Transformative Power of Feedback

Hey, this is Tim Pratt Jr. and I want to welcome you to the Student of Life podcast. Listen, we're going to get into so many transferable truths throughout the content of these episodes that I believe God is going to use to help you apply, because he's going to reveal what's already been there the entire time. Enjoy. Hey yo, what's up? So this is your host Tim Pratt Jr. and I do have a good one for you today. Uh, so this one is going to be called The Transformative Power of Feedback. The Transformative The Transformative Power of Feedback. Feedback can be transformational. Notice what I said, it can be transformational. It all depends on what we do with it. But before we get into this one, I do highly encourage you, if you haven't, to go back and check out the episode Testing All Things. Listen, it's definitely more on the spiritual side, biblical side, but I still believe that you can learn or more so extract the principles from it, especially living in this day and era and in the technology age when so much stuff is going forward. I believe that we have lost the art of truly just testing things and examining just everything today, and that's why so much stuff goes viral, but you come to find out that it's not credible, uh, for lack of better terms. Uh, so I apologize, I have this MacBook and sometimes I don't know what's going on with it. Uh, it's kind of like the fan— I mean, of course it gets hot, um, and the fan gets really, really loud, and I'm not even gonna try to like drop this out I'm just gonna keep recording and hopefully it phases out here soon once it cools down. So that being said, let's go ahead and rock, let's go ahead and rock and get into this one. So many of you probably have heard of 360 feedback before in some shape, form, or fashion. John C. Maxwell wrote a book on it that was groundbreaking for me some years ago. Actually, I was introduced to it by a guy I worked with Jeremy Davis, the 360-degree leader. And a lot of companies embrace this as well with start, stop, continue, 360 feedback type of, you know, appraise, 360 type of quarterly reviews and things like that. And sometimes I feel like, man, I used to run mine in a different way when I had, when, you know, I was responsible for direct reports. Or indirectly responsible for people even before I got hired at, um, which now is 360, but Perks. But that's because, again, you know, I'm a leadership book junkie. Um, so not an HR junkie, but a leadership book junkie. Uh, and, and outside of the Bible, that's probably one of my favorite topics to study, just team dynamics and leadership and stuff. Uh, but in this episode, one, one thing that I have noticed And I actually— someone had this feedback has gotten, uh, came back consistently to me, and I believe that I'm maturing more and more and more. I don't believe that I've mastered it in any type of capacity, but I do believe that it is better. And, you know, someone— no, a few people had came back to me and said, hey man, you know, I was talking to somebody about you at work, and they was like, Tim really makes it easy to talk to him even when it's about him. And so, um, you know, and I told him, I say, well, you know I, I don't— I mostly can take what people say, it's just how they say it. Uh, if you kind of come at me very, very reckless and it's hurtful, then I'm probably gonna challenge you in, in a way of like, hey, uh, tone, delivery, watch it. In a very nice way, in a very nice way, whether you're the CEO or the janitor. And of course I get it, you know, the CEO can hire and fire you most of the time. Maybe not hire and fire you directly, but they can say, hey, they can make it hard versus, you know, the janitor. But what I'm trying to say here is that at the end of the day, when we strip away titles, I show the same respect. So if a— if a CEO or whatever came at me like too hot, yes, I'm going to say it in a graceful way. But most of the time, if a janitor came into me— and I don't mean to like, you know, try to really— I'm just trying to draw a— I'm trying to draw a parallel, whatever, here. Um, but it's just like, I don't want to down talk people that do janitorial service, but what I'm saying is that because of those titles are unique, uh, and, you know, and they're held to an extreme in the modern, uh, day culture, most of the time someone will really talk savage to the janitor but then bite their tongue with the CEO. And, and there is some truth in that to a degree, but what I'm saying is that I have learned because I value people over titles. The same grace that I would show to the CEO, the same grace that I would show to the janitor, and how I talk to them and say, hey, you know, can you, can you, can you watch your tone? Can you watch your delivery? Because I want to get, you know, I want to get the gist of what you're saying. I don't want to get lost in it. Like, it's different ways you can say it. I'm not— that's not the episode for this, but the point I'm trying to make is that I do, no matter who it is, I I do try to make it easier for this person to deliver that news to me, no matter who it is. That's all I'm trying to say here. Just, it was a long-winded way and it kind of flopped. Um, but nevertheless, uh, feedback is essential and I love receiving it. And that's the reason why I really strive to do that, um, long as, like I say, it's