Wall Street Broke Me Before It Built Me

Welcome to the Trigger and the Truth podcast. I'm your host Tina White, and this is the space where we take a deep dive into the complexities of relationships— romantic, family, friendships, workplace dynamics, and of course entrepreneurship— and how they intertwine with our mental health and wellness. As a dedicated Tina White, mental health advocate. We don't just have conversations. We lean into the hard truths, peel back the layers, and journey together toward understanding, closure, and personal growth. More than ever, we're on a collective mission to find peace, clarity, and healing. This is your safe space to explore the moments that shaped you, discover your triggers, uncover the truths, and find the healing you deserve. So whether you're searching for solace, insight, or a fresh perspective, you're in the right place. If this is your first time tuning in, welcome to the conversation. I'd love for you to like, share, and pass this along to someone who might need some encouragement or insight. Now let's dive into today's episode and start this journey into self-discovery and wellness together.

Welcome to The Trigger and the Truth. We're kicking off July with a raw and real focus on mental health and entrepreneurship, and I'm starting by rewinding the tape. In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on how my real estate journey began back in 2009, right in the heart of New York City's financial jungle. From naive rookie to emotionally armored businesswoman, the path wasn't smooth. It was a series of peaks, valleys, hard lessons, and self-reclamation. If you've ever been in a space where you had to learn the rules just to survive, especially as a Black woman in a male-dominated industry, this one's for you. Let's talk about what real estate school doesn't teach you. The emotional grit you need to thrive, and how I finally found my confidence in my lane before I was a broker. Because before I ever became a broker, before the podcast, the advocacy, and the healing, I was a young woman with a set of twins on her hip, a broken marriage behind her, and a decision to make fast. This is the part of the story people skip over when they say, "You're doing so well." But trust me, it didn't start cute. It started with survival. It started with heartbreak. It started with a little gray BMW packed to the brim, heading back to New York with no job, no husband, no plan, just ambition. 2 and a half years postpartum, I had to choose myself. I left a state, a man, and a life that looked good on paper but felt like a slow death in real life. By December 2009, I was back in New York City, not for brunch but for business. I enrolled in real estate school, took the test, passed the first time, closed my first deal one month later. And that first rental check, it wasn't a flex, it was oxygen. And that iconic office on Wall Street with Daria, Lisa, and Ida? That's where I learned hustle in heels. That's where emotional intelligence wasn't optional, it was mandatory. Real estate in NYC will break you if you're not built for it. And at first, I wasn't built for it. Every rejection, every client who ghosted, every deal that fell through, it was therapy before therapy. It taught me to regulate my emotions, read the room, and stop taking things personally. If I didn't learn emotional intelligence, I would have drowned in self-doubt. Later, when I opened my own brokerage in the very neighborhood I grew up in, I thought I was returning a win to the community. What I didn't expect was the hate that came with it. The sabotage, the smeared ketchup on the bathroom walls, literally and metaphorically. That's when I learned something even deeper. Success without mental wellness is a setup. Fresh out of school, I landed at Urban Sanctuary on Wall and Pearl, a boutique brokerage that didn't care that I was a single mom or that I was still healing from a broken marriage. They just cared if I could close. And let me be clear, real estate on Wall Street, it's not HGTV. It's not luxury staging and inspirational stories. It's power suits, inflated egos, and men who don't blink when they say no to your face and then steal your lead behind your back. That environment didn't just teach me real estate, it taught me survival in stilettos. It gave me the kind of armor I didn't even know I needed. Every showing was a test. Every client was a chess game. And every day I was either learning how to maneuver the politics or I was getting played. I watched brokers lie, gaslight, undercut, and backstab. I watched Black and brown agents like myself get overlooked and undervalued. I watched how clients responded to men in suits with average charisma over women like me who actually knew the market. But I also watched how the most successful people in the room never let their emotions leak. They played the long game. They didn't respond. They recalibrated. And I took notes quietly, constantly. That's when I began to understand that emotional intelligence wasn't a luxury, it was my weapon. The emotional upgrade, it didn't happen overnight. I started off naive, believing that if I just worked hard, if I just treated people well, that I'd be rewarded. But real estate in NYC doesn't care about your intentions, it cares about your instincts. And for a while, I had none until I grew them. I began to observe, to anticipate, to see through smiles and read between the lines. I learned how to hold my own in rooms where I was the only woman and definitely the only Black woman. I learned how to stay grounded when the floor was constantly moving beneath me. I learned that in business, it's not about how loud you are, but how strategically you move in silence. Eventually my mind became my shield, not because I wasn't emotional, but because I finally understood how to direct those emotions instead of drowning in them. That's how I survived the industry. That's how I got my broker's license. That's how I opened my own brokerage years later, right in the neighborhood I came from.

