174. When "That" Approach "Doesn't Work"

Do you ever get really excited to implement a new approach or maybe a script that you hear from me with your kids and in your home, and then you do it in the moment and you don't get the outcome that you were anticipating, and maybe the reason why you made this shift in the first place, and then you start to convince yourself that yes language doesn't work or this parenting style just doesn't work for us? Well, my friend, that is what this episode is going to cover today. To help you stay focused on what the actual purpose is in raising your words and showing up as who it is that you want to be. It's not to get your kids to do a specific thing. It's so that you can love who you're choosing to be. And as soon as you lose focus of that and you lose sight of that and you start making about what your kid said back to you, and if they immediately obeyed or they immediately cooperated or not, if that's what you're getting the idea of success from, you will always feel lost. You're going to feel extremely rattled and anxious because where's the— where's the stable focus that's unmoving and unwavering that we can keep our sights set on? That's what we need. We need something that we can strive towards consistently, even in our ever-changing environment, and that is our focus on who it is that we're choosing to be. So when I'm teaching Yes Language and I am helping you see a new structure to think from and communicate from, and I basically sum it up as being the one that can think and speak positively in the home— when I say that, do you get this idea in mind that, oh, that means I'm gonna avoid tantrums and my kids are gonna listen to me the first time. Oh, and it's gonna change the way my husband communicates. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna do this because then my husband will talk nicer. Yeah, I'm gonna try this Yes Language stuff so that way my kids start doing what I asked them to do the first time. If that is your motive, you will think it's failing. That's the most plain and clear way to put it. And it's far outside of Yes Language. This also goes into any parenting style and approach that we want to take. A faithful practice of reading the Bible. Why are we reading the Bible? Oh, because I was promised these outcomes, these blessings. How come I'm not getting these things? Friend, you've got the wrong focus. This is showing up your focus on outcomes. Is taking away from your ability to focus on who you're becoming in the process. And if you lose sight of who you're becoming in the process and you attach everything and associate it with outcomes, you lose sight of yourself. And all of a sudden you wake up one day and you're feeling pretty unrecognizable. You're like, when did I get so aggressive? When did I get so angry? When did I become so reactive? When did I become this person? When you started focusing on outcomes, that's when that started. So however long you've been focusing on the outcomes instead of who you're being in the moment, that's when that started. And there's something you can do about that. That's what this work is all about. This work is to work on you. So you aren't, you aren't here to work on your kids. We're here to work on you. I'm not here to work on my kids. I'm here to work on me. I'm not here to work on my husband or my mom or other people. I'm here to work on me. And you being here to work on you is why it will work. The work only works when it's directed at you, not them. So first, just start to clear up these places in your life that you are— you're saying that it's just not working, it's not working, it's not working. And we're going to troubleshoot your focus to help you realign with who you're becoming, being the goal and the reward in any shift and change that you make. You can do this towards your health. You can do this towards your marriage, towards your spiritual practices, your personal life, your parenting. You can do it towards anything because the reality about life is things don't just go the way that we say. They should go. They don't just happen the way that we say they should happen. You know that. Take a look at your life. How many things have just happened the way that you think that they should happen? How many times are you saying, oh, it wasn't supposed to be like this, he should be doing XYZ, not ABC? All these critical judgmental thoughts that you have about reality, as if reality in front of you is wrong. It's time to start evaluating what you're thinking about it, because that's what's wrong. The factual evidence in front of you is right. It's just as it should be. People are doing what they're supposed to be doing. It's all just happening the way it's supposed to be happening. And your power play in all of this is who you're choosing to be in the moment and become for the next moment. Like in a journaling practice, if you're writing and journaling to try and change your kids' behavior instead of writing and journaling about who you are for your children regardless of their behavior, you'll think you failed. You'll think journaling doesn't work because the focus that you brought into