done in a way that's respectful. Uh, you're not attacking me, you know, because again, if you start going down those roads, if you start cussing and all of that type of stuff Uh, some with my values, there's only so much. Like, um, you could be angry and really upset with me and frustrated, and I'm not going to be so sensitive that I'm like going to start crying and say, don't talk to me that way. But what I'm saying, there is a threshold that I'm like, okay, you're starting like this feels personal. It feels like an attack. And if I have to lose my job because of my values and my core beliefs, then that, that is what it is. But you have to be doing a lot to tip over into that. And so that's why it is easy for me to take feedback from whoever the person is. And so that's what this episode is gonna dive into because it's crucial. It's crucial for our personal and professional development, our personal and professional growth. Because when we really look at feedback, like straight up, feedback is like a mirror. It is a mirror. It's like a mirror that gives us different aspects of ourselves that we might not see clearly. Some of us call these blind spots. And so what tends to happen with a lot of us when we— and this is not a 3-point episode, this is just me going, so, so let me just drop it there. But, uh, to get back on track, um, it's natural. It's very natural to feel like this uneasy feeling when we seek feedback, especially if we've never done it before, because we're— and then, and we're hypersensitive in the context. I always want to focus on what I could do better or what they didn't like about me, and versus the things that they praised and raved about. Because what tends to happen is that it requires us to be vulnerable. When you're sitting there and you're like, okay, hey, I got some feedback from your peers, uh, you know what I'm saying, you might not know directly who those peers are. It's like, okay man, I'm finna hear how these people really view me. People that I talk to and sit with all the time, this is how they view me. And you know, one thing I would challenge and what I kind of hate about that system is sometimes, man, encourage— I know it's a little tangent, but encourage the peers to have conversations before the 360s. I mean, that, you know, the 360 reviews or whatever. But nevertheless, you know, everybody's not comfortable doing that and it can require a lot of coaching. Things can go south. So I get it, but I just think it would help. But getting back on track here, uh, it requires us to be vulnerable because like the insights that it can provide, if you really think about it, they can sting, they can hurt. They like— we can tend to just sit there and be like, oh my God, I must not be that good. And, and that's the furthest from the truth, uh, for us that know that we really strive and put in the work. But if we learn to just reframe it and embrace the, embrace the feedback, just embrace it for what it is and really search out the truth in it you like be happy with the things that they did, rave about, but learn how to embrace the parts that we need to improve and see it as an opportunity to mature or grow, man, what it can do for us is crazy. Like the growth that we can see, the avenues that they can open up for improvement, like it's, it's just, it's crazy. Like you really can't even put a number on it or how much we can compound if we learn to just really listen. But again, we have to also keep in mind that although it might sting to us, especially depending on the seat that we sit in, it could be just as hard for that person to tell us because they're trying to say, how are they going to take this? How are he or she going to take this? So it's just a lot of things that go on, and that's why I believe that when we ask for it, we have to really give that person permission to speak into our lives but, and be vulnerable, but at the same time not be defensive. You know, I like to say, keep your poker face. And you might cry when they walk out the office, you might cry after the review. It, like I said, again, feel those emotions, but don't stay there. And so we have to realize that, like for me, I'll just talk from my experience, it's very important to recognize that giving feedback, giving honest feedback can be very challenging. Like, for example, right now, if someone I was really close to said, hey, what do you think about me? Uh, what do you think about me in this area? Like, then now I have to kind of like do like, where do you want to go with this? Because again, we shouldn't be keeping up with a laundry list, especially if it's a close relationship, of just all the wrongs. But I'm just saying, like, someone said, hey, you know, what if What do you think about me in this aspect? Well, let's say for instance, they're— they don't have a high degree of self-discipline. They never come prepared in meetings. Well, then first thing is like, hey, I think that, you know, let me— I'm saying that, you know, thing. Hey, I think that— well, it's my observation that you're not as self-disciplined like in areas that you say that you feel that you're self-disciplined in. Like, for example, you said that you we're going to be on this workout plan for the next 4 months, and I have not seen you go to the gym in the last month. So that's just not a high degree of self-discipline from my perspective