Have a story to tell, a truth to share, or a perspective the world needs to hear? Call or text the Trigger and the Truth hotline at 718-440-5538. Want to be featured as a guest or explore how your brand can support the mission as a sponsor? This is your invitation. Your voice matters. Call or text 718-440-5538 today.

Let's discuss my experience being a Black woman in this real estate industry for close to 15 years now. While the time has passed, not much has changed. Let's be real, this game wasn't built for women like me. I didn't have a trust fund or a daddy in real estate development. I mean, I could have had a few sugar daddies, but that's for a different episode. What I had was trauma, toddler's, and tenacity. But I made it work by building a resilience that could only be born through fire. I didn't walk into rooms expecting to be respected. I walked in prepared to earn it and sometimes fight for it. And while that fight cost me my peace, my mental health, my time, it also shaped me. Because once you learn how to regulate your emotions in high-stakes spaces, Nobody can take your power again. Now stay tuned, you guys. I'm about to take you back to where it all began. A short glimpse into my first days in the real estate industry and the truth nobody tells you, and why I had to become emotionally intelligent just to survive. Why the money don't always money when you're working commission, and why, especially as a woman, and in my case, a Black woman, there's no room for second-guessing when life-changing decisions demand split-second clarity. You'll learn how I had to stop leading with emotion and start leading with precision, because in this industry, your softness can get you steamrolled if you don't armor up or are willing to put on knee pads, which, don't get me wrong, to each his or her own, but that's not my mode of operation. And this one is definitely for every woman out there focused on making power moves without losing herself in the process.

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I'm your host, Tina White. This is actually the second episode. The first one was recorded at the onset of the COVID-19 epidemic, and that didn't give me time to properly introduce myself. I'm based in Queens, New York, and as the saying goes, Queens get the money. And I can definitely attest that we strive to live by those words. However, for a period of time, I did live in Pennsylvania, maybe about 7 years. I lived in Lancaster and then King of Prussia. And although living 5 minutes away from the King of Prussia Mall— I was about to say living at the mall, but I didn't live there, but I probably could have as much time as I spent there, but living 5 minutes away from the King of Prussia Mall was amazing. I mean, but I decided that Pennsylvania wasn't for me, so I moved back to New York and the twins were about 3. And immediately after moving home, I went to the Brooklyn School of Real Estate. Now, I didn't have the clichéd 6 months of savings or game plan. I had a few months of savings, some dedication, some ambition, and two sets of eyes watching my every move. So failure was no option. It's been about 10 years now since I've been licensed. I've been a broker for about 7 years, and a lot has transpired over the years in this industry. I mean, being a mom, a rookie, a woman, clueless, and broke That was not a good formula starting out in this supremely male-dominated industry. White male dominated at that, especially on Wall Street. But I stayed the course, and now I can share some of my experiences and insight to those aspiring real estate professionals coming up behind me.

