5 Success Secrets to Become Magnetic AF

What's up guys, welcome back to the podcast. I am so, so excited to bring you this very special episode. So if you don't know, this past Sunday I hosted a free 2-hour masterclass and it was totally epic. And unfortunately I can't bring you all 2 hours, but I did want to deliver the main chunk of what we went over in this masterclass for anybody that did miss out because it— there were so many women on the call that had revelations and realizations, and they were uncovering pieces of their own childhood traumas and limiting beliefs. And all of these amazing things were unearthed for these women that were live on the call. And whenever we become aware of one of our blocks, it's an amazing opportunity for us to lean in more and go deeper into our own growth, right? Because we can't fix something that we don't know is a problem, right? If we don't know something is there, how can we begin to unravel it or solve it or reframe it or, you know, rewire it in some way. So hopefully this episode is going to help you do the same and just provide you with a deeper level of self-awareness of some of the things that may be going on for you beneath the surface. And also, I wanted to remind you guys that From Burnt Out to Badass is open for enrollment right freaking now and it's on sale. There's an early bird price tag on it right now, which will be going up in 2 days' time. It'll be going up on Friday, May 21st. So if you are interested in joining me for 3 months of group coaching, I have some epic guest experts that are coming in to speak and we're going to be having twice monthly calls to do this embodiment work and really like uncover the things that are stopping you from creating your dream life. And, you know, you also get access to the entire portal of over 30 video trainings on all kinds of self-development topics, high-level tools, personality evaluations, all the things that have really helped my past clients truly transform their lives, their careers, their relationships, their finances, their relationship to self, their bodies, all the things. So I'm super excited about this round of the program because it is going to be in this amazing group setting. Setting where we're going to get to know everybody really intimately, and we're going to get on calls twice a month together. We're going to be able to see each other's faces and chat and talk and dive deep into all these things. So if you are someone who is on this personal development journey but, you know, the people around you, whether it's family or friends or co-workers, like, they still think it's sort of weird, or they're not as into it, or they don't fully get it, or they don't believe in it, or whatever it is, you know, this is an opportunity to really be immersed and surrounded by like-minded women who are in this place of wanting to grow and ascend and evolve. And that energy is magnetic. And there's something so powerful about being in a container like this because, of course, you know, you could Google things about trauma or limiting beliefs or manifestation and all of that. But when you actually work with a coach and you're surrounded by other women who are doing the work at the same time as you, the transformations just happen so much quicker and things just click so much more deeply because it is personalized. And it's that, that energy of magnetism that we all are craving and that we want to sit in and that we want to absorb from our mentors and our coaches and the people that are guiding us. So I'm so excited for the women that are going to join this round. There's already— it's already about 25% full. Full, and we've just opened the doors. So if you are interested, like, run, don't walk. Grab this early bird discount and save your spot before it fills up. But yeah, I'm just like so excited for this journey. We're going to begin on June 1st, and we're going to move through the entire 3-month program together as a group. So we're going to be in it at the same time, working through the modules all together, being on the calls together, having these incredible guest experts come in and to you about astrology and body image and human design and all of these other amazing modalities and tools and things that are going to help you uplevel your life at skyrocket speed. So as you can tell, I'm super excited about it. Like, I cannot wait to get started and kick off in June. I'll leave it at that. The links will be in the show notes for you guys if you want to go and check out all of the information and choose your payment plan and get set up. If you have any questions at all, send me a DM on Instagram at _samanthadaly, and I'd be more than happy to kind of give you more details if there's anything that you have doubts about still. Um, but without further ado, I want you guys to dive into this piece of the free masterclass. I know that you're gonna love it. Grab a notebook, grab a pen. You're gonna wanna take notes because it is juicy.

Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly. Entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development.

This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life.

