10 Confessions I’ve Never Shared Publicly: I'm 31 and Embarrassed to Admit This...

Okay, so I have something I think you're really gonna love, and your business is gonna love it even more. Do you wanna steal the strategy I've been using to seduce premium buyers and sell out my offers on Instagram Stories? Chances are you're already posting, you're already making sales, but if your Instagram Stories aren't working as hard as you are, you're leaving money on the table. Sold Out Stories is gonna teach you exactly how to change that so that you can sell out any offer at any price point. And even high-caliber coaches miss this because selling on Stories isn't about how much you post or how frequently you show up face to camera. It's about psychological sequencing. And the way you're posting right now might be giving the premium buyers in your audience the ick. Documenting your day and hoping it builds trust, posting look at me content and calling it authority, sharing client wins as soon as they drop in instead of strategically weaving them into a story selling sequence designed to drive demand and convert sales.

We both know that you're not here to learn how to show up more.

You're here because you know your content could be converting faster and more effectively. Sold Out Stories is gonna give you 5 high-converting story selling frameworks built specifically for premium buyer psychology. Inside, you'll get over 6 hours of deep dive video trainings, real IG story breakdowns, and live walkthroughs that show you exactly how to elevate your slides from authority building all the way to offer flow in less than 10 slides. My clients have already been using these frameworks to pull 5-figure sales days while posting less. One client generated 14 premium leads from a single story sequence. Another sold out her event in under 6 hours with just 8 strategic story slides. No sales calls, no paid ads, just the right frameworks. You'll walk away knowing how to sequence for desire, transition into your offer seamlessly, and sell daily without ever feeling salesy. You already know your offer's incredible, so now it's just time for your stories to sell it like it is. Grab Sold Out Stories today and turn 10 slides or less into your highest converting content. Let's make your next story your most profitable one yet. Click the link in the show notes below and I'll see you inside. Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development.

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Let's go make shit happen. What's up, you guys? Welcome back to the podcast. I have some confessions for you today. I'm going to be sharing 10 things that I am embarrassed to admit, and hopefully this is something that will make many of you feel seen. Feel less alone. This is something that I shared recently in a post on social media, and it got at this point almost 500,000 views, so many comments. And so I just figured this is probably a conversation worth having in more places than just underneath this one Instagram reel. So I wanted to bring the conversation to the podcast. It is quite a vulnerable share, but I also think that based on the response and the reactions on social, it's worth, you know, talking through each of these things and maybe even going deeper on them and kind of expanding, simply because short-form content is, you know, it just, it is what it is. It just limits us to how much we can say. And so I can share a couple of sentences about one thing, but it's missing a lot of nuance and context. And so I'm excited to give some more perspective and some more kind of like behind-the-scenes information about each of these things that I shared in that post about what I'm embarrassed to admit. And so there was a part 1 and a part 2, and in each part I shared 5 different things that I felt were somewhat, you know, vulnerable, some more than others, but all of them are things that for me can sometimes create a, a feeling of shame in some way. And so I know that so many women are walking around in the world, probably feeling very similar. Things. And by speaking these things out loud, I think we take the things that are in our shadow and we bring them into the light, and then they don't have power over us anymore. And so I want to bring this conversation to the table, and I'm so grateful that you're here, and I'm excited that you are going to listen with open ears and an open heart. And I hope that this episode feels like a warm hug from someone else who's also just doing their best in the world. And I think no matter how much we can perceive someone online as having everything together or not having any problems. Of course, at the end of the day, we are all human and we're all having a human experience. And so there's going to be elements of people's lives that you just will never see on social media or you'll never hear about for a variety of reasons. Not because they're hiding who they are, but simply because there's certain things that go on in our lives that just don't make it to camera. They just— it's not natural to, you know, film those moments or talk about things, or there might be things in your life that involve other people or relationships that aren't fully your story to tell. And so it's not something that you feel comfortable blasting on social media, especially, you know, if it involves family or friends and you're building a personal brand and you have a larger audience, like it's not always fair to bring other people who are part of that, you know, story in your life to your online space and just share those things because you might have a larger audience. Or an audience of any kind, even if you just have like 1,000 followers, that's a lot of people to share things with about intimate relationships or situations in your life. And so I know a lot of people feel that, but it's interesting as consumers on social media when we follow people that we love and admire and look up to, and you know, we follow their journeys for so many years, it can sometimes be surprising to then learn things about what's going on for them behind the scenes in their life and be like, wow, that's so crazy that I felt like I've known everything about you and I and I didn't know that one thing. So there might be things in here that I share that you never knew about me. And in fact, you know, that's somewhat the whole point of this, is like, these are things that I'm embarrassed to admit. So if I had already plastered them all over social and admitted them everywhere, then they wouldn't be embarrassing to talk about anymore. So after this episode, after this conversation, they probably won't be things that I'm embarrassed to admit because they will have already cleared that shame and put everything into the light. So anyways, Thank you guys for being here for this conversation. I think it's fascinating when we have these parasocial relationships with people in the online space to then see, get the opportunity or the privilege truly to see like another layer of who they are. Because the truth is that we are not entitled to the information about everyone's life, even if they are building a brand, even if they are someone who shares seemingly everything on social media. And so it feels, at least for me, you know, people that I follow and look up to and respect, and if they've had a podcast that I've listened to every single week for years and then they share something that I never knew about them, I feel like that's such a privilege to be let in to their life and their inner world on a deeper level. So I'm not saying that you have to feel that way, but I hope that it feels— I hope that it feels like an opening for you rather than like a, oh, she's been secretive, or why hasn't she talked about these things earlier sort of vibe. But I trust that the podcast community will get it because you guys, most of you have been here for a long time. So let's dive into these confessions, shall we? I think this is going to be fun. So the hook for this post was the text on screen said, I'm 31 and I'm embarrassed to admit that. And then in the caption, there's kind of all the things that maybe you struggle with or you haven't really admitted publicly. And so the first thing that I shared in part 1 of this post was that I'm worried that I might be still too selfish to be a mom. And I shared that sometimes I forget to take my dog outside during the day when I'm deep in work, or I'll push his midday walk, which ideally I'd like to take him outside around like noon, 1:00, somewhere around then to give him like a midday pee break. And sometimes I'll push that like all the way until 5:00 PM so that I can get more done first if I'm in like a deep work task. And even though that I logically know his well-being should be a priority over work tasks, this is something that happens for me kind of often, if I'm being totally honest. And so of course that's something that you don't necessarily want to tell people, of like, oh yeah, like, I just would rather do my work than like take my dog outside. It makes you sound like such a shitty person. I think this is the one that riled people up