179. The Family Walk That Became a 100-Mile Race

Okay. The energy on today's podcast episode might just feel next level. So if I can encourage you on this episode, I'm saying get ready to clean your house, do some dishes, go for a walk, listen to this while on a run. Make sure you can be moving while listening to this because my body is literally buzzing with excitement. I'm happy to say I'm living my dream life after this past weekend. And I am about to blow the lid off of what you may be thinking is possible for your family because this right here, what happened this past weekend, what's to come for my family in October is truly 8 years in the making. And, uh, it's going to call us all up to a higher standard that we hold ourselves to and, uh, probably call you to question a couple of things and make sure that you are holding true to what it is that you want. So welcome back to the Momset Podcast. I am Tessa Romero and I'm absolutely obsessed with helping you live out as the mom that you want to be, no matter what room or group that you're in. I know it's completely possible because I do it every single day and I love to challenge us and call us forward as wives and as women and followers of Christ and in every area of our life. I know it's completely possible. So thanks for spending some time with me. And now let's get into just this, this woman's pride and joy right now. So, um, in this episode, I'm going to tell you all about our family walks that turned into a 100-mile race. Are you ready? All right. So I hope that you're out on a walk now. You're ready to feed off this energy and get some cleaning done, check off some things and just listen to this influence. Let it, let it touch quite deep. Okay. So for 7 years, the past 7 years. So let me give some dates to this. About 2018 to 2025 is the timeframe that I'm looking at. For those 7 years, I could barely get my husband to come on a family walk. Okay. Just let that sink in because it's a really important part of this story and message for you. I could barely, I could barely get my husband to come on a walk for those 7 years as a family. And if I had said like, hey, do you want to go on a walk? Do you want to go on a walk? Hey, do you want to go on a walk? I know that's literally how it would sound though. I would be met with some groans, like, ugh. He would say, it's hot. It's windy. My feet hurt. I don't want to get sweaty. And it was always, he He would meet me with a kind no, like it was always kind and it was a no 9 times out of 10. And as much as I love Yes Language, I'm also very comfortable hearing a no. Okay. I can take a no. I can take it. However, I had this family vision of activity and going on family walks that I wanted him to take part in it. And for the first few years of hearing those kind nos, It was really difficult for me. So I want you to hear that this year my husband has gone from groans and a reason why he doesn't want to go on a walk to literally signing him and I up for a half marathon that we ran together. It was our first half marathon this past April in Hawaii. It was totally a dream. And this last weekend he ran one of the hardest mountain races in the world. It's called the Spinebuster. Speed Goat, uh, UTMB, I think it is. I hope that I'm getting this name right. Speed Goat, it's what it's called. It's in Utah. It's a 50K mountain race, so 32 miles. You are hiking and running the rims of the mountain down through the valleys and back up. It was mind-blowing. And he is currently training for— he put this 50K on his training schedule because he's training for a 100-mile race. So to put that into perspective, my husband and I have never even ran a half marathon, and now he's signed up to run a 100-mile race. And my walking path that I would ask him, hey, do you want to go on a walk? Do you want to go on a walk? Do you want to go on a walk? My walking path is 2.5 miles. His ultra is 100. It is blowing my mind how we got here. I still just, I'm trying to understand fully, like for myself, let alone explain it, how we got from there saying no to 2.5-mile walks and my, my vision of family activity feeling like, oh my gosh, is it ever going to happen? Are we ever going to get there? I, it really feels like family walks is the way that we're going to have this family vision of activity. How we got from there to here. And that right there is what this whole episode is about, because here's what I've learned. And I've known this, and it's just another incredible way it's showing up in my life. And I want you to live by this line. The how is none of your business. How you're going to accomplish this family vision, how you're going to have an active family, how you're going to get a thriving marriage, how you're going to be the best version of yourself, how you're going to get over your childhood, how you're going to forgive your parents, how you're going to lead your children with a better lifestyle and better choices and better values and a better mindset, how you're going to do any of that is none of your business. Today I want to teach you to hold tightly to what you want and loosely to how you get it. Okay, so let's go. Here's where it starts. We have to know what we want. It's Very important. I know I want that active family. Like, I know I want it, and that's so clear. If you don't know how— if you don't know what you want and you're trying to figure out how you're going to get it, you will spiral 100% of the time. It will be a chaotic and stressful experience to think about what you want, because before you're even clear on what you want, you're trying to figure out how to get it. And that is a recipe for, for before disaster. So it's also important knowing what you want because you must know when you get it. Some of you are literally living out every single day exactly what you want, and because the step to clearly define it was