What do you do if you can't motivate your child?

Hi there, good morning to you, good morning to you. So, um, I've been talking to some parents recently and they're saying that they're struggling to motivate, um, their children. So what do you do if you— sorry, I've got an itchy nose— what do you do if you can't motivate your child? That's what we're going to be discussing today. So let me get right to the point. What do you do if You can't motivate your child. Okay, you stop trying to do it. Stop trying to motivate them. Motivation is when somebody outside us tries to get us to do something. So we want something to happen. We want something to happen. And we want something to happen because it's going to make us happy, and we try to get somebody to do it, to do what we want them to do. Motivating them, trying to get somebody to do something, like motivating ourselves. If we're trying to motivate ourselves, we're trying to get ourselves to do something that we don't actually really want to do. So if you're trying to motivate your child, stop trying to Do it. Stop trying to motivate your child. What do you do instead? You inspire them. You get them to see what they want, and then the pressure is totally off you. The pressure is totally off you because Once your child is inspired, i.e., they are working to their agenda, then they are off. They are off and running. Literally, they are off and running. Most of the time, most of our children are being led by somebody else's agenda. So the easiest way perhaps to see this is at school. The school, primary schools, secondary schools, whatever the school level school is, the school, their ultimate, their bottom line is the academic results of their kids. Pretty much. Pretty much. That's what they're judged on. That's what the league tables are judged on. So their agenda is to help your child do the best that they can. Academically. So the combined results of the schools are good, and the headteacher gets a promotion, gets the next job, whatever, keeps the job. That's what their primary motivation is. So all day, every day, when your child is at school from September onwards, they will be— their agenda will be set by the school's agenda. And is it any wonder that they're not motivated all the time, that they're not inspired, because their agenda is having fun with their friends, getting into the school football team, passing their piano exam, doodling, becoming a better writer. Kids like to write stuff, like to draw stuff, write poetry, play on their Xbox. All that stuff. So if you're trying to motivate your child, you're trying to put your agenda onto theirs, and it doesn't work. So what I've found is really empowering and inspiring is to find out what the child wants and then help the child get what he or she wants. And it's a bit— this is a bit of a strange, perhaps a strange analogy, but it's the same thing. I used to be in sales, so I used to sell to large companies who wanted to promote themselves as an employer to the next generation of kids and wanted to demonstrate that they cared about corporate social responsibility to kids and things like that. And so I had to sell to them, and selling to them was a simple, a very simple thing. I didn't always— it didn't always work, clearly. Um, but, uh, I was— my job was to find out what they wanted and then help them get what they wanted through my publications. And your job as a parent, if you want to inspire your child— I mean, you can keep trying to motivate them if you want. I mean, maybe your motivation is working, I don't know. Every child's different, every parent's different. But what is it that your child wants? Who does that child need to be? How do they need to feel? How do they need to think? Who do they need to be? What do they need to do? And how can you help them? How can you help them make their dreams come true? Because once we've tapped into that inspiration, then the child, the child's inspiration, the child's energy, the child's motivation from the inside, that's how That's when the child flies, you know. Encouragement does to humans like what helium does to balloons. So hopefully you get the point. I'm talking about moving away from something that is external motivation to something that is internal, releasing the child's inner powers, and that's how we engage them in the conversation. We engage them about their— we engage them about who they want to be, and they do— they're off and they're away, they're flying after that. And our job is to support them making that dream come true on an ongoing basis, because clearly some kids might have some short-term goals, some short-term dreams, and they've got some long-term dreams as well. So the longer-term the dream, the more that you're there as a parent to support them. And I want to make this clear that I'm not a parenting expert. I'm not telling you how to parent your child. How you do this is totally down to you. All I'm saying is that the way I get the kids to engage in a class setting is by asking them what they want and then empowering them to get what they want. And that changes the whole game. That's how I don't have— I walk into a classroom without any relationship with those children whatsoever. You know, you're a parent, you've got a relationship with your child. You're already halfway there if If you want to, if you're happy with what's working for you, then you're probably not still listening to this guy rambling on, aren't you? But if you're not happy with the way your child is, then let's release their power, the power within them, and see them change. So I hope that helps. Thank you. Uh, yeah, I hope that helps. Take care. Cheers. Bye-bye.