maybe the most when the post started going a little bit more viral. I think it was the only one that I really got any kind of like flack for. There's just a couple comments of people being like, then don't have kids, or you are too selfish, or whatever. So, um, but then there's so many people that relate, right? And so I think the reality of the situation is like, my dog is very well taken care of because of the fact that I also have a partner who most days of the week is also working from home with me. And so half of the time, like, this isn't even an issue because he takes care of that and he does the walks with Storm. But on the days where he's not here and he's at the office or wherever for work, and it's— I'm home alone with the dog, there will be times where he doesn't go out at noon or 1, and instead he goes out like at 5 or 6 PM. But when I tell you that this dog gets 3 to 4 walks every single day of his entire life, and he's almost 8 years old, like, I mean it. So he is well taken care of. It's not like I'm neglecting my animal or like he's living in squalor, like he's like going to the bathroom like in the house or anything like that. But my point in sharing this was not to say that like my dog is, you know, being mistreated, but it's more so that I know that I would like to be holding myself to a higher standard for how I care for people who depend on me. And knowing that, you know, with the dog there's no real consequence if I take him out at noon versus 5 PM. He's not like dying or unable to hold his bladder. So I know that it's quote unquote okay that I can do that, even though it's not ideal, obviously. But that's not possible with a human child. And that was my point, is like, I can get away with this level of selfishness and prioritizing work over taking the dog out at the ideal time for routine. But with a baby, like, you can't push their routine off by 4 hours. If a baby is screaming, crying, and needs attention, it's not like, hang on, Mommy has some work tasks to do, can you hang on for 3 hours? Like, I, I know that that's not something that's possible. And so I think when I reflect on— because people are always— I think when you get into your 30s, people are always very curious about when you're going to have children, especially if you are someone who's expressed the fact that you want to and that you intend to have children. So if people will be curious about when that's happening for you, and I'm not like offended by questions like that at all, I think it's very normal. And, um, especially between women, or if it's women that, that you trust and like they know your story and they know you, I don't think it's like an offensive thing necessarily, especially if they've said that they like want to have children and they intend to. But whenever I'm in one of those conversations I do have this kind of self-reflection of like, am I really ready to give up the freedom and flexibility that I have right now to be able to essentially do whatever I want when I want to? And I know that this is something that probably all people wrestle with before they come parent— before they become parents. So I don't think this is necessarily like unique. And even saying that, like, there were a lot of people in the comments saying that you'll probably always feel that way until you have the baby. And then the baby is the thing that kind of like shifts your whole world and your perspective and your priorities. And like, it happens naturally. Those like maternal instincts turn on and, and all of that. So I wouldn't say that I'm like severely like worried that I would be a horrible mom. I think I would be a good mom and I obviously would figure it out and make the sacrifice. I know that I would. It's just like, am I— do I want to make the decision to do that now or not? And that's really like the question. So I don't think that my preoccupation is like, am I going to have a baby and still be super selfish and like not adequately take care of the child? No, I, I know for sure that I would drop anything to take care of my child. It's really just more so, am I ready to make that choice yet? Am I ready to make that sacrifice yet? Or are there still things that I that I want to do or accomplish, um, or work on before I know that my whole world is gonna be turned upside down and shifted by becoming a mom. So a lot of you in the comments felt really seen by that, and there was a lot of like loving support from people who have become mothers, like saying not to worry and that, you know, it would all be great and it'll all work out. There was also people saying, you know, don't feel pressured to be a mom if you don't wanna have kids. Like that's totally okay. And I think that's a valid perspective. But, you know, for people who obviously have been part of my world for longer and follow me, like, they already know that I do want to be a mom. And then of course there was, you know, a couple of Karens who just wanted to tell me that I'm a selfish bitch. So they kind of missed the point of the post, which was, you know, compassion and non-judgment. But that's besides the point. So number 2 was talking about how I did over a year of hypnotherapy to heal this OCD habit of chewing the inside of my mouth. And even in doing that, it's actually only gotten worse. And I think this past year it's been more intense, at least from what I remember. It might be like recency bias too, of being like, oh, it's like happening a lot for me recently. But it's definitely never even gotten close to going away. And I was truly shocked at the amount of people in the comments who were like, like, oh my God, I do this too. Or some people were like, not me, literally chewing inside my mouth while I'm reading this. And I don't know why, but I was really surprised by how many people also have this habit. Like, truly, like, I know that it's a thing that some people do, but I did not realize the volume of people that do this. And it's not that I want other people to like have this problem, because I don't want to have this problem either. But I do think that it made me feel really, really seen and so much less alone in that, because I always just kind of assumed that it was a very like unique and kind of weird habit that no one else dealt with. And so to see the outpouring of people in the comments saying that they also did that or do that was crazy. And a lot of people being like, have you ever figured out like a way to stop it or fix it? Like I, I do this too, or I've done this my whole life. And the truth is that there's only been one time in my whole life where the habit has completely disappeared, vanished on its own with no intentional internal work of any kind, like no conscious thought, nothing. There was a period in my life where it completely vanished and disappeared all on its own.

Okay, so I have something I think you're really gonna love, and your business is gonna love it even more. Do you want to steal the strategy I've been using to seduce premium buyers and sell out my offers on Instagram Stories? Chances are you're already posting, you're already making sales, but if your Instagram Stories aren't working as hard as you are, you're leaving money on the table. Sold Out Stories is going to teach you exactly how to change that so that you can sell out any offer at any price point. And even high-caliber coaches miss this because selling on stories isn't about how much you post or how frequently you show up face to camera. It's about psychological sequencing and the way you're posting right now might be giving the premium buyers in your audience the ick. Documenting your day and hoping it builds trust, posting look at me content and calling it authority, sharing client wins as soon as they drop in instead of strategically weaving them into a story selling sequence designed to drive demand and convert sales.

We both know that you're not here to learn how to show up more.

You're here because you know your content could be converting faster and more effectively. Sold Out Stories is gonna give you 5 high-converting story selling frameworks built specifically for premium buyer psychology. Inside, you'll get over 6 hours of deep dive video trainings, real IG story breakdowns, and live walkthroughs that show you exactly how to elevate your slides from authority building all the way to offer flow in less than 10 slides. My clients have already been using these frameworks to pull 5-figure sales days while posting less. One client generated 14 premium leads from a single story sequence. Another sold out her event in under 6 hours with just 8 strategic story slides. No sales calls, no paid ads, just the right frameworks. You'll walk away knowing how to sequence for desire, transition into your offer seamlessly, and sell daily without ever feeling salesy. You already know your offer's incredible, so now it's just time for your stories to sell it like it is. Grab Sold Out Stories today and turn 10 slides or less into your highest converting content. Let's make your next story, your most profitable one yet. Click the link in the show notes below and I'll see you inside.

