E8 - Sports Illustrated supermodel Victoria Vesce on small town roots, making it big, and recovering from a major brain tumor that left her partially deaf.

Hi, and welcome to Visible Panty Lines, AKA vpl, the Pod. I'm Janae Luciani Senna. In case you're not familiar or this is your first time downloading, these are transparent conversations of encouragement and inspiration and overcoming adversity. And I talk to people every week that really kind of exemplify that. Some of them you may have seen or heard of, some of them you may not have. But everyone has a really amazing story to share and really just hoping to inspire others through these stories. So my guest this week, I'm so excited to share with you, Victoria Vesci. Am I saying that right?

Veshy Vesh. That's how we say ok.

I'm like, people are always messing up my name. So I was like, please, God, don't let me mess up her name.

Okay.

Victoria Vesh, you have had an amazing career as a model Sports Illustrated. I've been kind of following you on social media. You do a lot of outreach and charity work. You're in Miami, correct?

Yes.

So you've been kind of helping out with the hurricane relief efforts there. And I don't want to give it all away, but you have so much to share and so many amazing things that you've been doing, really using your platform for good, which is something that's always appreciated.

Thank you.

Yeah. So if people go on your website, they can see your story, and you really are a person who isn't afraid to share you've been there or what's happened to you, which I know I appreciate because I'm kind of the same way. I don't know if it's an Italian thing or I.

Well, I never used to be that way. It just kind of molded over the years where I became more vulnerable. And especially I used to listen to a lot of Brene Browns TED talks. Yes.

I love her.

And I feel like when I'm the most vulnerable, I heal myself, but I also give myself the most power. So being vulnerable over these past years, and especially this past year has really helped me become the woman I am today.

That is really great. I love hearing that. And definitely, I think as we age and as we grow, we tend to kind of realize what's more important. Yeah. I've watched her speak. I've read some of her books as well. And I definitely feel like her principles can be applied to, you know, any life, no matter what your career is.

Yeah.

But you being a public figure, having like, a huge following and all this stuff is really great that you can kind of apply that to what you're doing. So for people that are listening that aren't really familiar, tell us a little bit about how you broke into modeling and how you became such a force, really, in that industry.

Well, I mean, I started on a Buffalo farm, but really, I grew up on a Buffalo farm in the middle of nowhere, North Carolina. Love my hometown. And I just was kind of sick of the small town mentality. I just always, like, dreamed really big, Always knew I wanted to model. Watch America's Next Top Model, like, all the time. Was, like, super. But, like, I never wore makeup. I was, like, a jock in high school, middle school, And I remember I saw an ad for, like, a pageant when I was, like, 18. I'm like, Mom, I want to try this.

Yeah.

She's like, all right, you want to do this? I'm like, yeah, let's do it. So, like, never in my life had glammed up so hard. And, like, back then, it was a really good hub to start your modeling career. So from there, people were like, ooh, you know, this is fresh me. And I was 18 at the time, and my first pageant, didn't know anything about makeup. Walking in heels, it was all very new to me, But I got discovered at that age and just kind of things grew and flourished. But, like, even when I was in high school, in middle school, my mom would always take photos of me. My. I would get so made fun of all the time about it. My mom would always take photos of me. She was very much a memory person, and I feel like I kind of just. She noticed, like, I really, like, lit up in front of the camera, and she was like, yeah, like, this may be a thing for you. And then when I did that pageant and then going forward, it just kind of blossomed into this, you know, beautiful career that it is today, and really blessed for the opportunities that I had. But, yeah, all started with a, you know, just a small town girl and wanting to do big things, and I did a pageant, and then it just kind of really flourished from there, and I stayed consistent with it. Even through, like, the heartache in the nose and the rejection. I just kept saying consistent. Yeah.

Yeah. My guest last week was Amanda Booth, and I don't know if you're familiar with her, but she. She's a pretty famous model as well. And then she moved into acting, and she was on the show Community, and she had a similar story. She grew up in upstate New York, and then in the middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania, and it was like, the same type of thing. Big dreams. And I really related to her and to you. And that aspect, the same thing with me. I grew up in a small town, Hudson, New York. Nothing there. Like, I had to drive 45 minutes to go to a mall.