journaling was try to change— to was to try and change outcomes instead of enriching and enhancing and maturing yourself as a person, that become focus. So become over outcome is what we're focusing on. And when you put outcomes over who you're becoming, you'll say all kinds of things don't work. You'll say that the fitness stuff doesn't work, the parenting stuff doesn't work, the mental practices, therapy, coaching, um, yeah, exercise, just daily habits, taking care of the yard. Nothing works in your life because it's all about outcomes instead of who you became in the process. You became someone disciplined and devoted and persistent. That's the reward. And it's easy in parenting to associate so much and attach so strongly to outcomes because there's all of this narrative around the way our kids should behaving, should be behaving, and our expectations of what they should be doing. And again, even with expectations, I've taught you guys this. When you're setting expectations of other people, you're losing sight of what you expect yourself to do about it. I call it busy work in the brain. When you're focused on outcomes, it's outside of your control. When you're focused on your expectations of other people and what they should be doing for you, around you, the way you like it, You're doing busywork. These are all out things outside of your control. Anything your brain is doing, that's a focus of things outside of your control is called busywork. It seems like you're just racking your brain and you're thinking and you're making progress and you're going so far and doing so much. And yet you just feel extremely irritable, mentally exhausted and helpless when you get to near the bottom of that thought. And we both know it could keep going. So by the time you finish that, that ex, that time spent in the busy work mentally complaining about your kids, complaining about your spouse, you don't control any of that. Yet it felt like you were thinking and, and just thinking it over some more. Well, what good is it to think it over anymore if you're still just thinking the same things that hurt you the first time? You're never going to heal with the same thoughts that hurt you the first time. We need new thoughts, fresh thoughts, fresh perspective, fresh focus. So any area of your life, especially with the way you communicate with your kids, if you're saying that doesn't work, especially if you say that doesn't work with my kids, I think that is such a funny comment because it's just, it's, it's saying I wanted this to change my kids, not me. I want to stay the same and I want my kids to change. My kids aren't changing. That's what, that's what those remarks mean. It may not be what people are saying, it's what they mean though. I approached Yes Language and chose to change my mindset in the hopes that it would change other people, and you just told everybody where your focus is at. So instead, let's get focused on where it's actually intentional and productive and effective and efficient, which is to let it change you. Any approach you choose to take as a parent should be based on the parent you want to be, not, well, maybe this will get my kids to listen faster. Oh, I've just got to scare them more. I've got to hurt them more. I've got to have a bigger punishment, a bigger consequence. You see, and then maybe, maybe your kids do end up listening to you faster or changing a behavior or just getting better at hiding it. Honestly, masking it. They replace one bad behavior for another one because they never learned the heart behind it, the value behind it, what to replace it with, the social skill or the life skill that they needed instead. They never learned any of that. They just got scared. So if you pursue those outcomes and your kids stay exactly the same, and then we're like, or no, your kids are changing because we use this really forceful, aggressive approach. Well, who did you become in the process? Who did you become as a woman that communicates so aggressively? Who would you say you are? Who did you become as a mother that has that cold look in her eyes? That throws out these big consequences, that knows the thing her kids love most just so she can take it away? Who'd you become? That might be really hard to sit with, really hard to hear, and it's the type of accountability and ownership that is required of us in order to become the mothers and the women that we most want to be. We don't need coddling. We don't need this extremely gentle, be easy on me approach. When I evaluate where my mind goes, oh, I'm like, I need standards of excellence. I need clear boundaries. I need an absolute non-negotiable that I can hold my mind to because it's not about being hard on me. It's about disciplining my mind to stick to truth, to focus on who I am and to take complete accountability and ownership in life. So that I can be who I want to be, because it's only up to me. Your kids can't make you someone that you don't want to be. They can't make you do things that you don't want to do. You are fooling yourself if you say, well, I don't want to do that to my kids, but they make me. They put me in this position where that's the