And I didn't even notice that I had stopped because it, it's such an autopilot subconscious behavior that you don't realize when you're doing it. And so you obviously don't realize the moment that you stop doing it. But after a couple of months, for some reason, I, it came to my mind and I realized, oh my gosh, I have not been doing that at all. And I was like, wow, this is crazy. I'm cured. I'm freaking cured. But then it came back. And so the, the, what I'll tell you is the time period in my life where the habit completely vanished and disappeared was when I was 21 and I was studying abroad in Spain. And I obviously don't have like the scientific, you know, reason behind this, but because it is, you know, a habit related to OCD and anxiety, I would say that it probably naturally went away at this time in my life because I was so carefree during this period of time in my life. I was single, I was in Europe for the first time in my life, I was making friends, I was traveling, school was so easy, like my classes were a joke, I didn't have to stress about exams or studying hard or anything. I was having so much fun. I was meeting a guy and falling in love. You guys know the story, still together for anyone who's new here. Um, and I didn't have like financial worries because I was still a student at the time, and I was, you know, my, my trip had been paid for, and my dad gave me a credit card that I could use for my expenses while I was over there. So I wasn't like having to work a job while I was in Europe because you can't, um, you can't work legally when you're in a foreign country. So I was like, oh my gosh, like, I'm set. Like, I don't have to nanny, I don't have to work, I don't have to— like, it— I don't have to really, like, study that hard. Like, I— it was just— life was so good and it was so easy. And I, I think that that's such a bubble. Like, I— that's not a real version of life. It's such a fake scenario and it was only 4 months of my life. And then once I went back to college after that and went back to regular life and the stress of, you know, graduating and having to interview for jobs and decide what I'm going to do, and am I going to move to Spain or not, and am I going to be with this guy, or am I going to take this job in Chicago, like all of that comes back crashing down. And so the habit came back. So just for anyone else who does also struggle with that, that's That's all I can say about if I've ever, you know, gotten it to successfully go away. It was that, and I don't think that that's a realistic version of our lives that we can create. But there was also a couple people that were like, how— oh my God, wait, that's so interesting. I, I do that too, but I didn't know that it was OCD. So it doesn't necessarily mean that you have OCD, if I understand it correctly. However, when I was working with my therapist through hypnotherapy to try to cure and heal this she was the one that enlightened me to the fact that it is considered, you know, an obsessive-compulsive related disorder. So it's like there's a, there's a segment of obsessive-compulsive disorders that are called body-focused repetitive behaviors, BFRB, body-focused repetitive behaviors. And I think like hair pulling and nail biting. Like, those are other versions of that as well. And so they fall kind of in that same category, and it's because they have a compulsive nature. So the behavior is repetitive and it's difficult to control even if it causes pain or damage. And that's kind of how compulsions work in OCD. It's also a form of anxiety relief. So many people engage in these kind of, um, you know, obsessive behaviors that are body-focused and repetitive because it temporarily relieves stress and anxiety. It relieves boredom or tension, and that's also really common in OCD-related behaviors. And it's a habitual loop, right? So like OCD, it can become this conditioned loop that's triggered by a thought or an emotion or a physical sensation like stress, like anxiety, and then followed by an action, which is the chewing or the nail biting or whatever, and that kind of temporarily reduces the discomfort. So then you learn that in order to soothe, that's the behavior that helps you. And so it becomes this sort of like self-soothing mechanism, but it's so unconscious and it's so below the surface that most people don't even realize when they're doing it until like they bite their cheek or their lips so hard that they actually notice that they're chewing on it. Or same with biting your fingernails. You might not even know that you're doing it for the first, you know, several seconds until maybe you like pull a hangnail or something, and then you're like, oh, like, why am I biting my nails again? So anyways, um, it's considered OCD-related because of the compulsive, repetitive, and anxiety-driven nature of the behavior, even though not everyone who does it technically has OCD. So hopefully that's helpful. I didn't like mean to scare anyone in sharing that, that that's an OCD thing, because there were a lot of people that were like, oh my God, wait, does this mean that I have OCD? So I'm, I'm not diagnosing you. I don't need you to diagnose me. But I was just kind of sharing what I had learned in my journey of attempting to heal this behavior and failing. Number 3 is that my skin is honestly still one of my biggest insecurities. And I do worry that I will never get the opportunity in my life to feel confident without makeup and just like nothing on my face, which is wild because growing up I always had really amazing skin. But I think it, again, it comes back to that kind of, you know, being someone who is more high-strung or has this kind of like stress ball energy, can experience symptoms of anxiety. I like even— I remember growing up, even if I had like one single pimple, like I would freaking obsess over it. Like I would squeeze it so hard until I literally was like breaking the skin or like bleeding, or it was— it's crazy like the amount that I would obsess over any imperfection on my face. And I had, I had really good skin, and I think I still have good skin today. I want to like change the way that I talk about it. I think in general, like, I have really good quality skin. There's just a couple of like issues that I struggle with it with. And so I didn't really start to— I started to get like a little bit of acne in my 20s because from a teenager into my mid-20s, I was on birth control for over a decade, for basically 10 years-ish, give or take. So I got on it when I was a teenager in high school, and then I didn't get off of it until I was— I want to say 26, maybe 27, 28, 29, 30, 31. Yeah, that tracks. Probably like 25 or 26 is when I got off of hormonal birth control of any kind. And so a little bit before I got off the pill, I was starting to experience some more acne. Not anything cystic, nothing on my like cheeks or chin area. It was just like clusters of pimples like on my forehead or it kind of like in the T-zone where you can be a little bit more oily. And that was definitely bothersome to me. And so I worked with a, you know, holistic specialist, a skin specialist, nutritionist, all these things to like do all these things to support my skin. And when I got off of birth control, shortly after, I got put on Accutane by a dermatologist while I was living in Spain. And my experience with Accutane was not good in the sense that I don't think that the dermatologist really did what they were supposed to do correctly with me. So because I didn't have like severe or cystic or, you know, all over my face kind of acne, it was just these like, you know, annoying like clusters that would just sort of like never really go away, um, in certain spots, but mostly like forehead and then sometimes like around the mouth or like I said, T-zone kind of area. They put me on like a super, super, super low dose of the Accutane, but I was taking it for like 9 months. And I don't know if that's like normal in Europe compared to how they do it in America, but everyone that I've talked to about this since has said like, that's a really long time to be on Accutane. Like usually it's only 6 months. So it gets worse because I was on it for 9 months, but at a super low dose. And so the dose that they give you, you need to, you need to reach a certain amount of the medication that you've taken based on your body weight and like your size. So you have to get up to a certain number of like milligrams or whatever the fuck that it is in order for like your treatment on Accutane to be considered complete. So because I was taking such a low dose for 9 months, like I never actually reached the full amount that I was supposed to take in order to come off of the Accutane. But when it got to the end of the 9 months, it was like summertime in Spain, and they don't want you taking it in the summer of the implications of, you know, sun exposure and burning or whatever. So they were like, okay, you're done. And I got off of it, and we went to the beach house for the summer, and my skin was like totally clear. Like, while I was on it, my skin was flawless. It was like looking so good. I was so happy. I was like, fuck yes, this is working! I love this. And then about a month after I had been off of it, I started again to get like pimples, like even, even kind of like dermatitis-y type things, which I also had perioral dermatitis prior to this, like really, really, really badly for several months, which I think really impacted my mental health when it comes to skin things in general because of the severity of it. And maybe I'll— if you're watching on YouTube, I will put some pictures on the screen for you guys of what my skin looked like when I had perioral dermatitis really bad. Um, and I, I was working in schools at the time, and so to have to go to work every day and stand in front of a classroom of students, it was honestly just like some, the, some of the hardest months of my life. Like, if I think about it too much, I will get emotional about it. So that was like really bad, and I think that definitely impacted overall, like the obsession with feeling like there was something wrong with my skin. Sorry.

