Episode 43: Who Hurt You? The Origin of the Broad Stroke A Healing Episode for People Tired of Being Triggered

Welcome to the Trigger and the Truth podcast. I'm your host Tina White, and this is the space where we take a deep dive into the complexities of relationships— romantic, family, friendships, workplace dynamics, and of course entrepreneurship— and how they intertwine with our mental health and wellness. As a Dedicated mental health advocate, we don't just have conversations. We lean into the hard truths, peel back the layers, and journey together toward understanding, closure, and personal growth. More than ever, we're on a collective mission to find peace, clarity, and healing. This is your safe space to explore the moments that shaped you, discover your triggers, uncover the truths, and find the healing you deserve. So whether you're searching for solace, insight, or a fresh perspective, you're in the right place. If this is your first time tuning in, welcome to the conversation. I'd love for you to like, share, and pass this along to someone who might need some encouragement or insight. Now let's dive into today's episode and start this journey into self-discovery and wellness together.

Welcome back to The Trigger and the Truth. Today's episode is called Who Hurt You? The Origin of the Broad Stroke. Now let me explain what I mean by broad stroke. You ever notice how one bad experience can shape the way you see anyone and everything you may encounter after it happens? It's like you have a pair of glasses that have a permanent tint of negativity. Because of that experience. That's what I call painting with a broad stroke. A broad stroke is when one unpleasant experience becomes the brush you use to paint every similar person, place, or thing that reminds you of that pain. Suddenly, you're not really seeing people anymore. You're seeing patterns. Some are real, some are only in your mind. And once you start putting people into categories, the problem begins when you miscategorize people or experiences. You're not protecting yourself, you're limiting yourself. What happens is that very infraction, whether real or imagined, then becomes your justification for keeping them in that box. It turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. You've already made up your mind and you behave in ways that almost force people to react a certain way. Just so you can say, "See, I was right. They're just like everyone else." Here's where it gets tricky. Once you start putting people into categories, categories they don't actually belong in, thinking you're protecting yourself, meanwhile, what you're really doing is limiting yourself. Because now, every little thing, whether it's real or imagined, becomes your justification for keeping them in that box. But here's the truth about that theory: it's unfair. It's unfair to the other person because you're not giving them a real chance. And it's unfair to you because not only are you loud and wrong, you're engaging in self-sabotage, which is another defense mechanism. And now you've trapped yourself in a never-ending loop of nothing. So the next time you catch yourself reaching for that broad stroke, Pause. Ask yourself, "Am I seeing this person, or am I just seeing my patterns?" Because here's the thing: when you stop painting everybody with the same brush, you give yourself permission to experience life and people more fully. And that's where real freedom begins. The first time you use the broad stroke, it feels like protection. But repeat it long enough, and it becomes your identity. Now it's not just a guard, it's a lifestyle. You test people, sabotage good things, keep your distance, not because everyone deserves it, but because one person did. Hyper-independence looks like strength from the outside, but often it's grief in disguise. It's fear wearing the mask of standards. And when the broad stroke becomes your personality, You're no longer just protecting yourself; you're punishing everybody. Here's some reflection: are you protecting yourself or punishing people who didn't hurt you? Well, let me give you a workplace example because I know a lot of us have been there. Let's say you had one bad manager, somebody who micromanaged you, disrespected your time, or maybe even made you feel small in meetings. That experience was real. It left a mark. But if you're not careful, every time you meet a new supervisor, you're going to paint them with that same broad stroke. So now you're walking into the office already guarded, already defensive. You've convinced yourself they're just like the last one. And because you believe that, you start pulling back. You stop volunteering ideas. You avoid communication. You don't even give them a chance to show you who they really are. What happens then? Well, they begin to notice your distance, they begin to notice your attitude, and before you know it, the relationship becomes strained. Not because they were a bad manager, but because your past experience wrote the script before the first chapter of this one even started. That's the loop I was talking about earlier. You think you're protecting yourself, but what you're really doing is creating the very outcome you feared. And the worst part? You might miss out on working with someone who could have actually been supportive, who could have helped you grow. That's why broad strokes are so dangerous. They don't just keep people out, they keep opportunities out too. When the broad stroke distorts reality. Here's the thing about broad strokes: they blur lines. Everybody's not your ex. Every boss isn't trying to exploit you. Every man isn't a manipulator. Every woman isn't a gold digger. But if you never deal with the first