or my observation. Okay, again, might sting, might not. That person might already know that. They probably need to hear that. Next thing you know, next 3 months, they're— I'm gonna use the term— killing it in the gym. But that, that probably was challenging for you to say that because you're like, they're gonna think that I'm critiquing them, they're gonna think that I'm saying they're fat, they're skinny, whatever. Like, all these just parameters, they're going to get upset. They're going to start pointing things out about me and what I don't do well. They're going to show me where I'm not self-disciplined. It's not about you. They act— they— if they do that, then that's a whole nother episode. But the thing is, they came to you. And so again, but this is not the time to start bringing up XYZ, 1, 2, 3, and just throwing everything. Like I said, laundry list of what they do wrong. Just give them feedback in the area that they're asking for. And so, but when we on the people that are asking for it, a lot of times we don't get the transformational power from it because people do hesitate to offer that constructive criticism, or I should say that, that, uh, that feedback out of fear of hurting our feelings. Like, straight up, they do. Or even taking this first damaging relationship Like, man, I don't want to sacrifice our relationship at the altar of feedback. Like, that's something that we have to consider. That's really something we have to consider. So therefore, that's what I'm saying. It has to be on us to create an environment where feedback is welcome and is valued. That's on us. We have to create a culture and we have to model it because that— I'm telling you right now, when I can do consulting and coaching, I always say, and I've said this in self-leadership teachings and things things like that. I have this view of me, and then I have the view of what my peers, or who I'm going to work with I should say, have of me. And sometimes there's a huge gap. Sometimes it's, it's not as a big gap because you have people that are self-aware and they, they do this in the background. But most times there's a huge gap when people can do it in an anonymous way and they know that repercussions don't follow. That's just the truth. No matter how much you say, hey, we all God's people in the body of Christ, hey, I'm not gonna fire— it doesn't matter. I— and trust me, I, I hate the anonymous stuff a lot of times, but at the same time, there's parts I like about it because most of the time you get more heartfelt answers, you get honesty. Uh, so we gotta acknowledge that. We gotta acknowledge that in, in, in, in the aspect with us to seeking like self-improvement or just self-development. We have to, because one thing I have learned is that if I'm only just examining myself, I'm working on myself, it can only take me so far. Because at some point I have to extend it. Like, for example, if I'm in the gym and I've been working out for 6, 7 months and I'm thinking like, man, I've come far, and I really could, I'm at— but okay, now I need to see somebody's been around me or hasn't like seen me in a while. They see me here and there, oh man, hey man, you're really shaping up, you're this, this, and that. But if no one's saying anything, maybe I'm not— well, dang, 7 months, man, that's all you— like, okay, maybe I need to go get a coach. I need to extend that. I need to extend perspectives to grow. Again, my leadership— in my leadership, in my communication, if I'm communication— communicating vision, if I'm leading my team, like, what— hey, you know, man, this seems like— I don't, I don't know, like, I can't figure this area out. I'mma give you a little feedback on what I think. I think you don't show up, you know, just whatever. I, I think you don't show up prepared enough. I, I, I think you all across the board. I think that you're, um, what's the word I'm looking for? I don't think that you're— the zeal is there. I like, these things are important. Hey, I think you're chasing rabbit holes too much. Hey, I think you're too hard on your team. Hey, I think you're too soft on your team. Like, we need these perspectives, and it's ongoing. It's not just a one-time event. Like, last time some of us have gotten feedback has been 10 years ago. And we have to— well, I'm not gonna get ahead, but we have to seek feedback from the right sources, man. Let me park that right there. We have to seek feedback from the right sources. This is like wisdom, it's in— it's crucial because you can't ask everybody. Again, you can ask some people and they're here, they really want to use the opportunity to break your spirit. But then you can ask some people to have the lens, okay, this person is looking to get better. So I'm going to be tactful because I, I said this again on one episode I picked up from a book, um, affirmation apart from evaluation— affirmation apart from evaluation is to be— that is the end of self-discipline. Affirmation apart of Let me think I'm saying that right, and I know I'm butchering it. I need to go back and actually look at Nietzsche. But what I'm trying to say here is that affirmation— so if someone is affirming you apart from evaluating you, it is the beginning of self-deception, which is the end of development. Because if I can affirm you and I just keep saying, "Oh no, you're doing an amazing job," and I'm not really