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Oh, okay. I don't want to be dramatic, but if for anyone who has ever like struggled with skin issues, like, you will know like how severely and significantly it impacts your mental health. So that was really hard. And when I had the perioral dermatitis, like, the first doctor that I went to in Spain I was like, oh, this is like a fungal infection, so you should put this like certain cream on it. And so I started putting that cream on and they were like, do it day and night for 12 days. And, you know, if, if that— if it doesn't help, then like we'll reevaluate. And so I started putting the cream on it and it was like getting way more inflamed and way more red. And I was like, oh my gosh, maybe this is just kind of like one of those purging things where like it gets worse before it gets better. So like I have to complete, you know, the treatment and do the full 12 days. And so I did the full 12 days and then it was like really bad at that point. So I went back to the doctor and I was like, like, that actually— I think it made it worse. Like, that didn't make it better. And they were like, whoa, like, why didn't you stop putting the cream? And I'm like, what do you mean why didn't I stop putting in the cream? Anytime you go to a doctor and they give you a medication, they say don't stop it early. Like, don't— like, do not stop the dose before it's complete. And so that was when, at the point where I had to go to another dermatologist, and they were like, okay, no, this is like dermatitis. Like, you need an antibiotic. So I had to take an antibiotic. And literally, when I tell you, within through like 2 to 3 days, it was starting to like completely go away and be gone. I was like, I cannot believe that I suffered with this for months and all I needed to do was like take an antibiotic to heal it. And trust me, I tried all the holistic things. I tried all like everything online. I followed influencers that had perioral dermatitis like in their pregnancies or things like that, and they shared holistic remedies and tea tree and manuka honey and whatever, whatever the fuck. I tried literally everything and it didn't work. So when you have an issue like that, sometimes you're just like, I will lean into Western medicine because fuck this, like, I can't deal with this anymore. And so that's what I did with the antibiotics. I never am excited about taking antibiotics now at this point in my life because I know that having taken so many of them in my young life, from the time that I was 3 all the way through college, like, I think I definitely abused antibiotics. Um, not like drug abuse, but like, you know what I mean? Like, oh, like we overdid it. I never knew the impact that antibiotics had on gut health. And so I just, when I would be sick in college, like I would go to the doctor and, and lie and say that I had been sick for 3 weeks instead of 3 days because I was like, I just need to get better because I need to study and like, fuck this. And so I would beg for like a Z-pack and like take antibiotics when like maybe I didn't need them. That is so bad, I know. Oh my God, it's so bad. Ah, it's so bad. Okay, so no wonder we had like leaky gut and like acne and like these other things. It's, it's crazy when you start to like be educated and informed about your health and then you realize all the things that impacted you. And then also my mother enlightened me to the fact that when I was 3 years old I had to take an antibiotic every single day for an entire year. Like, can you imagine a 3-year-old's gut microbiome taking an antibiotic every single day for an entire year? And it was because of some urinary tract infection thing that I had that the doctor said if I didn't do that, like, I would— it would, it would affect my kidneys and like I would have all these major problems and whatever. So anyways, I think I'm— I didn't want to take the antibiotics, but once I did, I was so glad that that actually like cleared my skin. And so I got to a similar place eventually with the acne where I was like, I— this is affecting me to a level where I would rather take the Accutane than deal with, you know, the mental health implications of having this on my face literally all the time. So I went on the Accutane, like I said, and the dosage was so small. And then they told me that I could get off of it. And then when I got off of it, like, it all started to come back. So after the summer, I went back to the doctor and I was like, hey, like, my skin is not good. Like, I don't know if, like, we did this right or if I need to go on it again, or like, what do you think is happening? And then the doctor was basically like, oh, like, you didn't take the full dosage. And I'm like, well, you told me that I was done and that it was time to stop. And she was like, well, no, no, no, like, you, you didn't get to your full dose, so you need to take more. So she puts me on Accutane for another 9 months. You guys, any, any holistic girlie who's listening to this is probably freaking the fuck out. I know, you guys. I know, I know it's bad. I know it's bad. It's okay. It's okay, though. I'm, I'm okay. I'm okay now. And I, and I did survive. We're still, still working on, on things, clearly, from a lifetime of just, you know, overloading the body with the pharmaceuticals. My goodness. But I was at that point where you're like, you are in desperation and you will do whatever the doctor says you have to do in order for this to work. And everyone around me was like, do Accutane, it was the best thing I ever did. Like, it will clear your skin. Like, you'll never have to worry about it again. Even Jaime, like, he had a similar thing. He never had like a full face of acne or like cystic under-the-skin pimples or anything like that, but he always had just like several like annoying breakouts when he was younger. So he did Accutane, I think, when he was like early in college, and he's literally like never had a pimple since in his whole fucking life. And he was like, it was the best thing ever, like do it. He was encouraging me, he was like, do it. And if that had been the case, like I would be so happy right now. We wouldn't still be talking about this like 6 years later. But that wasn't the case for me. It did not work for me once again. And after I came off of it, like a month later, I started getting little breakouts again here and there. And it was like manageable though, it wasn't like anything crazy. And so I kind of dealt with that for a while, and then I worked with a holistic practitioner and really worked on my skin and, you know, removing gluten and dairy and doing all kinds of testing for my gut health and healing leaky gut and I did a bunch of really great work to help support my skin and my liver detoxing and my hormones and like all of these things. That was like the central focus. I did a lot of that work in— what year was that? It must have been like 2021. No, 2022. 2021 and 2022. And that was, that was really good for me. But eventually it just got to a point where I, I need this to be completely done. Like I can't be obsessing over like what I'm eating. I can't, I can't sustain not eating gluten or dairy to like not have a breakout. Like, I don't want to live this way. And so once we moved to Florida, I got with a kind of like virtual health dermatologist here, and they evaluated my skin and were like, here's what you could do. And so I started taking tretinoin, which is like a cream retinol that you put on your skin, and it helps with anti-aging and, um, breakouts and discoloration, like all kinds of things. And so I started taking tretinoin, and that for the first probably like 6 to 7 months was like giving it— there's like a purge kind of thing that happens with it, and it wasn't too bad, but like I did notice that it was there. But then it got like completely clear, and my skin was perfect, and that was amazing. But living in Florida, what got bad is my melasma. So I had like— I've always had like a couple of like dark spots, but once we moved to Florida, they started to get really like prominent and dark. Even if I like wear sunscreen every day and wear a hat and like all the things, I'm sure I could like reapply sunscreen more often, but like whatever, I try my best. But that started to get really bad. And so then I went to a skin clinic and I did, you know, the laser things to help fade and get rid of melasma. And then I did the chemical peel. And what I learned from that situation is that it's going to come back and it's probably going to be worse. And finally, one professional told me, because she had dealt with melasma really bad in her life, she was like, listen, us Florida girlies, like, I'm gonna tell you straight up, like, I could sell you a laser treatment right now, I could sell you a skin peel, but like, you're gonna regret it and it's not gonna work. She was like, my best advice to you is unless you can commit to being out of the