finally turned to God, you know, I got baptized. I'm doing well. I'm. I think I told you like I have like this peace. that I can't even explain. Like, it's like people— my friends are like, I would expect you to be having a panic attack by now. I would expect you to react this way, to react that way. But because I'm not even reacting in that way anymore, I'm like, because I literally have faith.

Yeah.

Like, I literally have the faith that everything is working in the way it's supposed to work, so I don't worry. I used to. Does— do I get a little irritable? I'm human, I still kind of like, you know, but that's when, when I feel like that, that's when I go to the Word, that's when I pray, that's when I, you know, make sure, like you said, do the heart check, breathing exercises, and I make sure I journal.

Yeah.

So it's been helping me too, as well as just reading the Word. But before, like you said, I just don't do things the same, like I just It's not the same anymore. Like, I don't stress as much as I used to financially or anything, you know.

And that, that's the, that's the great thing about God. It's just like he, he has the ability to plant within us the understanding for us to know that you don't really need— you know, that's not, that's not me, you know. And so therefore, it's, it's different, it's new. We can actually say That is not of God. You know, now that we have faith too, we have the truth. That's what it is. When you know the truth, it really sets you free as far as, you know, being able to set some boundaries in your life and really stand on that. Like, this is a boundary. Like, I can't have that in my mind anymore. I don't want to think on that because I know the word says think on whatever is true, whatever is lovely, whatever is reputable, and that is not it. So, uh, You know, if it's not of that, it's— and you can actually tell them the truth in love. Like, it's not nothing against you. And that was the— a big eye-opener for me, like, being able to say, you know, it's not the person, but it's this— it's the spirit behind the person. Because there's laws that we have to abide by, and those have already been set. So basically, there's no law against the fruit of the Spirit— love, joy, peace. That's God's Spirit. There's no law. You can do that as much— I want that as much as I can. I want the love of God. I want to be able to give the love of God. I want to be joyful, you know, um, and say, you know, glory, hallelujah, as much as I can to give God the glory, as you know, because that's where my mind is at rest at. And So when things are not in accordance to the Spirit of God, then I can say, okay, then there's laws against that, you know. What laws have God set in place? Because he said guard your heart, you know. So those things I'm guarding to make sure that I don't misunder— you know, even if I do misunderstand, I, I know where I'm going to— like you said, I'm gonna go to the word.

Yeah.

I'm gonna go to the word and say, God, what do you say? And The answer— I say I always answer first with Jesus.

Avenues, all kind of, all kind of relationship people.

And there—

I mean, therapy is not a bad thing. I'm not saying therapy, but people— it's so crazy because I was listening to some girl talk the other day and she was like, you know, we are literally failing an open book test living in this world. She's like, I really don't understand how people are Not walking by the Bible, not walking in God, because it literally says here everything that we— every question that we have, there's a word in the Bible that gives us the answers. But it's like, I guess people have a hard time, I don't know, believing it, or they just want to do things their own way, you know what I mean? And it's just like, I think we also have so many distractions in this world that no one knows where to turn, you know what I mean? People are swayed so easily, and it's because they're just not in Jesus, like, yeah, anchored in the Word. And they don't know the Word. Like you said, knowledge is huge when it goes by walking, walking in faith. If you don't have the knowledge, how are you going to walk in faith? Like, how are you going to understand what's best for you, what God wants for you? what God has for you, like, you know what I mean? And like, I think people are just not anchored enough and they're swayed so easily by anything that they hear, any podcast that they listen to, any friend that they're listening to, or, you know what I mean? They're just constantly like pulled and they don't have like a really set direction where they want to go. They're not knowledgeable. They don't have— I think that's what happened to me. Like, yes, I knew God. whatever, but I just took everything into my own hands, obviously, because I didn't know the word. I didn't read. I went by whatever the pastors— whatever I heard the pastor saying. But it's like, there's also a lot of false prophets out there too. So it's like, you have to read the word for yourself because God speaks to you differently through the word. Everybody hears something different, something different from what they're reading in the Bible. And it's like, if you don't read it yourself, how can God talk to you? You know what I mean?

Yeah. And, and you, you was right on target when you said there's a lot of distractions. And I said there's a lot of distractions and not enough disciples. Okay, so if we were really walking into discipline— and that's like a passion of mine, like really, that's why I love the mission at Change Church as far as to be able to live, love, and lead like Jesus— because if we walk in that same discipline putting God first, you know, handling our responsibility of hearing God, literally hearing God and being obedient, and then getting that wisdom. It just— how it changed our life, it changes others as well. But if they're— if, if no one has, um, if they don't have someone to really show them, you know, you— or, or guide them or, you know, influence them, Then of course they're, they're really not going to know the discipline. Like, so, you know, just who is a role— who, like, for instance, um, I would ask, who is a— who was a role model for, for you in, in your walk?

Um, you know, it was really hard for me because I felt like my family, they were all about Going to church, going to church. My grandmother was all, Jesus. I mean, we walk in the house, we praying. Like, she would make me and my little brother kneel on the floor with a hard floor, and we'd just be there for like an hour just praying. And like, you know, I think my grandmother really instilled that in us. Um, however, I also saw a lot of hypocrisy in my family when it came to religion. So I think that pushed me away for many years because I'm not a follower type of person. Like, I'm not gonna do things just because you're— you guys are doing it. Like, I need to learn it myself and figure out if this is something like for me. As I got older, I started to push away because I started to see certain things in the church and see certain things in my family that I'm like, didn't you just say we had to have faith? Like, why are you— why are you worrying right now? Like, why are you complaining? Like, why are you— so it just didn't make sense to me because I'm just like, if you're saying like this is what we're supposed to do and you're telling me Sarah, you need to do this because God said this, this, and then you go around and do the opposite. I can't find— like, I can't, I can't do that because you're showing— I have to— you have to lead by example when it comes to me. Like, if you're not walking in it and I don't see you actually doing it, I can't follow you. Like, I can't because I just feel like you're not, you're not doing what you said I'm supposed to be doing. Like my mom, Don't smoke cigarettes. Don't smoke, but you smoke. So I'm like, you can't, you can't do that. So that was the same thing that happened with me, that as I grew older, to like learning by myself and learning a little bit by myself. And like I said, I had feelings, like I had feeling that God was just doing something in my life. I just didn't understand it at the time. And my grandmother used to always say, you're gonna The church, singing for the Lord, preaching, or you're gonna be doing something. And I was just like, okay, okay. I was like, okay. But yeah, I think just my family is who I kind of—I don't want to say I didn't idol follow them. It was just kind of a church in me and put God in my life so that when things got bad, I knew where to turn. So things got rough, it was God. I just didn't follow it on a daily basis, and I didn't thank God every day, and I didn't follow him when things were good, you know. So that's, that's good.

And I, I was— I literally was just thinking about how I— you know how you have those home videos when you're young and like, they really set some, some reminders, like, or, you know, some memories to your mind. And I was thinking about that today. I was like, you know what, I remember when we now was being taught how to pray, and, you know, me and my cousins, my, my, you know, my siblings and my grandmother really made it, you know, taught us the Lord's Prayer. And it wasn't that lady— now I like— she said, you gonna say, Our Father, Who are in heaven? And so, mind you, I was probably like 4 or 5, and it was like we were going to— we always went to, um, I looked forward to going to Akron, Ohio to see my grandmother.

Mm.

