In this intimate, year‑long reflective monologue, Shawna Lynne (Delulu Today) chronicles the emotional landscape of the past decade and outlines her intentions for 2025. She begins by describing a moment of stillness on New Year’s Day, juxtaposing the excitement of new‑beginning tarot cards with the lingering grief of her brother Jay’s death eight years earlier. The loss, compounded by a recent divorce, chaotic children, and her sisters’ life milestones, fractured her family’s foundation. Florida emerges as a recurring sanctuary where she sought healing, met significant partners (including Monty), and rebuilt connections with her parents, especially a newly proud father. Shawna recounts her evolution from “Shawna Posluns” to “Shawna Ackerman” and now to a solo identity, emphasizing a year of intentional solitude, daily micro‑joys, and self‑discovery. She reveals extensive psychotherapy training—5,000 therapy hours and years of education—positioning herself as both a healer and a student of resilience. Impulsivity is portrayed as a double‑edged trait that has driven both crisis and creative problem‑solving. Shawna also foregrounds her Jewish heritage, linking personal grief to the historic suffering of her people and expressing pride amid rising anti‑Semitism. She reflects on past love cycles, the importance of community (e.g., Century Village), and the decision to enter a “friend zone” year, prioritizing personal growth over romantic entanglements. The narrative concludes with a hopeful invitation to viewers to reflect on their own pasts while she embarks on a 365‑day journey of stillness, spirituality, and purposeful living.
Chapters
Oh, I'm practicing my voice. Oh, there's this place when I want to talk like all gentle and spiritual, like I feel this morning, and then there's the voice of excitement. Like, I have pulled my cards 3 times and it just says new beginnings, greater futures, new things. I have put myself in relationships in boxes for so long, I don't know what it feels like to be on the outside. I really don't. It is Unbelievable. I'm just sitting here with no plan, nothing to do, no lists, just still. I don't think I have sat still in 30 years. And this morning, New Year's morning, when life changed for everyone 8 years ago with the transition, From this world. When Jay left us, it left a hole, a big gapping hole in our whole family. And the trauma that went into those holes as we tried to figure out the story, not blame each other, not blame ourselves, help each other instead of Be angry, rebuild instead of fall apart. But we were fractured. When you lose a family member and your foundation was not strong— I had just gotten divorced, my kids were so chaotic, my sister was just getting married, my other sister was building a business— like, there was just so much going on. And we were so focused on his mental health and getting well, and then he was gone. And this is the first year in 8. And 10 years ago to this day, it was going to be my first year single. We were leaving our marriage and moving out in February. 2015, 10 years ago, a decade. And through that whole time, Florida has been my safe haven. Amazing that I met Monty here to begin with. This is where the whole story started. Isn't that interesting? I never thought about that. And yet I come back here time and time again to heal, to change, to shift. After my brother died, I came to Florida, spent all of February with their grief. Oh, I was pulled in so many directions. And I've been here with all my boyfriends. My parents are so awesome, they let anyone stay, and my friends too. And I honor who they've become and what they've chosen. They chose to heal, they chose to rebuild. I hugged my dad for the first time in years, and it was beautiful, and it felt good. And he— I felt his pride, even though he's never been able to say it. This time, I think he's really actually allowing his pride of me to come through. He knows I can be to it on my own. And he wants me to prove it to him and to myself. So making myself a priority, figuring out the self-discovery, taking time to sit still and get to know Shawna Lynne. Shawna Posluns was one person up until 22, and then I became Shawna Ackerman. And for 30 years, I held that persona in many different ways, even through divorce. And now this stage, just me. I have no idea what that means. I have never been alone. It is an invitation from the universe to sit in my spirituality and really touch base with reality around me and what I need, what I want, what my opinions are, what I believe in, I really just agree with everyone. I really don't care about all of that as long as every day for me I help somebody, I have some good conversations, I dance, I have sex, I love a little. Every day needs to have micro minutes of joy to keep me going. I didn't realize I was deep in depression. And masking it every day. This morning when I woke up, with all of the healing I have done since December 8th, I'm really seeing the entire story from beginning to end. I have checked in with perspectives on the other side who stood there and watched me. As I survived, I checked in with those stories. I'm like, okay, where was I spinning? Would I have listened? Could I have made a different decision? Let's think about what would have happened if— and each of those stories have now built my past from 2 perspectives, one of trauma and tragedy. Fuck. Whew. 30 years. 