The Audacity of Delusion: Chosen and Still Betrayed - Delulu for Decades

Welcome to the Trigger and the Truth podcast. I'm your host Tina White, and this is the space where we take a deep dive into the complexities of relationships— romantic, family, friendships, workplace dynamics, and of course entrepreneurship— and how they intertwine with our mental health and wellness. As a dedicated Tina White, mental health advocate. We don't just have conversations. We lean into the hard truths, peel back the layers, and journey together toward understanding, closure, and personal growth. More than ever, we're on a collective mission to find peace, clarity, and healing. This is your safe space to explore the moments that shaped you, discover your triggers, uncover the truths, and find the healing you deserve. So whether you're searching for solace, insight, or a fresh perspective, you're in the right place. If this is your first time tuning in, welcome to the conversation. I'd love for you to like, share, and pass this along to someone who might need some encouragement or insight. Now let's dive into today's episode and start this journey into self-discovery and wellness together. The audacity of delusion. A wise man once said, the liar knows the lie they told. And sometimes the most dangerous lie, it's the one we tell ourselves about the people closest to us. Imagine being so blinded by love that you miss every warning sign, so convinced of your bond, of your history, of your connection that you can't even recognize when someone secretly despises you. Not just dislike, hatred, the kind that hides behind laughs, hugs, and years of proximity. And because you love them, like really love them, you give them access to your softest parts. You let them close enough to wound you, and they do. That's what today's episode is about. Not just the betrayal itself, but the impact of living so close to someone who can't stand you and you not even knowing it. The mental toll it takes to wake up one day and realize the very people you protected, sacrificed for, and trusted with your heart life secrets had knives behind their backs the whole time. In families like mine, like so many Black families shaped by survival and silence, our first heartbreak often comes from inside the house. You often hear that your first bully is your parents. I always see social media posts alluding to that theory, but for me, that wasn't the case. My parents were cooler than a fan. And prior to the addiction taking hold of our family and our community, they were very present, involved, and nurturing to my siblings and me. And if you've been listening to The Trigger and the Truth, you know what betrayal looks like for me. A lot of us confuse bloodlines with loyalty. We let the length of time or the closeness of a relationship excuse bad behavior. We ignore violated boundaries just because it's family. This isn't only about romantic blind spots. It's siblings, cousins, childhood friends. And where I'm from, unfortunately, betrayal often comes from the people in the very room you thought you were safe in. Truth is, most of us see the red flags early. We witness the behavior, the sly comments, the jealousy. But because it's family and they're not doing it to me, we often dismiss it. We hold our peace until one day the poison lands. It's no longer gossip, it's gaslighting or threats or outright betrayal. If you've been listening to this show, you know how deeply my siblings' betrayal shaped me. We were raised on morals and principles. And because my parents demanded it from day one, that upbringing gave me audacity, but it also fostered a delusion. I thought they would never do this to me. But when I look back, I realize the cruelest faces were relatives. Those who broke trust, spoke of me unkindly, treated me as outsider in my own bloodline. I always thought they would never. Not him, not her. Mainly because we're raised on a foundation that was built on solid ground. It started out very promising. We were raised with respect. My parents, God bless, instilled those values in us from the gate. My mom in particular, she was our compass even through her own addiction. She commanded the room. She protected our name. And when she passed, there was no one left to run interference. That's when the masks came off. I've had to admit on this healing journey that the people who gave me the hardest time, who dragged my name, who endangered my safety, who whispered lies behind my back were family members. And that truth, it nearly broke me because it's not just betrayal, it's emotional Whiplash. It's waking up to a world you thought you understood and realizing none of it was ever what you believed. August 1st was my mother's birthday. I speak truth in her honor. She deserved better. We all did. If she were here, maybe some of this would have been stopped. But she's not, and I'm no longer willing to sacrifice my peace for blood that behaves like poison. And listen, I need to be clear. Ever since launching this podcast, the opinions have come out of the woodwork, and that's fine. People will always have something to say. But if you wanted me to speak kindly about you, the truth is you should have acted in a way that matched the values you were raised with. I feel my mother's disapproval even now, so I ask forgiveness if I'm wrong. But I can't silence my truth for anyone's comfort. I've spent years defending my name against slander and lies. This August on The Trigger and the Truth is all about mental health matters. This month is special. August is my new year. I was born in August, and so was my mother. It's a sacred time of reflection, healing, and truth-telling. As we step into this new season, I'll be sharing my thoughts, theories, and lived experiences as per usual, and I invite you to walk with me. Grab your copy of Pick Up the Pieces, and over the next few weeks I will be sharing more insight into We Grieve Differently. It's the book I've been working on that will change how you you look at life, giving answers to some of the whys and the impact that the crack era had on our community. Stay tuned. In the meantime, listen to episode 33, Healing Starts Here, featuring a free national therapy directory to help you or someone you love take that next step. Link in bio for the book, the pod, and the healing. So hear this: if you lied on me, slandered me, put my life or business in danger, or even waved a gun in my face and continue to lie about it, don't look for me. Don't reach out to me because I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. Now let me be honest with myself. I'm the common denominator in all these stories. That means I'm responsible too. For whatever reason, my demeanor, personality, and self-preservation style may have contributed to how these relationships unfolded. That awareness has been painful but necessary. Here's the truth: there's something about Tina— how I stand, how I speak, how I hold my presence— that makes some people want to humble me. Maybe it's the boundaries I keep or the way I don't overshare, but because they can't access the full version of my life, they guess, they assume, or worse, they create their own stories. That's a hard truth to sit with, but it's mine, and I'm learning to live with it in a way that brings peace, not pain, because at the end of the day, this is about clarity, not conflict. I'm not here to throw shade or be petty. I'm here to make peace with the truth and protect myself from anything that tries to dim the light I've worked hard to rebuild. So what have we learned today, boys and girls? Being close to someone who hates you silently is like sleeping next to a snake. Your nervous system stays activated. Your soul doesn't rest. You start questioning yourself, blaming yourself, and over time you carry guilt that doesn't even belong to you. It chips away at your self-worth. You wonder if you could have done something different, loved harder, explained more. It teaches you to ignore your instincts and that more than anything is the most dangerous thing. But not anymore. I choose truth. I choose peace. I choose to honor my mother by not pretending. This isn't bitterness, it's boundaries. Nor is it hate, it's healing.