And all I remember from the video was me saying, we— it was like a slope and we had to sit right here on the bed and pray. And all I'm saying, it's dark down there, it's dark down there. Like, But at the same time, I'm grateful for that training, you know, even that little bit of a memory, that mustard seed of faith.

That's what, you know, just like I do with my daughter now, you know what I mean? Like, she doesn't know, she doesn't understand a lot, but she's watching me. I take her with me, you know, Pastor Darius speaks and she's like, what does that mean? Like, what is he talking about? Like, what is he saying? So she wants to understand, and so, and I told her, I'm like, trust me, like God is gonna make you understand. Wants you to understand in the time. So worry, she doesn't want to frustrate. I want to see everything. I don't want to. So I think she's waiting, like you know, her so she can really like get the. I put her. Oh, I put her. She started Thursday, I think.

Good, good. I'm happy for you.

Um, oh, so I also grew up in 2 different churches. My mom took me to Christian church and then my dad took me to Catholic church. So it's like, I don't, I don't know what it— I didn't know, like, I was just like, does this— I didn't get communion or like anything like that. And my dad on the weekends would take us to Catholic church. My mom, when I was with my mom, she would take me to like like Baptist church and like we would go to Apostle Church. What's that major big church in New York? It's a big up, um, they have like a whole CD and everything, like a whole like, uh, their, their choir. It's like a popular choir in New York. And I think—

Oh, I, I was about to say, uh, the Latter-day Saints, but, uh—

Tabernacle. Tabernacle something. Brooklyn Tabernacle.

I'm not sure. That's like—

We would go there. And so I was in between 2 separate religions, like 2 separate ways of practicing. And so, you know, I was just like, I don't know.

Yeah, and, and that, that's good because, um, it really set me free, like having that, that, that mentor and coach, Dr. Darius Daniels, when he said you could do things either culture's way church's way or, or the king's way. And when I heard there was another way, the way, Christ Jesus is the way, it was like a light bulb, like an aha, this is who I'm searching for, you know. I'm not trying to do things church's way. Um, it was a really big difference for me going to a Christian Methodist Episcopal church, like, and I grew up, I didn't even know what Episcopal was, like, you know. So And I, I still didn't learn it until, you know, later down in the journey. Like, okay, what is the epistles and, you know, who wrote it and all that kind of stuff and what the church is based on. But that was when I was starting to do things Christ's way, following the way, and not trying to follow the, the church's way or culture's way. Because you can get, you can get lost in, in that. And really, when you hear the word, like when I heard like He said, I command you to go and make disciples. That's a command. That's— that command came from Jesus. You— you— so it's not one of those things like, okay, the church said go make disciples, you know, and discipline. No, Jesus said that.

And knowledge and to understand what you're reading and read so that you know what he's saying to do. Because again, churches that are teaching things differently or teaching from their own understanding of them reading the Bible. The pastor is studying and reading the Bible, and he's relaying information to everybody based on his understanding.

Yeah.

But people read the Bible and they may have another understanding, so that can— people move away from religion because they're just kind of like, I just hear all these different things. Like, I, I don't know who's telling the truth. Like, I don't know. I feel like nobody's really following God. They're just giving their opinions. But I'm like, but did you actually read the Bible? Like, do you understand it yourself? You know what I mean? I think that makes a big difference. And that's what made me— because I'm like, oh, oh, this makes sense.

It makes so much sense.

How did I not know this? Like, I had the Bible here all along. It was just sitting there collecting dust.

that, that test, 1 1, and you, you, you already know. And then you, you, you like, it's that simple. And he, he guides you into clear, like, clarity and the simplicity of his word. Like, when I was just like reading the Bible, I was like, it's, it's so simple. He, he's like, just when he say, let, let your yes be your yes and your no be your no. It's as simple as that. Anything he said, anything else It comes from the evil one. So yes, no, anything, anything else is the evil one. So it's— so he said you can say no. So you see what I'm saying? So no, even being— saying no is, is, is, is, is, is, is the truth, you know? So we still say no to things, and because we know the truth.

Yeah.

And that's one of the things, like, reading that, it really sets me free, like And and it sets me free from saying for nothing. I'm like, I was literally exactly having a panic attack over that.

Are you kidding me? Like, just like a like a oh my gosh! Like God says like like and everything that's in the Bible, God says it's gonna happen. Yeah. And we literally live that life every single day. But because we don't know the Bible, we're stressing out. Like we don't know what our Like, we feel like we have to take it all on ourselves. And I'm like, once I started giving stuff to God, like, I was just like, ah, all right, I'm gonna let him do him. And I'm at peace. And people are like, there's a whole storm going on around you. I don't know how I'm gonna do things. I don't know how I'm gonna do certain things. And I'm not worried. Like, I've seen God get me through so much that I'm— And, you know, my best friend tells me, she goes, Sarah, when I start to stress out a little bit, she's like, Sarah, remember what God got you out of before. Don't forget what he did for you before. He's going to do it again. And I'm just like, it makes me feel so much better. Yeah. Like, you know, that's why I don't even care, like, with people rejecting this new me because Everyone is going to have to experience him theirself to really understand this walk that we're doing. Like, this— like, our focus is different, our habits are different. Like, if I listen to certain music anymore that I used to listen to, I'm like, oh my.

You know what, it, it was this— literally that one song, and I'm not even gonna say this song, but it was one song Like, when I tell you, you ever felt some fire? Like, when I was the beginning of my walk and that song irked me, and I— it really just irked me. Like, even to this day when I think, I'm like, how did I listen to it? And I see why my mind— I was so all over the place, because now I hear it, you know. Um, I was—

It was brainwashing. It was brainwashing. And it It makes you feel hopeless.

It does. And I mean, it, it, it really— it had nothing but the truth. I mean, nothing. It did not have the truth. I was thinking about the gospel when I said that, because the gospel has so much truth. Because when you think about— that's one of the things that really set me free, was I was like, okay, we always talk about gospel music, but gospel is the word. You see what I'm saying? When they're, when they're singing, they're more, you know, incorporating the word into it, because now you're hearing, you know, you putting faith out there. when you're singing the gospel, like, I am the vine, you are the branches. You know, when you sing that song, you know that that's, that's the word. You know, he is the vine, you know. So really being able to hear the word, and it helps you to actually build up on your faith. And those things was— I don't know, I don't even know what to— what category to put that— those, those—

Thank you.

The songs that Does not benefit my soul, my mind, my will.

You know, now that we're talking about that, like, I'm trying to get through to my daughter, and that's— and that— this is where it becomes very difficult because she's at an age where she knew that, that old me where I would listen to those things, and now she's listening to those things, and it's just like, obviously I live by example She started listening to those things. So now it's kind of like, Mom, you used to listen to this before. Like, I don't understand, like, what, what's so wrong about this? And it's just kind of like, I'm very open with her and I'm very transparent, but she's, she's not gonna understand yet, you know what I mean? That's where it becomes difficult because now I fear my daughter rejecting me or pushing me away because of that disconnect, because because I'm changing. So now I wanna push her. So, so it's now it's kind of like putting her in an environment and walking by example.

Yeah.

Obviously something I have to do. But, um, as far as forcing her into walking the way that I'm walking right now, I don't even think that's fair.

Yeah.

