E11 - Lisa McKenzie is the founder and CEO of “You Night,” a nine month empowerment program for women who have cancer or are cancer survivors.

Hi, welcome to Visible Panty Lines, AKA vpl, the pod Transparent conversations of inspiration, encouragement and overcoming adversity. My first guest today is Lisa McKenzie and I'm super excited to be talking to you. Lisa, you are the founder and CEO of you Night. So that's Y O U and then Night, like nighttime Nigh Empowering events and Unite is a sisterhood of support designed around empowering group experiences for women diagnosed with any type of cancer. She started this in 2013. Hundreds of women have participated and really empowering activities that challenge participants to step outside of their comfort zones. So ultimately the cancer journey becomes really sort of a positive one and not a negative one. Right. So I find this to be so interesting and unique. There are a lot of programs out there helping women with cancer, but I've never really quite seen anything like this where it's about, I guess, the camaraderie and bringing them together and really just about them having fun. Right. Would you say? So tell me why you wanted to start this organization.

In 2013, my friends were diagnosed with breast cancer and they were really active in the community and you know, their life changed completely. I mean, the way they felt, the way they looked, their energy, obviously their attitude about themselves. They didn't want to go out. I mean, who really wants to when you're all sudden you've lost your hair and you know, your skin starts changing because of the chemo and all that. So one of my friends and I went to a support group at a hospital and it was kind of like one of those life changing moments for me as like understanding what patients go through at that time and just saying, ooh, like if that happened to me, I don't know that I would want that. Because we were under Florida and they had a physician wearing a physician coat and a big drop down overhead projector and they were showing these procedures and it was a bloody breast kind of picture and everybody had scarves on and look, maybe some of them with their husbands or significant others, but they were all sitting there. The room felt so heavy and depressed, like it, it should, I guess, like in that situation you can't party. But my friend got up and walked out and she went there because she thought she could find some healing. But instead it ended up triggering her worst. And she walked outside into the parking lot and just how did I get here? She goes, I feel like an alien. I look like an alien. You know, just a few months ago we was not part of it. Now all of a sudden it's become my life, you know, so, yeah, I really kind of leaned on my own back. I come from a very strong sorority experience where we had a very traumatic experience happen when I was a collegian. One of our pledges got gang raped, actually, by a fraternity.

Oh, my gosh.

Wow. I witnessed for the first time as a young woman what the path to, like, challenge ourselves to sort of think beyond a very difficult situation, because you could either front from it and hide, or you could dive in together and just say, what can we learn from this? And how can we help each other be stronger?

And yeah, I love that sorority kind of tie in, because I was in a sorority as well. I was in Alpha Fee, and I remember that whole experience of kind of, like, being thrown into this huge group and a lot of people that you didn't know, but you were fast friends, and you're kind of, in some circumstances, the only person who's there for them. And so we went through a lot of experiences together when you're in those formative years. So you kind of essentially created this sorority for women who. You gave them this common thread, basically, you know, yes, they're all going through cancer, but now they have this not only camaraderie, but this, like, common thread, which I really love. So can you give me an example of, like, what one of the most memorable maybe events that you did was and how the woman felt, I guess, about it afterwards?

Yeah, I mean, we do. So just for your audience to understand the uniqueness of what we do, we are kind of a support group, but we center everything around experiences that challenge the women to think outside of their normal way that they would see themselves. Like, for instance, we film a music video with the ladies and, like, oh, so cool. Yeah. Every year we change the theme, and so, you know, they kind of get to know each other. So it's not like they're coming in as strangers. By the. Had a little experience with each other, but let's just say, like, one year we were Motown. And so they came in and they had to lip sing. You got the best of my love.

Oh, so fun.

They all make up, and we put them on a stage with lights, with the camera crew, and they had to, like, get up there in little small groups and. And lip sync. And they were so nervous to do it. Some, of course, some of the extroverts were like, I got this, you know, but a lot of what am I doing?

Dressed definitely outside their comfort zone, I guess. Right.

