The Receipts Are Real: $2,000 Lamb Chops, the Fake Mentor and What They Don’t Tell You at the “Boss Babe” Retreats

Welcome to the Trigger and the Truth podcast. I'm your host Tina White, and this is the space where we take a deep dive into the complexities of relationships— romantic, family, friendships, workplace dynamics, and of course entrepreneurship— and how they intertwine with our mental health and wellness. As a dedicated Tina White, mental health advocate. We don't just have conversations. We lean into the hard truths, peel back the layers, and journey together toward understanding, closure, and personal growth. More than ever, we're on a collective mission to find peace, clarity, and healing. This is your safe space to explore the moments that shaped you, discover your triggers, uncover the truths, and find the healing you deserve. So whether you're searching for solace, insight, or a fresh perspective, you're in the right place. If this is your first time tuning in, welcome to the conversation. I'd love for you to like, share, and pass this along to someone who might need some encouragement or insight. Now let's dive into today's episode and start this journey into self-discovery and wellness together.

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Welcome back to The Trigger and the Truth. I'm your host Tina White, and today we're going all the way back. This episode is part of my Rewind and Rise series where I peel back the curtain on the early years of my real estate journey, starting in the heart of New York City, right on Wall Street. From there, I moved through Brooklyn and ultimately back to Queens. Now let me be clear, I'm from Queens, and while I may have closed the most deals there, that's also where I faced the most heartache, the most headaches, and the most resistance. And here's the part that stings. I'm a Black woman who started out on Wall Street navigating a white male-dominated industry but the harshest opposition came from the, the very place I called home, from people who look like me, from people who knew me. You really can't make this up. For years, I watched others show us how to build success, but behind the scenes, I was navigating sabotage, betrayal, imposter syndrome, and burnout. From my broken brokerage to $2,000 empowerment retreats that left me empty, to the fake smiles on social media and the real pain behind closed doors, this episode is a mirror for anyone who's ever built a dream while quietly breaking down. Because what you don't see in those glossy timelines is the trauma it took to arrive. Along the way, I had no choice but to toughen up. I had to develop a level of emotional intelligence that wasn't taught in any class or coaching program. I had to pick up the pieces and master my emotions while detoxing from this performative, validation-obsessed culture we call entrepreneurship. As I reflect on the long, messy, and often painful road I walked just to show up as the woman I am today, I realize every The breakdown shaped the breakthrough because the woman I am today, she was forged in that fire.

Let's rewind.

Listen, you got to learn the difference between someone actually disrespecting you and you just feeling disrespected. Emotional ears hear everything from a place of offense. Sometimes it's not what they said, it's what you were triggered by. And if you don't know your triggers, you'll end up seeing everything as an attack, even when it's not.

I have a lot of other things going on in my life, just like many other entrepreneurs, just like many other moms in business. And for years I sat on all of this content because, because of procrastination and this ridiculous need to make sure everything is perfect. Like everything looks perfect. And I'm thinking, that's an oxymoron, right? Because think about it. I'm over here in my own head for years. I mean, literally, like, 7, 8 years. I have this manuscript that I wrote in 2013, and I'm over here with this manuscript, and I'm mulling over releasing it to a publisher, and I'm over here stalling on starting a podcast. Because I wanted everything to be perfect, you know, but the experiences, the interactions with fellow real estate agents, brokers, investors, my customers, my clients, the run-ins with them, you know, my family life. I have business partners who ran off on a plug. My marriage has fallen apart. My real estate brokerage imploded, and none of it is perfect. None of it has been perfect. So what exactly was I thinking, waiting for things to be perfect to release this podcast? It's ridiculous. And I've realized that as much as social media is the gift, it's also the curse. You know, this polished, fake facade that we consume on a daily basis, it has brainwashed us, all of us. Myself included. What we all see going down our timeline is the director's cut, right? It's not real. The filters, the fake smiles, everything perfect all day, all night. Everything is just perfect. But then you turn around, it— everybody can't be doing all of that. And everybody does not want their life to be like that. You know, social media is like high school, it's peer pressure times 10, and you have to be like headstrong and focused enough to not let it consume your life. These filters and all of these fake smiles, it's ridiculous. And I'm gonna tell you guys something, what really pushed me to get out of my own way was attending one of those boss bitch women's empowerment mobile I'll show you how to do this, hun, conferences, right? There was this conference. I had been following this very successful self-made millionaire on Instagram for a long time, and then an opportunity to attend a retreat was offered. So I decided to invest in myself and my business, and I wanted to learn and add some complimentary services to my real estate brokerage. I had just opened a brokerage about a year prior to it. Like, I was literally in business for about a year before this retreat happened. And I thought, why not learn from the best, right? So, all I'ma say is that I spent about $2,000 on a worthless certificate and a cold dinner. A $29.95 webinar and takeout would've made more sense. Than paying for that retreat.