To tell the truth, let's unpack a heavy bag that's been bursting at the seams. We owe it to ourselves to hold ourselves accountable. Owning our part in the breakdown of a relationship. One of us might be a narcissist, or maybe both of us. Are you willing to tell the truth about your role? Did you burn sage only to pass out from the fumes? Are you perhaps the root cause of the problem? I'll go first. If I'm being honest, I can be problematic when my buttons are pushed or when I feel my boundaries have been crossed. God is still working on me, And that's why we're here. I'm taking this journey with you because I need healing just as much as anyone else. I've had to confront my own tendencies. I've realized that in conflict, I almost always become an avoidant. I shut down, walk away, and don't look back. That's not healthy. So here's the question: Can you face yourself and admit to your part? The first step toward healing is honesty.

You know, let's get straight into it. As many of you may or may not know, when I first started as a salesperson, I associated with a brokerage in Manhattan. The commission split was the standard 50/50. So after signing that independent contractor agreement, an ICA, which is basically a contract between you and your sponsoring broker outlining the terms of whatever agreement you come to, Your sponsoring broker is the only person who can pay you your commission. So whenever you close a deal, the check is supposed to be made out to the broker, and they will then pay you for whatever you guys agreed on. That seems simple enough, right? I mean, it's in writing, correct? However, once a deal has closed, let's say for argument's sake Let's say it was a $5,000 rental. You as a rookie, this is your first deal, so you truly believe you are about to net $2,500. But when you receive your first check, it's about $1,300 American dollars, and you kindly ask your broker, where's the rest of my money? But right there at that point you get a breakdown as to what you've really gotten yourself into. I learned the hard way that the 50/50 in real estate is not the same 50/50 that you adopted as a kid, you know, because we've all been there. Like, let's say when you're a 9 or 10, you're at the store with your friend. You have a dollar, but your friend has no money, but you both want a quarter water and a bag of chips. But she's like, I have no money. And you like, it's okay, that's fine, I have a dollar, we'll split it. You'll get a quarter water and some chips, I'll get a quarter water and some chips, and you both win, right? But that's not the same formula used in real estate. When all is said and done, your split will be looking more like 75/25, with you receiving the 25% even though you're the one that ran around town like Flo-Jo, even though you're the one that fielded all the phone calls, you did all of the viewings, you're going to receive the lesser of the split. And that's a hard pill to swallow. And it's at that point where you say to yourself, am I going to continue this on? Am I going to keep going? Or am I going to quit?

Have a story to tell, a truth to share, or a perspective the world needs to hear? Call or text the Trigger and the Truth hotline at 718-440-5538. Want to be featured as a guest or explore how your brand can support the mission as a sponsor? This is your invitation. Your voice matters. Call or text 718-440-5538 today.