skipped, you look right over it. You're looking right over your dream life and missing so much of it. Every day, just because you don't realize that you're in it. You don't realize, oh my goodness, I've gotten what I want. I'm living the vision. So if you can't name what it is, one, you're never going to get it. And two, you're never going to see it. Even when, if you did get it, you wouldn't even be able to recognize it. So let me tell you my vision, because it's been the same since my very first baby, 8 years ago. He just turned 8. I want a family built on the outdoors, activity, and connection through athletics. I want our feet in the grass and hands muddy in the garden. I want sweaty foreheads from hard work and books under the shade of a tree. I want running races and family walks and morning runs with my boys as they get older and lifting weights with them as I age too. I've always thought of it as I want to truly be stronger than my boys as long as humanly possible. And I want to be right there in a competitive nature with them, giving it my all. And I want them to beat me. I eventually want my kids to beat me, and I want to make it really hard for them to beat me. I want them to know that the day they beat me at anything, it's because they actually learned it. If it's checkers, chess, lifting weights, running the fastest, getting something done, accomplishing anything. If you beat me, it's because you actually earned it. And I want that competitive spirit wrapped in deep humility and kind self-talk. Because to me, signing up for something hard and giving your absolute best to finish it is more fulfilling than winning. And that's, that's my family vision. Okay. So much of it is right there. And the anchor of that whole vision for me From the day my first son was born was a family walk. Throughout my pregnancy, I went on a walk every single day throughout my pregnancy, and throughout the whole pregnancy I was just imagining the time I could put my little baby in the stroller and take him on a walk. And it meant so much to me just to have that vision. Okay, so during this time though, like through my pregnancy, which was 9 years ago, and then my son being born 8 years ago, I had Liam, who's my oldest son, and my husband was working 10 10 to 12 hours a day on his feet. He was a strength and conditioning— my goodness, the associate director of strength and conditioning was his title. So he was walking around a weight room all day long doing exercises, teaching other athletes how to exercise, and interacting with over 300 different people a day. So it was very taxing socially, physically, mentally. Extremely taxing environment and he really did excel and thrive there. It was like our favorite to go see him at work and, and just thriving there. And he had such a great time. And at that time there was a, there was a gap in our income in order for me to be a stay-at-home mom. And I knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. So I started a little business called Body By Mommy, which some of you listening to this episode have actually been around with me for 8 years. Like, you remember Body By Mommy, and that was to fill our income gap so I could stay home with our son. And honestly, it lit up something in me that I didn't even know was there, that I am wildly an entrepreneur. And you know, that's a, that's an episode for another day. So I do these living room workouts with my baby on the floor right next to me 5 days a week. I didn't miss a single live workout for 3 consecutive years. And in that community, even if I— I mean, I had my second son in those 3 years. I was still on there. I was posting the correct replays. I would do pelvic floor, postpartum recovery stuff. Like, I was in it because to me, it was the way I could stay home with my children. And I took it very, very seriously. And it taught me so much about myself, so much about my family. And it totally check the boxes of my active family vision that I had. And every day, on top of running Body By Mommy, every day I'd load Liam into our stroller and take our dog on a walk every single day. And then by the time I had my second son, same routine would happen. And my husband would come home for lunch and I'd have his food ready. And I'd ask, wanna come on a walk with me and Liam? Like I would save my walk with Liam for when my husband was home because I had an active family vision. Family as in like, you too, you're coming on the walk with me because I want this active, healthy family. And to me, that was how I was going to get it. And 9 times out of 10, when my husband came home from his lunch break, he didn't want to go on a walk. It actually, you know, it was hot outside. It was windy outside. His feet did hurt. He's been, he already had 30,000 steps. He doesn't want to go on a 2.5-mile walk. Bless the guy. He wanted to sit down and enjoy his lunch and spend time with his son, spend time with his wife and rest a little bit too, which I can totally get now. I mean, he was on his feet all day, right? Like, I can totally see that now. At the time though, it rubbed right against my vision of an active family because to me, I just felt torn in half. I wanted to be a tender, supportive wife, and I want an active family. So how do I get both when he keeps saying no to my great idea? Was where I was at. And I would look at his no as like, dang it. Like, this is the how, man. Don't you see, husband of mine? This is how we have an active family is by going on this daily walk. And that's how I saw it. I thought I knew how I was going to have an active family. And again, just keep this line in mind. The how is none of your business. It's okay for me to want an active family. It's okay for me to want, you know, the, the hard work, the sweaty, the, the competitive nature. It's okay for me to want all that. And there's more than one good way for us to get