And while they are laughing and, you know, like, as you. As you kind of press into them and say, no, do that again. Loosen up, have some fun. They have to see themselves, that freedom to have fun. I mean, you're talking about someone who might be stage 4 cancer who haven't laughed in a long time, and then all like enjoying life and doing that with other women who are at the same exact time feeling uncomfortable. And at the end, they're like high fiving each other because it's like a group goal. You know, we're all production crew, a videographer, or, you know, me being the producer or them on stage. We're a team. The video, you know, the hair at the end, we all get to celebrate a group accomplishment. So that's like one example of the types of things that we do with women. Some are very, very soul searching activities where, you know, the ladies do share what they've been through to all get a common understanding. Because when you're talking about somebody who's, you know, colorectal cancer and someone who's breast and someone who's lost their voice because of throat cancer, their experiences are also. But yeah, like, get a really common understanding before they embark on these journeys. We push them through that, help them, like, like you said, themselves differently. You know, whether it's our painting, our Runway empowerment course. I mean, there's, there's a lot of really neat things that we do that challenge these ladies. And the ultimate goal, though, is not only for them to individually have a growth, but for them to grow as a. As a tribe. And so that now experiences over. They have a group of friends they can count on for the rest of their lives.

That's amazing. Now if someone was interested, how do they. Do they sign up online or how do they. Like, you're in New Orleans, right? So if you have women, I'm assuming from all over the country that can participate. So how do they. How does one go about doing that or getting involved?

Yeah, so we have a couple programs. The one that's, that's national that we have available in other cities are actually scar art painting program, where their emotional or surgical scars on canvas. And that is kind of like a really good starting point for a group that wants to get involved. Because in that situation, a hospital might host the event. It brings strangers together to challenge themselves through art to express. But in that experience, all of a sudden they're like, I really like you. I like these women. I feel powerful in this group. Walking in, kind of feeling weak, leaving, feeling powerful ye launching pad and discussion like, okay, what's next? What do you want to do? In your community that uses some of our tools. So scart, which is at SCART events, it stands for scar art. That's a great program. Somebody wants to bring that to their city. But in terms of just getting involved, going to our main website, which is unitevents.

Just to just get on the mailing list or express an interesting. We love this. We want to bring something like this to our city.

Yeah. And so that's great. So you talked about in the notes to me, you talk about how someone's cancer journey, and I think you, like, briefly mentioned this earlier, but when a woman or any person is undergoing this cancer journey, it's very stark. It's very medical. It's very like, you know, here's your treatment, here's. And I'm very big on mental health and mental wellness, and I feel like that's a big issue in this country in general. That's really not being addressed. Even if you look at homeless population, our veterans, I mean, there's just a huge crisis, probably bigger than Covid crisis or anything else that we're dealing with. That's kind of like just, I believe, really not being addressed enough at all. So when it comes to a cancer patient here, you have, you know, medical doctors and great doctors, and even if they go a homeopathic or a holistic route, they're not necessarily getting any sort of mental health, health, or wellness guidance at all. It's not like when you see an oncologist, they immediately refer you to a psychologist. Right. Like, no one is really addressing that. And you are kind of out there saying it's about being happy. Like, even though you're on this journey that none of us had ever wished for, our worst enemy, you can still be happy. And happy. And uplifting. And uplifting. The spirit really does affect our physical, too. So tell me a little bit about why that was important to you.

You know, I just go back to the sorority analogy just for a second. There were three groups in that sorority. There were the ladies who decided to leave the sorority. We were Delta Gammas at San Diego State. They couldn't handle the pressure, so they left. There were those who believed in what the boys did and they denied the activity. And then there were those of us who decided to press into the trauma. So I'm relating that to the situation of what we deal with now. If you ignore it, if you just pretend like it didn't happen, like, if you actually don't address some of the trauma that you've experienced, like some people, like all of our Programs. Some people say, oh, I had that buried. Like, I didn't want to go there. But it doesn't mean exist. And it manifest in all kinds of different ways. It can manifest with relationships, you know, the way you exercise, the way you think about your future or even being in the present moment. So the same kind of thing with this is that, you know, sometimes it's uncomfortable to press into the pain. And a lot of pain that these ladies are experiencing. It goes way beyond cancer, you know.

Yeah.

That broke up at the same time that they were diagnosed.

Right. We're not having a supportive partner through this terrible journey. I mean, like, could be, like, all sorts of things besides just the cancer diagnosis itself. Like, beyond that diagnosis, there could be stuff going on. Absolutely.

So can you imagine you're an oncologist and you have 10 minutes with a patient.

Yeah. Right. And these doctors are speeding you through because they're all overwhelmed.