I mean, at first, the reality of seeing a check that's way less than what you originally thought you were going to net, it's jarring, you know, and you will want to quit. But then you realize it's like this at every brokerage, right? Some are worse than others. So you decide to continue on. You figure out a way to leverage your resources resources because you do have aspirations to become a real estate broker. But then time goes by and that 50/50 will progress to 60/40, to 70/30, 80/20, until you become a top producer. So what's a top producer? A top producer is someone in a real estate brokerage or any type of sales industry who you make consistent sales and you produce a lot of money. And then once you become a top producer, you have more leverage. That leverage allows you to dictate closer to what you want to net as an agent. Instead of the broker telling you, oh, I'm going to give you 50%, you can say to them, listen, I'm going to take 90/10 or 80/20. And if they don't agree to that, It's not a problem because you can go to another brokerage and use your powers for good over there and get paid for your powers. You understand? So the reality of the real estate industry in reality and the reality that you see on TV is two different things. But how you take that information and you use it is going to mean the difference between failing and succeeding in this industry. I know agents who have literally netted $300,000, $250,000, $150,000 during the rental season. You know, back in the day, we call it back in the day, but when we first started, when I first started, you know, 10 years ago, rentals were really hot in Manhattan. There were agents who were working in my office, the office where I first started. They were working and making six figures doing rentals, and it was proven. Like, they're like top producers. Some of them never even left the office. They leveraged their referrals, they leveraged a team. So you see that and you want to be able to grow into that. That's definitely something that you can do if you stay the course. But that's not something that you learn in real estate school. You don't know that you can make $300,000 in the rental period. In New York, what we used to call the rental period was anywhere from March until, let's say, November, where you're doing constant rentals. And yes, you can work that whole period of time and take the rest of the year off. A lot of agents live that lifestyle or used to live that lifestyle. Now, of course, here it is, all of these years later. I've done so many different deals, so many rentals, worked with so many brokerages. I've done sales, I've done rentals, I've worked on-site. But these are all things that I learned how to do over the course of time. I built a lot of relationships, I get a lot of referrals, but this is something that came with time. So I say all of that to say, if you are aspiring and you do want to work in this industry, there are a lot of things that you're going to have to deal with. There are a lot of things that you're not going to even know are possible, and you're going to say, what? Like, is this even legal? And, and me as an agent, as a broker, you know, and I'm still like in my head, in my mind, I'm still that rookie. Like, I'm the rookie and the vet. I'ma tell you something. When I first started, I didn't have any resources to go to to ask questions. I learned everything the hard way, and I'm not the only one. I wasn't a top producer in the very beginning. I struggled. I did everything the long way, the hard way, because there was no training. So it's one of those things where had I had certain tools in place, I probably would have been a lot further, a lot quicker. But then we probably wouldn't be sitting here. I probably wouldn't have my own broker license and my own brokerage and maybe have done all of the things that I've done. But, you know, because everything happens for a reason. Now, everybody is not built for that. Everybody is not built to open their own brokerage. But if you getting into this industry, you know, all things aside, the reality is you're in it to make money. Now that cannot be your only focus, but it's definitely a big part of it because the lure of making $300,000 in 6 months is a big deal. Of course, COVID, time, the fact that a lot of people are moving to the suburbs or out of New York, the rental industry in New York has changed. The landscape is different. So it's going to be a lot more difficult to net that type of money, but it's still possible.

What you just heard was a short glimpse into what was those early years as a real estate agent on Wall Street. No cushion, no connections, just me, grit, and a relentless will to rewrite the narrative. And with all that happened, I promise I wouldn't change it for all the monies on Earth. That experience was priceless. It truly was a lesson they don't teach in real estate school or show on those glossy million-dollar listing shows. I didn't walk into this industry knowing how to navigate it. I had to learn and learn fast. Not just the business, but the people, the energy, the silence behind the smiles, and most importantly, I had to learn me, how to stay rooted in my truth in spaces that tried to shake it. Emotional intelligence wasn't a buzzword back then. For me, it was the key to survival, how I was able to feed myself and my children. It was the only way I could move through the chaos, move in a room full of vultures, protect my peace, and still reach for what I knew I was destined for. And as wild as Wall Street was, there was nothing wilder than that brokerage I ended up at in Queens. That episode is coming soon, so stay tuned. So if you're listening and wondering why your journey feels heavy, unstable, or lonely, just know this: sometimes emotional intelligence isn't something you choose, it's something you become. It's the opposite of confusion. And my theory on confusion is that it is one of the root causes of mental illness. And by now you all know I'm on a mission to elevate mental health and wellness. Thank you for taking this step back with me. This was only the beginning. Stay tuned because next time I'm sharing what came after the deal started closing and the real test of emotional strength began. Until then, protect your peace and never stop reaching for your truth.

Thank you so much for spending time with me today on The Trigger and the Truth. Remember, it's all about uncovering those triggers, finding the truth, and building stronger, healthier relationships for ourselves and with the people around us. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love it if you'd like, share, and send it to someone who might benefit. Together, we're making mental health and wellness a priority. And always remember, never let your emotions supersede your intelligence. Take care of yourself, be kind to your mind, and until next time, let's keep uncovering truths, one heartfelt conversation at Time.

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