To tell the truth, let's unpack a heavy bag that's been bursting at the seams. We owe it to ourselves to hold ourselves accountable, owning our part in the breakdown of a relationship. One of us might be a narcissist, or maybe both of us. Are you willing to tell the truth about your role? Did you burn sage only to pass out from the fumes? Are you perhaps the root cause of the problem? I'll go first. If I'm being honest, I can be problematic when my buttons are pushed or when I feel my boundaries have been crossed. God is still working on me, and that's why we're here. I'm taking this journey with you because I need healing just as much as anyone else. I've had to confront my own tendencies. I've realized that in conflict, I almost always become an avoidant. I shut down, walk away, and don't look back. That's not healthy. So, here's the question. Can you face yourself and admit to your part? The first step toward healing is honesty.

Now, don't get me wrong. The hostess, she wasn't exactly a mean girl, nor was she a very warm or welcoming person. And then, she had a guest speaker there. I'm still trying to figure out why she was there, why she showed up, why— it was important for us to hear her story because there was no takeaway. It was just one of those, I did this when I was such and such, and that's that. Look at me. And I was like, oh, okay, next. So the whole retreat, I'm not gonna say it was a shit show, but I just didn't understand the cost of the retreat. In comparison to what was gotten out of it by the attendees just didn't match, right? I can only speak for myself. Let me say that, because I'm not going to speak to any of the conversations that I had with the ladies after. I'm not even going to go there. What I'm going to say is that I left there feeling puzzled. I didn't understand what had happened. I spent $2,000 on the actual retreat, plus airfare, plus hotel. Uber, lunch, and without mentioning any names, because I did say names will be withheld to protect the guilty. The whole retreat was an exercise in look at me, I'm a millionaire, and I'm not going to give you guys any real direction or insider information on how you can scale your business, but thank you for the $2,000. "Here's some Cole Baby lamb chops, a worthless certificate, and don't expect to ever hear from me again. God bless and good night." And that's what I got out of that. And I say all of that to say that that happened, and it just made me think, "I'm gonna package up my mess, and I am going to tell my story." Even if my packaging is a brown paper bag with duct tape. I'm just gonna share my story because why not? You know, what you don't see online coming down that timeline are the cracks in the facade. In real time, in 3D, up close and personal, there are a lot of cracks and a lot of posing. You feel the bad energy. You see the fake smile. You see everything. It's phony. You see everything. It's a lot of posing. And I feel fortunate to have witnessed that. Why? Because I still would've been thinking that all of this is real and all of this beautifulness that's coming down my timeline is sincere, and it's not. And it just pushed me to say, you know what, Tina? A lot of us, and I'm one of 'em, we're sitting on these multimillion-dollar ideas because we feel, oh, we are not ready. Or that our audience isn't big enough, or that we need to lose weight or gain weight or whatever. But I look at myself, I look at my peers, and I'm like, "We've been through a lot. We have a lot to share." Like, even when I was pregnant with the twins, I gained 80 pounds. Stretch marks, everything grew whether I liked it or not. I have curves out of nowhere. My feet even grew. Like, I used to wear a 6.5, a 6. I weigh like a 7, 7.5, depending on the shoe, sometimes an 8, a 38. And I'm like, "What the fuck?" And I say all of that to say, it's never going to be perfect. You're always gonna have people talking about you. You're never gonna be, like, 100% camera ready until you do it. You have to be confident, and you have to gain that. It comes with time. It comes with practice. And I'm telling you guys that, 'cause I have to tell myself that. It took a lot for me to sit down and like really write these thoughts down, to really be serious and like focus on actually recording it. Like you might not even like the way your voice sounds on a mic, you know, but someone out there needs to hear your story. You'll find your tribe, you know, and everyone is not your tribe. Everyone is not your client, right? Everyone's not your customer. And I learned that the hard way.