To tell the truth, let's unpack a heavy bag that's been bursting at the seams. We owe it to ourselves to hold ourselves accountable, owning our part in the breakdown of a relationship. One of us might be a narcissist, Or maybe both of us. Are you willing to tell the truth about your role? Did you burn sage only to pass out from the fumes? Are you perhaps the root cause of the problem? I'll go first. If I'm being honest, I can be problematic when my buttons are pushed or when I feel my boundaries have been crossed. God is still working on me, and that's why we're here. I'm taking this journey with you because I need healing just as much as anyone else. I've had to confront my own tendencies. I've realized that in conflict, I almost always become an avoidant. I shut down, walk away, and don't look back. That's not healthy. So, here's the question: Can you face yourself and admit to your part? The first step toward healing is honesty.

Through this show, this is probably the most I've ever shared in my life. It's transparent, it's candid, and necessary. Now let's move on. So obviously this topic will come up again and again. It was the catalyst that started the podcast in first place. However, we're gonna switch gears right now and look for solutions. I'm always in pursuit of solutions. So how do we move forward after being delulu for decades? Because that is exactly what I have been— delusional for the past 3 decades, unaware of the, the danger that I was in, oblivious to the hatred that came from cousins, aunties, brothers, and friends. Things were good until they were not. You don't want to be like me. So what can we do to continue to strengthen our awareness, mental health, and resilience? Because at the end of the day, Mental health and wellness is one of the main reasons why we're here on The Trigger and the Truth. First and foremost, hmm, tell the truth, even if it's just to yourself. The first step toward healing is brutal honesty. Admit what you overlooked, who you gave passage to, and how you betrayed your own intuition. It's not about self-blame, it's about clarity. When you face the truth, you stop giving away your power. Mental health strengthener. Honesty reduces cognitive dissonance, which is the mental stress of holding conflicting beliefs, and creates internal alignment. 2. Grieve the fantasy. Mourn the version of the person or the relationship you wanted them to be. You weren't just hurt by who they were, but by the loss of who you thought they could be. That grief is real, and it deserves a place to land. Mental health. Strengthener: Grieving helps close emotional loops that otherwise fuel anxiety, sadness, and emotional shutdown. 3. Use discernment as a daily practice. Discernment isn't just about spotting red flags. It's about understanding your emotional patterns. Ask yourself, why did I ignore that sign? What did I need so badly that I kept accepting crumbs? Mental health strengthener strengthens emotional intelligence and reduces codependent cycles. 4. Create boundaries with consequences, not ultimatums. Boundaries: clear stated limits that are followed by consistent action. You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. Mental health Strengthen our establishing boundaries helps regulate the nervous system, reducing stress and emotional fatigue. 5. Rebuild self-trust. Forgive yourself for what you didn't know or couldn't see. Then commit to checking in with your inner voice regularly. That voice isn't broken, you just stopped listening. Mental health. Strengthener: Rebuilding self-trust is essential for trauma recovery and emotional stability. 6. Detox your environment. Sometimes it's not you, it's who you're surrounded by. You can't heal in the same environment that made you sick. Create space for peace, purpose, and aligned people. Mental health strengthener: A regulated environment supports emotional balance and sustained healing. 7. Get professional help. Therapy isn't just for crisis, it's for clarity. Culturally competent, trauma-informed therapists can help you unpack the patterns you've carried alone for too long. So if you're listening and you've been carrying guilt or confusion over how a family member treated you, let me say this: it's not your job to fix what you didn't break, and it's okay to let go, even of people you thought you'd love forever. Before we go, I wanna leave you with this: sometimes the hardest decision you'll ever make is to walk away from someone you never imagined your life without. But here's the truth: Peace has a price, and often that price is letting go of people who have made a home in your pain. You don't owe continued access to anyone who's caused you harm, no matter their title or your history. Protecting your mental and emotional health isn't just self-care, it's self-respect. So if you're listening right now and this message found you at the right time, I see you. You're not wrong for choosing peace. You're not wrong for choosing yourself. This is The Trigger and the Truth. Thank you for sitting in the honesty with me today. Until next time, keep your spirit steady, your boundaries firm, and your healing sacred. Tap the link in bio to grab your copy of Pick Up the Pieces. And if you're looking for help, listen to episode 33 for access to a free national therapy directory designed for real people with real pain. This is The Audacity of Delusion. Thank you so much for spending time with me today on The Trigger and the Truth. Remember, It's all about uncovering those triggers, finding the truth, and building stronger, healthier relationships for ourselves and with the people around us. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love it if you'd like, share, and send it to someone who might benefit. Together, we're making mental health and wellness a priority. And always remember, never let your emotions sweep you away. Do precede your intelligence. Take care of yourself, be kind to your mind, and until next time, let's keep uncovering truths, one heartfelt conversation at a time.