Becoming a Husband and Father

Hey, this is Tim Pratt Jr. and I want to welcome you to the Student of Life podcast. Listen, we're going to get into so many transferable truths throughout the content of these episodes that I believe God is going to use to help you apply, because he's going to reveal what's already been there the entire time. Enjoy. Yo, what's up? This is Tim Pratt Jr. of course, and this is episode 13 of season 4. And like I said, just a two-part series of our Godly Manhood series. Um, listen, this one right here, man, I really— I do— I usually do segments. I try to, you know, switch the segment, things like that, just kind of keep the flow of things. But on this one, every now and then, like I said, if you've been rocking with me, man, I always kind of put down some bulletin points, but I just want to flow. Uh, like I said, this, this podcast was created to be raw, you know, authentic, man. I try to do very limited editing, uh, because I just believe that when I'm speaking, sometimes I get in that zone through power guy. Uh, that's, that's just what it is, man. And I, I can't sometimes go back and capture, uh, that flow. And, uh, that's just, that's just me. So, uh, it's not to say— I mean, yes, I can go out here, you know, get a lot of editing equipment and all that type of stuff, but, uh, as of right now, that's just where I believe— that's what I believe makes this podcast unique. Uh, just kind of bite-sized information and just something that you can plug into weekly. And share with friends and family. So this episode is gonna be just talking about being a husband or a father. And just to kind of, you know, set this notion or whatever, I understand that you might not be a husband now, and that's cool, but you might have aspirations to be one. And if you're not, that's fine. You might be like Paul, you know, in the Bible. You might be single, and that's fine too, but you might have a friend, you might counsel with, uh, husbands or whatever and stuff like that. And then same thing with a father, you know, you, you might not be in the way I believe God intended to be. You might not be a father and married to the mother. Uh, you could be a, a bonus father or a, you know, you could be a single father. I've played those roles and stuff like that and playing those roles. So I've been a single father, I'm a bonus father now. I really drop that title now because, um, I just, I love my kids, man, and, you know, and stuff. And so that's just where it is. And, um, and in this episode, I just kind of want to speak to you. And so it's just more so of becoming a husband and a father. And like I say, if you're not neither one of those, uh, or you're striving to be, I still feel like you will find some substance in this. Because one thing about me, as I have grown and just, you know, through the grace of God, matured in Christ and just matured in life Um, when I was younger, man, I was caught up into like, you know, a lot of the flashy stuff, you know, the sound system, the rims and all of that. I mean, I grew up in Pine Bluff, and so, uh, that's just what we did. I mean, you know, the environment, and of course my parents, I don't spend that money on that crap, uh, but I was, you know, young, man, just had went into college. And one thing that I wish I would have just done, and I say this regularly every time I get a chance to just speak to youth in general, um, is that at 19 years old, I wish I just would have took more time to think about the version that I would, that I would become. Like, I would have just thought about like, hey man, one day you're going to be a father. I mean, I'm sorry, one day you're going to be a husband, one day you're going to be a father. So make sure that you're doing things and investing in that future version of yourself. Because at the end of the day, whether you're not, you're always preparing for something. And you know, if you get to like 10 years down in life and you say, well, you know, I'm not going to be these things, I promise you, just thinking with that level of wisdom and God, you know, giving it to you and directing your life through him and of course the Holy Spirit and mentorship, guidance from people, uh, I just believe in my spirit you'll be better. Like, you'll just be a better— even if you don't you know, like I say, 5, 10 years down the road and you change your mind about, you know, uh, taking on those responsibilities. But nevertheless, man, just, just take some time. And that's why I want to like just kind of lay this episode, uh, out there. And then next, like I say, to my women out there, women listeners, man, uh, I had every intent to bring on my wife on this one, and she's gonna be on here, trust me. Um, she's doing her thing, man. I'm happy. Like I say, you the cat is out the bag. She's pregnant about 3 months now. Uh, so, uh, but I still think you can find value in this too. Like I say, you might be married, you might have a brother, a cousin, a son, or whatever. And so, uh, I still feel like you can find some value in this, but this is kind of, you know, more so targeted towards the men. Uh, I let my wife deal with the women topics. Uh, nevertheless, uh, so just kind of jumping into it, man. Uh, we live in a day and age where I think that so many men, you know, and you could say Black, white, Hispanic, whatever, you know, uh, ethnicity that you want to talk about, but just men in general. And of course I'm a Black man, you know, so, uh, but we live in a day and age where, you know, it's saying that men aren't representing as much as women are. And when I— especially, you know, before COVID just kind of, you know, I grew up in church my whole life and I just always been around the local church, you know. And, um, I will say that I believe that from what I've seen, you know, and, and of course I haven't been all over the world, but from what I've seen and then from