Immunising Your Adopted Child Against The Primal Wound Part 2

So today we're gonna ask, uh, we're gonna ask— no, we're gonna answer the question, what's wounded? What, what's wounded in Nancy Barrio's primal wound? Because being adopted sometimes hurts, right? Feeling those, those feelings hurt, um, and I, I, I've, I felt them, right? Um, I want to tell you the perhaps the the most painful time I went through is when I found out where this fella from where where my where I found out that my my teddy bear was from my adopted mum when I was 40, right? And I didn't know that. I I was adopted at five weeks old. I was told. before I was 2 that I was adopted and I never had a, and never had a problem with it. But at 40, I found out that my teddy bear, this fella, was from my birth mother. And my first reaction was one of curiosity. It's kind of strange that I didn't— that my mum and dad hadn't told me before. But a couple of months later, I was talking to somebody about this and I had a huge avalanche of fear and anger. Um, yeah, mainly anger, actually fury, uh, erupted from, from within me. And that, that really, that really hurt. Um, so what is wounded? What is wounded by the primal wound? So gonna take a little step back to when I was about 10. When I was about 10, my Mum and Dad were on a— they'd been on a business trip to Switzerland and they brought me a Swiss Army knife back, right? So I haven't actually still got the one that, um, that they got me then. I don't know where it's gone, but I've got, you know, this, this one here. Um, and they gave me this Swiss Army knife and as— and they gave it to me and I remember my— I can't remember whether it's my mum or my dad Said, be careful, it's sharp. And, and, and, and, and a split second after they said it's sharp, I cut my— I cut my finger. I wounded my finger. This is where I'm going with this metaphor, right? I wounded— I wounded my finger. I cut my finger, started bleeding. I had to run it under the cold tap, stop the water, stop the blood flowing, put a plaster on it, and, and they— and the Swiss Army knife went away for when I was— when I was— when I— when I could play with it more sensibly, right? When I was a bit more grown up. And I really craved getting that knife back. I don't know how long it took, a couple of years, but they thought that I wasn't gonna endanger myself with this. So what Nancy Verrier is saying here is, with this primal wound, she's using this metaphor She's using this metaphor, so she's saying that being adopted, or being relinquished actually— so being— well, the word— the words can be, um, the words can be very triggering for some. So being placed for adoption, being relinquished, being given away— you know, the word given away sometimes causes some, some, some issues. Something— anyway, being relinquished— let's say, let's make it simpler. Losing our birth mother causes this primal wound. But what is it that's wounded? Because the Swiss Army knife, that cut my finger on the thumb, I think it was. A wound. A wound that had to heal. The metaphor is that this is the same thing. It's like a physical— she's using the metaphor like a physical wound. But we're not our bodies. The knife wounded my thumb. Did being relinquished by my birth mother wound my body? I don't, I don't think so. I don't think so. But even, even if it did, we're not our bodies, right? We're not our bodies. That sounds a little bit of a freaky thing to say. When I saw this, and we have to see this stuff for ourselves, right? When I saw this, when I really saw that we're not our bodies, isn't Fortunately, I saw my father-in-law after he'd died. I saw his body, but he wasn't there anymore. The life force that was Bill Baxter— I think he's William Baxter Dorwood— the life force that he was wasn't there anymore. He'd gone. He'd gone from his body. His body was there, but no one was at home, right? We say that, don't we? The lights are on, but nobody's at home. When people are absent, like their thoughts are elsewhere. But when he— his body was there, but he wasn't there anymore, because we're not. We are not our bodies. So if The wound can't be— the primal wound can't be physical. And even if it's physical, then it's not hurting who we truly are because we're not our bodies. What's it doing? Well, it was hurting— it hurt my feelings, this eruption of anger towards my birth mother, thinking that she didn't loved me enough to keep me. And it was said with far more venom, lots of swear words, lots of profanity. It hurt my— it hurt my feelings in that moment. I could— I'd never felt like that before, and I've only ever felt like that once since. It hurt my feelings being— the idea of not being loved enough. By my birth mother, that feeling of rejection, that feeling of isolation, that feeling of being worthless, that feeling of all those feelings, all those horrible things. That that's that that's what this is about, or is it? Because we're not our feelings either, are we? Our feelings come and go. That feeling had— those feelings had never— they never— I'd never been— I'd never felt those feelings before in relation to adoption. Before I was— before I had that meltdown about the teddy bear, I'd felt feelings of like being rejected, but like by girlfriends and stuff like that. But we all feel those, don't we? Sometimes. But we're not our feelings because our feelings come and go. Our feelings come and go, so they can't be essential to us. They're not at the essence of who we are. When the feelings go, we're still left behind— the feeler, if you like, the person The person. The awareness, the feeler of the feelings, remains behind. We're still there. Who we are is still there after the feeling has gone. So those thoughts hurt my feelings. But I'm not my feelings. So who, who am I? What is it that's wounded by the primal wound? And I've given this a lot of thought over the last 14 years, and I've come up with what I think is wounded. I think— well, for me, this is just for me, right? I think what was wounded was my sense of who I am. My sense of who I am. Or another word for that is ego. And so that our sense of wholeness. So it was I felt the feel. I felt under attack because of those feelings, and I went on the attack myself. I went on the attack myself, and I turned my anger towards my birth mother and the under. The underlying concern, the underlying feeling of the anger, the insecurity was my ego. My ego was under attack. How dare she? How dare she? How dare she not love me enough? What mother? What sort of birth mother? I'm just putting some words to, to, to this in hindsight after this event happened 14 years ago. That's what I think is wounded— our ego. Okay, so the next question is, are we our egos? And the answer to that is no. I don't feel we are our egos. Our ego It's that, that sense of self that develops over time, the sense of who we are that develops over time. But that's not who we truly are, is it? If you look into— if you look into a, a newborn baby's eyes, there's no ego there, is there? So the ego can't be an essential part of the self. It can't be the essence of who we truly are. So what's wounded? What's wounded in the primal wound? My take, it's our feelings and it's our ego. But that's not who we truly are. So the way out of the primal wound, or to stop suffering from the primal wound, is to see the essence of who we truly are. And the way to stop our Child suffering from the primal wound is to see who they truly are, to see their perfection, to see the essence, to see that they are lovable, whole, and perfect. And perfect in their, their imperfections of their thoughts, their imperfections of their feelings, their imperfections of their behavior. Underneath all that, they are perfect, and we will love them no matter what. They can love themselves no matter what because they know Who they truly are. So that's what this series of videos is all about, about seeing who we truly are and seeing that we are fundamentally unwoundable. The we who we truly are is fundamentally unwandering. And, uh, that's what I'm enjoying exploring with you. See you very soon. Bye-bye.