wound, your body can't tell the difference between discomfort and danger. When you've been conditioned by betrayal, consistency feels boring. When you're used to chaos, peace feels suspicious. That's not intuition. That's the broad stroke at work. A trauma response isn't always the voice of God. It's often the echo of your wound. Somewhere along the way, mental health stopped being about getting stronger and started being about avoiding life. We didn't just normalize therapy, we turned it into a personality trait. We didn't just promote self-awareness, we turned every feeling into a diagnosis. Now everything is a trigger, everything is trauma, but real mental health It's not about comfort. It's about capacity. Your ability to cope with life on all levels, especially when it's hard. If your mental health work isn't making you stronger, it's time to rethink the work. Listen to my new episode, Cognitive Range, on the Trigger and the Truth podcast. Links in the bio. Now let's bring this same idea into relationships, because this is where it really hits home for a lot of us. Maybe you were in a relationship where your partner betrayed your trust, lied, cheated, or dismissed your feelings. That wound is real, but what happens next is just as important. If you carry that pain into the next relationship without healing, you'll start painting with that same broad stroke. So you meet someone new, but instead of seeing them for who they are, you're on high alert for red flags. You interpret their late text response as lying. You assume their friendliness with coworkers is flirting. You convince yourself that any small imperfection is proof that they're "just like the last one." And here's the thing: you start treating them like they've already failed you. You question them more, you pull back affection, you keep your guard up so tight that they never get a chance to show you they're different. Eventually, they start feeling mistrusted and unappreciated, and sometimes they end up pulling away. At that point, you say to yourself, "See, I was right. They were no good either." But really, what happened is the loop repeated. The broad stroke you used to protect yourself became the very brush that painted the relationship into a corner. And this doesn't just damage the relationship, it chips away at your mental health. Living in constant suspicion, in constant defense mode, is exhausting for your nervous system. You can't heal in survival mode when the broad stroke keeps you in the past. The broad stroke doesn't just change how you see people, it rewrites the story becomes the story you tell about yourself. You start repeating the script: "They all lie." "People always switch up." "I can trust nobody." But what if that story is outdated? What if you're living inside a chapter that ended years ago? Every time you generalize, you're reliving the first betrayal. Every time you rehearse the pain, you're keeping the wound fresh. That's how bitterness sets in. That's how you become the person you swore you'd never be. Bleeding on people who never cut you. Stop rehearsing the broad stroke. Pause. Feel it. Write it down. Get help with it. Choose differently. So whether it's the workplace or your relationships, the broad stroke theory shows up the same way. In the office, one bad manager becomes the lens through which you judge every boss. In dating, one heartbreak becomes the filter that paints every new partner as untrustworthy. And at first, it feels like you're protecting yourself. But over time, you realize you're not just protecting yourself, you're trapping yourself. When you live by those broad strokes, you never allow yourself to see people for who they actually are. You see patterns, projections, ghosts of the past. And the sad part is, those ghosts keep robbing you of real opportunities. Opportunities for growth, for healing, for meaningful connections. The truth is, healing requires us to put the brush down. To say, "This is a new canvas, this is a new person, this is a new day." That doesn't mean being naive. It means being present. It means being fair. And here's the challenge I'll leave you with: Where in your life are you painting with broad strokes? Where are you mistaking your own pain for protection? And more importantly, what would happen if you allowed yourself to step out of the loop and see things as they really are? Because at the end of the day, broad strokes might make the picture feel familiar, but they also keep you stuck in the same picture. Over and over again. Now, for some relationships, the damage is already done and it may be too late. However, you can always start from where you are right now. If you find yourself in a new relationship or with a new career opportunity, give it a fair chance. Don't repeat the cycle.

To tell the truth, let's unpack a heavy bag that's been bursting at the seams. We owe it to ourselves to hold ourselves accountable. Owning our part in the breakdown of a relationship. One of us might be a narcissist, or maybe both of us. Are you willing to tell the truth about your role? Did you burn sage only to pass out from the fumes? Are you perhaps the root cause of the problem? I'll go first. If I'm being honest, I can be problematic when my buttons are pushed or when I feel my boundaries have been crossed. God is still working on me, And that's why we're here. I'm taking this journey with you because I need healing just as much as anyone else. I've had to confront my own tendencies. I've realized that in conflict, I almost always become an avoidant. I shut down, walk away, and don't look back. That's not healthy. So here's the question: Can you face yourself and admit to your part? The first step toward healing is honesty.