Right. I'm not saying this as a slight on medicine or hospitals or anything, but I don't think there's a lot of money, maybe in mental health, like, to be made. So maybe that's why they're not addressed, most likely.

Let's be honest.

Yeah. But from like a standpoint that. That the cost to our health care is two and a half times greater for someone who's depressed.

Yeah.

But bad health happens if you don't address it. And the cost you are a woman no longer can contribute in the workforce or in her family or just, you know, so addressing it actually creates a better economy. And so what. What's unique about our situation? The hospitals have recognized that we become a great ally and partner in their care. And yeah. Will send their patients to us. And so if somebody is busy having a hard time, they'll say, call you your. And get that you can plug. Yeah. So, yeah, we were very close with hospitals and their patients. Yeah.

It was funny that you. What you mentioned about. I found it interesting that you were talking about women not wanting to accept or address certain things. So bearing it, which is something that we definitely do as women, as mothers, as wives, you name it. Right. And when as a. As a person, I talk a lot about bras. I wrote the bra book. So the number one question I always get from. From people is, why are so many women in the wrong size? And my answer almost always is because we never want to admit that maybe our bodies have changed. We gain five pounds, we are in menopause. Like, we just bury things as women. So I found that interesting, the synergy there, because across so many levels. That's true. That is a true statement that when it comes to our state of mind, just, you know, anything involving our bodies, it's like a scary thing. And I think more so, you know, women than men, our bodies are really objectified and critiqued and, you know, like Playboy. I just watched the documentary on Playboy, and it was, like, so fascinating and crazy. And it's like, just throughout culture, our culture and history, you know, this is this whole thing that has been ingrained with us, with our bodies, and so getting sick or, you know, having our bodies change, pregnancy and, you know, seeing what happens after that, it's like, it's very, very hard mentally on women. And I don't think that anyone really appreciates that or talks about that enough, quite frankly. You know, I like that what you're doing kind of addresses that, you know, the state of mind for these women. But also just getting the conversation going about that is really important. I pay attention to a lot of stuff. I read a lot. I'm a writer. Like, I'm constantly digesting what's out there, and I really don't see these conversations happening. So even if it's like you said, the, you know, some of the women are getting a hair and makeup. I do makeovers on TV a lot and just see. Seeing, you know, the difference. And a lot of times it's. It's a breast cancer. A woman who's gone through breast cancer or something like that and lost her hair or lost weight, doesn't feel good about herself, Just went through chemo, what have you. Just seeing, like, what a little bit of, like, the right bra, a nice outfit and hair and makeup does for her. Actually, that. That makes me think of an idea, like, sometime we should get together and I'll do makeovers or something on some of the women, you know, in your group. Maybe, you know, that would be a cool thing for us to do. Now, I want to talk about a little bit, just about your background and your own personal life and how that's played into your work. And you sent me something that you wrote, and there was a part that I pulled from it that I thought was really fascinating and a lot of women could relate to. So I just wanted to read that for our listeners. And this is related to your divorce. And I think so many women can relate to having gone through a divorce and how that's impacted them. I know my mom said it's the worst thing that's ever happened to her. You know, I mean, that's kind of like what? A lot of. A lot of women's sentiments regarding it. And you say in an essay titled Giants, regards to facing what's going on in 2020.

Right.

Everything. That craziness that was 2020. When I opened my eyes, I was terrified to see horrifying, towering giants surrounding me. They were laughing at me and taunting me. The first giant's name was Marriage. He looked at me and said, whatever made you believe you deserved a till death do us part life? You aren't worth it. The next giant's name was romance. And he snarled and said, who would ever want to love you? And the next giant's name was loneliness. He laughed and said, this is what you deserve. You see, it really is lonely at the top. And the last giant, who was the ugliest and whose name was defeat, said, stop climbing. Your place is here with us in the bottom of this pit. I found that to be really powerful, and I definitely could relate to that. Kind of like the stages that you go through sort of. It's sort of like the stages of grief. So whether you're going through a divorce or a cancer diagnosis or any other major life, eventually you go through these stages, and it's really a battle within yourself. So tell me a little bit about kind of what drove you to sort of write that.

