Go Talk to the Lady: Walking on Eggshells Around People with Multiple Personalities

Welcome to the Trigger and the Truth podcast. I'm your host, Tina White, and this is the space where we take a deep dive into the complexities of relationships— romantic, family, friendships, workplace dynamics, and of course, entrepreneurship. And how they intertwine with our mental health and wellness. As a dedicated mental health advocate, we don't just have conversations. We lean into the hard truths, peel back the layers, and journey together toward understanding, closure, and personal growth. More than ever, we're on a collective mission to find peace, clarity, and healing. This is your safe space. To explore the moments that shaped you, discover your triggers, uncover the truths, and find the healing you deserve. So whether you're searching for solace, insight, or a fresh perspective, you're in the right place. If this is your first time tuning in, welcome to the conversation. I'd love for you to like, share, and pass this along to someone who might need some encouragement insight. Now let's dive into today's episode and start this journey into self-discovery and wellness together.

Welcome back to The Trigger and the Truth, the podcast where we explore the highs and the lows and the raw truths about life, all of this through the lens of mental health and wellness and how it affects us on a daily basis. I'm your host, Tina White, and today we're diving into a story that's personal. It was challenging, and hopefully it's eye-opening for many of you. Now, as we embark on this new year, 2025, I'm making a commitment to making 2025 the year of the therapist. So it's not new year, new me. We're scratching that. It's new year, new therapy. And the reason why is because as we head into this new year, I'm choosing to focus on things that are very important. And things that are going to elevate my life. In doing that, you guys are going on this journey with me. There are so many new opportunities and things that we're working on. I have a child who's college-bound. I have a child who is thriving in high school and he's doing so well. And it's such a blessing. And for me, these are blessings. But none of these things mean anything without prioritizing your mental health and wellness. So in today's episode, we're going to look into how 2025 needs to be the year of new journeys, new therapy, and just looking at your life from a different perspective. Now, in today's episode, today's episode is called Go Talk to the Lady. Now, I know that in our community, go talk to the lady is something that a lot of us hear, but I'm gonna define it for those who don't know what that means. In the context of mental health and therapy, go talk to the lady is a phrase that we use, and historically it just simply means seeking out help from a therapist or a counselor, right? So while the term might imply a female therapist due to the wording, it's not gender specific. The lady could represent a male, a female, someone who's non-binary. Anybody who is a mental health professional that's qualified to provide therapeutic support and guidance. So when I say, "Go talk to the lady," I really mean, "Go talk to the lady." Go get some therapy because it's much needed. So as we navigate today's episode, I'm gonna tell a story. Now, obviously, I'm gonna leave out names to protect the guilty, Um, and really no one really knows who I'm talking about, but when the person hears this, he's gonna know I'm talking about him. And this is between me and him. I'm just using my experience with him as an example as to why 2025 should be the year of new therapy.

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So let me set the stage. Imagine being in a relationship with someone who at first glance seems very sweet, attentive, and generous, right? And then out of nowhere, this person accuses you of stealing from them. And then that very same day, they flip the script, professing their undying love and admiration. And then later that night, they are telling you that they don't need you, or they don't need anyone for that matter. Now, if this sounds exhausting, trust me, living it was worse. This person gave me keys to their place one week, only to pack my belongings in a garbage bag the next. Now, I've been kicked out of better shit before, but this made no sense. It was like living in a simulation, right, where the rules change by the hour based on his personality and his mood. Now, it wasn't just the behaviors, it was the personas, because one minute he's channeling Huey P. Newton, he's all revolutionary and fiery, and it's like, yeah, let's do this, right? The next minute, he's Pookie from New Jack City. Not on crack or anything like that, but chain-smoking weed. It's like the only thing that was keeping him grounded is smoking. And I get it because he's been through a lot of trauma. And then there'll be moments when he would declare himself God. Like, not a god, but God. Now let me tell you, Being in the room with all these people, I was confused, and it was like a mental workout because I never knew who was going to show up. And then it took me a long time. I mean, it took me a few months to realize that this wasn't just him being erratic. This person is seriously mentally ill. And then here's the thing. He's been through real quantifiable trauma. Things that most people probably would not have survived physically, emotionally, and mentally. It was hard to hear his story, right? And it was very— it was bad. His story is horrible because it's like, people shouldn't have to go through what he's gone through. Like, no one's hand calls for that, right? And I empathize because I've been through a lot as well as a child, as a teenager, as an adult, right? And he wasn't shy about telling his story. But every time I gently tried to bring up the theory of therapy on the idea of, you know, maybe you should talk to the lady, go talk to the lady, it was like opening Pandora's box because one personality would agree, right? He would be like, yeah, I'ma go talk to the lady. But then another one would chime in, dismissing it entirely. It was a cycle. And then he started to get disrespectful, and it was really disrespectful. And then I knew that it was time for me to protect my peace, myself, and exit stage left.