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So the first success secret is to get in alignment. Alignment is so freaking important, and I'm gonna dive into alignment because I think a lot of times it's sort of like an elusive term. We're like, okay, alignment, but like, what does that mean, right? How do I get aligned? So the secret to getting everything that you want is is becoming aligned with it. Literally, like, that's the secret. Like, if that's the one thing that you learn how to do in your life, is like, the secret to getting everything that you want is becoming aligned with it. So this tip is really, really important. This is like foundational. So what does alignment mean? Alignment means knowing how you want to feel in the future, right? How do you want to feel in the relationship? How do you want to feel having the business? How do you want to feel having the money? And then finding ways to integrate that feeling into your present life where you are with your present circumstances, right? So if the financial freedom is going to give you this feeling of like liberation, of expansiveness, of freedom, then you have to start looking around and being like, okay, where in my life do I feel expansive, liberated, and free? And how can I do that more, right, with, with where I am and what I have? And this also means getting really clear on your desire. And being willing to reject anything that is not that, right? So a lot of times we'll be like, "Oh, I want more time," or, "I want a partner who really values me and cherishes me and, you know, does all these amazing things for me," and then we're swiping douchebags on dating apps. It's like, that's not alignment, right? So this is the part that comes in where it's like you have to be willing to reject the things that are not it, that are not your desire. If it's not your desire, it's— if it doesn't match up, if it doesn't support you moving towards that or attracting that thing, then it's a no. It's a no. And this is why people are misaligned, because they're not willing to say no. They're not willing to reject things that are kind of what they want, but not really yet. Oh, it's good enough for the meantime. I'll just do this thing. That's not alignment. And this is why so many of us are aligned. So I hope you guys are getting this, you're understanding what it actually means to be aligned. Yeah, it requires like the hard work of saying no to things. So here's the things that throw us out of alignment: fear of rejection or loss of connection. This happens a lot when you're trying to get into relationships or manifest a partnership of any kind, and even with jobs too, also. But it's like the fear of rejection or loss of connection. We don't want to stand in our truth of what we want or what we truly desire. We don't want to say no to the friendships that aren't really fully aligned with our next level self anymore because we're like, "Oh, but then I'm going to lose that friend." It's loss of connection, right? "That makes me a bad person. I'm not willing to do that." You're not willing to trim the fat out of your life because it means that you're going to maybe lose connection or feel rejected or that people are going to talk badly about you. Right? Fear of judgment, people pleasing, FOMO, this idea of scarcity, right? Of like, oh, I'm going to miss out if I don't go to that event or that thing or stay friends with those people, then I'm going to be missing out on something. Or maybe there's nothing better. Maybe I won't find another friend like that, or I won't find another boyfriend, or I won't find another job that's better than the one that I have, even though I'm not really happy here, right? We are not willing to let go of the things that are unaligned with our dream life, and that is why we're out of alignment. So if this is resonating for you guys, let me know in the chat that you're getting it, you're understanding it, you're like, okay, yes, this makes sense, this is what alignment means, right? This is the hard— alignment is hard. It's not, oh my God, raise your vibe and get aligned with the things that you want. Like, yes, okay, we can manage our energy, But I think where people struggle more with alignment is this concept of like cut out the shit that's not aligned, right? The people that are draining you, the friendships that aren't serving you, the job that you fucking hate, right? Like we got to let it go. And that's the hard part. People don't want to do it. They don't want to do it because they don't want to miss out. They don't want to be judged. They don't have people talking about them. Right? So self-abandonment is the last point on here, and we're going to go a little bit deeper into that because this is where we self-abandon, right? We know, "I deserve better. I feel like I should have a job that I actually like. I feel like my boyfriend should be like a little bit better than he is," or whatever. And then we're like, "Nah." We just ignore it. We abandon ourselves. Or we go on a date and we're like, "I really am ready for connection and partnership, and I'm calling in this person." And then we get on the date and we're like, "Oh, I hope I hope they like me. And then, you know, it's all about, I hope they like me, I hope they like me. And it's not about, do I like them? Or in job interviews, right? It's like, I hope they pick me, please pick me. What about, I hope that like, this is a good fit for me. Like, do I like them? Is this a good job for me? Is this a good salary for me? Is this a good opportunity for me? Is this a fit for me? Right? So we have to stop chronically Knowing what we need, want, or desire, but then accepting things that are not that and abandoning ourselves. Okay, looks like this is resonating with you guys. Cool. Okay, so let's kind of talk a little bit about self-abandonment, right? So self-abandonment, I explained it a little bit, but here's a really good, like, short and sweet explanation for you guys. Self-abandonment is pretending that something is good enough for you. Or hoping that it will evolve into a version of what you truly want when it simply isn't. Okay.

