Couple Trouble

So you know her from school?

Yes, I know her from school.

But how old were you when you were at school together?

What difference does that make? I don't know. It makes a big difference. I don't know, 16?

I'm just asking a question. Okay, so you weren't like 5.

Why do you always get like this after a few drinks? I'm not getting like this. Yes, you are. I'm just asking you a question. You're getting jealous. I'm just— I'm not getting jealous. Yes, you are.

I'm just asking you a question, Luke.

How have I been flirting with her?

Because you've been commenting on every single one of her pictures. Every picture she's posted.

Only because she's been commenting on mine. Yeah, I know. It'd be rude. I can't just ignore her, can I?

Yeah, but hold on a second. Why don't you comment on any of mine? Oh, you want to know why? I've commented on 5 of hers this week. You want to know why I don't comment on yours? Yeah, I do want to know.

I'll tell you the reason why I don't comment on yours, because yours is a little bit embarrassing. What? You do this weird thing. What? You suck your cheeks in and it looks a bit like a camel. I don't know why you do it. Oh my God. Only in your selfies. You're telling me that I look like a camel? No, only in your selfies. I didn't say you look like a camel. You're a fucking man. One sec, mate. I just said that when you do selfies. You're a fucking man. Just give us a moment.

Is she prettier than me? No, she's not. Is that why you're posting on her pictures? Oh, for goodness sake.

Yeah, what would you do in this situation, right? Girl I went to school with, yeah? She's commenting on my selfies.

Hang on a minute. You've dated this girl. Wherever. She's your ex-girlfriend. Wherever.

So I'm commenting on hers. What would you do? Otherwise, it'd be rude not to, right? I probably would comment back to be fair. Thank you. Thank you.

See? See? Hang on. What about the fact that you've sent her a message saying that you want to meet up? I'm just being friendly. And why are you looking at my messages anyway? It's just. No. So you're all just cheating bastards, are you? Just like all men.

No. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Sorry, mate. She's a little bit worked up. She's a little bit worked up. Don't tell me how to act.

Why are you being rude? And you know what? What? 5 kisses of some sort or another.

Oh, 5 kisses! 5 exes! 5 is a bit— 5 is it? Is it? What? 5 is a bit what? Is it?

Yeah, you're practically in bed with her, okay? Oh, am I? Yes, you are. Yeah? I can smell it on you and it's disgusting.

Can you? Do you know why? Because I fucked her! Yes, that's right. How's that for your 5 kisses?

So— There, there. Be alright. Don't need him.