Why did I decide to be a content creator (finally connecting with my life purpose)

Hello everyone, I am so scared, um, I am so nervous, but at the same time I'm so happy that I am doing this. This is officially my first video and I was preparing this for so long and, you know, I, I realized that I will never have the perfect thing to offer if I didn't just take the risk and do this, my first video on YouTube, and Yeah, I know you're probably going to be here going to say like, oh, this is just another wannabe content creator, whatever. And yes, I want to be a content creator, and I think that's good just because I realize that I am embracing this whole journey I am going through right now. And I've been in this journey since I got into the States. To give you a little bit of context, um, and tell you what my journey is going to be about, what my content is going to be about, I came to the States 2 years ago. I am originally from Caracas, Venezuela, And I have like a background in marketing and corporate and 9-to-5 jobs and like marketing strategy. And, you know, coming to the States was a really, really, really big challenge. And I realized this year, particularly from everything I've been going through in the last couple of years, that I really wanted to be the owner of my life. And create the life I wanted to live. And, you know, I want to create this financial freedom type of lifestyle, and it comes with the fact of being my own, like, one-person business model thing. I discovered this a couple of months ago when I was doing all the research, you know, and when I was planning my content, what my content was going to be about. And a big, big part of this it's just like I, I fall into this trap, like the imposter trap, uh, and syndrome, when I realized that I was just like making a mockery constantly about, you know, how to do this and what's the best way and what should I say, but if I do this instead of doing that. And I think there's no perfect formula, you know. There's a bunch of people out there telling you like, no, how to be the perfect content creator. And then, and I realized at the end And the reason why I finally did this is because I let go of that past version of myself that I believed that I needed to prove something in order to do authentic and real content. And I think being a, being a content creator gives me that opportunity of embracing myself and being in the present moment, you know, live life through this present moment. Which it might sound very repetitive and very cheesy and corny, but for me that I was raised in survival mode, I had like this family that I come, I come from a very dysfunctional family. What my, my mom and dad did the best they could with the level of consciousness they had, but of course trauma. Of course I am an anxious attached person and I have a lot of anxiety, and you know, for me was surviving all the time and prove myself with a perfect job, with a perfect partner, with a per— with a perfect life. And I, I did— I didn't, and I don't have that at all. Like, it's just like— and I was punishing myself so much because I think we were raised in a way, particularly in the Latin culture, and I think it also happened here in the States, that, oh, you're in your 30s and then you need to have everything figured out, and then you have to go and get a corporate job, but you don't really have time to sit down And I think people that did that, like, like, I've met people that actually go out and find themselves and find what they like before they actually get it to do something for the rest of their life. But in my case, and I think in the case of a lot of people, it's just like you go to college and you do this and you do that, and you don't really have a space to find yourself, or at least to find what you really are in love with or what you really see yourself doing for the rest of your life. And and oh, you're, you're 30, and then you, where are your kids, and where are you going to get married? And you know, I think we are living in a moment of like, this generation and this society in general, we're having so many opportunities through technology and through everything that is happening to actually acquire or live through that digital nomad type of reality when we can choose what we want to do. I don't think our parents have that option. And I think going back to the present moment, for me was like, I was so tired. I go through a— I struggle a lot with my mental health last year, and I think it was because I was coming from this survival mode, and I just didn't want to live that life anymore. I was, I was so tired and so exhausted of constantly proving myself to others. And I was so lost. I was— I didn't, I didn't know who I was, what things I like. I was actually going through life with this old survival automatic pilot mode. And you know, it's hard, but doing this right now and doing this video and talking to you from this place, it took me a lot. I mean, it was very challenging because I had to let go of that past version of Val that believed that I didn't have enough valuable insights to offer to the world. And you know, I'm doing this right now, and I, I'm not talking to any specific person. I think my content and the things I want to do applies to everyone that wants to live life more like through awareness and consciousness and, and genuine relationships and genuine connections and humanity in general. I come from a very long and complicated spiritual journey that I am still in. I don't think— I also fall into this trap when I was talking about my spiritual journey and path, which I think, oh, I need to heal all those things in order to get into the place I want, and I need to have everything figured out, and I need to let go of my anxious attachment. And I— and it's like, you don't necessarily need to be fully healed to get into a relationship. You know, I think for me, the present moment is exactly about accepting the fact that as humans we are always going to change, and we are always— I mean, what, what I liked 5 years ago