only thing that works, and they don't listen if I don't do that big aggressive thing. But you don't like it. You don't like who you're being. Are you seriously saying that a, a baby, an infant, a toddler, a child, an adolescent, a teenager, or another adult has that kind of control over you. To me, that's where I tell my brain, wake up, wake up, because you're losing it. You're losing sight. You're seriously gonna allow other people to, to decide who you are? You know who you want to be, so be her here. Be her now. And what you'll find is when you put the focus on who you're choosing to be rather than the outcome that you want to get, and you put all of that energy into just who you're choosing to be instead of the outcome— getting my kids to listen the first time— I want to be someone that has just incomprehensible amounts of tolerance for distractions, for disobedience, for disrespect. I want to be the steady constant that emulates and embodies a light and a weightlessness and an ease and the utmost respect for me as a person. I really believe that the more we respect ourselves individually, the harder it is to feel disrespected by other people, especially children. When you just have that much respect for yourself, you stop taking things that other people say personally as, as definitions of you. You stop attaching to these things, and instead you see them as expressions of where that person's at. How they view themselves. Surely someone that's walking around screaming at you or calling you names or trying to put consequences in your path of life, like, surely someone like that views themselves a very specific way. You got to believe that you're a certain kind of person in order to do things like that. It is our identity that drives our mindset, and our identity plus mindset equals our actions. So we are going to act in alignment with who we believe we are. Yet so many times we're putting the focus on the outcome, which is the acts part, before addressing the identity and mindset pieces. So if you really wanna change the tone of your home, I would— I'm willing to bet, because this is the way I see it play out in my home, when I stop trying to change everybody else and I just show up as the very best version of me, other people start matching my pace. They start matching my tone. We focus on solutions together. They're picking up some of that behavior that I modeled, some of those words that I had said or repeatedly said, expressions that I frequently use. I heard my husband say to my boys the other day, talk like I'm talking. And I said, oh, that's a good one. He's like, yeah, I heard it somewhere. I was like, yeah, probably like, I don't know, the back of the cereal box or something. I wonder where you heard that, knowing I've said that. I've said that so many times and it's my little accountability line. Like, if I don't even like the way I'm talking, why on earth would my kids speak any better and deliver what they want to say any better than I am? So when I say talk like I'm talking, it's to settle me down. Yes, I want to help him out. It's like throwing out a lifeline to somebody else. You're like, hey, you're welcome to hold on to this and keep you afloat. Mostly though, this is how I'm committed to talking to you. That's why I say that line, talk like I'm talking. It's in the YES! Family Flipbook. It's part of YES! Language, part of positive and clear, effective communication. And if your kids don't immediately start talking like you and you're like, well, it doesn't work. What do you mean it works 100% of the time that I use it? Because my focus is on how I'm talking, not how they're talking. Our kids are going to be just like us anyway, so raise yourself, raise your words. Stop putting all of your energy and focus into controlling everything they think and everything they say and everything they do. And hold yourself to exceptionally high standards. And I'm willing to bet your kids will be very well off just because of the example you set. My son rode 45 minutes on a Peloton, on a Peloton bike at his grandparents' house. And I thought that was the most impressive thing. I'm like, I mean, he said he was going to do it. And then I just kind of expected that he would stop after maybe 10 minutes or so. Like he's going to get bored of this. He's not going to want to finish it. Okay. Whatever you can do it for sure. And he did the whole 45 minutes. And I just like kept thinking on that while he's riding that bike for 45 minutes, and he's cranking it up, turning it down, saying, 'Mom, look at this place that it's at!' Says that riding through China thing. And I thought about that, like, why, why is he sticking to it? This is hard. It's hard, and he's sweating, and it's hot, and it's like he's in the same spot doing the same thing for 45 straight minutes. Why is he choosing to persevere? Where's this commitment coming from? And I remembered this is the boy that I've been working out in front of since he was born. Body by Mommy, friends, that was my first business. And I did all of my workouts in front of him, in front of all my kids while I ran that workout community. And still to this day, I work out