Two speakers describe years of exhaustion from constant internal and external battles, struggling with how to surrender the metaphorical sword that defines them. They mention fighting for three people they love, but recognize the sword has become their identity. They explore whether choosing words instead of violence might lead to peace, even as they admit uncertainty about letting go.
Chapters
I feel exhausted, like the walls are closing in. So slowly I don't notice till I'm struggling to breathe again. I feel like I'm drowning. My lungs are clear, but every cell feels drained. A thousand tiny battles have taken what remained.
Each day alone I could bear it, each fight I could survive, but years and years of fighting life have worn me down inside.
I've got I'm not gonna give up.
I've fought so long, I don't know how to lose. They tell me to surrender, I don't know what that's for.
When everything I love is here, here behind the sword, I may not stop the fighting. I may not end the war, but tonight I'll choose my words and coat-check my sword.
It started small enough, just trying to change my life. But once you know it's up to you, you can't unsee the fight. And settling isn't easy once you've seen another way. So every morning I get up and push against the weight. And it's not only me now. There are 3 I'm fighting for. I won't let them lose themselves. The way I did before. I've got a weariness that sleep can't soothe. I fought so long, I don't know how to lose. They tell me to surrender. I don't know what that's for. When everything I love is here, here behind the sword. I may not stop the fighting. I may not end the war.
But tonight I'll choose my words and coat-check my sword. Would it be easier without them? Technically. But they were never the baggage, they are the point. And I don't know how this ends. I don't know if I'm too hard. I know they say surrender, but when the stakes are this high, how do you put down your sword? Maybe like this. I've got a weariness. That sleep can soothe.
But maybe I don't have another war to prove. Maybe for a moment I don't need to know what's next. I can let these words hold something I've been carrying in my chest. I don't know how this ends yet.
I don't know What's in store? But tonight I'm choosing words and coat-checking my sword.