Um, as a child, like, you know what I mean? Because I Just like us, we had to learn in our own timing. So I have her learn in her own time. As long as, like you said, I'm planting that seed and I'm bringing her an environment and I'm showing her by my walk, eventually she'll get there. But it's like I can't force her to, to do that. The only thing I could do is just be very— just her and, you know, understanding and show her love. Dodge or Tesla.

Yeah, and, and you're making that investment in you. So the investment that you're making is bringing value to everyone else around you. So as you continue to, you know, build up yourself in those 3 dimensions of your spirit, your emotions, you know, you're having a handle on your emotions, you know, you're in good spirits, you're, you know, she's able to see that and you know, also mentally, you know, now you're able to invest in her mentally because now you're getting the word and you can actually speak the word into her. And that's one of the things, like, I love to hear the word. If you, you know, I say the best gift that you can give anybody is discipline, and God disciplines the ones that he loves. So he's going to give you that discipline of actually hearing his voice however it comes. Everybody is uniquely part of his plan. And when he— he has that plan, even if— no matter how much we want it, like, even for me and my relationships with my family, like, as much as I wanted to, you know, do this or, you know, be there or, you know, just— it's so much. But it's like, if I— it wasn't until I started investing in myself that I seen them grow spiritually. Our relationship, it may look like it's not a good relationship, but that's why we walk by faith. And not by sight. Because a lot of times it may look like because we have a disagreement or we don't, we don't, we don't do things the same, that we can take those differences and turn it into some type of emotion that comes against our energy. And we don't want to do that because now that we are more emotionally intelligent as far as with the, you know, handling our emotions, our feelings, and dealing with our stuff, like we're really dealing with the things that we're facing in our age. And so therefore, that investment is coming into us, and it also is pouring into them, because now we're having those hard conversations. We're, we're, we're, um, approaching things differently. We're asking the questions. We're, we're seeking. We're at, you know, we're actually doing the, the knocking on the door of God and say, you know, if, if, if I need this, I need, I need this. for her or for them. We can intercede for others and say, go to God on behalf of others, because now we're able to see. And that's the great thing about God. He opened up, you know, our eyes to be able to see what is needed, not for us, but for others. So if this person you see, you know, maybe still listening to that music, well, God, you gave me the ability to hear your word. So now I can pray for them. I can, you know, even give them the word and, you know, lead and, and just give them so much of your love, you know, extend forgiveness and compassion. I can— I have a lot to give.

That's what it is too. It's like, it's like I have a lot more empathy, not as irritable, I'm not as impatient. And I think she, since my transition and just you know, becoming more new and reading the word, like, she's become a lot closer to me because I have more patience, I have more empathy, I have more understanding, I have more— you know what I mean? So I think that, like, she's obviously seen change in me just in general, just my not being sad all the time, not being worried all the time, because obviously I have more faith. And then, you know, I'm putting— giving everything to God. And so she can see that, she can sense that, she can feel it herself, you know. So I think just having empathy and just empathizing with your child and keep, you know, keeping your heart posture in the right place, they're gonna, they're gonna notice that. Especially children with their mothers, you know what I mean? Like, they're very close, you know. She's not really affectionate with me all the time, but little by little she's like getting there. Um, I do play all the gospel music in my car, and she listens and she knows. I see her back there singing, and she, you know, she sings a lot of the songs with me or whatever. She loves Travis Greene, like, that's like one of her favorites. Yes. So a lot of Travis Greene, um, but I think eventually she'll get there. She has a lot— she has a heart like mine, um, but I think she's just— she's gonna have to learn, you know, on her own. Um, but in the beginning it did worry me because I'm like, man, I'm changing and how am I gonna like bring her along with me on this journey? Like, you know, I can't, can't force her to do things because she's a lot like me. She can't do— she doesn't understand what she's doing. She doesn't, you know what I mean? She's not really much a follower, so she's, you know, she's definitely gonna have to follow on her own. I mean, do you see kids— because I know you work with the kids in church, right? Like, do you see Do you see a lot of them, like, just like, do they ask a lot of questions? Like, do they— well, I'm sure they do because they're like, you know, but like, see in them, like, as far as like faith and like their parents going to church or whatever, like, what is it?

You see it because of the, the influence. Like, as far as every part, you know, they have their family that is influencing them. Um, so based off of the, the, their level of influence their sphere, you know, that they are in, it brings a lot of— a range of questions. So, um, one that blew my mind was it was like we were praying to God and one child was like, uh, how many plutoniums is in the— the— does it make to, to, to get the, the titanium? I'm like, oh, we gonna, we gonna read Job together because I wasn't there when God, uh, Did all that. So when you were learning that at home, I'm sorry, I can't answer that. But, uh, I can tell you that God has the answer for you, you know. Um, take it to God in prayer. That's what this is, you know. I'm not the answer. Jesus. Um, You have to go to God. And that's what we get to do, is send them in the right way to go, like guide them, lead them to the way, and that's to Christ. So yeah, I get a lot of different questions, and but the thing is, I learned a lot from them. Like, I, I think I learned more from children than I do adults. Like, and even when I, you know, do the— when you do the teaching is not necessarily for them, it is actually for you. Like, like, you actually gain when you do the teaching, when you, when you step into it.

So it's like they say, you, they say you get more knowledge when you're teaching. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, kind of. And then never even thought of it.

Yeah, and I like how the word says train up a child in the way that they should go. so that when they get older, they won't depart from it. So if we're on a journey of getting closer to Christ and we don't want to depart from it, and we, we doing the training, and we know that every scripture is God's breath, so we listening to God, God's breathing on us to say, okay, I need you to teach, I need you to correct some things and rebuke some things and, and, and train these, you know, kids. But I'm— You're really training yourself. So that, you know, you can be a, you know, a good— you can do the good work because he's calling us to do the good work, not, not the kids. So it's like they, they are in the, the purest form. And that's, that's one of the things that I love, that it's the purity, it's the, it's the pure in heart. Like, they can ask the most outrageous questions and I— and say the most outrageous things. And I'm like, because they— I love it because like they have no filter.

They've been, uh, tainted yet by the world, you know. And if they—

even if they have been tainted, that's where it comes in. Like, as far as, oh God, you gave me your scripture, you gave me your word, so now I can, you know, do the correcting and the rebuking. Like, okay, well, you know, let's, let's learn some forgiveness. Let's learn, you know, I Hey, look, I just learned about mercy. So look, let's learn about mercy. Like, you have the capability to give them compassion and forgiveness and not cause harm. So really doing that training in the way of God with the scripture, with the word, the power of the word. And it really set me, like, knowing that's the thing. We don't train the children, then therefore they're, they're, they're, they're susceptible to perishing in the future because of that lack of knowledge. So they too can ask for wisdom, you know, for the Lord gives wisdom and from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding. So they still have the capability of having that same intimate relationship with God just like us. they can learn on their own way. They're— we just have to show them the way, you know. Hey, look, I'm growing, going to continue to grow. Uh, this is a lifelong journey, literally lifelong journey. Think about Jesus and, you know, his journey to even take away all the sins of the world and to, you know, die on the cross and really understanding his story. So just think about us as individuals, we go through that same process. We have to still be obedient and listen to God and have that personal relationship with God to hear what he says. And that's, that's, that's the word. So I'm going to send you always, if anybody— if I don't, if I— if God hasn't revealed the answer to me, I'm going to tell you, go, go to, go to take it to God in prayer. Because, you know, we have our advocate. Jesus is our advocate. He is the one who goes before the Father. And when we put our request in, he's the one who give it over to God. Because all judgment is in his hands. So there's no— and put it in no one else's hand, because like you said, we can lean to our own understanding. And God may place the understanding and say, hey, Sharnita, I want you to understand it this way. But he can go and say, Sarah, I need you to understand it this way. And it's okay for us to have the understanding that God has given us and lean that way. And that's where it's coming like, okay, understanding it's not that person rejecting, you know, it's not rejecting who you are. It's just having faith and knowing that they're following the word, you know, they're, they're on a solid foundation. And the same thing with kids. I just want— if there's a child, I just want you to know that I'm following, you know, this is what I was— I just want them to know that I'm following Christ. I'm not going to get it right all the time. I don't have all the answers, but I do know the answer. I do know Christ, um, and I'm getting to know him even more. And the more and more that I, I get, I, I pray that I give you— like I said, the best gift that anybody can give is the word. He is the indescribable gift. Being able to give that gift is the— that's what I wanted to give to a child. You know, if I, you know, me thinking of myself as a mother and, you know, I don't have any living kids, but for me, I'm still living for them, you know, to still say, hey, I can still give you faith, faith in knowing that I'm still on this walk. The child may not be here, but I am still here. So I still have that that, that ability to continue this walk and know that God is— is it all in God's plan? Yeah. And be okay with that.