At the end of the day, the day gotta end. And what we've got to begin realizing is this: we absolutely hold the power to shift the trajectory of our lives. Nobody else can do it for us. Not the people who hurt us, not the circumstances we were born into, not the labels the world tries to stick on us. It's always been and will always be Mind over matter. The thoughts you feed will grow. The choices you make, no matter how small, add up to the direction you're heading in. And the direction you're heading in, that's your life. So if you want peace, choose it. If you want freedom, take it. And if you want healing, let it begin with the way you speak to yourself. Because at the end of the day, tomorrow is coming and you get to decide how you walk into it. Repainting Your Life. How to put the brush down. You don't have to keep painting with the broad stroke. Stop painting people with the sins of someone else. Stop letting one bad encounter become your whole worldview. Ask yourself, what do I really believe about people? Am I leading with grace or guardedness? Do I want real connection, or am I addicted to control and drama? Some people are the main character in a story they made up in their mind. It's a movie, and they gain satisfaction from always being right, from always testing out their theories in every situation. But here's the thing: no, you're not always right. And yes, there are people out there sent to help you grow and develop, but you can't see them because you're too busy watching them a movie that you wrote in your mind. Because here's the thing: you can't build intimacy on suspicion, you can't build community in isolation, and you can't live whole if you keep judging today with yesterday's brush. I know this isn't theory because I've lived it. There was a time in my life when I painted with the broad stroke so heavily that I couldn't see people for who they were. Every relationship started with suspicion. Every friendship was tested before it began. The truth? I wasn't protecting myself. I was isolating myself. I was punishing people for wounds they didn't cause. And it took me years to admit this. I was tired of being haunted by ghosts that don't belong in my present. But thank God for growth, development, self-reflection, and therapy. Let me be clear about therapy. And how taking the time to sit with someone who has no other purpose other than to guide you to a place where you can unpack your baggage is a true game changer. They have no ulterior motive. They don't know your family or significant other or your friends. You tell your story from your perspective, and if the therapist is truly objective, not only will they hear what you're not saying in between the lines, They will help you see the situation from a different vantage point, and that is some real life-changing shit, especially when you're ready to accept the fact that you got a lot of bullshit with you and it's time to take the mask off. And then you begin to get out of your own way. That's why this podcast exists, to remind you you can put the brush down. This is why I say the broad stroke trap is not just unfair. It's a mental health issue. When you categorize people where they don't belong, your nervous system is constantly on alert. You're not present. You're replaying the past. That kind of hypervigilance is exhausting. It breeds anxiety, mistrust, and isolation. Over time, it hardens into depression or loneliness because you've closed yourself off from genuine connection. And listen, not everyone deserves access to you. Boundaries are necessary, but boundaries built on fear and assumptions are walls, not protections. So how do we correct it? Notice the brush. Ask yourself, am I reacting to this person or to my past? Two, pause before you paint. Give situations space instead of rushing to judgment. 3. Choose a new stroke. Approach each person as an individual canvas. 4. Give your nervous system a break. By not fighting ghosts, you allow your body and mind to breathe in the present. Healing starts when you stop painting everyone with the same broad brush and start allowing yourself to see clearly through possibility, not pain. So I wanna hear from you. Have you ever caught yourself in the broad stroke trap? Have you painted someone with the wrong brush or had someone do that to you? Have you been to therapy? If not, are you willing to try it? And listen, I know everything isn't for everyone, but mental health care should be treated just like going to the dentist or the doctor. That's all I'll say about it for now. In the meantime, if you want to share, call the hotline at 715-702-8845 or send a text to 718-440-5538. You'll remain anonymous and respected. Your story matters here. And here we are, 90 days into this journey together. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for showing up for these conversations.

Thank you so much for spending time with me today on The Trigger and the Truth. Remember, it's all about uncovering those triggers, finding the truth, and building stronger, healthier relationships for ourselves and with the people around us. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love it if you like, share, and send it to someone who might benefit. Together, we're making mental health and wellness a priority. And always remember, never let your emotions supersede your intelligence. Take care of yourself. Be kind to your mind. And until next time, let's keep uncovering truths, one heartfelt conversation at a time.