sun completely, like legitimately, like not in this— not just like laying out baking, but like not even walking in the sun, like nothing— unless you can commit to being completely out of the sun for 6 months, like, I don't think you should do any of these treatments because it's gonna come back and it's gonna be darker. And I think that that was like such a godsend, that piece of advice, because it allowed me to stop trying to find this like superficial solution to the melasma, when in reality like melasma is oftentimes related to hormonal imbalance and, uh, liver dysfunction, like a sluggish liver, which a lot of people get melasma from hormonal birth control. And I was on it for a decade and then I got off of it, and then I also used Accutane, which is very strenuous on the liver. And so— and then I moved to a very sunny place, so like it obviously makes sense that that would then appear on my skin. So it's more so a journey of me like slowly bringing myself holistically back to a point of health and like supporting my liver and all these things, and just trusting that like one day it will fade and it will go away. But right now what I'm doing for my melasma is simply just like managing it. And so I wear sunscreen every day, like I try to wear hats anytime I go outside. I'm, you know, usually quite covered up with like SPF 50 and makeup if I'm ever like outside for like a brunch or an event or anything like that. Um, I do like the ice rolling on my face because cold is really good. I don't do saunas anymore because the heat and humidity, um, even anytime your body temperature rises a lot, it can produce the melanin in the skin that like makes the spots darker. So that's my skin story. Hopefully that wasn't like jaw-droppingly boring for you, but I know that there's a lot of girls that like struggle with skin issues, and so I do think that it's, um, nice to be transparent and to really just like share about that. Okay, anyways, we have to go a little bit quicker through these confessions or else we're going to be here for hours. Let's get into number 4. The 4th confession was that certain simple task like hanging a picture frame or opening the mail are weirdly very mentally overwhelming for me, and I need people other to do them. Like, I physically cannot open the mailbox. It's like the worst thing for me, trying to like go through mail, open a bunch of letters, decide what needs to be thrown out, read through things like letters from credit card companies and phone companies and what's important and No, I can't. I can't. These pictures that you see hanging in my office, if you're watching on YouTube, I literally waited 6 months for my brother to come visit me so that he could hang that frame instead of just me attempting to do it myself. Like, I just felt like I can't. Like, I don't, I don't know how, and I would rather not try. Like, I just, it's it's this weird, like, resistance that I just cannot do it. And a lot of, a lot of people in the comments heavily related to that as well. And then everyone was like, um, I think you have ADHD, Sam. Like, have you tested yourself? Like, you definitely have ADHD. So if you're listening to this episode and you're screaming to yourself, you have ADHD, like, bitch, I probably do. Like, I, I wouldn't doubt it. Um, but I've never tested. And someone was like, have you ever considered it? And I'm like, honestly, no. Because I have been able to live such like a colorful, fulfilling, fun, productive, successful, enjoy— like joyful life the way that I am, that I don't really think having the confirmation of a diagnosis like that is going to benefit me in any way. I know for a lot of people it feels very validating and it's really confirming to them, or if they do want to try you know, with, with medications for ADHD and stuff like that. Like, it gives them the permission and the, the ability to do that. For me, I just know that I don't— I don't want to have to rely on a medication. I don't want— not that there's any shame in that for anyone who does. I just personally think that I'm very highly functioning, and like, I'm— I've been able to achieve, again, a colorful, fun, joyful, successful, productive life. So clearly, even if I did have ADHD, like, I'm not a person who feels like it's debilitating to me in some way. So I would rather not know for sure, and that's fine. Like, I resonate with a lot of things that people share about ADHD, but I would just rather not add that label to myself because as long as I don't know for sure if I have ADHD, then I can really use that to my advantage in the sense that like I get to choose the belief that nothing is wrong with me. And even if you have ADHD or any other type of mental health, you know, diagnosis, it doesn't mean that anything's wrong with you. But it's a belief that I choose every single day because I think it's more empowering and more valuable to me that like nothing is wrong with me and, and I don't need to be fixed and I have everything that I need inside of me already the way that I am to create the life that I want to live. And I love who I am and it's obviously working for me, so like it's fine. Um, that's kind of my mindset towards it. You, like everyone else, can have their own opinions and I don't judge them whatsoever at all by any means, but that's just like like my insight to that. So you're right, I probably do have ADHD. Like, who fucking knows? But I'm not going to take a test, so that's just what it is. Um, so anyways, the fifth thing that I confessed to was that I am not a good long-distance friend, or family member for that matter. I do not call or FaceTime enough, and sometimes like my relationships struggle or they fade because of this fact, and that's something that I wish that I was better at. But to be fair, like, I also think relationships are reciprocal, and it's not like these people are also calling me all the time or like checking up on me or like trying to reach out and I'm not answering. Like, I'm a very contactable person. I'm not the person that like leaves you on read for like 3 months. Um, I'm not the type of person— I'm not the type of friend where like you text me and you just basically know that you're like probably not going to get a response because I'm always MIA or so bad with my phone or like never answering. That's not me at all. I'm very contactable, but I think it's just hard when you don't live close to people. And again, ChatGPT also told me that this is like related to my potential ADHD because of like the object impermanence thing or whatever. What did it say? I'll read it for you guys. It says, what you shared resonates deeply with a lot of people, and it's also a textbook example of how ADHD in women often goes unrecognized or misunderstood as just being overwhelmed. Lazy or not good at adulting. Some of the things that you pointed out, you know, that relate to ADHD likely stem from the patterns in your post that align with, you know, executive function, emotional regulation challenges, and task paralysis, which are all core features of ADHD. So things like prioritizing work over pet care and like losing track of time. It talks about like the time blindness thing that ADHD people experience, this like inability to sense the passage of time accurately. Especially when you're hyperfocused on something that's really engaging, like a work task. So I can definitely relate to that. And this is a sign of executive function overload and difficulty with task switching, which like, holy shit, like I definitely have that. Uh, my task switching abil— like, oh my, it's so bad. So bad. So bad. So bad. So bad. I really have to like set up my week to take care of, um, you know, theming my days so that I'm not constantly switching back and forth. And even so, like I can easily get like distracted and pulled into something else. And then I'm like, wait, what was I doing? And that's why I need to have like structure and discipline with my calendar, because I can just open my calendar at any moment in time and go, what was I supposed to be doing right now? And then I'm like, oh my God, yes, I was supposed to be doing this. And so that's why my calendar is literally my, like, you know, hour-by-hour kind of to-do list of what I'm supposed to be focusing on, so that I can pull myself back in whenever I get, like, pulled out into something else. But it also talked about how, you know, with, like, the mouth chewing, many people with ADHD also engage in the body-focused repetitive behaviors like nail biting, skin picking, cheek chewing, those things. Um, and so it says these are often misdiagnosed as purely OCD, but in ADHD they are more about sensory regulation and nervous energy than obsessional thought loops. So that was kind of interesting. And then the mental overwhelm from the small tasks like opening the mail or hanging a frame. Um, they said this is Executive Dysfunction 101. ADHD makes it incredibly hard to initiate boring or low stimulation