Family Ties, Triggered Lies: My Story of Sibling Betrayal

Welcome to the Trigger and the Truth podcast. I'm your host Tina White, and this is the space where we take a deep dive into the complexities of relationships— romantic, family, friendships, workplace dynamics, and of course entrepreneurship— and how they intertwine with our mental health and wellness. As a dedicated Tina White, mental health advocate. We don't just have conversations. We lean into the hard truths, peel back the layers, and journey together toward understanding, closure, and personal growth. More than ever, we're on a collective mission to find peace, clarity, and healing. This is your safe space to explore the moments that shaped you, discover your triggers, uncover the truths, and find the healing you deserve. So whether you're searching for solace, insight, or a fresh perspective, you're in the right place. If this is your first time tuning in, welcome to the conversation. I'd love for you to like, share, and pass this along to someone who might need some encouragement or insight. Now let's dive into today's episode and start this journey into self-discovery and wellness together.

Hello and welcome. I'm so glad you're here with me today. I'm Tina White, the host of The Trigger and the Truth, and this is my very first episode, The Day My Brother Pulled a Gun on Me. I know, right out the gate, right? But we gotta get to it. This is a space where we have all kinds of conversations, and these are not necessarily conversations that happen at the dinner table or in family group chats. This particular conversation is very heavy, it's very personal, and it's one that I've been holding on to for almost 5 years now. The Trigger and the Truth is a space where we explore the intersections between relationships. All of our relationships— family, romantic, friends, our professional lives, whether you're an entrepreneur or if you work for a company— and how it relates to our mental health and wellness. Now, every one of us carries stories. We have memories and experiences that have shaped who we are. Some are beautiful, absolutely beautiful, filled with joy and connection, but others are complicated, heavy, filled with pain, betrayal, and unspoken truths. My hope is that this podcast becomes a sanctuary for both kinds of stories, a place where we can shine a light on the triggers, the triggers that hold us back, uncover the truths, the truths beneath them, and chart a path toward healing. Whether you're here to grow or simply gain some clarity, I want you to know this: You're not alone. We're all on this journey together. And I'm so grateful you're here with me today. And hey, if this is your first time listening, I'd love for you to like, share, or subscribe. Now let's dive into this debut episode. I'll be honest, this one is very personal. It's raw. And it's a story that I've never shared so publicly before. But I believe it's a story that needs to be told. So today we're talking about sibling violence. It's a topic that's rarely discussed, but it's something that has deeply shaped my life. This isn't about revisiting old wounds. It's about showing how even the deepest scars can heal. Sharing this story isn't easy. Even now, my hands are a little shaky, my stomach feels tight. But I've learned something in my healing journey. The things we avoid talking about often hold the most power over us, and by bringing them into the light, we can take some of the power back. Years ago, I had a disagreement with one of my brothers. So to me, it was a minor disagreement about business we were involved in. You know, to me, it was the kind of things that siblings argue about, and then you move on from them. But this argument didn't end that way. It happened outside my real estate office. That's where my brother was subletting space. We were standing there talking, rather arguing, and then suddenly everything changed. He slapped me. I was stunned, but before I could even process what had just happened, he stepped back, he kicked me in the chest, like he took his foot, you know, the one that you walk on these filthy New York streets, he took his foot and he kicked me in my chest. I remember as children, my mom used to say, "Kicking or spitting on someone is probably one of the most disrespectful things you could ever do." But clearly, my brother disregarded what we were taught because not only did he kick me, that wasn't enough for him. He then pulled out a gun and pointed it in my face. I'll never forget that moment. Time seemed to slow down. My mind raced with questions like, "Is this really happening?" Like, "How did we get here?" "Is he actually gonna shoot me?" But what stood out the most was the look in his eye. It was like I was staring at someone I didn't even know. The person I grew up with, the person I shared childhood memories with, he was gone. In his place was someone filled with anger and hatred. The way it all played out was like he had been harboring something, something unsaid, something that he was holding on to, like he had been waiting for this moment because his actions in relation to the argument made absolutely no sense. It didn't then, and it doesn't today. At least it doesn't to me. I froze. Part of me wanted to run, but I was too afraid to move. Instead, I just stood there staring back at him. I thought to myself, if he's gonna do it, if he's gonna take my life, he's gonna have to look me in the eyes when he does it. I stood there frozen in an attempt to defuse the situation. I stood there frozen because I wanted him to come to his senses and like really look me in my face, and maybe a light bulb will go off, like, wait a minute, this is Tina. I have a gun pointed in her face. What am I doing? Eventually, he lowered the gun and he ran off. I was left standing there. I was shaking. My heart was pounding. The shock was overwhelming. I couldn't understand how something so minor escalated to this. It was so violent. It was so life-threatening. When I got to my car, everything hit me at once. The tears started pouring even before I turned on my engine. I couldn't stop crying. My mind was a whirlwind of fear, anger, and disbelief. It was like, for a split second, I even thought about going to the police. But then shame crept in. I felt embarrassed to even think about that because at the end of the day, that's still my parents' child.