in front of my kids. And even more than that, my husband had just got off that bike. He just did a 90-minute ride and my son watched that and we never told him to get on that bike. We never said you need to do 45 minutes on the Peloton. No, no, no, no. He just wants to be like us. Your kids want to be like you. It's more than enough to raise yourself because they're going to be like you anyway. You got to get out of the mindset though, that these things that you want don't work for you, don't work for your family, because you're looking around at all these outcomes that are completely outside of your control. And maybe, maybe this shift, this thing that you want, you want to communicate kindly and, and have this warm and stern tone when delivering a boundary. Making a correction, seeking connection. You want these things to be non-negotiable. You just, you know, the mom that you want to be. If you keep the mindset that it doesn't work, are you going to be her? No, because you are convinced that the outcome matters more than who you're being, who you're becoming. And based on just the emotional experience of that, I think you can find the flaw. I think you can find the misguidance there, that our mind has been misled into a web of lies, that who other people are being matters more than who I'm being, and what other people are doing matters more than what I'm doing, how other people are feeling matters more than how I'm feeling. When we commit ourselves to a standard of excellence and choose to be the very best version of ourselves, that's enough. You can, you can sleep peacefully at night. You, cause no matter what circumstance you found yourself in, what con— what interaction, conversation, behavior, disagreement, whatever, no matter where you found yourself, you have a positive reflection to make on that moment where you're like, wow, I really took the time to just observe. I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I assumed he was doing the very best he could to his capacity. I just asked him what I could do to help. That felt so good to just be his teammate. You know, I'm actually kind of looking forward to the next hard moment so I can be his teammate again. All of a sudden in your life, you start focusing on who you're becoming instead of all these outcomes and stop counting the tools that other people, myself and other people that you learn from, are saying, this is so stellar and effective and strong. Give it a try. You stop writing yourself off and writing the tool off, saying that it doesn't work, because now the focus is in the right spot where you're like, yes, my kids still had the tantrum and I remained completely calm. Yes, my husband still had the hard moment with my kids and I still felt unconditional love for each of them. I kept, I kept a gaze of love towards him because I've been there too. Why would I judge someone else for being in a position that I myself have found myself in recently and frequently? It's tough. It's easier together though. And then maybe in your next hard moment, you notice, you look over at your husband, he's looking at you lovingly, just like you did for him. Like, wow, I'm so grateful that this moment happened so I could just be struck by love like that. Circumstances are what they are, and they're outside of your control. You do get to choose who you are in it. And if this is something that you're serious about working on, I encourage you to email me connect@momsset.com so we can get you, get you in the right coaching program and group for you and your growth. I'm currently running 6-month masterminds twice a year, with the next one starting in September. So you can email me about the mastermind. If if you want to be in an environment and a container of women learning a framework to think and speak like God-fearing women. No more people pleasing, no more criticism, no more complaining, arguing, and getting into these cycles and spirals where you're just reacting based on what the other person said or did. A God-fearing woman knows she's got a judgment day coming, and that's why I'm running the Speak Life Mastermind. For a very intentional group of women to come together and learn to think and speak like a God-fearing woman and hold themselves to that standard of excellence. And if there's work that you feel like you need to do before you're at that point, that's okay. We have other groups and courses running, and I would just love more than anything to get you attached and connected into the right group with the right coach. So just email me connect@momsset.com. And we can take the next steps from there. Where you're at right now though, this work does work. Yes Language does work. It's just, what do you want it to do for you? Who do you want to become through this tool? What are the ways that you want these tools to shape and shift you? I know that I communicate with Yes Language and I focus on thinking and speaking like a God-fearing woman. Because I want to be someone that's extremely faithful. I want my priorities right. I want to, I want to trust myself in any interaction, just knowing if I'm in the interaction that I'm clearly ready for it because