tasks, even simple ones. So your brain sees, we should hang this frame, and it goes, oh my gosh, too many steps, too hard, no dopamine, like, I'm gonna delay that. So it's not laziness, but it is like a literal neurological block. And then with the long-distance friendships, it talked about how ADHD affects your working memory and task prioritization, which makes staying in touch with people, especially without those visual cues or the immediate urgency, really, really difficult. And so it's not that you don't care, it's just that the 'I should text them' thought pops up into your brain, but then it almost immediately vanishes into the ADHD void unless you act on that thing immediately. And I will say that's something that I definitely have, is if something pops up, I have to act on it right then, or I know that I will completely forget. And that can be why the task switching thing becomes so overwhelming, because a message comes in from Slack from my team and it's about something that needs to be reviewed, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I just read the message, and now if I don't do it, then I'm gonna forget. Okay, let me just do that right now. And then I forget that I completely just like abandoned my— I was writing an email or doing something else, and then an Instagram notification pops up, and you're like pulled into that. And then before you know it, you're watching videos, and you're like, wait, why the fuck am I here? And that's why I need like my calendar the way that it is, because that really helps me stay on track. And like get back to, um, the schedule for my day of like what I was intended to be doing. So basically I have ADHD according to ChatGPT. And I think I've talked about the long-distance friend thing in a little bit more depth in another episode about the Sisterhood Wound, where I talked a lot about my experiences with female friendships in general. From the time that I was really young all the way into adulthood. But something that's been so helpful for me is like having the types of friends who are also very busy, very driven. They have a lot going on in their lives, and so it never feels like anyone's mad at each other for not texting 24/7. Or, you know, I'll literally go like months without seeing some friends, and then we'll be like, oh my gosh, we need to hang out! And then we're like, yes, let's do it soon! And then like another month passes, and then finally we're like, okay, hang on, like, we actually need to hang out, and then we catch up and it's so fun, and like no one's mad at each other. And so those types of friendships that are a little bit more like low maintenance in the sense that you're friends with people who just get it and they also kind of feel the same, and so you can just pick back up right where you left off and there's no animosity, there's no bad feelings. Like, I just know I'm not the type of person that can have friends who are super clingy or like need you to be like like talking to them all the time, like as if we're in like a romantic relationship. Like, I'm not gonna text you like good morning. And I can't handle like friendship jealousy. Like, if I hang out with other people and you're like, oh my God, like the, the, the emotional immaturity that sometimes happens in female friendships, like I just cannot be a part of it. And if you are like way too emotionally needy from a friendship, I just kind of think you need to get your emotional needs met in other places because to me, I don't think that that's the role of a friend in your life, to be your like emotional support person like all the time. And trust me, like, I'm there for my friends through like really, really hard shit. Like, when they're going through it and shit's hitting the fan in their life, like, I am there to support them, rally around them, like, provide that emotional support. But it's like, that shouldn't have to be like an everyday thing in your friendships, because if it is it feels kind of unhealthy to me, and it's just a little bit draining. So I wish that I was like a FaceTime girly. I wish that I was the person that picked up the phone and like FaceTimed people all the time randomly as I'm like walking through the supermarket. But like, my brain just doesn't work that way. Like, it literally does not occur to me to do that. Like, I'll be out doing something and I'll see like so-and-so is FaceTiming me, and I'm like, oh my God, like, are we gonna like talk on camera right now, like, while I'm in this store? And then I'm like, oh yeah, people do this. Like, this is a normal thing that people do, like, I guess. But it would never occur to me to just, like, you know, randomly FaceTime people all the time. And I have family members who are like that. Like, my sister-in-law is so good at, like, calling her sisters all the time and, like, connecting with her family all the time and, like, being in contact. And even calling, like, my parents, who are her, like, mother and father-in-law. Like, they're so much more connected. And so I do sometimes feel guilty that, like, I'm not that girl and, like, I could be better. But I don't know, like, I, I don't know. It just is what it is. I think that's who I am, and I hope that the people that love me accept me. Okay, number 6. I shared that I feel like I should have more friends at this stage of my life, but the truth is that I've always been the girl with like a smaller circle. Like, I'm always— I've always been someone who's friendly with everyone but only truly close with like a handful of high-quality friends. And so I am not the girl who's being invited to a different wedding every weekend. And honestly, like financially, that's kind of a perk at this point because I have other friends who are friends with everybody. And it's like, one of my college friends was like, a couple summers ago she was like, I have 12 weddings this summer, like every weekend of the entire summer, like I'm traveling and going to weddings. And I'm like, that sounds like hell on earth. Like, do— like, if I had that many friends, I would probably have to tell some of them, like, it's okay, like, you don't need to invite me to this one. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, it's so extra. Like, that's crazy. So I know that some people are those kind of social butterfly archetypes. It's not me. It's never been me. Um, and I think part of that is because, like, I— and I'm not saying people who have a lot of friends are fake, but I just don't have the energy to be fake. I don't have the energy to have like, you know, fair-weather friends. Like, that's what they call them, right? The friends that are there like just to have a good time and like they're, they're cool to like, you know, hang out with when things are good, but like they're not the type of friend that you would like call when you find out that your parents are getting divorced or that your partner cheated on you, or like they wouldn't be the type of friends that are there for like the real shit. I don't have friends like that because I don't I've never really chosen to deepen any sort of like relationship that feels surface or just like it's a fair-weather friend type relationship. And so yeah, I've just always had like a really tight circle. And in high school I was friends with everybody and I was like part of like the, the bigger groups and I would go to the all the parties and stuff. And so I was there, but like my true friends that like I would hang out with one-on-one and like have sleepovers with and like actually text and call and talk to all the time was like 2 to 3 people max. And so I've always, you know, I've always kind of been like that, but I think there is this pressure where you see these like big groups of girls and you see the big, you know, Bachelorette weekends and you see like them having these fun, like girls' nights and doing all these things. And it looks like that's what we're all meant to have, that we're all meant to be part of this like giant group of friends where it's like, 10 best friends who like meet up and travel together and hang out all the time. And so if you are someone that has that, I'm so happy for you, and we're all probably a little bit jealous of you. But if you are someone like me who's like, I, I keep my circle really tight and sometimes I feel left out or sad that I don't have a larger group of friends, like, I see you and I definitely feel you. Um, but I think it's special to have those those friendships that are really high quality, and like, it's the people that you would really go to with the hard stuff and the good stuff, and they're truly happy for you when things are going well in your life. And when you're winning, they want to celebrate you genuinely. Like, there's no weird jealousy of them being like, oh my God, congrats, but like low-key they're like, wait, I wish that was me. Like, I kind of hate that she's winning. Like, I think it's— it would be hard to have a very, very large