what I've heard from some leaders, you know, within the, the body of faith in, in the secular side, uh, they have said the same thing. Like, man, you know, it's It's like when I go out here and preach, I see like 3 to 4, you know, 4 to 1 women, the ratio and stuff like that. Where are the men? You know, Tony Evans, he consistently, uh, I said it in the, you know, the interview with Nash, he consistently challenges men to step up and take our rightful place. And so therefore, uh, what I look at, man, I, when I take that information in and I'm like, okay, these are statistics out there, and I'm out here, you know, talking with different men or meeting different men, especially when I was you know, kind of like I said, going into the office downtown all the time, I met a lot of men that were passionate for Christ. Now, for whatever reason, you know, they had their strong conviction for Christ and Jesus, but they just didn't really want to, you know, deal with the typical church folk, you know, and all this type of stuff because of how they would be labeled, or their past comes up, you know, kind of how they used to live their life, or it was just, you know, preaching at them and so on and so on. Uh, but I believe in my heart that most men deep down inside want to be the spiritual leaders of their family. Uh, as, uh, I can't remember his name right now, but, uh, the Dad Tired podcast, man, one thing that he said, that they just need guidance. That's— they simply need guidance. And I believe that that guidance comes from God first and then through his people, through spirit-led people. And so you just want to stay engaged, man. You have to get connected with somebody. And keep in mind that this is one thing that I always say, that change is instant but it's also gradual. Don't hide behind the process, but the change is instant but yet gradual, meaning that God comes in and something— some things change right away but it's also— sanctification is also a process because you have to renew the mind. It's things that we have to do. And like I said, I kind of hit it on some of those things in the last episode. And so kind of starting with the husband role, when, when I look at that role now, like, I didn't see it the first time. Like, I've been, you know, married before, uh, got married young, and I was nowhere near who I am today. Um, this is not to bash, uh, her or nothing like that, or just even women I was involved with back then. But I was not the man I was today. I, you know, had my moments and things like that, but it took time. It took me, you know, just being pushed. And, you know, that's why I'm thankful for just the grace and just the counsel I've had just over my life. And even getting remarried like still relatively young. I mean, we almost been married 3 years, and, and I wasn't even the man that I wanted to be in that one. But it's just on and on and on. Like I say, that process is a gradual process, and so I'm becoming. But the thing was, is consistent change, consistent behavior, you know, versus just consistent behavior doing the same thing. Or is this person trying to grow, man? They're letting things go. Yeah, they have a past, yeah, they hurt me, and they shouldn't have. I believe that we as men have to take responsibility where we have to stop putting, you know, women through pain. Um, and a lot of these things can be worked out on the front end if we do the work, because we have to heal properly. And but even in that, you know, it's just going to be things when you come together in a marriage that you're going to have to find out very quickly scripture, man, uh, that you have to die to self, uh, being a spiritual leader, like, just of my family, man, and just trusting God. I mean, it's things right now that I won't really get into the details, but it's things right now that I'm like, okay, man, I thank God for my wife's covering because I thought I was good in this area. I mean, I'm in here, I'm putting scripture on it, I'm praying, I'm, I'm trying my best through the power of God to handle this. Uh, and then it's like I say, well, now I'm trying my best, you know. So like, it's just this conversation I'm having. And then I'm saying, okay God, I'm done trying my best, I'm just going to surrender to you and get out the way. And on and on and on. It's like this war because deep down I want to try my best, but also too, the part of me is like, okay, I want to fully surrender to God so I can be the husband that I need to be. And so when it all comes down to it, man, I, I have to ask myself you know, do I truly love Jesus? And is my life going in that direction, or is it going in a direction that totally opposes, uh, his will that he has for me? Because what I'm learning is, truth be told, whether my wife is looking to me— of course she looks to God, but, you know, looking to me as her covering, my kids are looking to me as their covering, you know, and all of this type of stuff More is caught than taught. I've heard John C. Maxwell, you know, Rachel Cruze say this a lot. More is caught than taught. And this kind of transitioned in the same way into being a father, because when my parents— but when my kids look at me or look to me, they are being discipled, they are being developed in some shape, form, or fashion. And this could be said whether I'm, like I say, in the home or if I was a single father. Especially if you're a single father, your kids are paying attention to what you're doing more than what you're saying. I can tell my kids all day that I love them, and, you know, and I'm like I say, just single fathers, because I've been there. It's times that, you know, just being straight up with you, with my oldest son, when I was in the transition of a single father, you know, not going to things, not making it a priority, not knowing, okay, he has this event, this event going on, because I'm just so caught up in