I'm in it. I wouldn't be in this position if I weren't ready to be a meaningful participant in it through what I think, through what I say, through what I do. It's like showing up to the arena and wondering, well, Do I belong here in the arena? I'm at the center stage. Do I belong here? Well, yeah, I'm here. Clearly it's my turn. This is my stage. I'm ready. And when you take that perspective and it's all about who you're becoming in the process, then any tool that you learn in the Yes! Family Flipbook, through Yes! Mom Campus, through Mind-Body Alignment, through Mommy Mindset, through Alignment Journaling, any tool that you learn from me or from someone else, has a place to land and actually grow. It grows. It lands on fertile soil within you. Imagine that, like fertile soil in your mind is where you want these tools to land. And if we have these tools come to us and we— it lands on this place of concrete where we're like, that won't work for my kids. You've never met my kids, friend. I'm meeting you. I'm not here to work on your kids. I'm not here to change your kids. I'm here to help you. I want you to be the mom that you want to be, no matter what your kids are doing. I— it's so fulfilling, it's so rewarding, and it's more than enough because our kids just want to be like us. I hear my boys talk to each other the same way that I talk to them. They use these little phrases. They're asking questions more. They're coming up with ideas that can be mutually agreed upon. Those are ways that I've guided them. And yes, they're their own people. So they come up with their own ways too. And we've got quite a bit of yelling and complaining and tantrums and name-calling and little sayings that, you know, I sure would love to just pluck right out of our environment and remove them and I know I'm still going to be the mom that I want to be as long as those things are here, because I can also look at who my kids are becoming, and that's more than enough. They're becoming young men full of deep, sincere faith, respect, compassion for others, and that's what I choose to put my focus on. And when there's a behavior that's just misfitting, it's a curious thing. It's not a scary thing. Because of who I've become as their mother, I can view their behavior with curiosity instead of fear. And for you, when you allow this work to apply to you and you alone, not, I'm gonna put this in our home and I'm gonna use this script so that my husband will use it, then he'll finally see that we don't have to be giving these big consequences and punishments and We don't have to do all these aggressive things. Like, he'll finally see it because he'll, like, he'll just want to use it too. What if he doesn't? Well, you'll— will you still love who you are and be happy and fulfilled and satisfied with the work you're doing on yourself even if you do it alone? For me, the answer is a yes, an absolute yes. Day in, day out, if I were on my own doing it alone, or if I'm in great company that I thoroughly enjoy. This is just who I'm going to be, and it's what I'm going to do regardless of where I go. This is the way that I'm going to think about people no matter what group I'm in. This is the way I'm going to communicate no matter what other people are talking about. This applies to you far outside of motherhood. It's deep in your marriage. It's woven through your friendships. It's the atmosphere of your professional life. It's inescapable. So since this is the environment in which we live in, and the most effective thing for us to do is to focus on who we're becoming, why not just accept it? Accept that as the truth instead of arguing with it. It's not about who your kids are and what your kids are doing. Your kids don't get to decide. Who you are. You get to show them who you are. Your kids don't make you a version of you that you don't want to be. You're just continuously in a position of opportunity to show them yet again who you are. And the moment that you want to change, you can. And the moment you have more clarity of who it is that you want to be, with patience and kindness and persistence and immense amounts of discipline, if that's who you want to be, show them. They're just waiting. What more could your kids want than to just know their mom? Let them see you. Let them hear you. Let them know the real you. And maybe that will give them everything they need to understand who they really are too, and to be in relationships and interactions where they are thinking differently and they are speaking differently and they are holding themselves to different standards. And they feel complete peace with that. And maybe they inspire other people through it. But if you start changing based on who other people are being and what other people are doing, what are your kids going to do? They're going to change too, because our kids are going to be like us anyway. So decide who you are and realize that yes language, positive mindsets, positive communication does work. In you. It doesn't control other people. It doesn't make you someone that can, can control and pull the strings on, on someone else, but it can shape you into who you want to be. And