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure a lot of people need to hear that, you know.

Yeah, the word, right? Yeah, and understanding his calling, like, um, the struggles, like, it's, it's the the pressure. Like, sometimes we, we face pressure. We, we're going to face pressure. But where's that pressure coming from? Is it coming from culture? Is it coming from church? Is it coming from Christ? Now, he said, take my yoke upon you, but his burden is light. So even though we're under pressure in the— in this walk, because we can't say that we're not— you know, you're not going to face the pressure. There's still going to be pressure, um, but when you take that, it's light. And literally, I, I love that when I say that, because anytime I say light, life, the way, or truth, I automatically think of Jesus. So when he said, you know, take on his burden because it's light, because it is him, you're taking on, you know, Jesus. You're taking on, you know, the, the way that he, you know, you, you, you're free, you know. You don't have to feel, you know, subject yourself to the societal norms. You don't have to. You don't have to, you know. So you can choose the way. You can choose Jesus and really say, I, I want to be saved. Like, I, I want that saving grace of Christ to really— when I'm, when I'm going through it, oh well, this is the pressure. And, you know, remember the blood, and it was the blood that, you know, that Jesus shed for me so that I really— now under, you know, you have that sense of understanding and that's in your heart. And, and you'll be okay with whatever comes, the pressure, and you'll be able to walk boldly and say, I'm gonna be courageous, I'm gonna be strong, and I'm gonna do everything in love because God is love. He is, he is full of compassion. He's full of forgiveness. So I'm going to do the same thing and extend that to everyone else and be okay with that.

Yeah, I think that's where my peace comes from, you know what I mean? It just— or like, I didn't really read the word as much because I felt like I just had maybe a, the wrong translation for me to understand it. And I feel like people, you know, people need to understand, like, it's okay at different— understand, up in, you know, a lot of people have comprehension issues too where they just like, they can read something but not really comprehend what they're reading. I went through that throughout high school, throughout school in general, where I just always had a hard time comprehending. So I would get irritated by trying to read the Bible because I'm like I don't understand what's happening. I don't understand. But now I think that because I'm so passionate about understanding, and I got a different translation, and then I got another book that's called The Bible Recap where it does it in like chronological order, where it kind of goes through Genesis. It kind of like puts things in order. So when I read a chapter in the Bible, go to the recap, and it kind of summarizes a little bit, and I go back and read it, and I'm like, oh, okay. So it's like, you know, just trying to find what works for you, understanding what's being said.

Yeah, that's, that's really good that you said that, because for me, that— I was the same way, um, very similar. Like, reading, reading and comprehension, okay, those two go— but what does reading and comprehension mean? So how you— so I had to really get an understanding for myself so that I could apply it to myself. And when I— for me, I— it helped me to realize, okay, if there's 3 dimensions, if there's— God is the spirit, you know, he has, you know, there's no law against the spirit of love, joy. So he's given us the instructions, that's the Bible. And then where my struggle was, was in the second dimension of our soul, like the mind, the will, the emotions, the imagination, the affection. now being Spirit-led with the Bible and the instructions. So diving into the word was definitely the start, but then really understanding how to be in the world but not be of the world, it was like books like, um, Your Purpose Is Calling, um, by Dr. Darius Daniels, Relationship Intelligence, and, um, The Shift by Pastor Michael Todd. And so it was like in the kingdom, oh, that was good. But really what started my journey was, um, a book called Soulful Affirmations. And I took that and did it for 365 days. And thank you, Dr. Angela Kennel, um, for that book, because thank you for being obedient to God and giving me that book. It really, really set a path for me to really get intimate with the word. And that was— that brought me in the, the second dimension to be able to match the, the spirit-led. So now I'm in the Bible, and then now my mind is— it, you know, I can actually say, okay, I want to be here on this earth. Because now I— you, you know, you see, like, I don't want to listen to that music, but, you know, there are good people, you know, good people out here that are— that want the same thing as you. And, uh, you pray still for other people to still want to be where you are, you still pray that they will be where you are. That's my— that's still my prayer. Um, but after I got that second realm, um, and then it was the, the third realm, like, okay, um, emotionally dealing with, with the flesh. And it was, it was— I needed the Holy Spirit. Jesus led me, you know, with the, the soulful affirmations and the In the soul, like my mind is in Christ, like in things in that sort of habit, desire, wanting the mind of Christ and really saying, okay, um, what am I thinking about? Like I said, the heart check, doing the heart check, doing the heart, doing that hard work and really making sure my soul is intact. Because your mind is, is one of those things you have to really get a hold on, get a hold on your mind. And to get a hold on your mind, follow Christ.

That's the first thing. Attacks is your mind. Yeah, your mind, everything else. Yeah, you know, my mind used to be so crazy, like, so— I mean, that's where all of my panic attacks came from. Yeah, if you don't have a sound mind, it's gonna be hard.

And it's, it's the remuneration. It's like, okay, we, we, we, we apply math to Math, but applying math to your mind and saying, okay, remuneration, that's repetitive numbers. So just think about repetitive words, um, how much I need— I need to hear the word as much, you know, as, as I, as I can. And the thing about it is we can do just one thing of the wrong thing, and that's too many. That's too many. So if we thinking about the wrong thing just one time, that's too much. And so like, think about now and I'm like, it really is. Like, it takes a really— yeah, it takes a lot. And now I'm like overthinking. It just takes one thought to overthink. Wow.

I was so grateful for it. Wrong thought ruin your whole day.

Yeah, so really taking control over your thoughts and really having like, okay, now these thoughts— it was, um, casting down every imagination and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God. So there, those thoughts, you know, can try to like, okay, this, this may seem important, but is it the knowledge of God, you know? So really like casting down, like, I can imagine if I got it done, I'll be happier.

No.