evaluating you, then you feel no need to improve. And now you're on this quest of self-deception. So I have to properly evaluate you. And this is why it's crucial that can have someone to evaluate you with the right heart posture. They're not looking to destroy you or anything like that, but hey, I just want to give you my observations. And you go test these against other people's observations, but these are mine. It's crucial. Again, they're not coming with that laundry list of just ripping you apart, because if that's the case, they should have talked to you a long time ago. Or you got to ask yourself, why haven't I created the environment? It is always a part that we can own of this. And then on top of that, choosing the right people, because I've heard people say things that I'm no longer interested in hearing from people that's not ahead of me in life. Well, I have a problem with that because if you're not careful with that, and I would have to get more context of what people mean when they say that, because my thing was I don't want to take advice from nobody I wouldn't trade places with. I read that in the book. I'm not going to say the name of the book because it's actually still one of my favorite books. But as I have grown and matured, I'm like, ah, that wasn't the right way to look at things. Now, I still wouldn't want to trade places with them, but at the same time, that don't mean I can't learn from them. Because see, what happens is we'll start to miss out if we only seek feedback from people with prestigious titles or extensive experience, meaning they're like, okay, they can't talk to me because they don't have kids. But what if they have studied and been around? What if they have been in school systems? They haven't had kids per se that, that live in their house, like biological or whatever, or adopted and stuff like that, uh, or bonus kids. But let's just say, for instance, like, they have coached, they have been a counselor and all. I'm saying that they, they can't share valuable insights with me. So I'm just like, no, that person can't talk to me because they don't have kids. Now again, if a person don't have kids and, and they don't have like a well-rounded way of, you know, shaping and things like that, then I feel like we have to be careful. But what I'm also saying is this: we can't just throw them off. We just can't throw them away because they don't have kids, uh, experience in like parenting like we do. Is what I'm trying to say. We have to be very careful with that. So like I say, it's, it's definitely a lot of gray area in there, but what I'm trying to convey here is that just don't throw the insights or the feedback away. Value it. Matter of fact, go back to that last episode, test it, because you could be missing out on some very, very key insights. Very key insights. Or better yet, said, you can— we can be missing out on some valuable insights that come from unexpected places. Because like mathematically we're taking ourselves out of so much when we put preferences on. Okay, if you haven't led for 20 years, there's nothing you can say to me. If you haven't been in this position, if you have never been a pastor, there's nothing you can say to me. Now again, there's some truth in that because it comes a time where it's like, man, you, you, you can't keep talking to me from a theoretical standpoint. But at the same time, I don't want to be so hardened, and I don't want to mathematically, because it could be something that they see that I need to hear, and I have to test that and examine it. So that's why I open myself up to people's observations. I strive to. And again, sometimes I can be defensive. Sometimes it can really hurt, but I still do it because I know that I want to operate in excellence and I know that I don't see myself the way others see me on a consistent basis. This is all a part of self-awareness, being aware that I have blind spots. So this, this is what really makes this delicate here. But I would just say again, don't limit yourself to only a select few because you will narrow your opportunities for growth. You will, you will do it. Trust me, I've done it and I have learned a lot. And that's where I coach and consult a lot now, especially at work, just, and we're really both outside of work and work. I'm like, hey, just because they don't have this title or they haven't had this much experience don't mean you still can't learn from them. So how do we navigate that? Let's translate. How do we navigate feedback effectively? Well, One of the things we need to do is approach it with an open mind. Approach it with an open mind and a willingness to learn instead of just viewing it as nothing but criticism. Like, for real, we got to see it as a gift. We have to see it as basically like, okay, this is going to help propel me forward. This is going to help propel me into the improvement that I've been seeking. Now I kind of have some things that I can use, I can— and then I can come back and revisit this. Once I get this area locked down. Then another thing we can do is again choose our feedback sources wisely. Seek out people that have the best interest, man. Like, just don't seek out anybody, but seek out people that you feel have the best interest, um, in you. Like, they have demonstrated with their posture and, you know, they, they have come back with you, they're