group of friends places where everyone is deeply genuine in that way. And so I do think it's rewarding to have that smaller circle of people who you know are actually good people, like they're actually good fucking friends. And it can feel vulnerable in those milestone moments of life, like birthdays or bachelorettes or weddings or baby showers or whatever, like the milestone moments where you're like, I should be having— like, I should be inviting a bunch of people to this thing. I should be having so many people around me who love me. There should be like, you know, 30 people at my 30th birthday party and there's only 5. Like, I feel you on that. Like, that's a very real experience. I think it's normal to, in those moments, you know, create that story in your mind that like you're doing something wrong because you don't have that big celebration, or like a ton of people to call, or like a ton of people at your party, or, you know, a dozen people sitting at your Friendsgiving table, or whatever it is. Like, that I think is totally normal. Um, and if you also feel that way, I just want to say same, and you're not alone. My 7th confession is quite personal, and it's the fact that I speak to my grandparents anymore. Um, so most of my grandparents have passed at this point, but the ones that do remain, the set of grandparents that do remain, um, I don't speak to them anymore. One of them is my grandparent and the other one is, um, a stepparent on my mom's side. So not blood related, but they've been together for like my entire life growing up as a child. So even though she's not my, like, blood grandmother. She's been in my family as that role for, like, my whole life. Um, but, like, I never really felt close to my grandparents, like, ever. It wasn't like we were super close and then now we're, like, estranged. I— there's always been, like, weird energy with them, like, even since I was a kid. I just— it's, it's been stiff and weird energy. And that kind of comes from, like, the family dynamics of of, you know, my mom coming from a family where her parents were divorced and it was very ugly and not nice and toxic and, you know, talking badly about each other's parent and splitting up the children in terms of custody of, you know, someone goes with this parent and two other kids go with another parent. It's just a lot of like very sad and unfortunate, um, unhealthy dynamics in family unit to begin with that I think you can feel even when you're a child. So me as a child, like seeing, you know, the way that my mom moves when my grandparents are around, you can sort of notice the, the tension and the uncomfortability and you pick that up, I think, as a kid. And so I never had this like overwhelming feeling of like ease or comfort or safety around these people. It always felt very stiff and formal and forced and weird. Um, and so as an adult, like, the older I got, I just kind of realized more and more the harm that they had caused to people that I love. And then there were like specific incidences that happened where they really revealed their true colors. And, and as an adult, like, I just was like, this isn't a relationship that I want to participate in. And so like, I am just gonna sort of cut off this relationship. And I think some people might have this experience with their own parents, which I think would be even more challenging. So if you are someone who's decided to go no contact or, or kind of cut off or limited the relationship that you have with one of your parents for your own well-being and, and to kind of be the cycle breaker in your family and keep yourself protected, or keep your children protected from that dynamic. I have so much respect for you, and I know that that must be so challenging. And, um, yeah, I think like overall I'm— I am proud of myself for having those boundaries and staying true to like my values of like the way that I believe you should be allowed to treat me or my family members or to speak to us or to, you know, try to like manipulate people. Like, I just just— I'm proud of myself for being like, that's— I'm not available for that, right? And just kind of staying true to my values in that way. But I think it still does feel like a thing that, like, shitty people do. Like, but I remember when I was— when the— this kind of bigger incident was, like, going down that really created, like, the main severing of the relationship between me and my grandparents. And my partner Jaime was like, he could not wrap his mind around what was happening because he grows up in a Spanish family where everyone is extremely close, and his grandparents are people that helped raise him. He went to his grandmother's house that was literally one building next to his house, like one apartment building over was his grandmother's house, and another apartment building down the street the other way was his aunt's house. And so he's very close with all of his, you know, family— aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, like the whole thing. He could not wrap his mind around the fact that, like, I, I would be speaking up for myself in such a way to my grandparents. Because he's like, Sam, they're old, like, they're gonna die, like, aren't you gonna regret it? Like, it doesn't matter. Like, who cares? Like, they didn't mean it, blah blah blah. Like, like, and I'm like, you don't understand because you have an amazing relationship with your grandparents. They raised you, they loved you, they took care of you. Like, they were there for you. You felt safe with them, you felt comfortable with them. Like, it's so different. And so I do think that, you know, it can feel sometimes like, oh, am I a shitty person for doing that? Am I, am I a bad person for not just like forgiving and being like, it's okay, it's water under the bridge, like, we'll let it go? Because like, these people are elderly and like, they are going to die at some point. So I think that's something that I, that I definitely wrestle with. But, and I don't share that a lot online because it's like, well, when is a good time to talk about that? And it's also like, it involves my mom a lot to a certain degree because it's her side of the family. And the, like, the whole thing is just not my story to tell. Like, it's not my past, it's not my childhood, it's not, it's not my story to tell. But I do believe that to some degree it is my responsibility to break that cycle and to no longer entertain those dynamics. Any further within this bloodline of this family. So if I have to be the person to do that, then I've closed the door. And even though other people, you know, can't find the same— I don't want to say strength, but like they don't feel like it's possible for them to make that same choice— that's okay. But like, I have to honor my choice for me and just just follow through with it and know that I'm doing what's best for me and for the future of my nuclear family unit and like my children. And I do think energetically it's important to be the expression of like what we're willing to tolerate in the world and in our relationships. And that was one thing where I was just like, I'm not willing to tolerate people who want to talk to us like this or treat us like this. So that's a closed door for me. Number 8 is that I used to yell and slam doors when I was upset with my partner. Oh man, and this one is probably one of the more embarrassing ones, I would say, because that's obviously something I'm not proud of at all. I think it's really unattractive. I think it's a really unhealthy expression of anger, and it shows like a dysregulated nervous system. And yeah, like obviously not using like emotional intelligence to express Yes, what you're feeling inside. And, um, what I've learned about myself through that is that when I was a child, like, I was told so often— like, I just remember it so, so much, constantly being told that I was dramatic. Like, that— and I don't know if that's like my perception that it was so often because it stuck with me so deeply. Or that it truly was so repetitive and that's why it stuck with me so deeply. But whatever the case is, like, that's obviously been ingrained in my memory of my experience as a child of like very consistently being told that I was being too dramatic. And I think that in ways that made me kind of stifle my emotions or feel like I was supposed to. And so even if I like express them in a big way, the reaction that other people had was like, you're not going to be loved if you do that, and that's really annoying, and you need to stop, and that's too dramatic. And so it creates almost this, almost this like not-self theme where it's like when you're being your not-best self, you're being that like overly dramatic version, but almost as a way to kind of like prove to people like, what I'm feeling is real, like you're not seeing me, you're not hearing me. You're not recognizing like the bigness of these emotions that I'm feeling. And so that felt kind of