What Happened… Is What Happened

Welcome to the Trigger and the Truth podcast. I'm your host Tina White, and this is the space where we take a deep dive into the complexities of relationships— romantic, family, friendships, workplace dynamics, and of course entrepreneurship— and how they intertwine with our mental health and wellness. As a dedicated Tina White, mental health advocate. We don't just have conversations. We lean into the hard truths, peel back the layers, and journey together toward understanding, closure, and personal growth. More than ever, we're on a collective mission to find peace, clarity, and healing. This is your safe space to explore the moments that shaped you, discover your triggers, uncover the truths, and find the healing you deserve. So whether you're searching for solace, insight, or a fresh perspective, you're in the right place. Now let's dive into today's episode and start this journey into self-discovery and wellness together. Welcome back to The Triggered Truth. I'm your host Tina White, and this is my second episode. But let me give you some context. So I actually recorded about 10 episodes back in January 2025, and I'm releasing them slowly. But after posting my first episode yesterday, I got some reactions that I wasn't expecting, especially from some of the people I least expected it from. So let's get right into this episode. So I received a few direct messages, and I had a couple of conversations. So one such conversation, someone said something that stuck with me. Now, mind you, he didn't listen to the full episode because I asked him. I said, did you listen to the entire episode to get the full perspective? So he said no. But still, I let him speak, and I listened to him, and I just let him share how he felt. And then I, in turn, shared how I felt after he finished speaking, right? So we chopping it up. And he was like, well, I got to the part where— when you started explaining what happened between you and the person that violated me, he was like, you shouldn't have said all of that. Like, that was too much. And his main concern was— how what I said could potentially affect the person who harmed me. It wasn't, oh, T, you know, that's crazy. I'm sorry you went through that, or wow, or even— he didn't even take the time to listen to the whole episode. He took what he heard and just ran with that part. And that happens a lot. The reason why that was very interesting to me is because it happens all the time, especially in the Black community. We— and especially in families. Like, when someone finally finds the courage to unpack their trauma and to say what really happened to them out loud, the first thing they're met with is, oh, you shouldn't have said that. You shouldn't have said anything. You should keep it in the family. And that's exactly why people suffer in silence. Because so many of us walk around wounded. We carry things that no one sees because we have no one safe to speak to. We have no safe space, you know? And it's like, you can't go and be like, oh, you know, this happened to me. This is how it turned my life upside down. And if you do, you're met with so much doubt, so much, oh, well. You know, well, blah, blah, blah. And there's so many reasons why— they have so many reasons why you shouldn't share what happened to you. Like, it turns into victim shaming, right? Not that I'm a victim, but I'm just saying. So it's like, you shouldn't say anything. You shouldn't have said anything. And that's why a lot of us just walk around with so many silent wounds. And at the end of the day, what happened to me is what happened. I'm not making it up. He did what he did. And you don't get to harm people and then control their reaction to that harm, right? You don't get to say, well, that's not how you're supposed to feel, or that's not the reaction I was going for, because no one gets to dictate how you process your trauma. So this episode, it isn't about blame. It's about honesty. It took me 5 years to get to this point, right, to be able to talk about what happened to me, to be able to say, even when harm comes from someone close who was a sibling, you can still heal. Like, I still had to live my life. I still had to take care of my children. I had to show up for work. And I had to pretend to be OK. But in my solitude, when it was just me, I had to sit with the reality that this person not only violated me, but he never took accountability. Then he twisted the narrative to suit himself, and then that just made it worse, right? So the whole purpose of this podcast is to break the silence. People suffer in silence to protect the very people who hurt them. We keep secrets, we smile for pictures, we take trips, We make everything look like it's okay on the outside, right? But on the inside, we're breaking. What people don't realize is that I was grieving the loss of the relationship. That violation shattered what was already a fragile family dynamic. It wasn't perfect, but after that, the bridge was completely burned. And I'm not saying I'm perfect. I got a whole lot of bullshit with me. I'm deeply flawed, right? But I don't set out to hurt people. I don't set out to do harm. That's never been who I was, right? I might not show up sometimes. I might say something slick out the side of my face. But I'm not out here deliberately trying to break people. So to carry the weight of this secret while also hearing my name getting dragged through the mud for years, it broke something in me, especially coming from where it was coming from, right? So I carry the weight of that secret, but I'm also hearing my name getting dragged through the mud. And I've come to learn through therapy that healing, it requires exposure. You can't heal while you're hiding. And just like a wound that can't breathe under a bandage, The only way it starts to heal is when you uncover it. And being silent, that was a trauma response. I learned that in therapy because I went to go talk to the lady, and I had a chance and years to be able to unpack.