And.

Yeah. And it's like, I always had big dreams. And my mom would always say, well, I named you Janae to be an actress or a model, because that. It's the name. Like, you know, you have a unique name. And it was funny because it was the opposite for me. Like, in high school, I was very insecure, like in middle school, and kind of shy, which when I tell people that they're like, what?

Yeah, I was, too. I was completely shy, and people were like, wow, you've changed so much.

Right.

Kind of found myself throughout the year.

Yeah. Well, it's funny because, like, so my mom, her idea was that if I started modeling or doing more in front of the camera, that that would take me out of my shell. So I was, like, around 15, and I entered a local modeling contest. She wouldn't let me do pageants, which is funny. She's very. For whatever reason, she is very against pageants. But again, you were down south. I was in New York, so it was kind of different, I think more prevalent, for sure, down there. But we entered this local modeling contest, and I ended up winning. And so then I was like, wow, you know, like, it really did boost my confidence because when you feel, like, so, you know, unattractive or, you know, not, you know, secure in yourself, having, I guess, the validation from other people saying, like, you can do this, and, like, here's your positive aspects. So that was kind of, like, eye opening for me, too, and started to help me come out of my shell. And I think, like, there's a lot to the whole, like, small town thing, too, because you're only have this little group of people that you're, like, in the bubble with, right?

Yeah.

And, like, if they're one way and you're not that way, you're automatically, like, feel different or weird.

And that was me. I mean, I wouldn't say, like, I was. I went to, like, private school, so it wasn't, like, much of a discrepancy, like, popular, unpopular, all that little stuff. Going through middle school, I mean, I definitely was bullied and teased a lot.

Oh, me too.

Just, you know, puberty. I was awkward. I had braces and. Me, too.

Three and a half years, just a poofy hair.

I didn't know what to do. Like, my mom would try to help me, but, you know, I would Be like just so against it.

Same.

I was just so into sports and academics and all that stuff. I didn't really think my brother was super popular so I think that helped me out. But yeah, it's just like growing up and like that's all I was surrounded with. Like never saw anybody new. I would go to concerts, I would do fun things. My parents like were really great with me growing up, like giving us things to do and we traveled a lot too. So I really think that helped like just shape my view of the world and how I open you up more.

Yeah, yeah.

But I mean I, I grew up on a farm. I had no neighbors. So like.

Right.

Like I had like neighborhood kids to chat with or anything. And I just remember going to college. It was like a whole new world. Even though it was only 45 minutes away. Yeah, it was just like 30. It was an NC state so there's like 30,000 people in the school.

Oh I wanted to go there so bad and I actually got accepted.

It was amazing.

But then I decided to stay in New York like closer to home. Yeah, it was a scary thing. I don't know why. I really like the only out of state I applied to was there. I just wanted.

I mean NC State was an amazing experience.

Such a cool. Love that school.

Go pack. But yeah, I mean it was only 45 minutes away. I'm like oh my gosh, this is so crazy.

Like such a bigger.

For a little bit and yeah, because I grew up in a, a small class of like 35 and my little high school and yours was even smaller.

Than mine because I had 86 and I thought that yeah my, well my.

Graduating class was 36 so I don't. Wow. In high school. So it just was very, very, very small. So I've always been around small things and then you know, my parents traveled the world together and just seeing how my parents were and how well rounded and well cultured they were instead of like small town North Carolina that I was around, I'm like I gotta get out of here at some point. But I love going home. Like no, no. Shame on the small town game. It's just, it wasn't for me. But I love it here in Florida. There's a, there's a, it's a hub here. There's a lot to do. But yeah, I feel like growing up in a very small minded like people just wanted to get married right out of high school. Yep. No shame. But like that was not for me. And I was like I don't want to do that, like, what's next? So that I felt like that really prompted my spirit to, like, just do all these, like, fun, crazy things in this life I've lived so far.

So how With Sports Illustrated. Right? That's probably like, that was the big break.

Yeah, that was one of my. Well, that was one of my bucket list items. I will say that definitely has put me at an edge advantage, I guess you could say, where I'm at in my modeling career, because it's like, okay, you achieved that. That's big.

Yeah, that's huge.