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He was no longer my brother once he pulled that gun and he pointed it in my face. I felt like I had done something wrong by even being in this situation. And then there was this fear, right? What would happen to my family if I reported this? It would definitely make things worse. So I stayed silent. I told no one. Weeks later, I found out that my brother was spreading lies about me. He went on a full fuck Tina campaign. He told people I had stolen 50 bands from him, which was a complete justification. If anybody knows this particular brother, this particular sibling, he is cheap as fuck. He's selfish, always been. He's the complete opposite of his twin. When I say complete, I mean complete. Now, if my other brother would have said that, then there could have been some validity there. There could have been like, okay, well, you know, he's very generous. He, you know, he might have let her hold something and she probably booked them. It would have been a story there. But this particular twin, this particular sibling, he's cheap. And he never put 50 bands in my hand, ever. And then I turn around and I heard it was $40,000. So now I'm not sure if he thought that was a lot of monies and it would somehow justify his actions. But the rumor and the campaign to destroy my reputation left me completely puzzled. It wasn't just physical violence. It was the smear campaign that came afterward. He wasn't just trying to hurt me physically. He was trying to destroy my reputation too. Then as time went on, I realized that although the rumor was spreading like wildfire, he left out the fact that he pulled a gun and assaulted me. I never heard ever one time someone say, oh, but I heard he pulled a gun on her. Oh, but I heard he slapped her. Oh, but I heard he kicked her in the chest. I never heard that part because he left that part out. I didn't say anything to anyone, but when I started hearing the rumor, I opened up to my grandmother and I opened up to my auntie. Grandma, she called me. She's like, Tina, I got a phone call from such and such at 2:00 in the morning. She's like, I had this number for over 40 years. I can count on my hands how many times that child called me. What's going on up there in New York? I started laughing. I was like, Gram, what did he say? So she told me his story. He told Graham, 50. So he told my older brother, 40. Anyway, so I was like, listen, this is what happened. And I explained to her everything that happened, including the gun, including the assault. And she said, you know what, Tina, I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. I had no idea that you were going through that. And she said, when I asked him, She's like, so-and-so, why would you give Tina $50,000? He couldn't give her an answer on that. He never answered that. So she was like, Tina, is he getting high? It's not funny, but it's funny. So I immediately jumped to his defense like, no, because I'm like, no, like, he's— no, he's not— they don't get high. Like, he's not getting high. But when I think back, because hindsight is 20/20, I don't know if that child was getting high. I don't even know who that person was. Fast forward, I opened up to my auntie, thinking she would understand, thinking she'd help me figure it out. But instead, she laughed in my face. Like, laughed, like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You're so crazy, Tina. I will never forget that moment. I was like, what? She said, and I quote, you overreacting, he wasn't really gonna shoot you. I'm like, what? He wasn't really gonna shoot me? He pulled a gun and pointed it at me. Tina. He pointed it at me. He slapped me. He kicked me. All of these things happened within a matter of, like, I don't know, probably under a minute. Felt like a lifetime, but it happened so fast. Then a few days later, huh, she let him into my house against my explicit instructions. I wasn't here. But thanks to my Ring camera, I saw and heard everything. That was the moment I realized I couldn't trust her either, or any of my family members for that matter. Well, not any of them, but many of them. I'm not going to put everybody in this because I know sometimes when things happen, we tend to throw everybody in it. But everybody wasn't in it. The majority of my family, they They were in it. And when I say in it, to me, their silence and them just not even calling to check on me— you could have sent me a text because everybody heard the story. But I can count on my hand the people who called to say, Tina, what's going on? Tina, are you OK? T, what's good? I have a list of people. My oldest brother, Kat. My grandmother. My friend Zay. And my friend Herbalist. Those were the people who picked up their phones, not just text me, and said, "T, what's going on? What am I hearing? Are you all right?" And we had conversations about it. My family members who I'm related to by blood. None of them except for Milo, my cousin Milo with the big head. So that was another betrayal. I mean, these people didn't so much as call to check on me. And the others who knew about the incident It clearly chose sides, and that gave me insight into who I can trust. And I want to say thank you because the betrayal, it led to my healing journey.