there. That was something that it took me years to learn though. So come back to the how is none of my business. So this kind of became our pattern. I'd invite, he'd kindly decline, my sweetie pie, and I'd go anyway. Just me and Liam and the dog. And eventually I moved our walk to the mornings with Liam and we would do our Body By Mommy workout. We'd go on our walk and then we'd have lunch with my husband instead of inviting him on the walk. But we were still doing the walk. And here's the thing I want every single woman listening to. To hear. My husband is exceptional and a healthy, active family matters to him just as much as it does to me. And I imagine this is true for you too in many areas of your life. You have these exceptional people, an exceptional spouse, and you guys share a lot of the same vision, a lot of the same values. You both want an active, healthy family, or you both want respectful, obedient children, and maybe you just have different approaches to get it. This is again why the how is none of your business. Having different ways of getting there. It took me a while to understand there are many good ways to get what you want. So fast forward to 2020, it's COVID. Everyone's home, including my husband. My husband was working from home. So I started asking for the daily family walk again. I didn't ask for a good year. And then he was back home and we had moved and we had just had our second son. And I'm still getting the groan and eventual yes, or the sweet, no, it's hot, it's windy, my feet hurt. But by now I was going regardless. The only difference is my husband was home to see me go because normally he was at work, but now he was, he was home. And, and I looked at it through the perspective of, I really love that he has the time to just sit in some peace and quiet and rest because I know he's just going to feel a lot better the rest of the day home with the two kids and I. During what could be a really stressful season for many, when this is the environment that he can just have an hour to rest, have some time to himself. Like, okay, I had this great perspective about it and I was going regardless and I would let him watch. We have the kids in the stroller and I, if you like, to me, if you want something, make it clear and then let yourself have it. Don't wait for other people to tell you you can have it. If you want something, let yourself have it. I had 2 kids by then, a double stroller, and I was pumped. And you know what shifted? I stopped turning his other way into something against me. I started seeing it as another way it could all work together. He'd still, he'd still some, he'd still come sometimes. And I loved that too. But either way, I let myself have my walks. Okay. They were my walks. They're my happy walks. And I stopped needing his yes to live out my own vision. And I want to call that accountability on you right now. Where are you waiting on someone else's yes to start living out your own vision? If it's, if it's a family walk like me, or if it's the way you want to eat in your home, either way, you are responsible for seeing to what it is that you want for yourself. So now this is where it gets so cool. In 2025, um, this had been like our family walk story since 2018. So this is where the 7 years comes in. And my husband, the man who didn't want to walk 2.5 miles, he sometimes would because he loves me so much. Most times though, he did not want to walk 2.5 miles, somehow signed us up for our first half marathon together in Hawaii and signed up for a 100-mile race. My husband has been training now for almost a full year leading up to this 100-mile race. I just— did you hear that? He didn't want to go on a 2.5-mile walk and somehow or another he signed himself up for a 100-mile race and he'd never even run a half marathon. So how did we get here? It made zero sense to me. And I still feel baffled by it until I remember that the how is none of my business. This is my family vision and it is so much better than I even knew it could be. So maybe it was the example I'd set for years. Maybe it was him watching our boys settle into a more steady, active rhythm, getting more confident at the baseball plate, wanting to pick up weights in our gym. Gym downstairs or run a mile, get trail running shoes. Maybe it was some, some competitive fire when his buddy said that he was signing up for a 100-mile race. I don't know how. I'm just so grateful for it because this last weekend my husband finished the Speed Goat 50K, which is that 32-mile mountain race. And it's one of the hardest mountain races in the world. And I ran every one of his aid stations with our 4 boys. And he had his brothers come and their kids. It was like so, so special. And I cried at the start line of his race before he even crossed the start line. I was crying at the start line trying to get this video, which I completely botched. And it's because it's a total dream come true to me. This is my family vision in action. My husband at a starting line of a 50K Speedgoat hardest mountain race in the world. And here's the kicker, he signed me up for the 10K. I didn't sign myself up for the 10K. I felt extremely intimidated by this mountain race. I'm like, I'll just, I'll just support you. You know, you go and I got your back. And he's like, you could do the 10K. And I have been running a lot more trails since he's been training for the 100-mile. And we've been going on trail dates together every week and our boys are asking to run trails with us. So I was definitely trained to run the 10K mountain race. I felt so intimidated though. I wasn't going to sign myself up and he signed me up. He signed our kids up for the kids' race. Not me. Him. Me, the one that was like every day, family walk, 2.5 miles. I didn't sign up. He signed me up and I can see our active family vision more clearly than I ever have before. My boys are begging to