I might hate now. And I think that's a perfect natural flow of life, if that makes any sense. And you know, I I'm also doing this because letting go of that version of Val was embracing the fact that I really don't give a shit about validation or acceptance. I just knew, and I felt for the first time in my life, that I am the version that is gonna make it. I am the version that's gonna build her life, and I'm gonna be the version that connects with people as much as she can. And with that, I will be able to help people to also design their life, because I— the path I'm— I am right now is I am designing my life. And I might not be exactly at the place I want or with the situations I want because I am currently a political asylee. And I don't know if you're familiar with all the things that is happening with Venezuela in the frontier, but it's very complicated. My family were refugees, you know. I come from— I I, in a way, I lost the sense of having a family. I haven't seen my family in like 7, 6 years. And it's just because literally the immigration situation in Venezuela. And it's been really challenging because, you know, that version that's gonna make it, it's going through a lot of solitude. And I think to give you a little bit more of context about like my 2022 and how was my journey and my path to get into this moment that I am right now. Is, um, in 2022. And I think this is, this is very intimate, and I— but I'm going to share it with you because I think it makes sense. Um, I wanted to die for the first time in my life. I wanted to die. And so figure this, guys, I was in my car, and for the first time I got everything I wanted. I have my own place, I'm okay, I'm waiting for my papers, everything is in process. But I just broke up with this person that I was like deeply in love with, and I was, I was feeling very lonely. And, and it happened that when it, when like Christmas, when Christmas is coming, I get very nostalgic. And I was in the car like driving, going back, you know, coming back home to do groceries, to cook, to do my meal prep, because I'm very into like healthy lifestyle and I eat, I take care of my diet, I do a lot of exercise. I'm a personal trainer and a yoga coach, uh, I'm gonna get certified this year. So I have a very, very healthy lifestyle and I was doing all these things. I, I journal, I, I read, I do, I do like oils, Reiki, you know, spiritual therapy response. I've been doing the spiritual therapy response for like 7 years, and I do, uh, I also have therapy with a psychoanalyst. And so I, I really take care of myself, but I've reached this bottom line of, of, you know, that I— and I'm a very joyful person. For me, feeling that there's no reason to keep living this life shocked me. And you know, there's so many people that they have support systems and they have someone that is for them, for them. And I, and I don't want to be a victim with this, and I don't want to like you to feel bad for me, but it's— this is very overwhelming because I was literally in the car driving and I just stopped literally and started crying, and I felt this deep feeling in my chest, like someone was ripping out a hole, like a pain that— and I cannot fill it with anything. And I was like, I start crying and screaming, like, I want to die, I want to die. And I— it was so shocking. I never, I never, I never hated life so much. And it's been a very long process, you know, embracing myself and decide that I need to love myself because I always, I always try to love people, love and love and love, but I didn't know how I wanted to be loved, and I didn't know what I was expecting from life. So for me, 2022 was very hard, and it was the first time that I went through like a lot of mental health struggles. I had a lot of mental health struggles, and I, and I knew that at the same time I wanted to live my life through authenticity and vulnerability because I believe one of my superpowers even as a content creator, it's going to be vulnerable— vulnerability and authenticity. I don't want to— I don't want to tell you my story faking who I am. It's just bullshit. I don't really think I have energy to keep pretending to be someone that I am not, or to keep pretending that I am okay with the fact that once I get my work permit, I'm gonna go and get it corporate and have a 9-to-5 job and be happy, or being a mom right now. Or there's so many things I want to achieve and share, uh, with you about my life and who I am and how life is for me. And that I, I, I decided I didn't want to give up to have this regular, normal life, uh, that is totally fine. I have no critics, you know, I'm not being critical about it. It's just not the life I wanted to live. I want to live my life having as much connections as I can. And you know, the 24th of December, when I started this journey of being a content creator, I said to myself, oh, if you listen to my podcast, it's funny that it's Questioning, my podcast. Um, it's funny because, you know, the first episodes were like, welcome to Questioning Podcast, this is your host Val, and today we're gonna talk about love. And it's like, bitch, Did you even know how you wanted to be loved? And I didn't know. And I didn't know how I wanted to live life. I— my therapist told me something, and this, this was one of my last, um, sessions of 2022, like closing the year, right after I had this episode. And she was like, well, you know who you are. And it was like, fuck, I was surviving for so long that I never had the, the opportunity to sit down and think who I am, what do I like. So I really, I really need to refine, redefine myself and connect with this person I am right now. And be okay with my past. Because it's not about— it's not about the past, it's not about the future, it's just about what is happening right now and how much I am enjoying my content. And going back to the episode of my podcast, like when I had this intro and outro and everything with music, I hired a sound editor to make it sound, you know, stylish. And he was like— on the 24th of December, I'm