Well, so that essay is from a program we offer called Story crafting. And Story crafting is where you address a trauma. You start with the trauma, you identify a metaphor to it. So, like, I wanted to. It's a stranglehold in your life that you can't get rid of. So for me, mine was like, why would my husband leave me? Like, when you're reading that, actually, I'm tearing up because even though you dress, doesn't mean that it's still so real. I mean, you could go back to it and revisit, but you can actually recognize how strong you've gotten. You know, so in that situation, I. Ladies dressing cancer. Some were dressing. Being raped, you know, by their own dad. I mean, there was been. Oh, my gosh.

Yeah.

So we. We deconstruct a situation in your life that you want to release. Like, I don't want to be held captive by that thought anymore. And mine was, why would my husband leave me? You know, we had a great family.

Yeah.

Great kids. And then you. You go back in time to that age of innocence where what was life. Life before you knew of life being hard. And that's where we struggle because we're taught to believe about what life's Going to be like, you know, we watch the Disney movies. We, we look at what you said. Playboy paints a picture of what the perfect body is.

Yeah.

Like, we as a young age think that we have a fantasy of what we think life's supposed to be. But somebody created that narrative for us. We didn't.

Amen to that. So create your own narrative.

Basically.

Crafting allows us to rewrite the narrative as to what it is and can be wrong. And so in that case, part, of course, of what that story is, where I, instead of being afraid of those giants, I pressed into them. My original metaphor of that story was I was David, they were Goliath, and I was gonna heave a rock. I was so mad. I want to throw a rock at them and kill those giants. But as I wrote that story, a piece came over me and I was like, I don't want to kill those giants. Like, they taught me a lot about me, made me stronger. And so that's how that story ends is they built a bridge for me to get back on the mountain and help on, keep on climbing. They helped me get back to where I needed to be. And that's what a traumatic situation can help you do. Is it help you like, like. So what we do is we help ladies, like, press into the story a little bit. In the Runway training as an example, it's a 10 month empowerment class where ladies are taught to walk the Runway. They get at the hair makeovers, like you said, and man, do they come alive. Like butterflies, like, they transition. But it's the 10 months leading up to it. It's not necessarily that moment on stage. If I.

It's about the journey. It's about the journey. Yeah.

I would shallow if I said I want 25 cancer survivors to come put on an outfit and get hair and makeup and walk away. I would feel like it's good for a night. But we need the 10 months prior. And their very first lesson, ask strangers when they all meet every size and shape and body. I mean, it is so funny, the first meeting when they are walking, because we have a blind application. We don't. We don't ask ladies to send their pictures.

Yep.

We just say. And so when they walk in, some are like 4 foot 8, round bodies, tall, skinny, 6 foot 4, you know, every size, shape. So. But their very first lesson is to walk up in front of a mirror and strike that Wonder Woman pose and say, I am worthy and about. And to even say those words. And they get like. It's interesting. The strangers, they will Rally up to.

That woman who said, oh, I love that. That is so great. That is so great.

Oh yes. She'll go, I am. And she can't say the words. And then all of a sudden these ladies who she just come up and put their arms like you are worthy. And so that is like the first lesson is to let them believe how.

So great. And I feel like so aligned with what I do too. And everything I do in my work, it's like just inspiring women to be more confident and feel better in their own skin, you know, sort of thing. So this is a great positive place to end. I. I just love that whole idea. I love the way you take the arts and you encourage with the writing. And I just think anything that gets you to a place. It seems to be a common theme on bpl. The POD here too. My last episode was Jiminika. She's known as the Trauma queen. And she basically took her life experiences and turned it into not only, you know, sort of mission for her, but a profitable business. So I think that just people out there like you and her really can make a huge difference for women out there. So I just really love this and it was so great talking to you today. For our listeners, they can find you on Facebook UNITE events, at SCART events and also on Instagram, Unite Underscore Runway and Scart S C A R T events. So they can follow you have a YouTube channel as well. They can find you, I guess basically all of our social media and on your website. And thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us today and it has been great getting to know you and good luck with everything in the future. Again, let me know if you need anything from me. I'm happy. Help.

You are stronger than you think and know and you have to tap into that. So yeah, stay with it and tap into the power up here.

Yeah, I love it. Thank you so much, Lisa.

Have a good rest of the day.

Okay.

And you've been watching and listening to visible panty lines aka VPL the Pod. New episodes drop on Sundays at 8am Eastern Time. Lots of conversations of inspiring, encouraging and overcoming adversity and all of our guest stories. And we thank Lisa today and hope everyone has a great rest of the day.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.