Cast that down and bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Well, let me, let me, God, let me pray about it. Let me pray about it first, but then still, you still do it, you know, if, if God, if God leads you, if it's part of his plan. But the, the important part is that you're— you set your mind, your thoughts in the obedience of Christ. Okay, let me just, let me be obedient. He said do not be, you know, You know, it could have been that you were anxious to get it done. And so now you're like, okay, well, I'm gonna set my mind on Christ and who is about to, you know, really get me obedient to say, okay, you're a little anxious. Okay, so that's why I say pray. You know, I'm gonna pray about it. God, I'm about to cast it all over you. You know, put it in your hands. I'm not worrying about if it's perfect anymore. Um, I'ma thank you. in advance that, you know, you— however it comes out, it— I'm okay with that, and be okay with that. And but it took practice. Like, it really took discipline for me to even be here to say this. Like, it took me to really have some—

That's right.

Quiet time with God daily. Like, this is a daily discipline, like really training ourselves Daily, like we don't.

I hear like you know in the mornings, you know read the word, do my little affirmations, journal work. Little by little, I started to forget, or I started to, or I'll start it and all of a sudden I'm like, I'm like this this is the end. Satan always tries to pull you from getting that knowledge. Yeah. Satan knows the Bible in and out. He knows the word more than we do. So because he knows how powerful the word is, he'll try everything to pull you away from that and to get you off track. So I had to like really be like, nope. I put an alarm, like I'm like, all right, morning, in the night I'll do this. But every day I do something, you know what I mean? Yes. Every day I try to read it, every day I try to do something, every week I've been at church, as you know, I go every week. I'm doing the classes, like any little chance that I'm getting to be in that community, like I'm trying to surround myself because the enemy is just— because getting closer to God, he is like trying to pull me and I'm recognizing that, you know what I mean?

Yeah, those, those same, you know, sayings and his little mean— let me say sayings, you know, because, you know, I say sayings. I don't, I don't blood. Every little bit that is not— because it's the word of God, and then anything else is a lie, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that I could— I could— I can clearly identify if it's the— if it's, um, Satan's.

Yeah.

Or if it's the word. And that's why we come in like— the Satan's is just the world. He's the ruler of this world. That's the, the evil that we get to really flee from, those lies. Because when we you know, flee from evil, you know, um, we can really turn it backwards and live. If you turn around evil, you get live. So if you turn around and, and flip it from the evil in this world and come back to just live, live in the truth, you won't, you won't live in that lie that is, is, you know. So that, that really said to me, like, okay, God, okay, always. Anytime I'm lonely, I'm gonna worship, answer my soul. Because when, you know, worshiping, it really, it really one of those things like free. Like, God, I give you— now I give you all like the glory, the honor, and praise, but I can actually worship you in spirit and in truth. You see those 2 dimensions? My mind is in Christ. That's the truth. I can think on your truth. I can think on your word and say, okay, Whatever comes to my mind, okay, do I, do I have a word for it? Um, or do I have a world, you know, a worldview of this? And, and that, and that's what we— that's the good work that we're called to do because we get to actually identify the lies. We can call, call, you know, those things out and say, you know, that is not the word. The word says, you know, get thee behind me, you know. Um, man should not live by bread alone, but every word that comes from the word in the mouth of God. And you really, really come and think on those, like thinking on instead of saying, okay, whatever thought or whatever I'm hearing, I don't have to— even if it is not going to go down to my heart because I already— I'm not going to even have the ability to understand that it is the truth.

And so that's why I love the, like, Yeah, when you know the truth, you know automatically when it's not the truth.

Yeah, and just really, that's like worshiping. Like, I can— okay, it helps me identify, like, okay, okay, I'm— I dealt with this today. This is something that I had. And okay, so this is something that I just heard. God, let me worship you. You know how, how great and mighty you are that you, you You can do exceedingly abundantly more than I could ever ask or think. So as I cast down this, this imagination, and then you start to say like the word, it helps you to take your mind off of anything that is actually going on. Like, so I remember it was the day I literally lost my mind, like lost my mind, like control over my mind, like everything in this world that was going on. I couldn't think. All I could, all I could hear is don't think, thank God, and smile for an entire day. It was, it was literally, you mind you, you watching TV, you have people, you have somebody around you all day. And you literally, mind you, if I was just looking at you right now, Mm-hmm. And that's all I— in my mind, all I hear is, don't think, thank God, and smile. No other thoughts. That, that's that remuneration, you know, of saying, okay, God, that's how I want my thoughts to be, of your word. I want— I think I only want to hear your word. I don't, you know, even if I do hear something that comes against your word, I'm not gonna— I don't have to think on it. I can think on, you know, not those things that used to trigger me, um, those emotional snipers that was just a snipe, you know, coming against me. Like, and so just understanding it, it helped me to open up my eyes and really see that these— the eyes, these eyes wasn't the ones that was open. The eyes that was open was the eyes of my heart. Like, to see the vision that God has for me and my purpose. And, you know, no matter what I went through, I'm still grateful of the, the sufferings, the hard times, everything. Like, God, you really get the glory out of my life because it's— I didn't give it all over to you. It's all in your hands. I don't want it. I don't want control over my mind because if I If I say yes, I don't even want to give the, you know, Satan the, the, the, um, a foothold. Because that was a stronghold, that like a stronghold on my mind. Like, like I said, that song, it was on repeat. It's like, that's why it irritates me so much.

I remember, I mean, I remember you say you lost your mind, but like, I remember not, not really losing my mind, but I remember going back and all I could, all I could say, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus. Like, that's all I can say. In the name of Jesus. That's my, my grandmother taught us how to do. Like, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus. You're not welcome here. Get out, you know, because my mind— this is how I knew that I needed, like, I needed to really get on track with God. Um, Satan just, just pulling me, the enemy just pulling me and pulling me. And I had this panic attack where it was like one negative thought after another negative thought after another. I have fear of dying, I have fear of I have had so much fear in my mind at that moment that I was, I was rebuking the name of Jesus, I was rebuking the name of Jesus, and I put on gospel. I was like, you know, I put the gospel on loud and I'm walking around. I couldn't even sit, I couldn't even sit down. Like, I'm walking around, I'm praying, I'm worshiping, and I'm just like, this can't be life. Yeah. Like, Prisoner in my own mind, and it was the scariest feeling ever because I felt like I would never get out. Like, I felt like I was stuck in that mind. It was just like just constant, constant, constant. And I haven't had that since, you know, I have like given my life over to God. I've been following his word. I've been doing everything like his way. I don't have worry anymore. And, um, but that— I remember that time. I don't know why this little thing can go.

I was giving you the thumbs up in my head, baby.

I remember that time and it was so scary and I was just like, that's— I was like, this is real. I'm like, this is real. Like, I felt like he knew it was almost a time of God transitioning and it was just attacking. Like, attack. Like I told you, that's why I said like my whole life just kind of just Fell apart, and my mind was just nonstop. And I was like, oh my God, I, I can really understand how someone can lose their mind, end up in a mental hospital, commit suicide, because those thoughts were so uncontrollable. I was like, if someone doesn't know God, like, how do, how do you get out of that? Like, how do you literally get out of that state? stuck rotation of just negative thoughts in your mind all day long, you know.