gonna share this with you so you have an idea how was the transition of and why did I decided to do this. And why now I feel like it's just okay even if I don't get thousands of follows and subscriptions and views and thousands of dollars from this, um, because I am just enjoying the process. I, on the 24th, I was invited to go to like friends' places to, you know, don't stay alone in my place. And I said like, I need to do a recap episode of my podcast to talk about the lessons of 2022. And I remember I was in my living room here and I sat down, no couch. I didn't have this table. I didn't have my computer or anything. Like, settings were zero. I just have this microphone that I bought. It was like a cheap microphone to start doing podcasting. And in that episode, I talk about how tired I was of pretending to be perfect. Um, so I didn't do an intro and outro, I didn't do anything. I just literally grabbed the microphone and I rant about how I feel and how much I hated Christmas and how much I hated the fact that people just invite me to their places, even though I'm very grateful. Don't get me wrong, don't get me wrong, I was very grateful, and I'm grateful to have the support system I have in my life because I know I have people that loves me, and I know that I could have been with them sharing that day, but it was, it was such a special day for me because I don't— I never understood how powerful solitude actually was. And for me, solitude— I'm also a very neurodivergent person. I always been like very connected with art, music, technology, video games, philosophy, reading. So I will always put myself in a certain place, and it's like, why do I have to live my life being a certain version of myself, doing something specific? I don't want to do that. I don't want to be Val the marketer. I don't want to be Val the podcaster. I don't want to be Val the content creator. I don't. I just want to live my life and do what the fuck I want and create value from that and create things that are valuable for people. And that's what I feel, what I did. Like the episode I did on the 24th, which is hating Christmas is literally feeling that I didn't have to apologize anymore for being just me. And jeez, that was so powerful. You know, we're constantly finding excuses to deal, you know, to not do what we really want and what our life purpose really tells us to do. Um, for me, I am very connected with myself right now. With my intuition. And it was a long path. I've been in therapy for more than 8 years, different type of therapies. I did, like I told you before, I did spirituality type of therapy, holistic therapies. I did, uh, psychoanalysis, uh, regular psychology. Um, I even did like Kabbalah, which is a type of, um, It's also spiritual, and it's also related with astrology and, um, esoterism. So I've tried a lot of things in order to just find myself and connect with who I was. I was never a religious person though, so in a way my soul and my being told me you need to connect with something you believe in in order to feel like you— your existence has a reason, you know, has a purpose. And I did it through spirituality, through yoga, through fitness, through running, through music, through marketing. I reconciled myself with the idea that marketing is just a tool that I'm gonna use. Is, for example, like technology nowadays, right? Everyone is scared of GPT, and it's like, it's amazing what it can do if you know how to use it. But in order to be this I really, really, really need to go into this deep period of reflection and deep healing. And you know what, everyone says healing is cute. And you know, one of the things— of one of the things I struggle the most with my imposter syndrome is like, I don't have that perfect life that other lifestyle influencers have. I am literally starting this right now. This is the beginning of my journey. But I connected last year, like at the end of the year, with this version of the most authentic version of Val. And it was in that episode that I understood that I need to do it from the question and not from the answer. Like if I ask myself the right questions that are worth and that are in a way, it's gonna, they're gonna help me to actually understand my inner reality because it's not about the outer, the outer reality, or the out, you know, the exterior world. It's about how am I built? What is hurting here? What is bothering here? How can I separate this from this? You know, you grab your energy and you separate yourself from your energy, or whatever you're feeling, your trauma and whatever is triggering you, then you're able to say, okay, I'm feeling this, but this is not me. So for me, it was a process of I need to separate myself from my thoughts. And it was so powerful. And, you know, I'm not gonna give you a guide of how to connect with yourself and how you can actually connect, uh, with your most genuine version, but I want to tell my story and I want to give you like some insights of how maybe you can have another perspective about life, about relationships, uh, professional life, content creation, fitness journey, lifestyle in general. And I, yeah, I think I am connecting. And in this video, I am connecting with you if you're watching this, um, from my most genuine, vulnerable, and authentic version. And I'm so happy that I'm always going to be changing, and I, I can, um, document this, and I can record this, and I can see and go back and say, oh, both amazing balls that I was so lost in that moment and I didn't have anything figured out. So, you know, uh, this year for me was very important because I, I got to connect with a lot of new stuff and take a lot of risks and do things I've never did before. Um, but also, you know, I was reading an article the other day and it says like, you know, 72% of human work, like, it's more likely to disappear in the, in the coming decade because of AI and technology and everything. And, you know, I think being a content creator is a gift that this generation have, because I think the ones that are going