E6 - Eliza VanCort is a force to be reckoned with.

Hello, everyone. Good morning. For those of you that are listening on Sunday morning, right when the episode drops, you are listening to visible panty lines, transparent conversations of inspiration, encouragement, and overcoming adversity. And I'm super excited for my guest today. We were just talking. We were like, chatting so much that I forgot to hit record. And I was just like, oh, my God, I love her. We already have stuff in common. We seem to have very different backgrounds, but we're both authors, and we have upstate New York connection in common and.

With Ithaca College and Cortland College. And I just think, like, once to, like, vivacious women get into a conversation together. Like, how can it not be a good one, right?

I am talking today with Eliza Van Cork. She has so many accolades to her name and so many, like, layers to her and what she does. I mean, I just learned, and it's not even on her bio, that she briefly went to law school. Like, she's just done so many interesting and cool things. So I'm like, where do I start? But she, first and foremost, she has a bestselling book. And it's amazing the concept of it. Here it is. For those that are watching this on YouTube and not on the pod platforms, if you're on the pod platforms, of course, you'll have to go look for her book on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, and I'm assuming everywhere books are sold, this is a woman's guide to claiming space. So Eliza's background is she's an academic, a lecturer, a consultant, a writer, a very in demand speaker. But she sort of created this whole. I guess you could say brand or even possibly movement around this idea of claiming space. So. And this is inspiring people essentially, to claim space across gender, race, and class, which. How can you not get on board with that? So why don't we start out with this whole idea of playing space and why you wanted to do this.

Well, it's a. It's a pretty crazy story. So I was born to a very wonderful set of parents. Wonderful, wonderful. And actually, the only image I'll show the whole time, I always like to honor her memory is my mother. That's my mother. And she was really healthy until I turned four and a half. And then she became paranoid schizophrenic, and she ended up kidnapping me. There was a national APB out on me. And one of the times she kidnapped me three times. By the end, I had armed guards watching me in our visitation. And one of the times we went across the country from truck stop to truck stop to Truck stop from New York to California. Hitchhiking.

Wow.

I was a little girl. I was about five.

Yeah.

What happened on that trip made me start to conflate invisibility with safety. And I thought, if I can just be invisible, I'll be okay. And then eventually I realized being invisible isn't safe. It's dangerous. And so I started to kind of crawl my way out of that. And then in my 40s, I was in a pretty good place. I was really good at helping other people claim space, but I Claiming my own space. And then I was hit by a car riding my bike, and I lost my ability to communicate. And so I had to build it up step by step. And the process of doing that made me really come to understand through a series of events and basically learning the HTML communication, what it is that makes woman powerful and one woman, not when she walks in a room.

Well, okay, so when this accident happened to you that you lost the ability to communicate, were you already a public speaker or what sort? Where were you in in life at that point in time?

At that point, I had had my own acting studio for 20 years where we focused on the minutia of human behavior. So I was well situated to crawl back.

But you were in a position where you needed to have, you know, be able to speak, have a voice. I mean, as an actress, an acting coach, that's important, obviously.

My whole life was communication. I mean, I ran my own School for 20 years. I had to talk to press, and I couldn't do any of it. I was really. My friend said I sounded like a stoned third grader, and I was like, I don't know what that is, but it's not good.

Yeah. I feel like you've heard. We've heard stories of people, this sort of thing happening to people more recently than not, you know, Also, I don't know. I've heard a lot of similar stories to yours for some reason lately. I don't know if it has to do with the COVID pandemic or what specifically. I do. I do have a friend. She has long Covid. She was one of the people that was in the hospital in a coma on a ventilator for a long time. And she did lose her voice and her ability to speak for a while. And another friend who has a lot of neurological effects from it that she's dealing with now. So I feel like a lot of people now more than ever, could relate to what happened to you. Right, yeah, for sure. So this whole idea of claiming space like how does that lead into this idea? Like, let's break it down for person who might not really understand what this concept is.

What's the easiest thing? Yeah, yeah. So in a nutshell, to claim space is to live the life of your choosing unapologetically and bravely. And bravery to me is not. Not being afraid. Bravery to me is being scared to death and doing something anyway. Yeah, that's what space is, and there are five aspects of it, but that's the general concept.