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If that's resonating for you guys, let me know in the chat. Self-abandonment is pretending convincing yourself that something is good enough for you for now, or hoping that, "Oh, it'll change. They'll change. It'll evolve into what I want eventually," when it just isn't. It's just not. It's just not it, right? OK. Yes. I see lots of yeses. Yes. Yes. Definitely. Yup. OK. So self-abandonment shows up in a lot of ways. Here's some of them, right? Dating someone's potential, being like, oh, you know, like, they have so much potential, they could be good for me. No, bye. Working a job that you hate is self-abandonment, right? It's being like, I know this doesn't serve me, it's not for me, it's draining me, it's bad for my mental health, I wake up every day and I hate it, but I'm going to keep doing it. Working a job you hate is self-abandonment because you have a fear again that there will be nothing better, or whatever else it is, right? When we talked about the things that lead us to being out of alignment. Flimsy or nonexistent boundaries, ignoring red flags, disregarding your intuition, like having a feeling about something or someone and then being like, "Oh, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt," or "Maybe not," or "Let's just hope that it evolves into something that is not what my intuition is telling me," right? Hoping that someone will be like the exception, right? Not being 100% honest about what you want or what you need. This kind of idea of like conforming, you know, like, oh, I'll just do whatever they want, or if that's what they want, that'll work for me. Putting yourself last, right? Lack of self-care. Not allowing yourself to be your own first priority. And then sacrificing your authenticity in order to be liked, which we all do this. So it shows up in a lot of ways, but not actually sharing your voice or your opinion or how you feel about a certain topic or a certain person or being honest about how something that someone said bothered you or hurt you or offended you, right? We step out of authenticity because we just, mm, we just want to be liked, right? We don't want anybody else to be uncomfortable. So I'll just make myself uncomfortable. So that I can preserve everybody else's comfortability, right? We do that so much. I'm sure you can think of examples in your own life where you preserve other people's comfort over your own. You're like, "Oh, just suck it up. I just won't say anything. I'll just swallow it. I'll just respond nicely," or "I'll just do this thing," right? Just make sure everybody else is cool. Fuck me, right? Like, how many times do we do this in life? It's awful. So we got to stop self-abandoning if we want to be in alignment. So this is one of my favorite quotes. I've been harping on it a lot lately. If you listen to the podcast, you have already heard this, but it's from Mark Groves, my homeboy. When you don't stand in the truth of what you want, you inevitably get what you don't want. So if you are a people pleaser, I want you to like tattoo this quote on your forehead or on your hand or keep it with you somewhere because it's a reminder of every time you accept something that isn't actually the truth of what you want, you will inevitably get what you don't want, right? Using this dating example again, when you go on a date and you realize that the person that you're on the date with is not exactly a fit for you because they want something casual but you want something serious, and you're like, "Oh, but I'm not going to say that I want a serious relationship. I'm not going to stand in the truth of what I want. I'm not going to be authentic." 100% authentically myself. I'm not going to state what I need or what I desire because I want them to like me. And then hopefully this will just evolve into something that works. And then, you know, it'll all work out. When you do that for the sake of creating connection, because you want to create a connection with that person, what you ultimately get is disconnection. Because later down the line, you find out that he's a fuckboy or he doesn't want a relationship or he's emotionally unavailable or whatever his story is, right? And then you create more sadness and heartbreak and pain, which is exactly the thing that you didn't want. But because you didn't stand in the truth of what you wanted, you got what you didn't want, right? This happens in all areas of our life. So I'm just using the relationship example because it's really easy and it's, it's really like easy for us to digest and understand. But this happens with jobs and like across the board, right? So see where this lands for you when you don't stand in the truth of what you want. You inevitably get what you don't want. All right, secret number 2 is to protect your energy. So we're gonna dive into a couple of ways that you can really start to do this effectively. So how are we gonna protect our energy? We're gonna say no, we're gonna set boundaries, and we're gonna use self-care. So we're gonna dive into all these 3 different areas. Yeah, and if you see this little notebook symbol at the bottom right corner, that means that there is something in your workbook around these sections. So keep an eye on on the workbook as we're kind of moving through this. How are we going to protect our energy? We're gonna say no, set boundaries, and