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This experience was one of the hardest things I've ever been through. But it taught me some of the most important lessons of my life. One is that healing doesn't require validation. Therapy, which is what I dived into heavy, it taught me that I didn't need my brother's apology or acknowledgment to begin healing. Healing started within me. I spoke to the brother one other time after the incident. Not only would he not acknowledge what happened, he denied it. He's telling me, "That never happened, Tina. What are you talking about, Tina?" And I said, "Are you serious?" I said, "Are you dead serious? That's your word?" And he said, "I never did none of that to you, Tina." It was then that I realized that he is truly a monster, and he's a stranger. And after that, I stopped seeking any form of validation from him. I really had to cut ties with him because that is a dangerous person. What I also learned is that boundaries are a form of self-respect. My family ties, it didn't give me the love that I needed. Family ties don't give anyone the right to harm you. But I had to set boundaries. Setting boundaries isn't selfish. It's necessary, especially if it has to do with your life. My life was put in danger. I didn't know his mind frame. I felt like I knew this person. I grew up with him. We shared a lot together as children. We went through a lot. But I don't know you. Number 3 is that choosing peace sometimes mean letting go. Walking away from toxic relationships can be painful, right? But it's often the only way to protect your mental and emotional health. Like, toxicity doesn't always come from a romantic partner. Families— my family is filled with toxic people. It just seemed like betrayal upon betrayal with my family after this incident with my brother. The sibling, it just was like, you know what, I can't trust these people. And I decided to step back. I had to step back from these relationships because they were bringing me more harm than good. And eventually, with my auntie, I asked her to leave. Like, I didn't get into the specifics of the dynamic that she brought when she moved into my home. First and foremost, she never even said, T, you know, I need some place to stay, blah blah blah. I promise you, one day she came here. We was having a celebration because my brother, my other brother, the one who I actually love and I liked, he would— he, he was celebrating a milestone. So we all were here. She came. She never left. Like, that day she never left. She didn't say, T, can I stay here? T, whatever. She just never left. Now The way I was raised, I tell you, you know, it's like you have to respect your elders. She was my auntie, my mom's sister. You already know how that go. So it wasn't a problem to accommodate her. I have the room. But the energy and the dynamic that she brought, I just didn't understand what was going on half the time. It was always some confusion. And then when the incident happened with the sibling, Her letting him in, her laughing in my face. I just didn't understand, so I asked her to leave. Now, once that happened, the son of the auntie in question, he went around telling lies as well. Like, he must have felt a type of way, but at the very end of the day, that's your mom. You're responsible for your mom. He didn't want to take responsibility for her. That's on him. If I was a vindictive or petty soul, I would have told how he really treated his mom behind closed doors and the atrocious things that he did to her financially. But that's not my story to tell. And either way, God saw everything. So him and the gun-toting sibling, they're gonna learn one day that you reap what you sow. I stepped all the way back from these people. I decided to protect myself and my children. I stopped attending family functions, including funerals, including her funeral, respectfully. So let's talk about sibling violence. Sibling violence is something that so many people experience but rarely talk about. The physical, the emotional, the psychological harm from someone you grew up with can leave scars that run deep. Sibling relationships shape who we are. They're supposed to be a source of love, trust, and companionship. But when those bonds are broken by violence, betrayal, resentment, the ripple effects can go through every aspect of your life. And it's time that we bring these stories to light. You feel a certain amount of loyalty because it's your brother, it's your sister, whatever, your cousin. And because a lot of us grow up with cousins who are like our— siblings, but then you grow up, right? And the key word here is grow up. And then you grow apart, and you realize that you don't know these people. You don't know people like you think you know them. If you've ever experienced sibling violence or betrayal, I want you to know that you're not alone, and I invite you to share your story, whether it's through a message, an email, or a voice note. This is definitely a judgment-free zone. And your voice matters. Me, I'm very private, right? I don't share like this. Like, this is not something that I do. But what I've learned in therapy is that there's no honor in keeping someone's secret, especially if it's a lie. Like, this person literally changed my life. He changed how I look at people. He changed how I trust. And