So that has definitely given me an edge. But I think a lot of people, when they. When they see me, talk to me, they're like, you know, I know about your story. And that's what really touches people is my story. And so I used to share, like, only modeling pictures or like, curated photos on my social media, but now I try to be more, like, authentically myself. But I've always opened up a lot on my social media. But, yeah, I've been more authentically myself and just kind of sharing things as it. As it goes. Like, I'm a real life human being. I'm not some machine. Influencer. Machine.

Right. That's totally whatever people think of.

Keep it real bad. That was definitely like a springboard until, like, where. What's been going on in my life lately, which is. It's been amazing. I've been through a lot of trauma, been through a lot of tears and a lot of heartache, but there has been some amazing blessings that have come my way. And sometimes you kind of have to look at a bigger picture and just keep trucking on.

Amen to that. So, like, what are the people back home now that you're. You're like this famous model and they get like, what are the people back home?

Are they like, I have some meanies, like, contact me. Oh, mean girls. But like, you know, that was talking about over 10 years ago. Like, you know, I. I don't hold grudges like that. I think it's kind of funny how life has a way of turning itself around. So, you know, a lot of the doubters, a lot of the haters, like, it's very interesting to see them come out of the woodworks. I mean, still have haters, but who doesn't? And just kind of going like, it's gonna full circle. Because people always knew. Like, I remember, I think my senior superlative was like, Most Likely to be America's Next Top Model. So, like, somehow, you know, you're my superlative. That they're chose for me. So I've been like, I set my mind on something when I was young and I've been really pushing for it.

I love that. I love those stories. Like, especially every guest that I've had so far, there's been six episodes and everyone has this, like, common theme of, like, pushing forward through rejection. I mean, even, like people ask me in my own career, like, everything that I've done with television and everything in media and the industry, and it's like every single day you're getting rejection. But people don't see that. Like, they see you smiling on social media, they see you on set somewhere. Like, they don't see that aspect. And it's crazy how, like, I don't think it's necessarily the thick skin skin thing because I think, like, you're a sensitive person. Like, you're caring. You show that through everything you do. Like, I'm very sensitive.

Honestly, I'm sensitive. So I.

But it's like, to be honest, like.

To be vulnerable right now. Like, I even cried this morning, like, had a little anxiety. Like, I talked to my friend. Like, I've been going through some things with some friends and I, you know, I mean, I got. I have low moments. But people think when you get to the top, all is, all's well, or that, okay, we have no more hardship. I think you have more hard. I think I've had more hardship this past year, like, when I reached my goals than I've ever had in my life. Like, I've never dealt with so many trials. So, like, reject. I've dealt with more rejection now this year, even though I've achieved a lot.

You get rejected a lot.

It's just how like, life is. Like, when you get a lot, you're going to lose a lot. When you gain friends, you're going to lose friends. When you reach the top, there's going to be more. More haters. There's going to be more just.

It's so true.

Like, it just, it just happens. And that's what you kind of get used to it. I don't want to. And I don't want to say, like, you should get used to it and be like a doormat like that.

Absolutely.

No. That's what I've had to learn this past year is like being a doormat versus being aggressive. Because, like, Italian comes out of me and I'm like, oh, yeah, we've gone to doormat to, like, extreme Italian, Sicilian aggressive. And I'm like, I gotta start finding a nice yeah, when you're Italian, there's no middle ground. So finding that middle, middle ground. Yeah. Stick true to myself and like, yeah, for myself, it's been something I kind of, I put on the back burner through the years. And this past year I've been like, okay, we can't go Italian aggressive, but we can't be a doormat. We gotta find this piece.

Yes.

To know your words and even rise through rejection and like rise through losing friends or rise through any drama, trauma. And so that's been a big learning point in my life. I'm still, I'm still going through and still learning so.