run trails with us, which is so exciting. My husband and I, we have a weekly trail running date like I told you, and I placed top 10 in my category in that 10K mountain race. And it's, it's my actual life. I was using mindset to help me on that race because no amount of me telling myself, oh my gosh, these people are more trained than me, they're, they're more prepared than I am, they're going to do so much better than me, was actually helping me run any better. So I just started telling myself I belong here and I trust my training. And I smacked that race. I stinkin' smoked it. So the bigger picture for me here is what if I would have stayed home? This is where I want you to let it sit in because I knew what I wanted and I let myself have it. Even when I was the only one that wanted it, I let myself have it. I kept going on those walks. I let him watch me get the boys in the stroller. I let him watch me run with the stroller. And it was all right if you wanted to stay back. The point is, I knew what I wanted and I went after it. I gave myself permission. And I want you to sit with this part is I have no idea where my family would be if I'd stayed home every time my husband didn't want to go for a walk. If I'd refused to let myself have what I wanted just because he didn't want it too. If I'd never made it known who I am, what I want, and the fire I have to go get it, I have a feeling there'd be no 100-mile race, no 50K, no kids' races, no family trail runs. I really believe that my life would look completely different today, and it would be the same 7 years later, just one different decision. No to the walk. Instead of a yes for 7 consecutive years. And for those of you thinking, oh my gosh, that's way too long. It's the time's going to pass anyway. At least the time is passing where I am full of enthusiasm and excitement and clarity in my vision, knowing exactly what I want. And I give myself permission to have it. I love the last 7 years and now I just extra love where we're at, seeing my husband at multiple start lines. And getting his water for him, seeing him drenched in sweat. He sweat out 8 liters of sweat during that 50K. I just, the blisters, the dirt, the hard work, the grit, the grind, it was mesmerizing to witness. And the hustle that my boys put in with me to get to his aid stations on time and be there for him and cheer him on and take the videos and send the text messages supporting him and track his results and be there at the finish line for him. I, it confirmed to me, I will pursue this for the rest of my life. This family vision, this is amazing. And if I had said no for the last 7 years, if I had held back on what I wanted because someone else didn't want it too, I have a feeling I'd be bubbling with resentment, stewing in the victim mentality, watching the quality of my marriage, my motherhood, and my health crumble up. Me signing up for it, I wouldn't be ready for those things because I would have put it in someone else's hands to decide for me when I can go after it. Well, who's going to feel good from that place? And it's not because I didn't want the active family. If I had said no over those years, it wouldn't be because I didn't want the active family. And because I wouldn't have been willing to want it for me, because I wouldn't have believed that me, myself wanting a walk was enough. Someone else would need to want it too. It's not true. You wanting your vision is more than enough to go after it and to even get it. Even if you don't know how it's all going to work out. Neither did I. And yet we just finished a 50K. And we're heading into a 100-mile race this October that I am stoked for. So let me hand this to you. Here's your quick win, and you can start it today. Name one thing you want for you and take one small step toward it today alone, if that's what it looks like, without waiting for a single person to say yes or come along. Go on the walk, sign up for the thing, start the rhythm, and let them watch you. Let them watch you with peace. Let them watch your enthusiasm and your excitement and your— the way you get captivated by this vision. Let them watch. Keep that resentment out of your house, out of your heart. Keep the victim mentality out of your mind. You can do this completely in free nature. So I just want you to ask yourself, what do you actually want? Are you willing to go after it? On your own? Are you willing to believe that you wanting it is enough to chase it with your whole heart? Are you willing to let people watch you for a while and be their positive influence? Are you willing to trust yourself to show up for it consistently without anyone else holding you accountable? My last message for you here is to hold tightly to what you want. Hold tightly to the what. Loosely to the how. Keep your faith that you will get it and your enthusiasm for the journey unfolding today, not someday when a certain piece finally shows up. Those small daily choices that line up with your vision, they are more than enough. And it only takes you deciding to go after it and to say yes to it for it to actually start making forward progress. I had no idea my husband was going to sign up for races and I am completely thrilled to be his crew at the aid stations and inspired to potentially see myself running the 50K next year too. So much has unfolded for us because the how is none of my business. I knew what I wanted, not how I was going to get it. I knew I wanted an active family and I held tightly to that vision. Each day I have done what is in my control. And in alignment with that vision. And I've just let the rest work itself out. So I really hope that this message lands deeply for you today. You've had a powerful 25 minutes to be cleaning up or on a walk, and I will see you guys so soon, um, with more mindset, more positivity, and a complete delight to live this life right alongside you.