work, work, work, work. You know, like, I gotta provide, I gotta provide. And so I'm consistently elevating things above him. And sometimes I understand it, you know, sacrifices and trade-offs, because we— that's the way the world works. But with me, it was just always, I gotta do this, I gotta do that, I gotta do that. And so I elevated these things consistently. It wasn't exceptions here and now, like, okay, you know, yeah, I understand, or all that. No, it was just— Dad was consistently elevating things above him. And so I was saying all of these things, you know, calling him every blue moon and stuff like that, but my actions wasn't supporting that. And so over time, you know, we create this notion— and I read this in a book called Quitter by Jon Acuff some years ago— when we as men for sure are kind of chasing this dollar or chasing this purpose, and we go, you know, move here, do that, do that, um, and we say it's in order to provide, in order to provide for our kids. But that child, truth be told, doesn't care about that because it's like they want you. They, they want you. In other words, yes, I understand, like, just straight up, man, um, we have to provide. But at the same time, and I just believe through prayer and direction, you know, sometimes we can hide behind that providing. Because I just believe most kids— if I could look at mine today, I believe that if I had a— matter of fact, I can prove it. When my last employer, when I was just always gone, uh, you know, and I was traveling with friends here and there, sometimes traveling for this and traveling for that, and I remember walking in and my son was looking at me because I had my bag, and he was like Uh, he was like, yeah, like, oh, then, you know, Daddy, you about to leave again? And, you know, I didn't really think. I was like, yeah, man, you know, gave him a kiss, boom, out the door. And so what happened was with that, man, with me, it's just like, now that I think about that through maturity, I was like, he was literally like letting me know, like, hey man, I want you here. But I didn't see it at the time because I was so caught up on providing. And so being a father, man, what I guess I'm trying to say is more than providing. It's more than that. It's being there for our kids, man, and, and, and just really shaping them and helping cultivate them in this life. And so we, we have to do these things because whether we believe it or not, we are discipling something. We are, uh, developing something, and that something is the child. Like, but what I'm saying is Fatherwise in the terms of something, it's like What are you creating? Are you creating something great? Are you creating something that's like, okay, this is like how I'm going to be, you know, and I'm going to treat my, uh, kids just like this, or I'm going to treat my wife just like this, like from what they're seeing me as, how they're seeing me with their mother. And so on and on and on, how I, you know, extend to co-parenting relationships, how I treat my friends, how I treat my parents. Do I respect my parents in front of them? You know, do my parents show respect to me as I'm raising them? And so on and so on. So these are things that we have to think about when these, you know, kids come into the world. Or like I say, you know, when we're leading our wives or leading our children in general. Because in the beginning, God gave Adam work, he gave him responsibility, and after that he gave him a wife and he told him to be fruitful and multiply. But if you notice, like, in the context of scripture, he gave Adam work and responsibility first, and that offspring was to fill the earth and glorify God. Tony Evans talks about this a lot in the context of scripture, but also too, that— what that didn't mean to go out here and just sleep with everybody. That was to be done in the, in the context of a marriage. And so when we have this broken design where we have like single homes, you know, single mothers, single fathers, uh, you know, co-parenting here, co-parenting there, all over the place. Not saying God can't bless it because I'm very thankful, but at the same time, you know, we— I'll be lying if I say we shouldn't be intentional about trying not to make that happen through the power of God. Because like my wife and I talk about it all the time, it's not that we dislike our kids or nothing like that. Like, like when they hear you're thankful because you can separate the two. But the thing is, is that you still wish you would have done it the way God told you to do it. But you repent, you move on, and you thank God for what he's blessed and ordained now. And, and that's just how we choose to live in the life. It's like, I can't live in if, shoulda, coulda, woulda. But however, at the same time, when I have the opportunity to talk to people, I'm sharing this story that God gave me, that he chooses to live— chooses me to live out through his power. In order to educate people, because you don't want people thinking that like, oh well, they did it so I can do it too, because you might not be fortunate with the same grace somebody else has. And so you just really want to think about that. And then as men, you know, too many times, you know, I think that where I, I went wrong and still go wrong to this day is that I, at times, not all the time, but I focus on with my wife, you know, isn't or is doing, and versus what I— what God called me to do. And so I miss out. And times just when I look at it, you know, like I said, especially being a husband, if you truly start with self and look in the mirror, and you— like I said, you start with self, man, you get in that word, um, trust me when I say you will have no wiggle room. Jesus don't give you no wiggle room. If I compare myself to what my wife did I'm always going to have to some degree some justification. If I compare it to like what my kids didn't, didn't, and