Well, you will, like, I feel like every year, every period of time that passes and as your career goes in different directions, you will definitely have friendships that kind of change or go away. Like, I had actually the one pageant I did in my entire life, I did as an adult because like I said, my mom wouldn't let me do it. So I was, it was Mrs. New York America. And I made a really close friend through that. And she ended up, you know, being a friend for a very long time. And she had introduced me to the woman who ended up being my co author for my second book, get it with Jacqueline Laurita from New Jersey Housewives. And so, like, she and I would help each other. I would, I put her on the Today show and Wendy Williams, she was fitness person and a model. So I would put her on my segments. And like, I really felt like we helped each other. But just over the past, like, couple years, it started to feel really one sided with the friendship, you know, and it was like, she kind of really hurt me with something that she said. So like, my husband was like, you really have to end this friendship. And if that is like so hard to do, like, for me, ending friendships.

Are harder than breakups.

Oh, my God. Yeah, I've had to invest several great. You know, me too.

Yeah, that's my problem. I, I want to help everyone and I, like, want to see the best in everyone. But not everyone has great intentions.

Right.

And you just have to realize, like, you can't take everything. I, I go to church and there's voodoo church in Miami, Great church. And the message was about, you can't take things personally. And I'm very like, I take it very personally. Like, and I have to be realized. You know what? That's a them problem, not me problem. So if they're treating me like that and I've given them no reason, even if I. You give someone a reason to treat you like that. Like, you know, you control you. So they. You know, there's always these little things, little notions I have to tell my head.

Right.

Dealing with friendship breakups. So I've dealt with a lot this past year, and it's kind of been a little overwhelming. That's kind of why I'm, like, so upset this morning, because it was, like, a good friend of, like, me and my friend Allison.

Yeah.

It was just like, we were so confused. But, yeah, friendship breakups are hard. But, you know, like I said earlier, as you grow in life, you're going to. The weeds are gonna fall off. Like, you're gonna. You're gonna have to pick some of those weeds that been eating you away. And people are like, oh, after high school, no more jealousy, no more high school drama. No, just learn how to manage it better. And you become older and you become more secure in yourself. So that's. That's where I've landed in life. And then I. I don't know if you want me to talk about my story or my brain tumor.

Yes. So I was actually just going to ask you about that because I know you have spoken a lot about that. It happens five years ago. Yeah. My math is right, so. And now you do kind of a lot of advocacy work on behalf of the National Brain Tumor Society. So tell. Tell us a little bit about what happened. What. What happened to you.

Yeah. So I can't believe it's been five years. So it's a. It's a blessing I'm still here. And so shout out Duke University Hospital. Yeah. Five years ago. It's actually six years ago. I started feeling the symptoms, and I had no idea. I'm not gonna lie. I was an NBA dancer living my best life in Charlotte. So I was a dancer for the Charlotte Hornets. Oh, that's awesome. I was partying a lot.

20S partying a lot, having a great time. And so I. I thought me being sick was maybe like, the late nights or, you know, all the practices. Working out too hard because I work. I was a workout holic. I mean, best ab shape of my life. I missed those days, but same. Yeah, it was just not that I.

Was a dancer, professional dancer, but I definitely used to work out a lot.

More than I do right now. Yeah, I used to have way more energy, but, yeah, I thought I was, like, just really pushing my symptoms away because they're very minor at the time. What were.

If you don't mind me asking, like, what were the symptoms?

I had, like, very severe migraine, so I Was just over and I would be dizzy a lot. I would have to like take a lot of naps. And I thought it was just me. I was very, I'm a very active person. I'm a go, go, go. Like even now, to this day, I've never changed go, go, go kind of gal. So I was pushing all the little symptoms, but then it started getting worse and more severe. Was when I started losing my hearing and I was very confused. Wow. Very much, I guess, felt like an ear infection. I've never even had an ear infection. But I, I, I, the doctor was misdiagnosed me for an ear infection over and over and I was like doing wow.

And then I just progressively got more sick. So tinnitus grew strong in my ear, which is the ringing in your ears. This is all on my right side. I'm starting to lose feeling in my face and I'm like, what is going on?

Oh my God.

That's like the little things started adding up. So then it became like even bigger.

You couldn't ignore it.

Yeah. So the migraine would get worse. I'd be throwing up constantly. I'm very pregnant. Like, absolutely not. But I had no idea what's going on with my body. Everything just felt really messed up. My lymph node was swollen. And you know, the doctors would look at me back then and they'd be like, you're fine.

Yeah, because you're so healthy and young.

