Do I need a therapist?

Hi, good afternoon to you. I hope you are well. So today's today's live is do I need a therapist? So do you? I don't know. Maybe. Let's explore this. So about five years ago, I I was struggling with some stuff around the about adoption, and somebody said you need to see a therapist. So I thought, well, I'll talk to a few and I'll see what what happens. And I had to kiss a lot of frogs. What I mean by that is that I found them not. I didn't instantly warm to any of them. Sounds like I'm judging it on whether they were nice people or not. I didn't. really get a feel that they could help, and I found them a very reluctant and strange set of people to deal with. So one lady I went to see, who's supposed to be an adoption therapist, she said she didn't want to explain why she was doing what she was doing, but she was involved in the adoption triad. So she was using this, uh, jargon on me, the adoption triad. Okay, right. Um, but she didn't feel it was appropriate to share. I said, okay, fair enough. So I said, um, can you tell me a little bit about the process, what you're going to go through? And she said, well, I don't think that would be appropriate either, or fudged it, couldn't answer me, couldn't answer a clear question. And I thought, that's really— well, I thought, this is a little bit frustrating, really. I also thought, well, if you can't answer me a simple question like that, how are we going to handle the tricky stuff? So I asked, can you tell me a little bit about the people that you've worked with, maybe some case studies of people that you've helped and the transformation that you've helped them to. And I wasn't prying into the names of her clients or anything. I just wanted some generic stories like, you know, this guy went— this guy came to me with this problem and now he's gone away with any feeling. And, you know, I just wanted a story really. Oh well, it wouldn't be appropriate for me to share names. No, I'm sorry. Oh, so I went— I kind of— all right, okay, it's my fault. I've booed up. I've asked. I've messed up. I've not asked the question in the right way. So I said, "I'm awfully sorry. What I meant—I don't want—I'm not asking for the names of your people, the names of the people, your patients that you've helped. I just want to know, you know, some stories about, you know, because, you know, you didn't feel it was appropriate to share the process, you know. And and it was incredible. It was really incredible. So I kind of went with the one that I felt was the best of a bad bunch. I'd kind of spoken to 5, 10 or something. I thought maybe, maybe I'm getting too hung up about my hangups. Maybe I should just do it. So I went to see this woman who I thought was kind of the least bad. Um, oh, the other thing was when I was asking these questions, um, this, uh, to this other therapist, and a lot of them did this, they made, made out that the fact that I was asking them questions, they made out that that was my problem. Well, I mean, if you, if you want a, a wall, you want to, you know, a wall pointing up or an extension pointing up, then you're probably likely to ask some friends about, you know, can you give me a recommendation for a builder? And you, you know, you would do that. That would be due diligence— due diligence, due diligence, can't even say it properly— that you would do when you were, um, getting an extension done. So if it comes something like sensitive, like, you know, one's own emotional well-being and mental health, you think, shouldn't I be asking a few questions first? Should I just go into this? Um, and, and I, I found that— I found the therapists, uh, um, I don't mean this to be— I didn't find it worked to me. Um, what they did was they rooted around in the dark, you know. They were looking to— they were looking to only to focus on kind of my solid psychology, you know, what the thoughts— and most of the thoughts I have, like all of us, completely random. They didn't want to focus on my thoughts and, and the history, and rather than, you know, who, who, who we are, you know, who we are, who, who I am and who we all are, that very essence, that kind of human spirit. And, um, they wanted to root around in the dark, um, rather than, um, point me towards some light. So it was like, well, you're not— I'm not gonna find what I'm looking for, um, by rooting around in the, in, in, in the dark and the, and the crappy thoughts. And this, this— so it didn't work for me. What has worked for me, uh, because I've been coached, I've been coached a lot in the past, and to me that was a far more um, enlightening, uplifting experience. I've, I felt better, and from a better, from a better place, from a better mood, from a more perspective, from, um, a higher vantage point. Um, I could see my own solutions, and, and I could see the Um, how should I put it, the, the BS in my own thoughts. We all, we live in this, we live in this world where mindset has become some sort of god. And I, and I, I was listening to a podcast and I, I, I put a plug to it on, on my, um, social media a couple of days ago. It's a Johnny Wilkinson podcast. He's a rugby rugby player. And, you know, the traditional whatever-it-takes, total focus on outcomes is where he was, and it drove him nuts, to put it bluntly. He talks about it openly. It drove him nuts. And, and, um, so he's changed his approach completely, uh, but he's been interviewed by the, you know, a psychologist and a a psychologist and a commentator guy, sports commentator. And they kind of sometimes struggle with— they both really enjoy the conversation, but both of them sometimes really struggle with this because this guy, Johnny Wilkinson, is so— his thoughts about focus on outcomes and self-belief are so counter, are so counter to the, um, the commonly believed myths that we, we're all— that we see on the media all the time, you know. Uh, and that's what— that's where we seem to be focused. We focus— we're focused in this self-belief and I can make it happen, whereas Johnny Wilkinson talks about exploring and see if. And, you know, the nature— the idea that we have to suffer to get to success, it is completely counterintuitive when we think about it. Wouldn't we rather go out in life and enjoy ourselves and see what happens? Isn't that— isn't that gonna— isn't that freeing? Isn't that liberation gonna make us Feel what? Feel better and enjoy our life rather than waiting till we get— until waiting for a result, waiting for a result to make us happy. So that's my take on it, my take on therapy rather than coaching, and it is only my take on it. I have found coaching more beneficial to me than therapy. And the idea for this post came up from a conversation I had with a lady that does something a little bit like Mia this morning. And she was saying that, you know, she's worked in— worked in— put in a council in, in a department related to what we're talking about here, about adoption and care. And she said, we seem to have forgotten this stuff. We seem to be as— and she was talking about her council— um, we seem to be, you know, we're obsessed with the procedures and everything else gets shunted off to the therapists. And I thought, well, what if the therapy isn't right for all these people? If we, if we think it's about therapy and we're leaving everything to the therapist, then are we doing the right thing? And just whether we should consider that. And then this other lady I was talking to yesterday, she talked about therapeutic parenting, and, um, and this seems to be a bit of a, a buzzword. And, you know, I would question that. Do we want to Do we want to? Do you want to be a therapeutic parent, or do you just want to be a parent? Maybe mull it over and find out what's right for you. Because you somebody asked me the other day, you know, I was swapping emails and swapping messages, and she said she was another adoptee going through a tricky time. Said. Do I get? Should I get a divorce? I'm like, how do I know? And she must be really desperate because she's within a couple of messages. She's she's pinged me and said, "Should I get a divorce?" And I thought, these are like two sentences messages on Facebook Messenger. I don't know. You need to need to decide for yourself what you're going to do with these big. Um, big issues. And, um, the big issue, like, do you get a divorce? Do you adopt a child? Do you get a therapist? But take the, take the decision when you're in a better, when you're in a better place. Don't act out of, uh, don't act when you're in a, in a, in a low mood, um, because you might be doing, you might the acting, the actions that you might take from a lower mood might not be the best ones. So sleep on it, mull it over. And yeah, so do you need a therapist? I don't know. I don't know. Get clear on what your outcome you're looking for, and then ask the person, look at different options to achieve what you you're gonna— what you're gonna look for. But don't assume that the first option that ever comes to you is the only one. So I hope that has helped, and I'll see you again very soon. Ciao. Bye-bye. Bye.