Intent is everything

A few weeks ago, my friend, the amazing negotiations expert Fotini Economopoulos, sent me a post made by Daniel Pink. Now, I love Daniel Pink, pink, but this particular post I disagree with. What Dan had posted was a carousel where he was going through his explanation of a certain concept. And I totally agree with the caption on this carousel that was, when people have their own reasons for doing something, they'll believe it more deeply. No argument. But here's how the carousel went, says Dan. Let's say that you have a daughter, Maria, and you want Maria to clean her messy room. Dan then says, Maria, on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 means I'm not ready at all and 10 means I'm ready to do it right now, how ready are you to clean your room? She says, Dad, I'm a 2. Here's where the second question comes in, and it's a really interesting counterintuitive question. You say to Maria, why didn't you pick a lower number. She says, "If I had my room cleaner, maybe I could get to school faster and spend a little bit more time with my friends." He then explains that Maria starts to articulate her own reasons for doing something and then connects that back to his caption, that when people have their own reasons for doing something, they tend to believe in doing it more strongly, and the behavior often follows. The technique in the example that Dan's talking about actually does work, but with one key difference. It works when and only when you're asking someone about something that they actually want and they actually believe in. And this is why I don't think that example is the best example to use with that technique. In this situation where we want Maria to clean her room, and to be clear, we want her to clean her room, she's not gonna magically want to clean it herself. The more effective question, and certainly the more fair and direct question, is When will you clean the room, now or later? And being very specific about in an hour or in 2 hours. That technique is fairly famous for being used in situations like political canvassing and more specifically in what's known as street epistemology. In that particular application, they do start at the beginning of the conversation and ask people to what extent do they believe a particular point of view after they've had that conversation, shared stories, and connected on a human level. The street epistemologists ask the question again to see whether or not that person's belief has shifted at all. They're using that question as an information gathering question, not as a lever for action. Full respect to Dan Pink. There are two really useful pieces here, but now I hope you understand. Use the technique when you're really trying to understand someone's point of view. Use a different approach when it really is about getting someone to do something that you want them to do. If you're ever curious, like Fotini was, about what I think about what somebody has posted, send it along. Otherwise, see you next time.