So tell me about then after your accident, you started to regain your speech. How did you move into all of these other avenues of your life and your career?

Well, I had been doing acting training, and I'm in. I'm in Ithaca, New York, so most people. There's no market for working actors in Ithaca.

No, there's not. It's. I mean, just for anybody that's listening that doesn't quite understand upstate New York. It is very quaint place. I grew up. That's actually central New York, but I grew up in this area, and it's a great place to live and raise a family. But if you're in a profession that you want to, you know, pursue acting, like you said, or something like that, or entertainment, perhaps it is not the best place. Lots of artsy people there, though, for sure.

Oh, sure, sure. Absolutely. And that was the interesting thing is I had all these people coming in and to my acting school for different reasons other than acting. I want to be a better speaker. I want to be a better communicator. And so I. Yeah, so I'd been doing all this work for free for people. And then I was like, oh, you know, after my accident, and I'd really gotten so much better at it, I thought I should do this for my job because now I understand things that I understand before.

Yeah.

So I was a kind of an intuitive communicator before my accident, and I became more mindful.

Yeah. Interesting.

And so I ended up starting to give talks and speeches. And really, I mean, the idea was birthed from conversations in the bathroom, just like you have with people. Like these real. After my. After my speeches, people would say, yes. What didn't happen in Q and A?

Yes. That's where the best stuff comes from. Yeah, that's where the best stuff comes from. Like, same. Like, I'm doing workshops a lot of times with women doing bra fittings and stuff like that, because I help a lot women with bras, and that's sort of like a specialty for me. And that the conversations that stem from that end up being like the best little tidbits for when it comes to inspiration for writing or, you know, public speaking or a TV segment or whatever. So it's like great just hearing what other people kind of want to know. You know what?

Yeah, well, we're like real in the bathroom.

Yeah. Oh my God. I know, right? And they're not maybe afraid to talk to you in a group setting about it or whatever. It can be like a little bit intimidating.

So I thought like, I gotta take these conversations and the answers to these questions out of the bathroom and into the sunlight.

Right.

And that's a lot of.

Yeah, it could just be like a whole series, like YouTube series. Out of the bathroom. Or like the ladies room. This is what happens in the ladies room.

I actually thought about. I'm. I'm doing a podcast soon and I'm.

Thinking about all the different names.

I hadn't thought about that yet, but I might actually do that.

Oh my God, I love that. Claiming space in the ladies room.

Yeah, love that. Thank you.

Although that. Yeah, you're welcome. Sure. Anytime. Although that's a little tough too, too. Because now we have. Are we even calling bath referring to bathrooms by genders anymore? I mean, things have changed so much, right. In the past several years. But the ladies room can even just be metaphorical. I don't know, you know, like, it's like I just remember even like we were talking about college and being in college and like from college to your first job to your, you know, what if you're, I don't know, doing your kids hair and your daughter's hair in the bathroom, whatever it is like all the conversations that are had in those kinds of places that are so much more candid than anywhere else. I love that. And the bathroom.

Just when I was at a restaurant in the bathroom and they'd be crying, I'm like, are you okay? And they tell me their life story in a way that they never do at a bus stop, you know?

Oh, I have Facebook friends that are people that I met in bathrooms at various places who like in a five minutes you're friends with them. And it's fascinating too, the things that people will tell you or the conversations that you have. Like I remember being at a wedding, someone in my ex's family and like walking into the restroom and there was my ex husband's grandmother's soon to be husband. Like they had just. Or rather new husband, they just got married. Daughter like basically in the bathroom saying how unhappy she was that her dad was Getting married and all this stuff, it's like just people feel so free and I'm like, here I am, a member of the other side of the family. Like this is awkward, like conversation. But I digress. So you have, you have all besides like your podcast that you're planning, your book that we talked about. You are pretty active on social media and you are pretty viral on TikTok really for your candid and thought provoking commentary on talking about current events. So. And you do have that political science background as well that I'm sure I don't know if we mentioned it or a lot of people even know about. So how do you like incorporate that into this like new age kind of social movement that is happening?