like the way to express them was through like these theatrical kind of reactions of like slamming the door or shouting or whatever it was. And so this was something that in my relationship, like Jaime was such a mirror in the early days of us like living together. He was such a mirror for me in that because he had never experienced that in his life. I, in my childhood, had witnessed people having reactions like that. So obviously that was something that I, you know, copied and mirrored and played out in my own version until someone mirrored back to me the fact that that was like not okay and it was not healthy and it was not normal. And so Jaime grew up in a home where no one ever raised their voice, no one ever yelled, no one ever slammed a door, no one ever you know, stormed off and, and left the house because they were upset. And so he like very sternly was like, don't ever do that to me again. Like, don't— you won't ever talk to me like that again. Like, and of course it didn't stop immediately, but that was the, that was the point where I got to really work on that because I was able to see it for the first time, like, for what it truly was, which was like this is an unhealthy pattern that you have, and the only person that's going to be able to fix it is you. And so I really, really worked on that, and I'm so proud of myself because it's improved so much. Like, we haven't had that issue in like years and years and years. Um, so happy to say that I like do not do that anymore, and I don't resonate with reacting that way at all. But obviously it still feels like like kind of tender and embarrassing to admit that, you know, you used to have a pattern that was like very, you know, unhealthy. Number 9 was the fact that I've been working out since I was a teenager, and I still go through seasons where I won't hit the gym for months at a time. And I've never really found a form of movement that I loved enough to truly make it a part of my lifestyle, quote unquote, consistently. Like, working out consistently still feels hard and annoying to show up for. And the only reason I would like say that that's kind of like embarrassing to admit is probably just because I think other people have this like perception of me that because I'm consistent with certain things in my life, I must be consistent with literally everything. And it's just not the case. Like when it comes to supplements or sleep or working out, like, those are things that I, I work— I have to work harder towards, I would say. Whereas things like, um, podcasting, for example, is a good example, obviously, because we've been so consistent with the podcast every single week for 5 years, like, no breaks, you know, the classic story. Like, so consistent with that, even though it's been hard, I've always done it. But with, like, working out, even though it's been hard I haven't always done it. Like, there has been times where I've like fallen off. And also having more Human Design experts on the show and talking to more of them and reading more of their books and stuff, like I've realized so much about my own Human Design and the fact that, you know, variety is such a key for me, especially when it comes to working out and exercise. I think it was Erin Clare Jones when she was on the show. She talked to me about that of like, it makes a lot of sense, like like if you, you don't have— like you have to kind of switch it up and do different things all the time. And that's definitely been the case for me. And so learning more about myself has allowed me to have compassion with that, but it's still kind of like annoying, do you know what I mean? Like when you are a very consistent human being but then there's like this one thing where like sometimes you're so good with it and then other times you're like off for like weeks or months, you're like, what the fuck, man? Like, come on. So that's kind of like my relationship with working out. So anyone who feels guilty about like their inconsistency with working out I see you, I feel you. Like, it's still freaking hard for me. Know that, you know, you're not alone if like every time you drag yourself to the gym you're like so proud of yourself for going, but like also other times you don't make it there. Like, it's okay, it's, it's gonna be okay. We're gonna figure it out together. And the last confession that I shared was that I was always really good at a lot of things growing up, but I was never good enough to be like the best. And I do think that there's a part of me that still carries that around a little bit, kind of wanting prove to the world or to myself in some way, like, you know, prove them wrong that I actually can be the best at something. But the unfortunate truth is that I still feel like I'm falling short in a lot of ways. And like, I will still get imposter syndrome at times or feel like I'm not doing good enough, or I have a recurring consistent worry that I'm not giving enough to my clients and I should be, you know, doing more or creating more, like building more trainings, helping my audience more, um, doing more with the podcast. Like, I should be building a studio, I should be giving you guys so many more solo episodes. Like, I, I think I want to give so much that sometimes I, I create too big of an expectation for myself and then it becomes really hard to live up to that. And I think I'm pretty good at like ruthlessly prioritizing what's feasible, what's realistically feasible and what I can do. And so I stick to those things of knowing what I'm good at, knowing my zone of genius, knowing what needs priority, taking care of my health, like taking care of my clients, like doing all those things. But there's always gonna be that like like little voice that can sometimes pop up depending on what point of your cycle you're in, or like how you're feeling, or like whatever the fuck the moon is doing that day. Like, who knows? That makes you go, am I doing enough? Like, should I be doing more? Should I be creating faster? Should I be giving more value? Could I be helping people on a deeper level? Like, does my audience want more from me? Like, there is that sense of like, you know, just, is this enough? Is this enough? Am I enough? And I think to some degree we all struggle with that, whether it's in your work life or it's in your relationships, or, you know, as, as a mother, I can imagine that people feel that intensely with like, am I doing enough for my children? Am I there enough? Am I present enough? Am I fun enough? Am I nurturing enough? Like, I don't know. I, I think it's probably more of a, a common feeling than most people are willing to admit. So I think it's healing for us to have this conversation together and to kind of, yeah, pull back the curtain and just recognize that we're not— no one here is perfect, and it's okay that we have these, these parts of ourselves that maybe feel embarrassing to admit or talk about. But in us sharing them and, and, and talking about it together as a community, we can heal some of that because because what exists in, in the shadow thrives. But like, once you bring it into the light, I really truly believe that like it cannot survive, that that shame cannot survive in the light. And so if anything, I just hope that this conversation was healing for you in some way, or that it maybe helped you learn something new about me, or maybe it was illuminating to you because you know someone in your life who has similar challenges or is a certain way. And so, yeah, I just hope that we've built some compassion for one another through this episode and that it's felt like a cozy, warm, non-judgmental hug from your friend, because I love you guys and I want to thank you so much for always tuning into the podcast and being part of this community. If you did love this episode, I would really, really appreciate if you could share it and also go leave a review for the podcast, um, because it helps support the show so much. And we do our monthly giveaways where we send you guys cash for leaving us reviews. So we love to put a little extra money in your pocket for being a loyal supporter of the show. And as always, make sure that you're following the show on whatever platform you listen on, because that is one of the main indicators to the platform that this show is worth listening to, and it will help show other people, uh, the podcast and bring other listeners in who might benefit from these conversations. So thank you guys so much for tuning in. I hope you enjoyed this episode. I love you guys, and I'll talk to you next week. Week. Bye! If you loved this episode, make sure to check out the show notes where I've linked a few similar episodes I know you're also going to love.

You'll find them under the similar episodes section in the description down below with direct links so you can dive in and start listening right away, or add them to your queue for later. Binge away for even more growth, expansion, abundance, and fire motivation.