that's the work working. If you're becoming who you want to be, then it's working. So troubleshooting your focus, you can just ask yourself these 3 questions consistently, daily, in the moments. Was I the mom I wanted to be? You used the script and maybe your kids didn't participate. They didn't follow it. They knew the right answer and they chose not to give it. Were you the mom you wanted to be? If the answer is, if the answer is yes, then it worked. Because the script was never about getting your kids to say specific things and controlling them. The script was about resetting the tone, resetting the focus of the moment. Even if it's just for you, that's more than enough. They'll catch on. They love to match your tone anyway. You stay there, I promise you, you stay in that tone, you stay in that place, you hold that demeanor long enough, and it will be matched. Because it just looks so desirable that instead of pushing and forcing it onto someone else, they decide that they want it for themselves. That's the power of positive influence. And you are a positive influence. You are a powerful influence. So use it for good. You do impact people and you do influence people. Use it for good. Hold the tone, keep the presence, because it's not about getting them to do anything other than what they're already doing. It's about you knowing exactly who you're going to be in the moment. You trusting that you're going to love the way you handle it. Are you going to feel anxious from that space? You're going to feel so frustrated with yourself? You're going to go to bed feeling ashamed of who you were choosing to be? Absolutely not. You'll be clear-minded and open-hearted and someone that others are deeply inspired by. And then that positive influence plays out in and of itself. You're not even controlling that part. You're not even doing it because you want to be a positive influence for others. You're doing it because you just know the mom that you want to be, and you want that experience. You want that steadiness and steadfastness to just be her in this moment too. You're not even conquering a whole day at a time. It's one moment, one moment at a time. With one child in one moment, I'm going to be the mom that I want to be. And every time you do it, if it lasted 30 seconds, if it lasted a minute, the interaction was 15 minutes, whatever, it's a win. Not because the tantrum ended any sooner, or they just said the right thing to follow the script, not because of any of that, because you love you were choosing to be. You can say, yes, I was the mom I wanted to be. And that feels really good. So first question, was I the mom I wanted to be? Second question, did I sound like the woman I say I am? You know, I'm big on focusing on identity and mindset. We do it in my masterminds. We do it in all of my courses and any coaching work that you do with me. You will know who you are and we will take charge of your mind. And from that, we will come up with plans and behaviors that align with the woman that you want to be. So we ask ourselves, did I sound like the woman I say I am? I tell— my I am statement, I am a servant to his will with a purposeful life of simplicity and connection. So did I sound like a servant to his will with a purposeful life of simplicity and connection? Did I sound like her? Yeah, it did. And that's the win. That's it working. Not if my kids sounded like her. Do my kids sound like servants to his will? My children sound like children. They sound like my children. They sound like God's children. The only thing I can control is me. So did I sound like a servant to his will with a purposeful life of simplicity and connection I want that answer to be yes as frequently as possible. So that's the second question. Third question: Did I feel better handling it that way? You're trying a new parenting approach. You're leaning more towards a loving approach than a harsh or cold approach. And that's something that I'm guiding and working towards every single day, not to change my kids' behaviors. Just to make sure I love the way I'm handling things. There was an— there was an encounter a couple of days ago where my 4-year-old told my 6- and 8-year-old that he doesn't love them. And my 6- and 8-year-old told me, he said he doesn't love us. And I thought for a second, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do. And I knelt down in front of my 4-year-old, and I put my hand right on his back just steady, and I stayed in that spot. So it's like, you can feel me, my presence is known. I felt completely calm, and I kept eye contact with him, and I said, it must be so lonely. It must feel so lonely to choose to stop loving someone. Not, what did they do to make you so upset? Why would you say such a thing? It just— it must feel so lonely. Let's talk about where we are now. It must feel so lonely to choose to stop loving someone, especially a brother. And I kept my hand on his back and I kept that eye contact. I said, I will never, ever stop loving you. And he leaned into me. He put his forehead against my forehead. He said, okay, I love them. And then my 4-year-old from— my 6-year-old from the table, he goes, will