Yeah, well, I mean what I do on, on Tick Tock really is at first I was just sort of going over bits of my book in little bite sized chunks and then I just started noticing certain things and I just started talking about what was important to me. So I noticed, for example, that trolls were really mean.

Yes. And so much worse on Tick Tock than anywhere.

And they're illogical. So I decided to do a series on logical fallacies and it was my most viral post. Got almost 3 million views. I did something on the strawman fallacy. So I think in some ways people amazing associate. People associate TikTok with like dancing and learning how to cut a tomato.

Yes. You know. Yeah. But they want. It's interesting because I just recently got active on TikTok and it's crazy how fast the videos go out. Like it's not, there's no, there's not the same sort of algorithm as there is for other social media. So like kind of. I always like to say, like anybody can go viral if you have the right, you know, thing that strikes at the right moment. Yeah. But you know, there are all these trolls, there are all these like silly dancing videos and like sifting through all that. In between all that there is intelligent sort of thought provoking conversation happening and a lot of extra experts like you, like me, people who have a unique perspective are offering that on that channel. So.

Absolutely.

It's really fascinating that I feel like more so than any other outlets, people on Tick Tock are wanting that. Like they do want something that will make them say, you know, things that make you go like, am I dating myself? Or whatever from the 90s? But it's true, they want that.

So I couldn't agree more.

Yeah. So I think that that's amazing. And so we'll look for you On Tick tock. At Eliza Van Court. At Eliza Vancourt. So at Eliza Dan Court, which is great. We can find you there and follow you there because these interviews always go so quickly. So switching gears back to your childhood and how that led into the whole idea of claiming space. Stand tall, raise your voice and be heard. People magazine did a story about you. Tell me about that. That's super cool. And I feel like everyone would be interested in hearing about that and how that kind of all huge story for my book launch.

It was meant to be a little story. And then she started talking to me and talking to me. She was like, this is insane.

This is crazy.

I mean, really interesting. And so she actually. The funniest thing that ever. It was actually the funniest thing that ever happened to me. So she calls me up right before the article is going to launch, and we're desperately trying to get it out before the day of my book launch. And so we're rushing around, rushing around, and she says to me, okay, Eliza, I know you're not crazy. She goes, because I've talked to you, but legal thinks your story is insane. And so we're going to need court records. So my dad and I had to, like, run into our attic, and there's a picture of my attic literally turned upside down with all these things. And we had to just, like, send all of these legal records to them, but they ended up doing basically the story of my life. And it's an evergreen. It lasts forever. And it's a really exciting article because the woman who wrote it really wanted all the details. And funny story, she is from our zip code. She's from this area, so. Really? Yeah.

I don't remember where.

She's right outside of Ithaca.

I was like, sister, all these upstate connections, like, that is so interesting. I really believe that there's, like, a reason behind all of that, too. Like, you know, just another way for us to connect or to ensure that we, like, stay connected. I don't know. I. I believe in that for sure.

Cell phone 607. No way.

Right? That's. I got a call last night from a 607 number. I was like, oh, it's like Cortland's. You know, whatever. So.

Exactly.

That is so interesting. I know. And it's, like, great, you know, especially as women that you can find common threads in, you know, any. Any little aspect of life, really. So your dad was in your life and raised you, essentially. So luckily you had your dad, right?

Yeah, I did. But actually, you know, people when they Hear my story. They often say, you know, wow, how did you do that? That's amazing. You know, that's heroic. And I always say, you know, my story really isn't about how one person overcomes the odds or how one person succeeds. My story is about what you can do to change the life of one person. Because I had a big sister in my big sister big brother in the big sister big brother program who changed my life. I had a elementary school teacher. I had all these women because my dad was a single dad. And so all these up to help him before my stepmother came on the scene. And so I was very first bra.

First bra, first bra purchase or whatever. Those sort of things I always talk about.

Although my stepmother did my first bra.