to survive are the ones that can be connected with their art as a way of living. So how can you do from who you are your, your monop— Yeah, how can you build that monopoly, um, with your time, with your content, with your life? You don't have to work for someone else anymore. And I think that's the reason why I decided to become into a content creator full-time, um, and a podcaster, and have my brand and everything. And I wanted to be this version of like the entrepreneurial Val that can talk about her life and guide people through that journey that she's been before, uh, by not telling them, but just by sharing her life. And of course, eventually this will mutate a lot and this would change a lot, and I probably gonna create my digital products. But this is just the start of my journey, and for me, I needed to embrace that my humanity was one of my biggest valuable assets. And it might sound stupid and it might sound very naive, but wouldn't it be amazing to talk to people about how good is to learn how to smell flowers again and how to go out and just buy a nice ice cream for you or date you or be with yourself in that solid place that you can actually think and find yourself as someone that is worth it to know or to be around with. Um, it's about becoming into our version by, you know, changing our limited belief and our limited patterns and all this baggage and these stories that we have in our mind that we're not worthy of love, success. And I went through that, and I am fucking worthy of everything that I'm embracing that, and I want you to embrace that and know that Sorry, when you go outside, there's people that going to like your content, there are people that they're going to not going to like your content. Maybe you're changing and a lot of people are going to stop following you. And I know it's totally human to feel like, oh, is this worth it? But why not? I don't think, at least for me, it's not about getting numbers. It's not even about money right now. Um, it's about putting myself out and take me out, take myself out of my comfort zone. And I've been doing this all my life. I'm an immigrant, you know. For me, Coming here, it was like, I don't have my family, I don't have anything to hold on. I don't even have a partner. And I went through a lot of heartbreak. So I decided that this year for me, one of the most important thing, it was literally asking myself the right questions in order to have this new perspective and do a lot of research, studying a lot. I've always been a very intellectual person because I love to— and I don't think a smart person is the person that knows the most about something. I think the most— like, an intellectual is that one that can work with that, with that they have, and create valuable things for other people. And that's, that's exactly what I want to do by sharing my, you know, by sharing my experiences, by sharing my insights, and by helping you to know, maybe have another perspective about things in life, everything that comes with life. That's why I decided that I don't want to put myself into something specific, because at the beginning was like, well, I should be a fitness content creator. And then, no, I should be a— I should study wellness coaching to be a wellness coach and do a podcast about wellness. And it's like, no, I don't give a shit. I also like gaming and technology, and I'm into NFTs too. And I just— I don't want to have any limitations in my life. Who said that it's not possible creating a life that you have a lot of interest and they can collide and they can survive in a way? You can build this ecosystem that is your life, where everything can have a connection. But you need to study, you need to have the time. And for me, it took me like approximately like 5 to 6 months to watch videos, see another perspective. Also, you have to consume things you like and things you don't like. It's a trap when you think that you, at the beginning, you're gonna do everything perfect. At the beginning, you're gonna know everything. Because even if I've been preparing myself for a long period of time, I'm here right now and I have a lot of things that are not scripted. And literally I'm doing this just with a basic structure of things I wanted to say to do my starting, uh, my opening episode. But, um, in the same like line of thoughts, I just realized, um, and there's a song of Lana Del Rey that I love it and I've been listening to it lately. And she say, life is full of beautiful people with beautiful problems. And life is beautiful. So for me, what I was sharing, like, felt that I was going to die, I wanted to die. And I needed to go through that space. Like, I needed to go to the black hole because if I avoid my feelings, if I avoid pain, if I avoid, I don't want to live a life where I avoid pain. And even if I— this year I genuinely decided that I was going to stay alone and single, and I'm not dating anyone. I deleted all my dating apps because I'm also like— I tried with someone and it was like, this is not serving me anyways, and, um, that I don't need it. And life was just telling me like, Valeria Itriago, you need to really find yourself in solitude. Loneliness is not the same And you can choose to feel lonely, and you can choose to be a victim and say, oh, poor me, all of this is happening to me, this guy break my heart. But bitch, or whatever, whoever is listening, you have to take that as the most powerful thing to find yourself. I did it. I started this year with— and I thought, new year, new me resolution, it's bullshit. You know, you don't, you don't forget who you were last year just because the year's ended. It's just like, it's not gonna happen like that if you're dragging all the things, if you're still, you know, staying away from your feelings and not feeling that deep things that you really feel, or if you're not questioning constantly everything about— it's not about be eternal in your thoughts because I don't really, I don't really think that's healthy, but you need, you need to go through your thoughts