The Cut Throat Committee – An Inappropriate Response to Reality

Welcome to the Trigger and the Truth podcast. I'm your host Tina White, and this is the space where we take a deep dive into the complexities of relationships— romantic, family, friendships, workplace dynamics, and of course entrepreneurship— and how they intertwine with our mental health and wellness. As a Dedicated mental health advocate, we don't just have conversations. We lean into the hard truths, peel back the layers, and journey together toward understanding, closure, and personal growth. More than ever, we're on a collective mission to find peace, clarity, and healing. This is your safe space to explore the moments that shaped you, discover your triggers, uncover the truths, and find the healing you deserve. So whether you're searching for solace, insight, or a fresh perspective, you're in the right place. If this is your first time tuning in, welcome to the conversation. I'd love for you to like, share, and pass this along to someone who might need some encouragement or insight. Now let's dive into today's episode and start this journey into self-discovery and wellness together.

Welcome back to The Trigger and the Truth.

I'm your host Tina White, and today we're pulling up a chair at a table you don't want to sit at with the Cutthroat Committee. Now when you hear that, you probably think I'm talking about other people, the backstabbers, the snakes, the ones who smile in your face while plotting behind your back. But here's the twist, sometimes the the loudest, wrongest member of that committee is you. In this episode, we're talking about self-deception, the lies we tell ourselves, and why pretending not to know the consequences of our actions is the most dangerous betrayal of all. I'm also sharing a real story that shows what happens when we respond to reality with denial instead of alignment. So if you're ready for a conversation that cuts through the excuses and get straight to the truth, let's get into it.

There are people who are determined to cut your throat, to go behind your back, and to snake you no matter what. And sometimes, your worst enemy is you. I know, you probably thought I was talking about other people. But around here, we talk about all of it, even the uncomfortable truths. Keeping it on the eye, I've had to look at my own life and the choices I've made in the name of self-preservation. I used to let my emotions supersede my intelligence because there were times when I mistakenly assumed that I was dealing with rational, reasonable people. What I had to accept was that fact that most people are irrational and are not dealing with reality. But here's the real truth: letting people cross my boundaries was my fault. That's me cutting my own throat. Pretending like I didn't know the consequences of my actions wasn't being nice. It was lying to myself. It was, and still is, an inappropriate response to reality. There have been times when I allowed boundaries to be crossed by those I cared for in the name of keeping the peace, or I called myself giving them the same grace that I would want. But then there were times when people showed their true colors and displayed how deep their deceitful ways really were. Some people are true pathological liars, and the person they'd lie to the most is themselves. I know a person who has lied so much about an incident that occurred that he has convinced himself that he is telling the truth about what transpired, and that's some spooky shit to witness. Especially when you know for a snapple fact that the things that this person is saying and has spread is a boldface rotten lie. There is no other way to put it. And here's another layer. Just because it's their truth doesn't mean it's the truth. The lies people tell themselves, the lies they tell others, is what makes self-deception the most dangerous betrayal. Because until you choose to stop, the lies will always have meaning. They will grow. Others will even put their own spin on the story. When in reality, the origin of the story is a lie.

To tell the truth, let's unpack a heavy bag that's been bursting at the seams. We owe it to ourselves to hold ourselves accountable, owning our part in the breakdown of a relationship. One of us might be a narcissist, or maybe both of us. Are you willing to tell the truth about your role? Did you burn sage only to pass out from the fumes? Are you perhaps the root cause of the problem? I'll go first. If I'm being honest, I can be problematic when my buttons are pushed or when I feel my boundaries have been crossed. God is still working on me, and that's why we're here. I'm taking this journey with you because I need healing just as much as anyone else. I've had to confront my own tendencies. I've realized that in conflict, I almost always become an avoidant. I shut down, walk away, and don't look back. That's not healthy. So, here's the question: Can you face yourself and admit to your part? The first step toward healing is honesty.

And let's talk about the people who lie to you, knowing you know they're lying, and you let it slide. Every time you let someone feed you falsehoods without calling it out, you're handing them the knife and helping them sharpen it. That's not keeping the peace; that's cutting your own throat in silence. We tell ourselves lies because they feel safe. They wrap our bad decisions in a blanket of "it's fine" and "I had no choice." But here's the truth: pretending you don't know the consequences of your actions isn't wisdom; it's another example of an inappropriate response to reality. It's self-deception dressed up as self-preservation. Others tell lies by rewriting history. They reframe and either add or take away real details about what happened in the past, about how they treated you, just to make themselves feel better. But a wise man once said, "The liar knows the lies he told." And the longer you play that game, the more you delay the accountability that would have set you free in the first place. So, what's an inappropriate response to reality? Well, it's when the truth is standing in your face, waving both hands, and instead of adjusting your actions, you dodge, deny, or dress it up so it's easier to digest. It's not ignorance; it's intentional avoidance. You know better, but you do something else because it feels easier in the moment. Examples are knowing someone is lying to you but pretending it's not that deep so you can avoid conflict. Seeing your business losing money but convincing yourself next month will magically be better without changing anything. Staying in a toxic relationship because leaving would force you to face loneliness or start— This August on The Trigger and the Truth is all about mental health matters.

This month is special.

August is my new year.

I was born in August, and so was my mother. It's a sacred time of reflection, healing, and truth-telling. As we step into this new season, I'll be sharing my thoughts, theories, and lived experiences as per usual, and I invite you to walk with me. Grab your copy Pick Up the Pieces. And over the next few weeks, I will be sharing more insight into We Grieve Differently.