And that, that's like my heart right there, um, and I'm thankful that God, even though I went through it, um, he, he got me through it, you know. That's why I was like, don't think, thank God and smile, because he knew, he know, he knows what, you know, what I can't see. And, and the, the, you know, to Really think about how the— how much the mind matters. And when it comes to like the environments and training and how we really approach God's word, like, you know, when I think about like the church and schools and grocery stores, our own homes, how important it is, like our— the dwelling place. where we dwell. And we, we, you know, when it— when we walk by sight, we think about a place like a school, um, a church, um, um, our own homes. We think about that. But then when you think about, um, faith and our dwelling, you know, Psalm 91, that dwelled in the secret place of the Most High. And, you know, that's our true our true home. So we have to get that place in order, you know, um, when it comes to our, our mental state. And the, the farm I see— I call it the farm— I see like the, you know, fruit.

Yes.

A farm full of fruit, of love, of joy and peace, and the, the presence of God, like being able to dwell there, dwelling in the secret place of the Most High. That is— that's the fundamental thought of my existence, is I want to be in that place where God is. And that's my dwelling place, the secret place that I pray that everyone gets, you know, to be able to get to that place, because that's the place where it's just you and God. And you can always go there. And, you know, you don't have to tell anybody your address, you know, to your secret place, or— You know, it's just God knows. And, and when God delivers you into, you know, your— that dwelling place and delivers you in that dwelling place, then it's— it allows you to be able to extend someone to come in, not necessarily into that dwelling place, but now into you, because now Christ is dwelling in you. The word is dwelling in you. So you can come into my heart and understand. And then I know I can— I have a secret place I can go to God and say, God, I'm, I'm thinking about this, this person, you know. You can even take that person into your secret place and intercede on behalf of them.

Yeah.

And so our minds is— it's, it's, it's, it's our— it's a place that we can really dwell, let God dwell in our hearts and our mind in Christ, you know, our Christ lives here, but really having— letting him live here as well in our minds. Like, okay, I'mma, I'mma, I'mma let the word live in me, in my mind.

I'm definitely not there yet as far as like the word being in my mind. That's definitely something, like I said, I've been reading, um, but of course that again, like I said, it's repetitive. It's just constantly, constantly Like, um, another question. Do you read— like, do you just open the Bible and just whatever comes, or do you read like from beginning to the end? You know, everybody has a way of how they read the Bible. Some people haven't even read some parts of the Bible. They just kind of open it and just read whatever, you know, God puts on their heart to read. So I don't know, you know.

Yeah.

I'm doing it from front to end, but I'm just kind of like I don't know if that's the right way. I mean, there's no really right way, but, you know, I guess I want to understand in chronological order maybe because I'm such a control freak. But maybe I should be just praying about it and then opening it and letting God speak to me that way.

So, you know, for me, I, I really— order has been one of the lessons God has taught me, um, because I can do things out of order. I have, you know, so I can find myself saying, okay, This is what I feel like I can do, and then I do things out of order. So first is asking. You know, he says, "Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all of its righteousness." So seeking the the kingdom. Okay, so what is the kingdom? Wherever I do not understand, like okay, so if I if there's a question that's I'm asking myself and I'm asking God, and then. I'm gonna go seek it. I'm gonna go, okay, so I want— I need all the scriptures that has kingdom in it, you know.

Okay.

And then I'll just start from there, okay, until, um, I just let it knock on my heart, like, okay, until I— okay, this is what the kingdom is, he says, you know. And then this is what God says, okay, um, unless you are born again, then you can't re— um, see the kingdom of God, okay. So there's the kingdom of God, he says, see, you know, the kingdom and all of its righteousness. So now I have 2 other things that add on to it. Now that's the righteousness of the kingdom. And then what was the other one? Seeking. So just from there, it's like, okay, let me— he knows the plans that he has for me. He knows that I'm asking. So that knocking, I'm just knocking. I'm I'm really doing the study, really trying to study to show myself approved, to say I, I really know what he's, what he's saying, you know.

Yeah.

And so then from there, I, I'll go from like, so now I, I have to find out what the kingdom is. That's what it was, the kingdom, you know. So now God would— now I know more about the kingdom, um, and, you know, from there, just based off of that one, one scripture or that one question And then knowing where, you know, locating me. Okay, that's the— that's where it starts. Locate you. I, I would say locate where you are because you— if you're like, for me, I could be— I'm in Revelations. That's the— that's the end of the book.

Yeah.

You know, and that's where I started. Well, I started in Romans. It was Romans 12:2, do not conform. So I started with do not. God said do not. Okay, what does that— what does that mean? God said do not. And so now do I understand what I should not do? If God said do not, am I doing it? And then so I started questioning myself, like, and it's a good thing to question yourself, like ask yourself and be honest. Like, do not conform to the patterns of this world. Yeah, I'm conforming. I, I have because it's, it's so, it's so easy. And now they took me to the beginning, Genesis. You think about Eve. And so now I have to go study Eve. Why? You know how easy it was just for, um, her to misunderstand, and, and look where we're at now. So now I have to study to show myself approved, to say, okay, that was a miss. I'm, you know, leaning, trust, trusting in the Lord. I need to trust in the Lord with all my heart, like, and Love the Lord God with all my heart. Like, I can't accept sayings anymore, you know what I'm saying? Like, because he said do not conform to the patterns of this world, and those repetitive patterns— like, one person says something and then the other person says something— that's a pattern. But if God says do not conform to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, So that's the pattern that I need to be doing. I need to be transforming myself and renewing my mind. So that's that. That answered my remuneration. So just by me asking God, like, you know, you took me through this, you, you know, don't think, thank God, smile. That was remuneration. It was a lot more that he gave. But me asking and saying, God, can you reveal to me who you are? You know, and so with, with that, it allowed me to see him and say, okay, you are my Father, you are, you are my Creator, you are the one who holds the plans for my life. And from there, let me, let me really take it and be intentional. That was another— I'm like, okay, remind you, renewing your mind, you're starting over new, so you have to relinquish and let go of of the definitions of what you believed in the past. So I could, you know, I believe being intentional was, um, doing whatever is needed. You see what I'm saying? Something that's simple like, okay, be intentional about what you're doing so that you can take that and say, I'm gonna be intentional about doing this. But then he said, be being intentional about the word, being intentional about actually getting the understanding. So of course now my, my whole understanding of being intentional is I being intentional about reading the word. What, what did you— what do you say, God? You are the answer. You are, you are the answer. So I need to go to the answer. Like, I don't, I don't Google. I don't— I mean, I, you know, you're saying I go to God first. Um, what, what does it say about— what does it— and then till I get understanding, and then, um, I'll go, I'll go to Google because one of the things I would say And then I would go to Google because one thing is that you said don't be ignorant of Satan's devices. So if I don't know what is being put out there in the world, you see what I'm saying? So therefore I could easily think something that I don't know, or, you know, slip into it. So it's like, okay, what— what— okay, God, you said do not conform to the patterns of this world. So what are the patterns of this world? And you know, you see what I'm saying? God gave me the patterns of this world, like evil.

Yeah.

But what is it? What does it look like? Because honestly, I still have these. I have the vision of God in my heart.

Yeah.

But now I have these, and that's spite. And so what I see, I still have to control what I see. And that's, that's been a journey too, you know, renewing your mind. Like, you, you You look at something and you, you have to still do the work of what's this?

Okay, being, um, there's a word I'm looking for— aware.

Awareness. Yes.

Yeah, but again, if you don't know the word and you don't, you know, if you don't know, then That's, that's what's going on with a lot of people in the world. They just don't— they just go along with whatever's going on in the world. Like, you know, like, it's like robotic. They don't have a mind of their own, you know what I mean?