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Now, this is a real story, true story, and it didn't happen 5 years ago, 6 years ago. It happened recently. And so now here we are. Let's examine what's really going on here. Like when you encounter someone who has such extreme shifts in their mood, It's a personality disorder, and it's a sign that there's more beneath the surface. There's so many potential underlying issues to unpack here. It could be because of the trauma-related disorder, like he might have complex PTSD because of everything that he's gone through. He could be bipolar. He could have an identity disorder because, you know, one minute he's Huey P. Newton, and the next minute he's Pookie from New Jack City. Right? So not smoking crack or anything like that, but definitely chain-smoking weed. So, you know, substance abuse, whether it's weed, coke, crack, heroin, alcohol, sex, whatever it is, whatever your vice, it's still a coping mechanism, right? It could be a way that he's self-medicating himself just so he can escape emotional and physical pain. I'm no therapist, right? But I'm observant, and I have experience dealing with certain personality types and certain people. So the impact on our relationship was detrimental. Like, we're no longer involved, and that's because I had to make a choice. Like, do I want to continue this on? Because there wasn't much that I could do. He didn't want my help. One minute he's looking at me like I'm his ally, and the next minute I'm his enemy. He didn't know, or his personalities didn't know which way to go. So being on the receiving end of this kind of behavior, it was draining, and I was confused, and at times it was a little scary because it got to the point where I didn't feel safe with him. And one thing about me, I can tolerate a lot of stuff, but feeling unsafe and feeling like you know, I'm being put in harm's way, I'm not dealing with it. I take myself out of the equation. And it was scary. So, of course, I wanted to help, but then I had to acknowledge that I have limits. One of the hardest lessons I had to learn is that you can't fix someone else, right? I have my own issues, and I'm still in therapy myself. But I tried to encourage him, and I tried to support him. He didn't want me to encourage or support him. He wanted to sit in his problems, his issues, and that's not okay with me because my life is about elevation. I'm not pretending to be or do anything. I'm literally on this journey for strong mental health and wellness, for a better life, for everything that I deserve, including for my children. And my dogs, Oliver, Ginger, and Cashew. But it was very, very difficult walking away because I felt a connection at first, right? But I found the strength and I had to get rid of that situation. So here's the question, what can be done? Let's shift gears to solutions. I'm very solutions-oriented. How we gonna fix this? What we about to do about this? I heard your story. Okay, I get it. Your dog died when you was 3. Like, the turtle got ran over by a truck when you was 7. I get it. Fluffy died. Fluffy was my dog. Fluffy was the only reason why I was able to get up from the dinner table half the time, because I used to feed Fluffy the peas and the liver and all of the stuff that I wouldn't eat, and Fluffy was happy to assist me. And Fluffy got hit by a truck, or a van— was a van— on the conduit. That broke everybody's heart, but I had to get over it, right? So if you or someone you love is dealing with these type of dynamics, I can make some recommendation. There is self-care for loved ones, right? You can set clear boundaries to protect your emotional and mental well-being, because that's why we're here. And you can seek your own therapy to support and get you through the process. Because believe it or not, this is not a box that you're the only one dealing with. There are so many people dealing with loved ones who have mental health and emotional problems that they refuse to get help with. And then you're caught in the crossfire. So of course I've created— and I'm a creative and I'm someone who's always searching for solutions— I created an accountability plan. And it's called the Go Talk to the Lady Workbook. And it's a 120-day workbook where it can help you or someone take actionable steps towards healing. And it includes a journal and where you can reflect on your emotions and behavior. It gives you a space where you can set goals and do exercises to build consistency in seeking help. And then of course, there's a list of resources that you can go and find a support system.

Thank you so much for spending time with me today on The Trigger and the Truth. Remember, it's all about uncovering those triggers, finding the truth, and building stronger, healthier relationships for ourselves and with the people around us. If today's episode If this episode resonated with you, I'd love it if you'd like, share, and send it to someone who might benefit. Together, we're making mental health and wellness a priority. And always remember, never let your emotions supersede your intelligence. Take care of yourself, be kind to your mind, and until next time, let's keep uncovering truths. Heartfelt conversation at a time.