Like they're healthy, but you know what's going on inside. Very dismissed my symptoms. And I feel like they thought I was just joking, which, like, I never had been to the doctor. So the amount of times I've been to the doctor, I feel like that should have been a red flag for someone because, like, I don't go like thing back then. I never, I barely had a common cold. I've never had the flu. Like, never had anything debilitating because I was very like, active, healthy lifestyle and like, wow. Very well was very clean. So when people saw me, they're like, oh, you're greatly, you know, you're healthy. Like you have nothing going on. I'm like. And I remember like towards the end when I was getting a couple more.

Misdiagnoses, like, they would look at my.

Ear and that's where the tumor was growing out, actually. Wow. So big. And they would see the blood in my ear and they would just chalk to an ear infection. But later I was so angry. I was so angry. But later, like when I talked to my doctors that do I realized like, my tumor was so rare that they would have never seen it in their career, like, unless they're very specialized, like these Duke doctors.

But, I mean, an mri, like, hello.

Yeah. I've learned doctors aren't very willing to give MRIs. It's not something like, they give out, like, candy. I thought, like, you just go get. My head hurts. Like, you get a scan. You can't do that, so they have to have insurance.

It's.

Yeah, probably that.

Definitely that.

So it was like six, seven months in of me just debilitating. My blood pressure was getting lower and lower. My mom was like, you look really, like, not bad, but, like, yeah, you started.

You don't look like yourself.

And I was like, yeah, yeah. I was starting to look sick. My. My skin was, like, very pale. I would. I would have, like, adrenaline rushes, which is a symptom of my particular tumor. And my heart would beat so fast, and then I'd crash. Like, it was very weird. So I'm like, I don't know what's going on with me. I just remember there was one point in time. It was Fashion Week 2017 in February, and I had flown to Fashion Week. The model in New York. Yeah, I was with my friend.

I was there.

Probably saw you somewhere. I, like, modeled for, like, a couple shows, and then I flew back, and I was sick the whole time. My friend's like, what is going on? Because me and my friend Austin always went to New York together. We, like, did shopping trips and whatever. So he said, what's wrong with you? I remember getting in the plane, and our plane was, like, stalled and, you know, playing an air pressure. And then I had a tube.

Oh, that's throwing in my head.

I was throwing up. And he's like. I was like, okay. At this point, my blood pressure is already very low. I'm sick. Like, there's something wrong with me. And that's when my mom was like, we're getting you to a specialist. So I remember February 2017, specialist. He didn't know it was up. They all talked to fluid in my ear, and they try to drain it, like, all the stuff. And I have a tumor growing in my head. And I just remember they put me on stairways to try it, and I.

Was still getting sick.

I was vomit. I was like, this is bad. I'm, like, getting even more dizzy. I could barely practice. I had to sit out.

I was like, oh, my God, this is. That's awful.

And so Mom's like, there's something weird. And so they finally did A hearing test. Because I was like, I swear I'm losing my hearing. My friends are like, yeah, trying to talk to you on your right side. You never hear us. So they did a hearing.

That's also scary. Yeah.

That's when they found the nerve damage, and that's when they finally. Wow. Could be like, let's get a.

That was like a year, basically, or almost a year. So lesson for everyone out there. Be your own advocate. I always say that because I had. Not similar to what you had at all, but I had a blood clot in my lung, and I was in the hospital for eight days. And I was my own worst enemy in this situation because I didn't go to the doctor. And I went and did a meeting in the city and a meeting at my daughter's school and then a pole fitness class before I finally went to my doctor 24 hours after having symptoms, like, really bad symptoms, like chest pain to where I was seeing stars and, like, went to sleep. Didn't want to scare my daughter. Didn't want to wake her up. She was, like, five, four at the time. And then finally, like, was encouraged to go to my doctor and immediately sent to the hospital and was there for eight days. So it's like, you know, as women, I think, like, I'm glad you were on top of it.

So you.

Because you. The doctors kind of failed you.

So say I was very. The greatest on top of things. But I did keep. Keep going back because I was like, there's.

Yes. You were saying, something's wrong and no one's listening to you.

Yeah. So is it. The only person that listened to me was my mom. I'm sorry.

Well, mom always knows. Mom. I always say, like, mom knows. Was it something. Oh, she's a nurse.