then he wouldn't even acknowledge it, right? He wouldn't even say, Tina, I'm sorry. I don't even know what happened. Like, it got out of hand. I didn't mean to harm you. None of that stuff. He said, it never happened. Like, that never happened, Tina. These are the words that he said. That was the last conversation I had with this person. That was like in July of 2020. I will never forget it, ever. But I forgive, and I acknowledge the fact that I'm not innocent in none of this. But my hands ain't call for that. Growing up in shared environments, particularly in poverty or challenging circumstances, siblings often develop this unspoken reliance on each other for survival, for comfort, for identity. But as life progresses, these connections can be tested. They can be tested by external things like internal struggles or external pressures like money and status or whatever. So let's take a little bit of a deep dive into this. For younger siblings, sometimes there's shattered expectations, right? Because there's often this expectation that your older sibling will serve as your protector, your role model, and your guide, right? But when these expectations aren't met due to personal struggles— because we all have them— perhaps a behavioral issue or choices that may— that— or choices that people make, these disappointments can be acute. Conversely, older siblings may feel burdened by the unspoken expectations and they may harbor resentment. I know in my family, we lost our parents a long time ago, over a quarter century ago. We have no parents. We were in foster care. There's a lot of other things that happened to us collectively and individually. Right? We raised ourselves. We raised each other. I don't know what happened along the way, but things have changed. Sibling relationships are very complex. Jealousy and competition, sibling rivalry, it's a natural part of growing up, right? But if it's left unchecked, it can evolve into animosity or misunderstandings, or someone that you trust pulling a gun out on you and pointing it in your face and then pretending like it never happened and then going on to spread lies about you. Trauma and mental health is a real thing. Undiagnosed mental health conditions is a real thing, and it can affect how siblings perceive and interact with one another. Family dynamics can further strain those past traumas. I don't know what happened. Clearly he was feeling a way. Clearly there was something he was harboring. Clearly there was something there, because again, the argument that we were having in relation to how it all played out, it didn't match. It didn't make sense. It's never going to make sense. So here's a call to action for you guys, from me to you. If you've experienced a breakdown in your sibling relationship, you're not alone. You can join us here to explore these complexities with compassion, understanding, and a commitment to finding the truth. I know a lot of times when we hear lies about ourselves We like to defend ourselves. Oh no, that didn't happen. I didn't do that. What? Oh my God. And for a long time I felt like that. But then for a long time I was quiet about it. Because what I realized is that people are going to believe whatever it is they want to believe. That lie was dragged. First of all, it was made up. But then it was dragged. It affected my business. I'm a real estate broker by trade, have been since 2010. I've been licensed. I have— I'm licensed in Georgia. I'm licensed in New York. It was a real thing. Like, I really raised my children, and I really, like, was making a life for myself. I have a cousin who— he invested in my business. He invested in Queens Affiliated Realty Corp. He gave me Rockefeller startup money. But for whatever reason, once I opened that office on 140th Avenue in Springfield Gardens, my business progressively decreased. It was a total failure. The office was open for 3 years. I barely made a profit every year, and I was making sales. I'm a listing agent, but I also was doing rentals. And having my office over there, it shifted my business. Then to top it all off, everything happened with my sibling. I can't explain it, but I do know that things changed when I located my business over on that block. But we're gonna move on from that. I just want to thank everyone for being here with me today. Sharing this story wasn't easy, but it was freeing. And my hope is that it inspires you to confront your own truth and take steps towards healing. You gotta remember, you're not alone. Together, we'll navigate the triggers, uncover the truths, and find paths to clarity and wellness. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other. Real talk.

Thank you so much for spending time with me today on "The Trigger and the Truth." Remember, it's all about uncovering those triggers, finding the truth, and building stronger, healthier relationships for ourselves and with the people around us. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love it if you'd like, share, and send it to someone who might need to hear it. Might benefit. Together, we're making mental health and wellness a priority. And always remember, never let your emotions supersede your intelligence. Take care of yourself, be kind to your mind, and until next time, let's keep uncovering truths, one heartfelt conversation at a time.