Steve Varsano dreams he's fielding aircraft upgrade requests from Trump, Harris, Biden, and Elon Musk. Trump wants a supersonic plane and offers to pay in Bitcoin and Truth Social stock. Harris needs a budget option after losing hers. Biden demands eco-friendly within a month.
Chapters
Hey Donald, I'm sorry, Mr. President. How are you, sir?
Steve, I'm doing fantastic, just fantastic. More fantastic than anyone can be doing. Making America great again. How about you?
Amazing. We haven't seen each other for a long, long time. Lots of change in our world. What can I do for you?
I guess you heard I got my old job back, so I'm gonna trade up from my Boeing 757 to the uber high-tech Boeing 747 again. The new one is presidential. It's big, really big. Even Elon doesn't have one this big. I'm wondering if I should sell that 757 Trump Force One or let the kids keep it. They'll be traveling the world a lot.
Maybe you should just let the family keep the 757. You're gonna probably need it again in 4 more years.
And maybe I'll just buy my own 747 next time. I would do mine much nicer than Obama did last time. His didn't even have a mini golf course. Is there anything faster or bigger than the 747 I can get? Maybe supersonic?
That's a lot of ideas you got there. What's your budget?
You know, I don't do budgets. Get me the best, whatever it costs. We'll make Mexico or someone pay for it.
Okay, Mr. President, let me send you an option or two, okay? Oh, hang on, Mr. President, hold on one second. Ah, the damn Vice President. What can I do for you?
Steve, hi. I guess you heard the news. I lost my plane. I need your help finding a smaller replacement. What do you think would work for me?
Absolutely. What's your budget?
Steve, my guys are telling me you're speaking with Kamala. Don't worry about her. Her budget is already way overspent. You've got better things worry about like me. Kamala can find her way to the next press conference on Beyoncé or Swiftie's jets.
President, hold on please, 5 seconds, I'll be right back to you. Oh, Mr. President, what a surprise!
Let's stop with the pleasantries. I didn't need that 747 anyway. That thing aged me. Can you get me something in the next month? Something eco-friendly. I don't care about speed.
Sure, Mr. President, I'll come by the White House and show you some options next week. Is that okay?
My guys told me who you're talking to on the other lines. Jesus, does everyone watch your social media?
Really, really so sorry. I just was thinking, do you want to pay for that new plane in Bitcoin?
Great idea, Steve. Let's make it a mix of crypto and Truth Social stock. It's worth billions now, Steve.
I'll take care of it, sir. I promise.
Gotta go, Stevie. Oh, by the way, call JD. See if he wants to upgrade his VP plane. Of course, nothing bigger than mine.
Say no more, Mr. Varsano. I'll get it sorted.
Get back to me ASAP. Speak later.
So sorry, Madam Vice President. I'll get back to you with some options by tomorrow.
Please hurry. I only have one month left.
Steve, Steve, I have someone on the phone for you. Who would I want to talk to? I've been just talking to the president. It's Elon Musk. He want to trade up for a bigger plane. Oh, Elon Musk. Elon, how are you, sir?