Oh, good, I'm glad. Okay. You know, I had a great. I had. My stepdad was like, major part of my life. He passed away in 2020. And my. And I love my stepmom. And I am a stepmom. I have two bonus kids. So I. For those parents that, you know, step up and sort of do that job, I just. Very, very huge props to. Yeah. To all the step parents out there and my stepmom. That's amazing that you had. Yeah, exactly. That you had this support system in your life. Especially, like what everything that you went through with your mother and mental. Her mental illness. And mental illness is obviously a hot topic of late as well, which I appreciate that people are talking about that more. That there is like a mental health and wellness awareness month or whatever it's called. There is more people talking about that. Because I talked about this with another guest recently too, actually. My guest from the last podcast, Cody Renegar. His story is from homeless to Hollywood, essentially, and has a similar sort of thing to it, which has been interesting because all of my guests so far that are all seem so different, but there's like something that connects everybody. So there's like this common.

I was homeless with my mom for a while.

Right. So it's. That's what I'm saying. So it was like so interesting to me because we had this conversation too in the last episode and I just kind of was like, you know, right now, the homeless population, if you look at, like I go back and forth, I go to New York City to shoot TV shows. I go to L. A like once a month for Access daily. And even just here in Albany, like, it's so heart wrenching and the whole. To me, like, yes, the drug crisis is a big part of that, I think too. But the. The mental Illness crisis in this country is like, fueling all of that. And it's like nobody knows what to do. I mean, how do you.

We don't take care of our homeless. I mean, my mother actually.

No, we don't.

Yeah, my mom's been missing for almost 20 years.

I was gonna ask you. I didn't want to, you know, I don't want to you to tell any information that you're not comfortable sharing. So I don't try to ask too deep, but I was curious and I'm sure our listeners are curious too. What happened with mom? Okay, so mom went missing and you have no idea.

Whenever I see homeless people, I was actually on a date about a year ago in this home. And I was walking.

You probably think you see her face, right?

Yeah. And there was. Well, there was a couple on the ground kind of cuddling each other. It was winter, it was cold. And the guy went on the date. Wow. I guess that's how they do it in their family. And I was like, well, that's our last date because that could be my mother, you know? Yeah.

Like. But he probably. This guy probably had no. I know he's. This guy had no idea what the hell he was getting himself into. By way.

He probably thought, you know, I mean, really, you have kind of a unique story and background, so he probably would never have guessed what you went through. But definitely anybody that's unsympathetic to. To homeless people is not cool second date with them. Yeah, you don't. That's probably not the one you're rushing to the altar with or not the one.

I think I found the one, actually. I've been with him for a year right after that, this guy. And I'm very happy, but perfect. Yeah.

See, he had to say that stupid thing to get you off him and to meet the right one.

Exactly. That is. That's actually probably right because he seemed really nice, but then I was like, oh, no, that's. You treat the waiter badly. You treat.

Oh, no, no, no.

For me.

Yeah, you're done. There's like the little checklist. And those are the things that you just don't do. And especially being cruel to other human beings. Not cool at all.

So. And do you have any children yourself?

I do. I have my two sons, my daughter, my nephew, who actually is. My ex husband's a nephew. But when we split, he stayed with me and now I have my. Hopefully it's looking that way. We're moving in in a year. Step, step child, so.

Oh, perfect. I Love it. See, we have four. We're a blended family with four, his, mine and ours. So big families are amazing. I grew up as an only child with parents of divorce, as I mentioned, and it was very lonely, very, very lonely childhood. I read a lot of books, like, lots and lots of books, so probably why I'm a writer, but. Right, right. And just like you, your. What happened to you that some people honestly would not recover from and be so successful and ambitious and do the things you've done. So some people would just be, you know, ptsd, devastated from that and, you know, not be able to become a successful functioning adult, at least not without massive amounts of therapy, you know, which we've all gone through. But so I think, you know, kudos to you to coming, like, rising from the ashes, so to speak, of that childhood and not letting it, you know, change who you are. And in fact, instead you took it, made it a mission, and you're helping all these other people with it. I mean, so what's better than that?

I mean, that's why I do the workshops and the talks that I do, because I really believe that actually anyone can do this if they're given the right tools and the right support. And so much of the time we just don't know where to find those tools or we're not. And we need to support each other more too. That's that other part of my kind of mission is empower yourself and empower others. That's how we're going to all be. Okay.