Well, my mom passed away. That's part of my story, too. But she was a nurse way back in the day, and so she. She was really the one who was like, you got something wrong. She knew.

Yeah. Thank God for her. So everyone dismissed me.

So.

Well, was it something genetic that caused this for you or just a thing?

I think what the doctor said, it just combusted in my head. I was like, what does that mean? And, yeah, let me be honest. I went to law school, so I know nothing about medical terminology, any of that mess. So, like, when the doctor's talking, it sounds like chicken scratch to me because I have no idea what he said. My mom would come to every appointment because I'm like, okay, can you summarize what he said? Because they're very. They're very thorough and they use their terminology, especially at that high of level at Duke. They don't really know how to have bedside manner. Like, they don't really right patient very well. So I always bring my mom to, like, translate because I always just be like, wait, what did you say.

This? So, like, it was a. Was a wild experience. And I remember after the. They finally found the nerve damage in the auditory audiology exam.

Yeah.

And I had a CAT scan on same day. Because they're like, red flag. And they're like, we're doing this right?

Immediately.

Because I was like, oh, okay. I didn't know what's going on. I'm thinking like, oh, it's just a bunch of water in my ear. Maybe they'll have to, like, last. Yeah.

You wouldn't think. I'm not even something so serious. Right.

Like you said, asking if it was genetic. Nothing's been genetic in my family about brain tumors, any kind of tumor.

So it was like a freak thing, essentially, that this happened to you.

Out of this world. And then scan. And I remember I was driving back from eastern North Carolina to Charlotte. So it was like two and a half hours at MBA dance practice because my. Wow. Lived in or lived in eastern North Carolina. So I went back there to do all my doctor work because some of the best doctors. And so, yeah, I drove back and I remember the doctor called me, and I was about to like, my dog was always that sits in the passenger seat in her little bed. And he called me. Like, how you sit down. Yeah, I'm driving about a pull into my house. Okay, great. I just let you know you have a tumor.

I'm like, oh, my gosh.

I was like, wait, I told you I was driving. Like, it's probably you should have been like, call me back in five minutes or something like that. I don't know. I just. Don't crash your car. He said, okay, great.

You're sitting down.

No, I'm like, driving. Like, what if I went anyways?

Wow.

It's funny because I laugh about it now, but I was very traumatized then. I feel like now I have a dark sense of humor because I just laugh about everything. It's kind of a way to kind of get over things. Totally.

Totally.

I remember I. After that happened, luckily I was only like five minutes from my house, and my heart sank. I was just in shock. I thought I was gonna die. Wow.

Yeah.

Like, right then and there.

Like, that's a natural reaction. Right?

And I just call my mom and I start bawling, crying. My mom lives in her car, and she probably drove two and a half hours in an hour because she came there so fast. I was like, where? How did you get here so fast? And then I had to call the Charlotte Hornets dance team and tell them I'm out. So it was.

I went from being on top of the world. I had just came from the Olympics with the NBA. I was living my best life. I was starting to apply to law schools. I felt like everything was going well for me, and it really just hit me out of nowhere and brought me really down to a dark place. Humbled me very hard. And then we're going to Duke a couple weeks later because he's like, I can't take care of this. You got to go to a specialist for me, Duke or unc. I just really love the doctors at Duke. So I went there, they did mri, they found a second tumor. And it was just. Oh, my gosh. When I was already, like, preparing myself for the first, and I couldn't even, like, get my head wrapped around the first and be like, okay, all right, we got this.

Yeah.

And then they tell me, you have a second. And it was just like, you know, we got. We got to get started. You're gonna have surgery in, like, three weeks. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. And I'm like, I'm trying to go to law. Like, yeah. I could only apply to, like, three law schools because, like, didn't have time. And then I decided, like, during that time, I'm just going to pick a law school and stick with it and, like, at least have something to look forward to. Yeah, I remember I picked Charleston School of Law. Great school. They gave me, like, a scholarship to go, so that was amazing. And I was just like, you know, I'm going to go there, full scholarship. Like, go there, have something to look forward to, even if somehow I don't end up going, because you need something to look forward to when you're in that dark place. So, yeah, then, like, after that second mri, prepped for surgery, and then the surgery was a day long. I was in the hospital for a while, and then finally got enough shrink. What? Honestly, it was very traumatizing in the hospital. A lot of things went wrong. Wow. But I remember, like, just. They're like, you've got, like, if you stay here longer, like, you're gonna get worse. Like, they really wanted me to go home to recover, and so the hospital, I did, too, because I was starting to get, like, nauseated. From hospital spells. And I remember they're like, if you don't, you know, go, we're gonna have to do all this other stuff. I'm like, no, get me out of here. I was like, hated the hospital. Yeah.