thoughtful, they're, they're tactful. They care about your feelings, and, and they're not just like, again, here to destroy you. And these people can even be like, come on, to be peer mentors, just mentors in general. General. They could be friends, they could be your pastor, they could be under you, they can be your leaders. They can, like I said, again, they could be your— they can be a lot, man. It could be, like I said again, in an unexpected place. They could be family members or whatever. Church members, whatever. And truthfully, sometimes it can even come from kids. I mean, a lot of times it can come from kids, but it's just people who perspective that you value. Like, okay, again, I know that they're here to speak life and help me grow. And then the last thing I would say is that it's just very essential, especially this to leaders that's listening, it's essential to create a culture of feedback. Within our, within ourselves, so within our personal and professional circles, as well as encouraging it in the teams and organization that we're in. Like I said, again, not this cheesy, just out-of-the-box one, but refining it, creating that culture, because this is what's going to foster growth. Teaching people how to deliver feedback, that's a part of the culture, because everybody don't know how to deliver and convey things. Like, seriously, but do this because again, it's going to— it's going to create. And then it's up to us to nurture not only for us, but again, for our teams and organizations. And just remember, like, if you take nothing else again from this, feedback is not about pointing out flaws or a laundry list of flaws, but it's about recognizing the strengths and uncovering, like, really, really uncovering The opportunities for growth, the opportunities for development. I love how my leader— and I'll say his name, Akshu, uh, he's the director at 3 of Agile Delivery Management, or Technical Project Management, which you want to say at 360— and I love how he rephrases and he spends time for what I see and say, okay, this is an opportunity to learn or exercise this. And man, I embrace it. And I've noticed as we have done them like went from the first one to I think the third one now, I believe, is I have learned to embrace it and has become a catalyst for my growth versus me getting defensive because I know that he really cares about my development and my success at the company. I've seen this with my pastors and everything. Like my pastor, they really care. Hey, I want you to mature and grow in this area. I want to see you transform spiritually from a pastoral or ministry way But then also in the world, personally and professionally, I want to see you transform and I want to get you— want you to get better. So the transformative power of feedback is essential. Don't limit yourself and don't take yourself mathematically out of the game because you are so full of yourself and think no one can teach you something unless they have went a little bit ahead of you. That's not true. You can learn from anybody. And I put up the status today and someone was telling me how they used to volunteer at a— or they still do volunteer at a homeless shelter, and how they would go doing one thing and they call it a, uh, oh man, I'm about to butcher. I need to get on my Facebook now. But basically a blessing within a blessing. So they were going there to be a blessing and end up being blessed, essentially. But it's so true because I was replied back and I was like, man, I remember, and I haven't done this in a while, but when I would be out driving and I would see, or when I was downtown working when we, when we had our office downtown Little Rock, um, with homeless people, sometimes I would give money. Sometimes I just go in there. Most of the time I go just grab my bite to eat. It was like a $2.99, $3.99 meal, um, downtown at the little grocery store. And I would go in there and get them that, like a hot dog or drink, some chips. And I'm like, hey, I'm not gonna give you money, but I'll do this. Or like I said, again, I'll be driving, I'll say, hey, you know, I can run this McDonald's or Wendy's or something like that, go grab me something, bring it back. But there will be times that I would say, hey, I'm going to lunch, you want to go sit with me? Or I'll park the car and go flag them, say, hey, you want to come here and just eat with me real quick? And I would talk and listen to them. And if I would have continued the attitude, okay, I don't want to trade places with them, so they can't, they can't tell me nothing, or they clearly not in the same situation that I'm in, so they can't tell me nothing. I would have lost out on some of the most valuable feedback in my life. If you don't take nothing else from this episode, take that. I would have lost out on some of the most valuable feedback in my life, all because my posture What's wrong? If you don't take nothing else, take that, man. I love you all. I hope that helps. Be blessed and seek out good feedback from, um, prayerful sources. Hey, what's up? I want to thank you for taking the time to listen to this Student Life Podcast today. If this content has impacted you in any kind of way, please take some time to share it on your social media feeds. And also, if you want to connect with me or just learn more about me, go over to www.timothypratt.org. Once again, thanks.