did do, I'm always going to have kind of some justification to do. But when I go to the word of God, man, and stay there and counsel in prayer, he will find me out. And that's where I'm trying to get in my life continually. The goal is to strive and just be like Christ. Just, just be like Christ, man, in everything that I do. Not there, but the goal is and it has been growth But however, I know that that's going to always be a goal in my life until it's all said and done, you know, until the day that I cross over or he comes back and return or whatever. But until I'm out of this flesh, that's always going to be a goal because I'll never arrive. But however, it should be growth. It should be growth in my life. And so I just want to say, man, like, if you're a man, you know, kind of close this out, um, regardless of your past, regardless if you have a relationship with your child now Regardless if you say, man, I've, I've been sorry, God can still touch your heart. God can touch your heart. Whether you've been a husband, man, has neglected your wife, you know, you could not say— I'm not saying it might not— it might need to be counseling. Like I said, I, I can't speak to those things, you know. You still might need to get connected to a, a family counselor, you know. If you're just— whatever you're dealing with, you know, you might need to help unpack some things just with a good counsel dealing with you, uh, whatever, you know, the children might need. That's true, all of that. But what I am saying to you as, as the man, regardless of it all, God still loves you. God can still touch you. He can touch your heart, and you can start doing things to change now. I don't know, like say, how hard or how difficult that is, because sometimes, like I said, you have some very like burnt bridges and difficult relationships and hatred and all of that. But I know, and I believe, if you truly repent, truly repent and surrender and give your life to Christ, man, I truly believe that he can touch your heart, that he can touch the hearts of other people when they see the consistent evidence of your life, the consistent change, to say, okay, listen, I want to step up and be that husband I've called to be, or, you know, be the boyfriend that I've been called to be in order to make you a fiancée and eventually a wife. I want to be the father that God desires me to be, whether we're together or not. I want to be the father that God intended me to be. I want to shape my kids through the power of God. I want to disciple my kids through the power of God. Whether— whatever that looks like, man, God can do it. And so we just have to take away, like I say, the selfish desires, man. We as men, it's a lot of self in us And, and women too. But like I said in the other one, I'm just— this is— I'm talking to men right now, and we have to die to self. We got to get out of this chasing this, chasing that, man. And we have to take responsibility for the things that we have done as men. And I'm telling you, man, I cannot imagine my life without it. I, I— at one point I was like, man, you might be doing things too fast again, this, this and that, and you might be missing out. And my wife could have very much thought the same. But now in hindsight, man, when I just think about what God has brought me for now, he's developed me. I am a family person, man. I'm that guy. Like, I just want to do things. Like, when I think about the job, you know, that I work and how I'm, you know, transitioning to ministry and doing things on the side, you know, entrepreneurial type things or whatever, everything is to kind of look 5, 10 years from now because I want to be more active in my family life. I still, you know, by the grace of God, I want to provide, but I want to be just present, more present, especially in this up-and-coming newborn that'll be here, you know, later this year. So I just want to challenge you, man. Like I said, if you're— if you're not a husband, if you are a husband, if you're not a father or you are a father, you're a single father, or you— like I say, you're married and have the family, man, take some time to step back and analyze, you know, am I truly being the husband or father that God desired me to be. And when you sit still in that, kind of as Nash said in the, in the last episode, you sit still in it and you go to God, not anybody else, but you truly go to God. And then, you know, go to other people. But when you go to God, man, and you do it by the word of God and read those scriptures about— just Google, you know, what does fatherhood look like in the Bible? And read, just read the things that you find, like true biblical teaching. And then connect with your pastor or a Bible teaching. And most importantly, someone that's living it. I don't care too much how people preach and teach today if they don't have a life that supports it. That doesn't mean anything to me. But— and not saying that they're not going to make mistakes, but I'm talking about habitually practicing something. Uh, so are they habitually practicing what they're preaching, or are they habitually practicing something totally in opposition to it? If they doing the latter, I don't— I, I don't— don't vibe with. But if you have that person that's habitually practicing the word of God over and over, like, there you see it in their life, man, connect with them and talk with them. Because believe it or not, man, you are responsible. You are responsible. You can't say that you don't know. You're responsible. So be blessed, man. I love you all, man. Hey, what's up? I love you. Thank you for taking it off. Like, you know, sometimes like that's all the things you say, this content has impacted, but I love you all. Please take some time to share it on your social media feeds. And also, if you want to connect with me or just learn more about me, go over to www.timothypratt.org. Once again, thanks.