I love that. And that's really what this whole podcast is about for me. It's like, if we can inspire, you know, one person out there with this episode. Geez, I have like a NAT situation.

What the heck? I was trying to do a TikTok and it was just like, hey, what's up? I'm your friend now.

Oh my God. I've done all the at home, like, DIY tricks to. Nothing's working. I'm like, what the hell? So on a lighter note, if we can inspire one person essentially with our 20 minute conversation, brighten their day in one way, then I feel like I've done my job at least, and I feel like you're the same as me and we definitely should revisit you when you, you know, in a few months when you maybe when you launch your own podcast and you have other new things going on, we will come back and do conversation again. Because I feel like we didn't even get to, like, so many of the tips that you share. And everything that you talk about in workshops and in your book, but people can buy your book. Claiming space, Stand tall, raise your voice, be heard. Eliza Van Court, A Woman's Guide to Claiming Space. But I love that. It's a really easy read, folks. But also, like, really the way. I love that. The way that you kind of break up the text. And I'm a book person. I can't. I can't do, like, the Kindle thing or put it on my iPad. I need to, like, hold the book in my hands and read the book. So cartoons.

So you need the book.

Yeah. Visually interesting, like, the way you have it laid out. It's a very. I think what will be an easy read for women, you know, especially us busy gals and busy moms. And you also talk about, you know, feminism and. And sort of things geared towards men and based on, you know, your messages to your sons and that sort of thing. So I just love all the advice and lessons that can be found in your book. So we will. We will look for you, and we will chat again. And thank you so much for talking with us today. You've been listening to visible panty lines, transparent conversations of inspiration, encouragement, and adversity. And a new episode drops the first three Sundays of every month. So thank you, Eliza.

Thank you for having me.

You're wonderful.

I just know I want to go have a drink.

I know. Are you. Are you in Ithaca still?

I'm actually, like, 60% in New York and 40% in. In Ithaca, so I. Wow. Back and forth.

Oh, my God. That's like. I mean, it's like, two hours for me, but it's not that big of a deal. We should try. I'm in Schenectady. Oh, yeah.

That's not far from that. We should totally hang out sometimes.

That's what I'm saying.

All the time.

Oh, perfect.

Yeah.

Let me know then. You let me know when you're coming through, and we'll try to make it happen.

That would be so much fun.

I would love that.

We should be girlfriends.

Oh, my God. We could totally, like, do a video with our books and, like, our advice and. So much fun. You know what I mean? We'll do some, like, content together.

Oh, yeah. And I love whatever I can do on your. I mean, I don't know how far along you are on TikTok, but I'm all about supporting other women. So, like, if.

Yeah.

Duet something or anything. Just email.

Oh, sure.

You know, yeah, just send me an email. Like, if there's like. Please do this because I get so many messages, because I have, like, 250,000 followers or something, so I get a lot of messages.

Yeah, I have. I'm at that bra chick, and like I said, I only started, like, a year ago.

How many do you.

Like, 4,000.

Oh, okay. Yeah, but I'm.

I'm at that bra chick is my handle.

Okay.

I don't know that bra chick. Yep.

Oh, that bra.

That bra. Bra. Bra. Yes.

Bra.

Yep. Chick.

Okay, I'm following you right now. Yeah, I mean, tiktoks are weird. If you ever wanted to hop on a call, I could tell you, like, the secrets that I've learned over the last year through the school of hard knocks, so.

Oh, my God, yes.

Yeah, we could just do it for fun. And I happy. I actually do talks on this now for women, so.

Oh, smart. Yeah, I know. I, like, try to glean whatever. Whatever tips I can, but. Okay. So good. And we're perfect on time. I'm going to hop on another zoom. I'm going to interview the bachelorette in about one minute. From the Bachelorette. I love it. All right, well, thank you so much. And you have my info, so.

Yeah.

And I'll let you know when this episode's gonna air. Okay, perfect. Yeah, I'll let Ellen know. Okay.

Okay, cool.

I forget what I slated you for, but I think it's within the next six weeks or so.

Awesome sauce. Love it.

Okay. All right, bye.