In this reflective monologue, Valeria Itriago shares her personal journey toward mindfulness and the challenges of truly living in the present. She explains how her past focus on external achievements—career titles, body image, relationships—left her feeling unfulfilled, and how she discovered that success does not guarantee love or happiness. Influenced by Eckhart Tolle’s teachings, she adopts a mindset of saying “yes” to the present moment while acknowledging that the past and future are intertwined with the now. Valeria outlines a long‑term, process‑oriented approach that starts with self‑acceptance, honest self‑knowledge, and the cultivation of small, consistent habits. She draws on concepts from Atomic Habits (the “Valley of Disappointment,” compound‑interest of habits) and emphasizes the importance of setting realistic goals, learning to say no, and building boundaries. Practical recommendations include daily listening, reading, movement, short meditation, journaling, therapy notes, and recognizing micro‑wins. Throughout, she stresses that presence is a continuous, identity‑shaping journey rather than a quick fix, and that embracing imperfection and being okay with not being okay are essential for genuine growth.
Chapters
Being present happens when you accept and create a real version of your reality now, and you do something to become a better person with what you can now. Honestly, my life, it's always been about wanting more, getting the result, matching my expectations, achieving the goal. And guess what? Success and getting it, whatever you want to get, they don't necessarily mean that you're gonna get love or happiness after that. The more you are focused in what the heck happened before, the less you will be able to understand the importance of the mainstream and popular present moment. I failed many times before. I was attached to all the things that once, you know, you die, they just don't matter anymore. I was attached to lose those 10 pounds that will give me that specific body. I was attached to that job opportunity because Being a marketing manager at 25 will make everyone proud and I will shut everyone's mouth. I was attached to that relationship or having longer legs, to be smarter, to be the most cultured person in the room. However, life taught me that value does not come from titles, prizes, and material things. I was able to say fuck this and fuck it and focus myself on creating an experiences, understanding the meaning of love, finding meaningful connections, creating a healthy body, and, you know, learn how to love myself without any makeup or fancy clothes. That I think I'm just more connected than ever with the person I am and the person I want to become. There's a quote that I love, it's by Eckhart Tolle. He just totally changed my life the last couple of months. I've been reading his books. He's a spiritual guide, and he said, always say yes to the present moment. Surrender to what is. Say yes to life and see how life starts suddenly to start working for you rather against you. Whatever you are, be there totally. And this really changed my perspective about the present moment, which is not perfect anyways. The past will always be part of your memories. And the future is a tense that you can't avoid, like it will happen. They are both connected in a present tense. It's at the end who you are being right now. Being present happens when you accept and create a real version of your reality now, and you do something to become a better person with what you can now. I wanted to share today how I started this process and how I apply this every day to make sure I stay here, present. The first thing I will tell you is like, you have to accept that maybe you have the wrong approach. I did. I've talked about this a lot during my podcast episodes, and I will do it as many times as it's required to tell you that without the right mindset, it would be extremely difficult. It's very painful to start this journey of building a realistic and natural version of yourself. You are so focused in letting the past define the way you act that you can't see the whole reality, like the big picture. You are what you repeatedly do every day. The little things are the ones that build character at the end. You know, being nice, being kind, a good listener, vulnerable, empathetic person, very direct and very transparent, especially with yourself, takes time and it's hard. It's, it's not easy. But if you want to be present because you want to get something from other people, just don't do it because probably you're gonna fail. And if you're doing this because you want to get something short-term, then stop and restart. And you can restart as many times as you have. You need to have, I think, a long-term approach and a mindset that focuses on well-being and everything that is involved in the process. It's a whole picture, literally, you know. Start by accepting yourself fucked as you are, like whatever you have, with your flaws, with your good things and your bad things, your personality traits and your type of attachment— anxious, avoidant, secure, whatever— that does not define you. Invest time in knowing yourself. Improve your social skills. For example, listening profoundly to someone when they're speaking, it's a talent. It's a talent, and it's very important to create meaningful relationships. Read books that excite you, that makes you curious. Work with your body, dance, move, shake it, go for walk. Use your mind and appreciate what they can help you achieve now. We can still learn things, we can use our brain and learn new things, take new risks. It's going to be a little bit more difficult, but life is emotionally abusive, like Taylor Swift once said. So fuck it and do it. You need to realize the process is more important than the outcome. And I know it's said, I said it, it might sound cliché, but enjoy watching this episode now. Like every word I'm saying, it's more important than you clicking pause or leaving or doing whatever you're gonna do next. And probably you're gonna say like, oh, but Val, what if my now moment sucks? What should I do then? And I will answer with another question: do you think Mike doesn't? I am exactly like you, or like everyone else that is watching this episode right now. I am doing these episodes, and I wrote 15 episodes about my journey because I felt deeply lost, and I still do, and I have more downs than ups lately, but I am more than that. I am more than my ups and my downs, and the only thing that I can do is be totally where I am right now because I cannot change it. And I realize I have only 3 possible outcomes in case you want to change it or you're dealing with this 'I don't— cannot