I remember, like, throwing up.

I was like, throwing up on the way out because I couldn't even lift my head. I couldn't lift my body. I remember I couldn't bathe myself. Like, you go from, like, glamorous fit girl hair extensions, nine yards, you're in front of TV cameras all the time, to not even being able to bathe yourself, feed yourself, going to go to the bathroom by myself. Like, I went from this to this very quickly. And I was just. I was mortified. Like, my whole life was flipped upside down. Didn't know what to do. I remember during that time, I lost friends, too. Like, it's interesting when you're in a dark place, how people love to step on you at your lowest. And I've learned that a lot. Like, I've lost faith in humanity, gained faith in humanity. I keep going back and forth, But I've learned that there's a lot of people who like to hit you hard at your lowest. And I remember I was going through that, and then I couldn't even bathe myself, not wash my hair. I smell like death.

Yeah, this is when you need support around you more than ever.

Luckily, I have my mom and my dad.

Yeah, your support system. So now are you. Now is. Is everything fine now, relatively.

Yeah, relatively speaking. Like, I'm doing, you know, pretty good. I go get my scans. I. After. When I recovered for a little bit after the surgery, I had, like, 31 rounds of radiation treatment. I did an experiment treatment for Duke. They told me it helped people. So I was like, sweet. So I was game because I was very. I was like, one of the youngest, like, patients at the radio. Radiology oncology at the time. I remember I'd be sitting there playing puzzles and with the old people because I was like, 23, 20, 24, 23. And I mean, all this happened right around my birthday to my 24th birthday. So that sucked. But, yeah, it was very hard to get over. And then when I got somewhat better, I decided I was. After radiation treatment, I'm going to go to law school because I feel like I can do it. Like, why not? If I drop out, drop out, who cares? I got a scholarship. Let's go. So I went part time, and I could barely stay awake in the class because radiation just sucks the life out of You.

That's so hard body. Yeah.

And then. But I finally started getting back to my normal. It probably took like a year when I was like, I feel like myself again. But it was very hard adjustment. Losing the feeling my face, losing my right ear was. There was nothing they could do about my hearing. But those little things compared, like, it was either like life or death. So like, yeah, hearing and stay alive, great, whatever. I take that. You know, it's sad to make those decisions at 24, but like, yeah, I was okay with it. And I'm doing great. I'm doing great now. Like, Duke's been amazing. They gave me a second chance at life. So I really thank God. Yeah, thank God they caught it.

And you're here to tell the tale.

Yeah. It took me a minute to really talk about my story. I would talk about it and tell people about, like, it was fresh in my head. And then I was like, I don't really want to talk about anymore. So I talking about it because I never really fully healed mentally. It was like almost like ptsd because I would have flashbacks. I remember this one boyfriend of mine, I was with him and we were. I mean, I was staying over and I remember I woke up at night, tears, in the middle of the night, screaming, like, remembering, like myself in surgery because I remember I woke up early and remember the tube down my throat and I just. There was a lot of like, untold trauma. I was like, I gotta go to therapy.

Yeah.

I always thought therapy was taboo and therapy really helped navigate and really get through the whole trauma process. And I, you know, still have to go to this day. But that was something I had to do. That was very new to me. Didn't really take care of my mental health afterwards. I spiraled a little bit and then came back up. I mean, mental health journey is not all the way up. There's ups, downs, ups, down. So that without the whole mental health afterwards, it was very much an up and down.

And then I feel like, understandable too. Like, obviously having gone through what you went through, like, completely understandable to like not only have ups and downs, but like, to really go off the deep end. You know what I mean? I mean, that is scary enough, like, for anyone and let alone you being like a young person in your 20s. Like, I just can't imagine how.