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I'm sharing the full picture about what happened. I'm not telling a half story. I'm not sugarcoating it. And yes, the truth is disruptive. It's not nice. It's gonna shake a table. But the silence— the silence destroys everything. It destroys foundations. And this is what happened. And every time I tell a story, it's the same story because it's the truth. You can't change narrative. The truth is the truth. It is what it is. You know, people are going to say, oh, it's too much, but this is my healing. I can only speak on the things that I've been through, and I don't owe anyone my silence, especially people who are used to me being quiet to protect their comfort, to protect their lives. Now let's be very clear. I'm not the same Tina from 5 years ago, nor am I the same Tina from 20 years ago. You know, those years ago, people had access to me. But that version of me no longer exists. You don't know me today. You know a version of me that I've outgrown. I've outgrown it disrespectfully. So to those who say that I should have kept it between me and my quote unquote family, at the end of the day, he was still my sibling when he did what he did. My healing might not make, you know, everybody feel comfortable. Everybody is not going to think, oh, well, she's right. I don't care about being right. I don't need to be right. I just need to be— healed. I need to be good. And you know, my healing, because I'm going to keep it on the eye, it might make some people uncomfortable. But that discomfort, that's not my responsibility. There is no such thing as being too honest. I'm not here to protect dysfunction. Like, I'm here to name it. And I'm not speaking for anybody else. I'm not telling anyone else's story. I'm telling my story. So this episode is for those who are tired of pretending, for those who have been silenced, shamed, dismissed for telling the truth. I see you. I am you. Because you know what? At the end of the day, my family— my family dynamic is wow and is crazy. There's so many secrets. There are so many of us that— in my family that have secrets that they're hiding, secrets, things that they're shielding, things that they're not telling theirself the truth about. And they want to— and very, very judgmental. I'm not really sure how or why it's come to that, but it's been like that for a very long time. And so because somebody violated me I'm supposed to keep quiet? Absolutely not, you know. And then if you reached out to me— to those that reached out to me to share your feedback, I really do thank you. And I also respect your perspective because one thing's for sure and two things for certain: your perspective, it reveals a lot about, you know, where you stand and what you defend. Right, so that tells a lot about you. It tells me a lot about you. And so now I know how to move forward or not with you too, because what you stand on and what you defend, in my opinion, it says a lot about what you value. Now it could be that because you truly don't care about me that you feel like it's okay that that person did what he did to me. But put yourself in my shoes and let's say it was your child. Let's say it was your wife. Let's say it's somebody that you actually care about. Would you feel the same way? Would you feel like they should say nothing? That's just food for thought, but because someone violated me and your first concern is protecting them from being called out, then clearly you were never for me. And, and it's okay. I'm okay with it. So I'll say this again: my truth is going to shake some tables, but the silence is going to destroy everything. And I'm not letting anything destroy my peace ever again. Ever. So I want to thank everybody for listening to the Trigger and the Truth. Right, but we're gonna shift a little bit and we're going to discuss how this type of dynamic, it affects your mental health and wellness. Well, it causes self-doubt and confusion. Like when someone invalidates your emotional responses to being hurt, like that hurt me, it creates confusion because you begin to question Was I overreacting? Was it really that bad? Maybe. I don't know. It wasn't that serious. And you start to doubt yourself. But the reality is, that was crazy. Think about it. It was crazy because anything could have happened with that thing waving in my face, right? And when you have self-doubt and you're thinking, oh my God, well, did I overreact? It erodes your ability to trust yourself. It erodes your ability to trust your own instincts. You know that's dead wrong. You know it's dead wrong. You won't even admit to it, but you still turn around and go on a Fuck Tina campaign.

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Right, and then over time you shrink. Like, I shrunk, I got low, I was silent. I was silent for so many different reasons, like to keep the peace, to just make it seem like everything was OK, to make others feel comfortable. And it just led to anxiety, depression. And it just made me feel like, this is crazy. And then it causes shame, right? You're blamed not just for your feelings, but how you express them. And it reinforces your guilt, especially if the person who harmed you is a loved one, a family member, like someone who was close to you, you know? And it's a hard thing to, like, deal with, to rationalize, because at the end of the day, you don't want to cause any harm, especially to someone who you're related to. And it delays your healing, right, also. My feelings were invalidated. My auntie laughs in my face. My so-called, you know, people who I associate with, not all, they just ignored it. Like, you want to call me about this or that or blah, blah, blah, but then when that situation happened, I don't want nothing to do with it. Really? So at this point, I don't got nothing to do with none of y'all. And that's how I dealt with it. That's how I coped with it. Now, is it right? Absolutely not. Because I avoided the situation. I pretended that it was OK. I stayed silent about it for a very long time. And it delayed my healing. This happened 5 years ago. My healing got postponed. So right now I'm allowing myself to process it. I'm not concerned with what anyone else is saying at this point. I don't care. Respectfully, I don't care because this is my healing journey and I need to release everything that happened to me. It really deeply affected me in my life and people don't understand that part. Right? And so if you're dealing with something like this, there's ways to combat these feelings. There's ways to get around it because everybody is not going to agree with you, and they don't have to because they didn't experience it. How I saw the situation is different from how other people saw it because it was something that was a violation against me. And so You can misunderstand the situation all you like. Everyone does not deserve access to your healing. Me, I have a podcast that is serving as a place where people can come to unpack so they can heal, so they can discuss, so they can find resources. Because I found a resource, a therapist that helped me to be able to be able to sit here and— talk about this in a way where it's gonna, you know, cause healing instead of more discord. And if you taking my healing journey the wrong way, I don't care. I'm not gonna hold you. I don't care about that. This is my truth. And to deflect and to pretend like it never happened, that's on you. So at the end of the day, I'm allowed to speak my truth even if it exposes someone's lie. I can't control anything. So the same way I couldn't control, or even my presence, or just me, me having a certain relationship with this person did not stop him from doing what he did and violating me, you know, at the end of the day, there's nothing that I can do about that. But nobody is going to control how I get through this. I'm still healing. 5 years ago, yes, it's a long time. But in the grand scheme of life, it's not, especially when I'm just now getting to the point where I've rationalized everything and I'm OK with it. And so here we are. So I want to thank everybody for listening. I appreciate your thoughts. I appreciate your perspectives. And listen, we'll continue on this journey for however long it goes. I'll see y'all later. Thank you so much for spending time with me today. On "The Trigger and the Truth." Remember, it's all about uncovering those triggers, finding the truth, and building stronger, healthier relationships for ourselves and with the people around us. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love it if you'd like, share, and send it to someone who might benefit. Together, we're making mental health and wellness a priority. And always remember, never let your emotions supersede your intelligence. Take care of yourself, be kind to your mind, and until next time, let's keep uncovering truths, one heartfelt conversation at a time.