It's the book I've been working on that will change how you look at life, giving answers to some of the whys and the impact that the crack era had on our community. Stay tuned.

In the meantime, listen to episode 33. Healing Starts Here, featuring a free national therapy directory to help you or someone you love take that next step. Link in bio for the book, the pod, and the healing.

Or start over. Why it's dangerous. Well, when you respond inappropriately to reality, you train yourself to tolerate lies especially your own. You delay accountability, and what's delayed usually grows worse. You stunt your own progress because you can't fix what you won't face. It's the equivalent of ignoring a leak in your roof because the bucket you put under it isn't full yet. The problem is still growing. You're just buying time to avoid the discomfort of dealing with it. And you may not know this, but you lose credibility and trust. How it shows up is self-sabotage. A lot of the cutthroat committee isn't external, it's internal. You can be your own assassin when you keep letting people cross boundaries without consequence. You withhold the truth from yourself so you don't have to make a hard choice. You overvalue comfort and undervalue growth. Recognizing an inappropriate response to reality means calling it by name without sugarcoating. I'm choosing the easy lie instead of the hard truth. I'm letting my emotions supersede my intelligence. I'm enabling my own pain by not enforcing my boundaries. Once you own it, you can't unknow it, and that's when change gets real.

Have a story to tell, a truth to share, or a perspective the world needs to hear? Call or text the Trigger and the Truth hotline at 718-440-5538. Want to be featured as a guest or explore how your brand can support the mission as a sponsor? This is your invitation. Your voice matters. Call or text 718- 844-055-3838 today.

Let's shift this conversation to what an appropriate response to reality might look like. An appropriate response to reality is about alignment. Call out lies when you hear them, even from yourself. Adjust your behavior to match the truth, not your feelings about it. Set boundaries that protect your time, energy, and peace and enforce them. At this point, if you've been listening to my podcast, first and foremost, thank you. And you know I got a story. Wanna hear it? Here it go. One of my girlfriends from high school— beautiful, resourceful, witty, ambitious. You know the type. She's basically like the rest of my friends— smart, capable, and resilient. She's been with her husband forever. On paper, he's the dream. He provides, he's present, he plays and looks the part. She's one of those text, text, text and never call, will show up once in a while. But when the phone rings and her name flashes across the screen, I drop everything and pick up because I know it's important. So recently, she shared something with me that made me stop in my tracks. And now, every time I see her husband, I look at him with a side eye. And if you know me, my side eye is legendary. So he knows that I know what he did last summer. And he also knows that I do not play about my friends. I choose sides. I will pull you to the side if you violate on behalf of my friends. But this time, this man He crossed the line so badly that I didn't even do the step into my office with him. I'm going to mind my business on this one because it's only a matter of time, and I told my friend that I'm always here for her. Here's the thing, if you saw her in person, you'd never guess she's carrying something so heavy. She handles herself with such grace, but underneath, she's convinced herself that what this man has done and continues to do, is somehow okay. Why? Because of the money he spends, the years they've invested, the life they've built. We've had this conversation more than once, and with her permission, I'm sharing the lesson, not the details. She has allowed her mind to trick her into believing not just the lies he tells her, but the lies she tells herself. And that's the danger of self-deception. It's the most dangerous kind of betrayal.

Listen, you got to learn the difference between someone actually disrespecting you and you just feeling disrespected. Emotional ears hear everything from a place of offense. Sometimes it's not what they said, it's what you were triggered by. And if you don't know your triggers, you end up seeing everything as an attack.

Even when it's not. Most dangerous kind of betrayal, because until you decide to stop, those lies will always hold power. Her pretending that his cheating— and not only the cheating, the who, what, and the way he's been cheating is deplorable— his lying and his disrespect is okay is a real-time example of what I mean when I say inappropriate response to reality, the truth is sitting right there at the table and she's feeding it dessert. Trust and believe, this is not judgment because we've all had our crash test dummy moments over someone we love, but come on, son. And I can't even get into details because as per usual, names will be withheld to protect the guilty. Self-deception is the most dangerous betrayal you'll ever face. Because until you decide to stop, the lies will always have meaning. At the end of the day, you've gotta reach that point where you're tired of pretending, tired of making peace with what you know is destroying you, and tired of sitting at a table where the menu is your peace, your energy, and your self-respect. That's what I mean by an inappropriate response to reality. When you know the truth but you dress it up so it doesn't feel so ugly, Now clearly, at the end of the day, the day gotta end right. So as I close out this episode, let me leave you guys with this: Self-deception is the most dangerous kind of betrayal because it's the one you can't walk away from until you choose to. The lies we tell ourselves are comfortable at first. They let us avoid hard truths, delay hard conversations, and sidestep accountability. But they're expensive. They cost us time, energy, peace, and self-respect. There comes a point where you have to get tired of pretending. Tired of acting like you don't know what you know. Tired of making excuses for people who wouldn't make them for you. Tired of cutting your own throat and calling it "keepin' the peace." The truth isn't always pretty, but it's always worth it. And when you finally stop pretending, you stop paying the price for a reality you could have walked away from a long time ago.

Thank you so much for spending time with me today on "The Trigger and the Truth." Remember, it's all about uncovering those triggers, finding the truth, and building stronger, healthier relationships. For ourselves and with the people around us. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love it if you'd like, share, and send it to someone who might benefit. Together, we're making mental health and wellness a priority. And always remember, never let your emotions supersede your intelligence. Take care of yourself, be kind to your mind, and until next Until next time, let's keep uncovering truths, one heartfelt conversation at a time.