Luckily I had an amazing support system. There was times I dabbled with too much alcohol and like, tried to drown out my. My thoughts, my sorrows.

Self medicate, right?

Yeah, I, you know, I went down that route. But I realized I was getting worse and worse. Worse. And luckily I had, you know, a good support system and good friends that were like, hey, you should stop, so. And get some more help. So I. It. It was a process, and people, you know, seemed to like, oh, you're so strong. Like, I can't believe how strong you are. Like, I'm so proud of you. And sometimes I'm like, I don't feel like I'm the strongest person in the world, but I just think I'm just trying.

Yeah.

Trying to continue to live like you give this opportunity. It's like chance at life. You got.

You got to keep.

You got to live like you obviously were given a second chance for a reason there gave me purpose in my life. So.

Wow.

Yeah. Then after all that, now it's four years later, five years later, my mom passes away. So it's just been like a very uphill, downhill. Uphill, downhill battle. And just trying to continue to live through the pain.

Yeah. That's so hard. Well, you're definitely an inspiration. And I feel like anyone that's listening, whether they've been through any kind of health problem or anything, you know, near death or anything that, like, similar to what you've been through, I think that they can find inspiration from your journey and your words and appreciate that you not only shared it with us, but that you keep sharing. If people follow you on social media or on Instagram, they can see a lot more about you, too. So anything that you have, like, coming up going on that you want to promote or talk about before we.

Before we go.

Yeah.

I mean, I have a podcast as well. It's called Validated by Victoria. It's a little bit of humor. It's a little bit of life stories. It's kind of like a Conversations with my friends that I think people should hear that I think are valid. We also talk about dating, which is kind of funny because I'm.

Oh, boy.

So.

Well, if you want to talk about boobs or bras.

Yes. Yeah. I mean, I've had some mommy influencers on, so, like, I've been growing that. It's been a lot of fun to do that as well, because I've always kind of wanted to be, like, a talk show host or something like this. Me too.

That was always my own platform.

Yeah.

Just like.

And then I'm also. So in honor of my mom, and I know I didn't talk about this a lot, I think. I'm sorry. Still very much healing from this whole grief and this very taboo subject. But I have started a foundation in honor my mom. I haven't really debuted it yet, but it will be coming soon. Okay. But it will be like, my mom. Everyone called her mom a V. And every. She was everyone's mom.

Everybody's mom. Yeah.

Yeah. She smiled like her smile was contagious. Like people loved her. That was my best friend. So. And the way she supported me. And a lot of people don't have amazing parents that support them. So the core of this foundation is kind of being the mama V to kids who don't have it. Like, my mom supported my dreams wholeheartedly. There's a lot of parents, especially foster children, that don't have the opportunity of parents to support them. So this will be the parent that someone never had. They'll still be their mama V. So that's the foundation is going to be about. And I'm really happy as a way to honor my mom, too, and have healing in my life as well. So, yeah, it's a win. Win on both sides.

Yes.

What a great idea.

I love that. That's amazing. And keep on keeping on with what you're doing. Right.

If I could give any piece of advice, if you're going through, like, any hardship, any adversity, I know it sounds cliche, but just like, keep. Keep pushing on, even though you don't want to. There's been days I just. I'm like, I. I just don't know if I can do this anymore. And then I just decided to get out of my house one day and I inspire one person. That's all it takes. And I'm like, yeah, look, if my life's helping someone else, that's the most important thing. So, yeah, just keep going. You never know who you inspire by. Just keep moving on.

So true. That's the whole plan. That's the whole reason for this podcast, too, is like, I was like, you know what? Hey, why not? Because if we can reach one person in every episode that maybe, you know, gleam something from our stories, then we've done our job. So, you know, we'll keep going. Well, thank you so much, Victoria, for your. Thank you.

I appreciate it. Yeah.

And for sharing so much about you and for everybody that's listening, you've been listening to visible panty lines, aka VPL, the pod. New episodes every Sunday morning drop at 8am and lots of great guests coming up, so hope that you'll keep tuning in. Thank you, Victoria.

Thank you.

Have a great rest of your day.

All right, you too. Bye. Take care.

Bye.