Yeah. And that's why it's so important to, to, to speak the word. If you do know, you know, speak the word. Like, you know, um, for me, it was— it hit me hard. Like, You know, I had somebody say something, they like, oh, that hit me. Oh, that, that just— that, that— it was when God said, don't, don't merely think that you are a listener and so deceive yourself. It's, you know, be a doer of the word. And, you know, it's like looking in the mirror and quickly forgetting what you look like. I said, oh, I forgot what I look like. I literally forgot. I— Lord, I don't even read. Like you said, awareness. I don't even, I don't even, I don't even know the last time I thought about what I look like. And so, so that's how I'm approaching your word. That hit me hard. Like, I don't want to forget your word. Now, as far as me and my— me and remembering what I look like, I've just applied that principle and being a doer of the word. And if he, you know, actually Speaking faith. Faith comes by hearing, so you gotta speak it. So that means I have to know it. And that really like, okay God, I really want to— I'm taking, you know, being intentional about learning your word, speaking your word. And because I want to be obedient, like I don't want to, you know, forget your word because I, I, I know That I don't want that mind that I used to have. I don't want the mind of this world. So if there could be a lie in it, I don't want it. I don't want— I don't want the lies. I want your word. Because I—

And they have— not forgetting the word is really living in it. If you're doing it every single day, living by the word, yeah, by what he says is right and what to do and what not to do. you can't forget it, you know what I mean? It's kind of just instilled in your mind on what God said we should be doing and what we shouldn't be doing. And so you will recognize immediately, oh, that's not of God, like, that's just— yeah, I don't want it. You don't even have— I don't even have the desire anymore for the things that I used to have desires for. Like, it's immediately just disappeared. Like, I don't have a desire to even, like, drink alcohol like I used to. I don't have a desire to go out and hang out at certain places that I used to. It's like, like you said, the renewing of your mind. Like, my vision is so different than what it was, and this was just like as of February, March. Like, this is very recent.

Yeah.

So I just went from that to like A whole new person. And people are just kind of like, what just happened? Like, it's kind of like, yeah, she had a revelation. Like, she— like, you know, like, there's no other explanation. Like, I can't even explain it. They're just like, this is a whole new Sarah. But people are just like, I like it. Like, some people are like, I like it. People are just kind of like— they just haven't said anything to me about it anyway, you know what I mean? But Um, definitely the renewing of my mind has changed a lot of things. Like I said, I don't have the desire to do— I don't have the desire to listen to certain music anymore. And this was just as of a few months ago. Like, I— so I moved here, right? And I bought some like merchandise with like this rapper that I used to listen to, Megan Thee Stallion. I guess you— I'm sure you know.

Yeah, I know. Now that we get into the conversation, all of you right?

From like February, I bought that. And I bought that and it took forever to get in the mail. And my friend had sent it over because I moved here. I was just like, why do I even have this? Like, I literally threw it away. Like, I spent money on it, but I threw it away because I'm just like, I don't— like, it's not even—

Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, what?

And but the thing is, it was like, that's why I said we, we perish for a lack of knowledge. And, and for those, the individuals that, you know, I, I don't— somebody asked the other day, it was like, you really don't hear anybody talking about Revelations. And I told you, I've been all in Revelation. And so When it comes to this world and, um, the God— the things that God is allowing me to understand. So when I— when it comes down to those things that I used to listen to, like, it was a— it was a situation the other day when, um, with my mom, and she had— I mentioned, I think it was, uh, Megan Thee Stallion. I think it was. And I was like, If, if you only knew, like, the, the how much I have to— you know, my mind knows the truth. And, you know, um, that is— it's just becoming knowledgeable about that, um, and not rejecting the person. But, you know, sometimes, like, we're talking about rejection and rejecting the truth, or rejecting or being, you know, being rejected. And so, like, being able to have those kind of conversations, like, okay, you— I, I don't want to hear, um, Megan Thee Stallion, and this is why. So I'm setting that boundary and standing on that boundary, like, um, I know my nos. No, because I, I, I, I can, you know, I know that what, you know, it does to your mind, um, and not necessarily what it does to your mind, what you're accepting and what you are rejecting. Because when you're accepting that, you're rejecting the word. And so for me to accept it, I would be rejecting that, that the word— you see what I'm saying? Because I want to think on the word, and when I speak, I want to sing the word. You know, if I'm gonna sing, I'm gonna sing the word, um, because you're—

Yes.

It's a— it's out of your heart. So if If if I still remember his old song, you know what I'm saying? Like that that has to be replaced. So that's that goes back to that creating me a clean heart. Take those things out. Like I would love to forget some you know some and I have and that's the that's the great thing about you know the renewing of your mind. Yeah. Um yeah. Some of those things like who what do you whole social media page was me like with making decisions.

Stallion songs and doing— I'm just like, I'm just like, who was I? Like, who was I? And obviously just following the patterns of this world.

Yeah.

Obviously I have to fit in with every— whatever the popular thing is right now. Like, you know, and I'm just like, as soon as I hit— as soon as I had that revelation, as soon as God showed me something different, I just couldn't anymore. Like, I was on it. I don't desire it. Um, and because like I said, I know right from wrong, why would I listen to that? Like, you know what I mean? So people will judge, they're gonna judge.

Yeah, yeah, that's the, that's the beauty. I love that we can be a light, you know what I'm saying? Like, you— I'm not saying that you have to— God will reveal when he, you know, if that person listened to that. But I'm gonna speak the word, I'm gonna, you know, listen to— I So me, I'll probably change the station and say, okay, it's time to worship. I'm gonna let the Spirit of God like come into the room and they're, you know, and they'll be okay, you know, and pray that they'll be okay. Like, God, put it on their heart. Like, um, I just want to love them and this is the truth. And now I can actually have that hard conversation. And, um, I was talking today about having those hard conversations, like— You know, that's the power of the word. And when it comes down to rejection, you're you know if someone sins against you, you know how do you have that hard conversation? You go to them. You go tell them. And that's the the great thing about having the word of God because you can go tell them like you know God loves you, you know, and He has a plan for you even though you know you could. You can, you can go, you know, tell them something and have that hard conversation, but you can tell them like, that right there really takes my mind away from God. It doesn't bring me peace. And that—

Mm-hmm.

And letting them know that, you know, how it, it sins against you because it ignites— a lot of that stuff just ignites you, it triggers, you know. Um, and like you said, when you want to pull it, you know, you know, um, trigger something in your mind, you want it to be the word. And so you can actually go to somebody and say, um, like you said in Matthew, to tell your brother that, you know, that they sinned against you, you know. And then if they don't want to hear it, then, you know, he hits a whole process of, you know, getting 2 witnesses. Like, hey, look, hey Sarah, come and talk to this person and tell them how How it really has effect on their mind, you know. And if they still don't want to listen, then you can take them to the church and say, you see how it, you know. And but then after that, you really have to understand that they're hardened.

As long as you do your part, you know, that's our job is to speak the word and to share the word and to, you know, but that, that's just planting seeds in people, you know what I mean? And it's up to them. to do their part. And I feel like as long as we're doing our part, oh, God is aware, you know, and he will work on their heart, you know what I mean? All had to go through that at some point, and God worked through us and got us where we're at right now.

Who, who would have thought?

