Xander leads the final session of a mindfulness teacher-training course on a live stream. Skeptical participant Steve questions whether meditation works, tensions rise between participants, and Xander eventually asks them to leave, blending genuine teaching with comedic chaos.
Chapters
Are you listening? I was listening. You were talking about builders. I am calm. I'm not shouting. I'm talking loudly because I'm driving. It's hands-free. It's hands-free. It doesn't count. It's going well. It's just sometimes I want to be like, fuck you, ego. This is about me, not you. I'm weaning myself off it because in this line of work, it's best to go au naturel. What do you mean, go? Ritalin does not make me angry. That was different. Alright, Mum, I've gotta go. Yes, yes, I'll call you later. I will. L.
L.
G. 0. 1.
N. N. N!
Sorry, I'm late.
Yeah, the automated parking thingy was, uh, was playing up.
Anyway, it's okay, you're here now. I've set up the tech, so we're ready to go.
Tech?
Yes, we did, we did talk about this, remember?
Of course. Great, let's do this.
Just going to pop this mic on you so that Everyone on the livestream can hear you loud and clear. Okay?
Sorry.
Welcome everyone, and a very warm welcome to all those watching online. Thanks, Remy, for handling the tech.
Thank you, Xander. I'm pleased to say we have a record number of people logged in.
Wonderful. I'd like to thank you all for joining me on this journey of my mindfulness teacher training course. I hope you've got as much out of the past 6 weeks as I have. So, for today's final class, We'll be looking at the mindfulness of breathing. And I'd really like to invite you to find a comfortable position and just try and be in the present moment. Oh, and before we start, does anyone have any final questions about mindfulness or their meditation practice?
No.
Yeah, Steven.
Uh, Steve. I'm finding it really challenging to, like, still my mind. And if I can't even do that, how am I ever gonna reach enlightenment?
Great question, Steve. The mind does quieten down with practice. The Buddha once said that anyone can achieve—
Sorry, is there anyone alive that's actually enlightened?
Well, it's hard to know. Those who are enlightened tend not to shout about it from the rooftops. And then, of course, there's Russell Brand.
So out of curiosity, what is enlightenment? What's the point in doing all this then?
All what?
Well, meditating and working on your mind if, like, the last person to be enlightened was the Buddha, and that was thousands of years ago.
Well, the pursuit of going for enlightenment means that you're always working on your mind in a positive sense.
And it's best not to think of it in terms So it's like you're dangling a carrot in front of us then?
Even if you don't achieve enlightenment in this lifetime, you, you will have at least progressed somewhat. I hope that answers your question, Steve.
Maybe I shouldn't want to complete it. Maybe I should just enjoy the journey.
That's a great point. The more that we put into our practice, the more that we get out of it.
Okay, yeah, you have to admit it does sound a bit like a Ponzi scheme.
Well, I don't see it quite like that. I'd like to encourage you just to try your best to remain still. And if you do find yourself getting distracted, Try and just observe your thoughts and not get too attached to them.
Are you telling me you just observed your own thoughts? So what, you never get angry?
I feel the anger. I just try not to react to it.
Uh, yeah, I'll call you BS on that.
Could you please refrain from swearing in the shrine room?
I didn't swear. That was an abbreviation.
If you're not gonna participate in a positive way, I'm gonna kindly ask you to leave.
Make me.
Excuse me?
You heard me. Make me leave.
Fine.
Come on. Out.
Oh, you're getting angry.
Nope. No, this is, uh—
This is mindful anger, so it doesn't count. No, come on. Get on.
Come on.
Get off me. What are you doing?
Get off me.
What are you doing?
You're angry.
You are angry. Come on.
Just a minute before you come. Come on, Zander! Come on, up again! Come on, Zander! Come on! Yes!
That was amazing. I'd like to encourage you just to try your best to remain still.
Sorry.
And when you're ready, I'd like you to gently come back into the room and very slowly open your eyes. I wish you well for the rest of your day, and, um, please leave quietly.
Thank you. Namaste.
Hey, um, thank you. That, that was actually great.
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Perhaps enlightenment beckons after all.
I, I really struggled to find the space between my thoughts. How'd you manage it?