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Artway, you know, because like I said before, I opened a whole brokerage in the neighborhood where I used to live. Like, I grew up on that block, down the block from where I opened my doors. And I'm going to tell you something. In the very beginning, I knew after my grand opening, I knew I had made a mistake. Because it was in August, right before my birthday. Labor Day had come, and I threw a party, like, a barbecue for Labor Day, invited everybody or whatever. So, it was getting late. Everybody had been drinking or whatever. It is— it is what it is. There was a backyard area. So, I went in the bathroom, and mind you, the whole thing was new. Everything had been gutted out, so everything was new. The bathroom was new. My office was built. Everything was just beautiful. Anyway, the office was beautiful. I went in the bathroom. Someone had taken some ketchup on their hand, and they spread it all over the wall in the bathroom. Now, I'm like, well, at first, I was like, no. Somebody probably was drunk and probably trying to hold themselves up while they were using the bathroom. So I washed the wall off, went back. I'm partying. I come back. I went in the bathroom to wash my hands, go back in there, someone had did it again with the ketchup spread all over the wall, and then took a whole roll of paper towels, like those thick bouncy paper towels, took it off the roll and stuffed it in my toilet. And then I'm like, wait a minute, somebody is doing this on purpose. And it just kind of took my breath away because I said to myself, why are they doing this? So when I say you'll find your tribe, you will. It might not be where you think your people are. The people who you think are supposed to be behind you and are supporting you and smiling in your face, they may not necessarily be your tribe, but that shouldn't stop you from telling your story. If you wanna start a podcast about real estate, start a podcast. If you want to get your real estate license, get your real estate license. If you want to be a dancer and train midgets how to dance, then do that. I don't think you should let any fear get in between you and your dreams because I, for years, I let fear, I let, oh, what are they gonna think? What are they gonna say? Get in my way. And that was a big mistake. When the real estate brokerage kind of like failed and it imploded, I didn't tell anybody what was going on. I'm showing up every day smiling and pretending like everything is okay. But from that point of that party, I felt like the brokerage was, like, cursed. Like, the business was cursed. I didn't feel comfortable. I didn't feel like I was doing something that was in alignment with what I'm supposed to really be doing with my life. I felt trapped. And then so many things happened where it just kept getting progressively worse. Things just never quite got right, you know, if that makes sense, when I opened my brokerage. So I'm telling this story because you may have this dream of doing something and you might think that you have the tools and you know, okay, I'm gonna do it this way. And sometimes you almost have to go through like storms, like everything has to fall apart for you to reset and realize maybe that's not the route I'm supposed to go, you know? But opening up a real estate brokerage, there is a lot of overhead. There's a lot of things that you don't know about. And then I had a few agents. But one in particular, she had got into some situations with one of my clients and was stealing money, and it, it was just ugly. And at the end of the day, I felt so like defeated and I never really said anything to anybody. I just really just kept going and smiling. And then it came a day where I just stopped going there. I just felt like I had to share that because I don't think anybody really knows everything that I had gone through. Definitely going to get into that, and we'll talk more on that. Until next time, I want to thank you guys for listening.

What you just heard was a glimpse, a glimpse into how it all began and why I had no choice but to grow up emotionally fast. Between personal losses, business betrayals, broken dreams, and the weight of trying to look successful, I realized something. Emotional intelligence wasn't just something nice to have, it was survival. I couldn't afford to be impulsive. I couldn't afford to fold. I had to learn how to lead myself through the mess, through the noise, through the judgment, and still show up. This journey isn't perfect. The path wasn't smooth. But every heartbreak, every setback, and every moment I wanted to give up was shaping the woman I was becoming. So if you're out there sitting on your story, stalling because it doesn't look perfect, I need you to hear this: Perfection isn't the goal. Truth is, tell your story, launch your dream, start scared, Do it anyway. Thank you for listening to The Trigger and the Truth. We'll keep peeling back the layers one real moment at a time. Until next time, protect your peace, tell your truth, and don't wait for perfect.

Just start.

Thank you so much for spending time with me today on The Trigger and the Truth. Remember, it's all about uncovering those triggers, finding the truth, and building stronger, healthier relationships for ourselves and with the people around us. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love it if you'd like, share, and send it to someone who might benefit. Together, we're making mental health and wellness a priority. And always remember, Never let your emotions supersede your intelligence. Take care of yourself, be kind to your mind, and until next time, let's keep uncovering truths, one heartfelt conversation at a time.