I mean, my mom is just like, I can't believe like this new person that I was sitting in front of, like, you know what I mean? Like, even like going to church and like Worshipping and doing what I'm doing, like, I was very like— I cared so much about what other people thought. And so now I'm very open and very— this is me, this is what I believe. I love Jesus, I love God. The things that he did for me is absolutely insane, amazing. And just, I just want to thank him. And the way that I thank him is by who I'm becoming. I'm thanking him by showing him I am renewing my mind. I am reading the word. I am doing my part to get to know him better. I feel like that is important because now I'm walking the walk. I'm not just talking it. You know what I mean? Coming to him whenever things are wrong, but I'm coming to him when things are right, and people are going to reject me for that, and I'm totally fine with it. Like I'm at that right now that like. Like you said, God will remove people, but he'll bring better into my life. And I'm just grateful for you, obviously.

Likewise.

We clicked. And grateful to have a community and have people I can go to to kind of help me on this journey too, because like you said, it's not easy to do it alone. Yeah. But I'm ready for it. I know my daughter is gonna, you know, not really understand, but that's totally fine too. You know, she will get it. But as long as I keep on instilling her and teaching her, you know, he'll work on her heart. I pray for her all the time. Um, yeah, I'm excited to see what God has in store because, oh Lord, it has been a journey. And you know, never the journey ends. It never ends.

Yeah.

But I know that that moment is coming that God wants to show through me to other people, you know what I mean? Like, he's gonna show who he is through me and through— because people that know what I've been through, he has to— it has to be amazing. You know what I mean? And for them to know, like, that is—

yeah, if you want to get the glory out of this, look. And I, I love it because we get to honor this day on our journey. Our journey takes, you know, from hurt to honoring, you know, getting to honor our, our mother and our, our father and, and things in that sort and saying thank you even for that That obedience, like for me too, and I'm not—I want to cry—but just for me, like I'm—I'm so grateful that I was even able to see and listen to my mom, you know, listening to you know gospel songs. So you know, and you know, even quizzing us—it doesn't matter how much, you know—the value is in so much in the word. So if I receive the word, I receive. receive a, you know, a great reward from receiving Christ at such a young age. Um, and but now really not really, you know, I was really studying what it means like to, to not take things for granted. And really sometimes we like access, we are granted access, but really it— we have to go through the process. That's the good thing about growing and walking with Christ and, you know, really being able to receive Christ and having that relationship with God on our own. And then also, you know, others and our parents are, you know, the youth that is looking up to us. And, you know, that's why I'm like really thankful, giving God glory and honor, because even being able to see, you know, what I've been able to see when you Your walk, Sarah. It's been— it's been so inspiring to, you know, continue to be disciplined. And, you know, seeing you get baptized and you growing, and, you know, uh, this, you know, the smile on Kimmy's face and things. It's just— it's, it's those things that you can give God the glory in saying that this journey— Lord, let me continue to be on this journey. I want you to be— I know you are with me. And I, I want you to be with me. I want to obey and be in your will. Let your will continue to be done and really put it all in his hands and, and know that you're in good hands.

And yeah, there's one thing Pastor Darius said on Easter that like stuck with me, but basically was about, I guess, him taking people out of debt. about one person being like million dollars, person—

Yes.

And he's just like, who do you think is gonna be more appreciative when God releases them of that debt? The person with $20 or the person with a million dollars? Obviously the person that has more debt. And I feel like that's like hard for Easter because I'm like, I knew this is what I say my whole life was I can't be going through all this for a reason. Like, there's a reason that all of this, all this debt, all this stuff that is going on, it's because he knows when he releases that, I am going to be so thankful, so grateful, so appreciative. And it's going to show that it was him all along that allowed me to go through those things, you know what I mean? I'm so Grateful for even like the valleys and everything that he's put me through, because if not, I wouldn't even be here. Like, I wouldn't even be in a position to thank him, to appreciate him as much as I do, because, you know, who knows, I could have been dead, jail, all kinds of things, you know.

Look, that's how even reading, like you, you brought it up. So Easter was just that, that situation of, you know, loving, uh, how much, you know, even when he forgave the woman and just how much he loved her, you know, and how much he's— he even identified that she loved much. And when he said to her, your sins are forgiven, you know, just saying that, how much Jesus loves us to say. That our sins are forgiven and to receive that, that much love, that's so powerful.

Like, there's nothing like it.

Thank you. That's like, for me, you'll hear me say thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, because that's how, you know, that's how much he has forgiven us, our forgiven us. And just hearing— that's why it's like that faith. And then when he say, go in peace, you know, you know, hearing that, like, I can leave knowing that my mind is being guided, you know. I can hear— I can hear Christ speaking to me. Yeah. And he say, you are forgiven. Thank Thank you, Jesus. Like, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

None of us are perfect. We all have made mistakes. And that's why I always say, like, he literally waited for me all this time to get to this place. He watched me through the world over and over and over and over. Here I am. He knew I would get here. It's just a matter of him waiting. And like, he forgave me for Yeah, I think forgive myself, that's, that's the hardest part, is forgiving yourself. But once you know that God forgave you, it—

I love— I, I can, I can smile and, and I, I, I'm hearing Change Worship in my head right now. You can give it to Jesus. Because he won't fail.

That's my song.

Oh man, that's what I'm hearing. Like, thank, thank you, God, because you, you won't fall, you won't fail, you won't—

I can't wait for church for Mother's Day.

I know.

I'm excited. It's like, like me coming for the first time. I always feel the presence of God.

Good. And if I don't, like, Lord, I'm about to usher him in. That's why I said anytime lonely, like, worship. Always anytime lonely, worship answers your soul. So just like right now, always, like, you can give it to Jesus. Like, I can worship, it answered my soul, my mind. My will, my emotions, my imagination, my affection, everything. Now I can give it to Jesus and I can love, live in love. I love it.

I love Jesus. I really appreciate this talk. I'm sure we doing again. Um, I feel like we just always have great conversations. I feel like You know, God has put certain topics, certain things here. So we'll meet up and we'll figure out do this again and you know share it with everybody. Um, hear other people not really, but I would like touch somebody else's heart. Just let them know like we're all human. Human, we all go through our, our moments, but God is there and God is good no matter what.

Yeah, and I believe we have a marketplace mandate and we are kingdompreneurs and we're, you know, being part of the kingdom. We have our work to do and we're, we're being approved. And, and when we test and approve what God's good, pleasing, and perfect will is His will will be done, and we can we can trust and believe in that and do it and do the work and share in the love, the joy because there was a lot of love, joy, peace, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control in there. A sound mind in this in in this in this conversation, and I it's a it's a great space to be in, and I pray that it blesses others. I know you know I pray that it continues to. bless us as, you know, we put our hearts and our mind in Christ and continue to walk and follow him. And I, I look forward to the, um, Bel Parazon, the God of the breakthrough, you know. So I pray for breakthroughs, breakthroughs in, in every situation, um, as we embrace the new. As we move on. Because he's— behold, he's doing a new thing. You not already see it, you know? And you see it, you get— other people see it as well. So it's just being able to see the, the, the— see God, see the unknown, you know, things that are seen but eternal, our eternal and gracious Father. And being able to see that in us, and we be a light and shine You know, as we speak. I love it. I'm excited about what's, what's to come.

Thank you, Sharnita. Thank you so much.

Anytime, anytime. Always, you know, it's a great place to worship.

We will— I will see you Sunday.

Yes, ma'am. Continue. OK.

OK. Bye.

Bye. Love you.

Bye.