Steve Whiteley performs an improvised comedy sketch set in a mock internet café. The group riffs on social media habits, physical comedy with breathing exercises and biscuits, and a voice-activated console that handles absurd requests like an exaggerated milkshake order.
Chapters
Completely forgotten what I come in here for. So I've got Picnic, Space Raiders, and cheese puffs. Come over here. Over here.
There. Talk to me here.
Okay. At the internet cafe, we offer a second-to-none service, making the World Wide Web available to the masses. How's that? How have I been flirting with her?
Because you've been commenting on every single one of her pictures. Every picture she's posted.
Only because she's been commenting on mine! Yeah, I know. It'd be rude. I can't just ignore her, can I?
Yeah, but hold on a second. Why don't you comment on any of mine? Oh, you wanna know why? You've commented on 5 of hers this week. You want to know why I don't comment on yours? comment on yours. Yeah, I do want to know.
I'll tell you the reason why I don't comment on yours, because yours is a little bit embarrassing. What? You do this weird thing, you suck your cheeks in, it looks a bit like a camel. I don't know why you do it. Only in your selfies. You're telling me that I look like a camel? No, only in your selfies. I didn't say you look like a camel. Give me a fucking bag. One sec, mate. I just said that when you do selfies— Give me a fucking bag.
Just give us a moment.
What are you doing?
Come on.
What? Come on. No, I'm not in the mood.
Oh, come on, I'll be quick.
No. Come on, just finish me off at least. No, I will not finish you off. God.
Do it myself then.
Whatever. Okay, ta-da! It's an exciting downsized turbocharged engine. Do you think you could turbocharge yourself? Just take a deep breath, inhale, and turbocharge yourself all the way over there. Go! Turbocharge, turbocharge, turbocharge! You see that plate of biscuits? That plate of biscuits right there. Bring the biscuits all the way back this way. Okay, you can breathe now. Very good. Biscuit?
Okay.
So the console responds to voice commands.
What's the weather like today? Today, the temperature will range from 7 degrees to 16 degrees.
Cool.
Very cool.
What's for dinner today?
I didn't find any events about dinner for today.
Can you please make me a milkshake the size of this car?
Not as such.
Double? Just single, please, mate. Hey, you got any ID? So I'll let you off this time. Cheers, mate.