22 to 52. I met Monty here. I was 22 years old 30 years ago. Oh my God, Christmas, December 19th. Oh my God, 30 years. Whoa. I won $1,900 at bingo. I came here with Arete and Pam. Sari dragged us to Boca Beach Club. And I met Manji on the dance floor. I danced with him, we kissed, and that was it. I was getting married and moving to Montreal within 6 months. A little impulsive. My whole life has been based on impulsivity. That impulsivity has also been a gift of problem-solving, solution, and resiliency. So I live in extremes. That's what it seems. And here we are, January 1st, the morning where I had the most uncomfortable conversations of my life telling my parents that their son was no longer with us and that they had to come home from Florida and deal with all of this. That conversation changed me forever. Something broke inside of me that day 8 years ago. My hole got bigger. And healing Ethan, who found Jay, and my holding my parents, helping them stay in the grief and do something because they didn't go to therapy. I went to psychotherapy school and learned so much of healing. I processed my healing of 3 years of education And now I have 5,000 therapy hours under my belt and thousands of hours of teaching and conversations, and this brain is full of information on healing and changing and transitioning resiliency. On December 8th, everything fell apart and it fractured so bad so fast. I can't believe that happened. And I was spiraling that someone would treat me that way and that I was in the worst time again, right in that place of I've let go of everything, I'm back down at the bottom, depression sent in, burned out, was overwhelming. I was broken. September 1st, on my birthday, I really broke. I felt it. I felt something inside of me. I wasn't satisfied at all. I was so miserable, and I couldn't understand why I had so much good, but I didn't. When I started to take each piece apart, it wasn't healthy. There was things missing, and I really put the effort in to uncover them, and I did. My kids and I changed the vibration. My sisters, my parents, we changed the vibration. I've hugged my dad. He's part Proud of me. I have courage. I've shifted my friendships. I found people like-minded who love to sit in my spiraling brain of creativity and inspiration. And I am going out there and building whatever comes naturally, organically. I'm sitting still for 365 days. I'm going to discover all the parts that I want to be in the next chapter. Welcome to 2025. I hope that you are reflecting on your past and what is happening around us with the amount of hate for Jewish people. I am Jewish and I am proud. It is part of who I am and why I stand up every day and why I can heal over and over from grief. Our people have felt grief for Thousands of years, as you've seen, it never ends. So my personal grief does not match what is going on around us, so I'm holding positivity for all of that. Part 2: There is a place where you can sit in anything You want any pain, it takes you down, it's overwhelming. I know, I've been there over and over. I'm holding myself back from even referring to the past story. It is now written down on paper, it will go into my book, it will be there as a representation that I overcame everything. It is there as a reminder that I could have given up at any time. No one would have blamed me. It would have been easier just to sit still and just let it fall apart. But something inside me fought. That's my Jewish heritage, my being, my ancestors, all of that history behind me that continues to survive. How are those hostages okay? How do they survive every day? How do they want to come back? How will they ever fit back into reality after witnessing disgusting parts of humanity? How can people do that to other humans? I don't get it. It makes me so sad and angry that there are so many people that want to hate when our world has a whole invitation to learn and grow and create. Look around you at what Sure. What creativity can be. A whole community of people that aren't lonely. Century Village is fun. You make friends. You don't have to be alone if you're lonely. You can join clubs. There is beautiful trees and places to walk and things to do. I was lonely in my condo. I was so sad and depressed. I really didn't know if I could gonna make it over this this year. That devastation at this time of year, I didn't think I had it in me, but it was the deepest, darkest depth of pull for me to heal. If I can choose to be in a situation where I was miserable, no. Sorry, take that back. Where I was not vibrating at my speed, I was really happy. I was happy every moment of those 3 and a half years. I chose happiness like I always do, but when you choose something, you lose something, and I didn't know I was losing my spirituality, my gentleness. My intensity grew too much. And I let it grow because it was exciting and fun and it was new, but it's not what my vibration is. I need to sit still with no plans today, nothing, nothing to do, and it didn't matter. I can put my phone away for the whole day and not worry about offending anyone. I know that when I pick up my phone, there'll be messages of love and invitations of things to do. And if there isn't, I can reach out to a whole community of people that would welcome me at any moment because I come in those situations with gentleness and conversation. An opportunity for reflection. I love to jump in and go deep. I was doing it from a deficit. I was not fitting in, and it was bothering me, and I couldn't understand. I was trying so hard, but we spoke different languages. And now I'm back to the language I speak. It's a whole different vibration. I honor what love was and what it Gave me and how I grew within that box. I honor it with so much joy and love. I am so grateful for both Seans. 7-year cycle of love, so intense. Both of those men were pretty awesome to me when they were and had a lot of things to deal with that I wasn't. That didn't work. But invitation to me, priority. I get to be whoever I want to be. I don't know who that is. I really don't. Emily is married. I'm living alone. I call it solo. I hugged my dad. My plate is empty. No more camp. No more college. No more men for a while. What? Friend zone. A year of the friend zone. What does that mean?