be present' situation. The first thing is you can— well, what I did was like, I could remove myself from the situation, I can change the situation, which means that I have to take action creating time and taking or making hard decisions to know what can and can't be done. And the third thing I, I think I realized I could do is accepting it totally and take responsibility for what part of its concerns to you. Like, what can you do? Another quote that I love, like Ed Hartwell, is like, you must choose now and then accept the consequences. And I think it's so powerful because the process of building yourself in the present moment, it's a continuous journey of awareness. That requires patience and consistency. You need to focus on developing healthy habits that you can sustain in the long run, like I just said. In my case, I was learning to say more no and less yes to every fucking thing. Not because I was selfish or self-centered, otherwise, because I wanted to have more time to be with myself, think about the things I want, um, creating a space for me to allow deep connection with my goals, with my visual board. My needs and the things I want to accomplish in the, in the near future. You know, learning how to say no to distractions in order to nurture myself, it's one of the biggest accomplishments till today, and it really increased my capacity of being present. Even if something I still struggle, it helped me a lot. Design your process and be realistic with your goals and adopt reliable system. What I mean with this is I will share some insights from the book Atomic Habits. He talks about something called the Valley of Disappointment. It is basically the place where people feel discouraged after putting in weeks or months or years of hard work without experiencing any significant results. And significant— when I say significant, it's results that are attached to your expectations. So everything counts, you know, it's not wasted, it's just stored. I feel like I am more connected with myself than ever. And because I see creating content as a form of art and as a form of telling stories, and that's the reason why I want to do this. I realized I needed to adopt habits that are like a compound interest of self-improvement, because self-improvement is something that grows with time. And you know, it's like the same way that money works and that money multiplies through compound interest. The effects of your habits multiply as you repeat them. They seem to make little difference at the beginning and any given day, and yet the impact they deliver over the month and years can be huge. That's, I think, how millionaires nowadays created their wealth, like real wealth. I think it comes from like minimum efforts in a long period of time. So for— I'm gonna talk a little bit about my fitness journey to give you like an example. Setting unrealistic goals you know, demotivate me for a while because I wanted to lose weight, get ripped, lower my body percentage to like zero. I was, I was not enjoying the process. So when you are setting a goal, first you need to enjoy the process, and second, you need to be present in everything you do. None of these things, none of these things are easy things to accomplish, at least not in my case. And I needed to put myself out there and try a bunch of stuff until I went for the first time to a sports nutritionist And I inform myself well. I know my body composition, how my body works, what's best for my body, what, uh, it's more healthy to, you know, eat for it to be as the way I want it. More about what your body might need nutritionally and physically. You can start by walking 30 minutes a day if you have never worked out before, adding more vegetables to your diet, or even buying a big a really big water bottle in order to drink the necessary amount of water your body needs. The same if you are spiritual. For example, if you're getting into spirituality, or you're already a spiritual person and you connect with yourself through yoga or meditation, set a realistic time to meditate. I fall in that trap. I wanted to meditate an hour a day or do only yoga classes for 30 minutes because, you know, or an hour. And it was like, of course I did it for a couple of months, and then life just happened, different things happen, and I just stopped because I think that it was not doing an hour that it was not worth it. But I think now doing 5 to 10 minutes, it's more than enough. If you have 5 minutes instead of 20 minutes, you know, you have planned in your agenda, adjust to the 5 minutes. But be present, be there, make it worth it. Because that day, just meditating 5 minutes, it's more meaningful and it's more than enough if you can be there enjoying. The biggest reason what I fail every time is because I started saying the things I want to achieve, and I want to achieve everything at the same time. And I just can't. Um, I discovered that when I focus on making small changes, the result, like I just said, are long-lasting and permanent, and I can create a lifestyle I want and I actually enjoy, with improvements in the long run. You might start a habit because of motivation, because you feel motivated, but the only reason you will stick with one is that it becomes part of your identity, who you are. To stay present is essential to keep track of your progress. Setting intentions and weekly goals is key. I do this every time when I journal now, or I take notes when I go to therapy and highlight with a, you know, a marker what calls my attention the most and what makes me feel stuck or resonates with me in that moment. And I focus on one thing at a time. Or at least I am currently forcing myself to. Clarity and connection. When you are healing and when you're trying to make peace with the present moment, it's key, and it's like super important. Recognizing those small victories, even if they seem insignificant to others, it's a huge win. Maybe you are more open to listening. Maybe you are being less reactive under certain critics. Or maybe you know that it's time to leave a situation or a person because you know it won't allow you to feel happy in the present moment. There is no magic formula to be present, but there are things that help. So remember, and this is a quote I, I got from John Pueblo, which is one of my favorite authors: being okay with not being okay helps you let go. When you are present, you open space for real growth. So accepting what it is might be the first and most important step. After that, you have to start building and working with those things that make you create a space in the present moment, one thing at a time, and you will create a whole new reality, and it will be 100% worth it.