and separate from them and say, okay, I know what you're doing, even when your ego plays with you all the time. And you know, for me it was like my ego was constantly making a mockery of me, and it was like, bro, stay there, okay? You are part of me and I'm not avoiding you, but you need to know your place. Because we are not our ego, and we are totally different from our ego and our higher self. And we have to find that balance, which is the way I live my, my life, is just like through yin-yang, through like darkness and brightness. And I embrace my wholeness as a person that, yes, I have good, good things, but I've been also— I've been unintentionally toxic also sometimes. But I decided that I want to live my life through consciousness and awareness, and that's why my journey is about— because if we don't do something to go through life, life is just something that happened to us. Life is just something that happened to And I don't want to live— if I just have one life, I want to live, I want to live it in the most intense way. Because being human is also my superpower, you know. When I was a little girl, I always wanted to be a dragon or a dinosaur, a brontosaurus, which is my favorite dinosaur. And I always wanted to be this mythological creatures. I always imagined myself being a vampire and a gargoyle and all these things. And I love dark literature and dark poetry, and I've always liked mythology. And, and, but my superpower is being human, and my superpower is being here right now, and my superpower now is choosing to be a content creator and choosing to share this path with you guys. And I think for me, and the message I will tell you, it's like you have to be you. You be you. And now I think that's the main and the initial point, the starting point to becoming a content creator. Um, and it takes balls. It takes a lot of courage to be able to be open to fail. You have to be open to fail. You have to be open to listen to yourself and say, my voice sounds like shit. And I look like crap and I'm not saying the things I wanted to say, but it's exactly like that. I, I want to live my life with everything that comes with it. I don't want to avoid pain. I don't want to avoid love. I don't want to feel— I don't want to avoid feel angry. I don't want to avoid my trauma anymore because there's some things that we have deeply here in our heart, in our soul, that wounded us in a way in the past, and they're never gonna go away. Like, anxiety and depression is not something that, oh, out of nowhere it's gonna go away. Either some days I wake up and I feel like shit and I don't even want to go out of my bed, but I decided that if I want to be successful, I needed to have a plan. And, um, 2022 was okay, go inwards and feel everything very deeply and cry and feel bad. I feel like shit. But 2023 was like, I need to have this radical care type of mindset. And radical care meant for me building healthy boundaries, knowing my standards, answering how I want to be loved by someone, and how can I enjoy time in solitude, and how I'm gonna be a good friend. Do I want to share time with these people, or I want to cut this relationship and just move on? Because something we know, sometimes we know very deeply that the place we are and the people we are surrounding ourselves with doesn't serve us anymore. And anyways, we stay there and we just have one life. And like I just said, I want to live my life with the full potential of existence, like, if that makes sense, if I'm not be like crazy. But I am building and I am designing my life. It's a duran, it's a continuous action that I am taking right now. I don't have everything figured out, and I think this channel is gonna change a lot. But what I am doing right now in order to do, to do this is just I'm having a plan, I'm having a calendar, I'm having my content, you know, organized, and I am listening to my, my audience. I am building audience. I am, I am deciding which, which brands I want to work and why I want to work with that brands, if those brands align with the insights I have in my life as a person, because if not, it makes no sense to create a business from your life but you are pretending. I, I said I'm not gonna be those type of social media creators, uh, that are gonna just promote an article or a product just because they're giving me money or they're giving me recognition or they're giving me product. I don't give a shit about that. Is I'm gonna be genuine and I'm gonna be real. I want to work with brands that also are connected with those types of values. And that is the same with person that is like— people that is in my life, my future partner, if I get to have a partner, if I'm not stay alone with 4 dogs, who knows. But I wanted to do this with a lot of consistency and discipline, and because I think at the end that's what makes you a successful person, not just an entrepreneur or a content creator, but as successful dad, mom, boyfriend, girlfriend, friend, colleague, uh, you know, person. And yeah, and this year it's, it's gonna be a lot about regaining my power and building my life and designing my life again. And I know I'm sounding so repetitive, but I am really excited to be here and I want to say— I don't want to say goodbye without saying thank you, if that makes any sense. Thank you for being here. Thank you for taking the time of watching till the end, and welcome to my journey. This is going to be my journey as a lifestyle content creator and entrepreneur, uh, with my one business model person type of lifestyle. And it's gonna be very exciting. I'm gonna share a lot about my fitness life, about food, like healthy habits, about vulnerability, and all the projects I have that are part of who I am right now. Like I said, I'm gonna do content about a lot of stuff, and I also want you to be part of that, that content that I am creating. And yeah, if you like, if you like this video, you're more than free to just go and subscribe so you can know what's coming next. And I'll see you very, very soon. Thank you for being here.