you ever stop loving me? I said, oh, never ever. I'll never ever stop loving you. And my 8-year-old does the same. Will you stop loving me? Never ever. I would never ever ever choose to stop loving you. I would never ever choose to stop loving any of you. I will always choose to love you. And when I can, in that moment, what do I do? I just teach him. That is a lesson. Of course you're going to feel lonely. When you choose to stop loving people. And I felt so good handling it that way. So did I feel better handling it that way compared to, you will never say that to one of your brothers or anyone in this house ever again, we don't talk like that, I'm not going to allow you to do XYZ? I have zero, zero desire to entertain or instigate drama. I have no desire to control my children. I just want to control myself. And when I'm showing up as the mom that I want to be, I know I'm controlling myself because it'd be really easy to just act like them. It'd be really easy to do the things that I grew up doing and I grew up watching. But instead, I just love to open myself up to the moment. And the idea always comes when I just stay open and I slow down and I stay present. And this is where my faith is so important to me, because I just know it's the Holy Spirit for me. And I love to obey the Holy Spirit immediately. I've had major consequences in my life where I chose disobedience. I chose that delayed obedience of what I knew was the right thing to do. It didn't need contemplation, didn't need discernment. It was so clear, this is the right thing to do. And there are major consequences is on the other side of that disobedience, and I have very much learned my lesson. And in those moments with my kids where I just— I feel this prompting, and it's stronger than the anger, it's stronger than the frustration, it's stronger than the pride, it's so clear, and it's always simple. It just takes so much maturity and humility, and I love it. I love it because my focus is on who I'm becoming. And that's how I know the work's working because I'm becoming someone new, better than I've ever been before, completely unrecognizable in many ways. That's how I know the work is working. Not because my kids are just 100% of the time hands off each other. And they only speak respectfully and they never scream. And they're always asleep by this time. And they eat the meals that I give them right when I give it to them. And they keep the bathwater in the tub. I used to really think and want all of those things, and now I just— I want what I get. I want what I'm given, and I will— I know exactly who I want to be and everything that I'm given, and thus the anxiety is gone. What's there to fear? Fear's gone. Anxiety's gone. Victim mentality gone. And I want that for you too. So remember, you can email me connect@momsset.com and we can discuss coaching options available to you. I do have a mastermind, the Speak Life Mastermind, starting this September. It's 6 months long, includes a 5-day retreat with me, and is an intimate group of 10 where we're all holding ourselves to a standard and accepting and adopting full-heartedly a framework that helps you think and speak like a God-fearing woman. It is definitely more of the advanced work. If you feel like you're more in the beginning stages of this work for coaching, still email me and we can discuss more of your coaching through Mind Body Alignment in a small or private setting, um, through coaching. And that will be a tremendous help for you because that's exactly where I started. I didn't start in Yes Language. I didn't start with my faith. Um, although I know that those would have been extremely helpful things for me in the beginning, I started with shame. I started with the victim mentality. I started with recognizing that I tell myself every single day, I'm a grudge holder and I'm the most unforgiving person that my family's ever met. And, uh, I just felt broken. Like I'm just this angry person. I can't be who I want to be. And there was a lot of limiting beliefs and identity for me to heal and work on. And I mean, gosh, 8 years later, here we are. And I'm very much looking forward to who I become in the next 8 years because I know the point of the work is to keep going. You're not supposed to be done, although it gets very delightful and enjoyable, enjoyable along the way. And you stop thinking that there was something wrong with a previous version of you, and you start really feeling grateful for every version of you that you've ever been, because she was necessary. And those thoughts were necessary. Those actions, choices were all necessary for you to have the life that you have today. And when you love the life that you have so much— I would personally never go back and change a single thing. I would do it all over again the exact same way. And it's completely freeing, and I want the same thing for you. So I'd love to discuss coaching options together. And just keep in mind that yes, YES! Language does work when you're focused on you. We're not here to work on your kids. We're here to work on you. Your kids are going to be like you anyway, so just raise yourself. I'll see you guys later.