utilize self-care. So when you say no, a lot of people struggle to say no because of people pleasing and all that kind of stuff, right? And fear of judgment, and I just want to be liked. So here's a really good way to look at saying no to something: by saying no to this, I get to say yes to blank, right? So if you have to say no to going to an event or helping someone with something or whatever it is, right? You kind of reframe it in your mind of like, okay, by saying no to this person or this event or this thing, what am I actually saying yes to? Because we focus so much on the no, and then we feel bad about ourselves, and then we get overwhelmed by guilt, and then we just end up doing things that we don't want to do, right? And that's not being in alignment. That's not being in our best energy. So we just have to reframe it, right? Like, by saying no to this, I get to say yes to blank. So by saying no to going to this event, I'm saying yes to my own self-care and my own self-love and my energy and honoring myself, or whatever it is, right? But this is a really, really useful reframe. So boundaries, right? We have to set boundaries. This is a huge topic, and although we will not be able to cover the depths of boundaries in this one masterclass, we're gonna go over several of the different types of boundaries. Okay, so we're just going to touch on 3 types of boundaries today. Okay, so time boundaries. I think this is probably the one that we all struggle with the most in a sense. So this is like when you're overgenerous with your time, you disrespect limits, whether it's like with spending time with others or even your own limits of like work hours or taking breaks or not watching 5 consecutive hours of Netflix or YouTube or whatever. When you overcommit yourself, or, you know, an example of not having time boundaries is when you like ask people for— professionals like for their help or time or assistance without paying them. You know, this is like the classic, like, can I pick your brain about something? It's like, well, that's actually someone's like valuable knowledge that they've spent years probably gathering. So picking their brain is like You know, that's a service that maybe they could provide for you. So if we want to respect time boundaries, we have to respect not only our own time boundaries but the time boundaries of others. Yeah, so this is where we get to like own our shit and take responsibility and be like, fuck, I kind of do that sometimes, and then not do it anymore. And then giving your time where it's not reciprocated. So if you don't have good time boundaries, you may give, give, give, give, give to people in your life that don't really give back to you, and that doesn't really feel good. And then there's resentment. Or overwhelmed or stressed, right? We're not protecting our energy if we're doing that. Tamara, I have a bad habit of overcommitting myself. Yes. Yeah, I think a lot of us do. Totally. So physical boundaries. Physical boundaries can look like wanting or needing space, whatever that means. Physical boundaries is also like how you want to be touched. Like this could be sexually or non-sexually, just in general. Like if you really don't like hugging or whatever it is, right? Like how you want to be touched. Honoring— this is probably where it comes up for a lot of people— is honoring your own sort of like primal needs for rest and food and sleep. Sometimes we disrespect our own physical boundaries or we don't have physical boundaries with ourselves and we're like, "Oh, like I don't need, I don't need to get 8 or 9 hours of sleep. Like I can just stay up late to help this person with that thing or to do whatever for my partner or—" you know, even if it's doing something quote-unquote for yourself, we may not always be the best at respecting those physical boundaries for our own primal needs of rest and food and sleep. Raise your hand. I do this sometimes when I get into my work tunnel. I'm just in the vortex and my physical boundaries melt away and then my energy is unprotected and then I get thrown out of alignment and then I'm not a magnet for the things that I want in my life, right? So we're all working on it, but it's really, really freaking important. OK. I can see that you guys are resonating. OK. Emotional boundaries. Emotional boundaries are so, so good. And these are some of like the harder conversations to have, I think. So like asking permission before you vent is a really good way to own, allowing someone else to have an emotional boundary. So before you like spill or share or emotionally dump on someone else, you can ask them for permission like, "Can you hear me right now? Is this a good time for you?" All those kinds of things. Honoring other people's feelings and not dismissing or gaslighting them, right? And I think a lot of us are like, "Yeah, we don't want to like be dismissive or gaslight somebody," and we almost never would intentionally do so. But I think it happens a lot in close relationships with family members and with partners, especially because the more comfortable you are, the more easy it is to kind of get lost in the conflict or the conversation or what's going on and do these types of behaviors without being like, I intentionally want to gaslight my partner. Obviously not. But we do do this sometimes. We're like, that's not what I said, or you're taking everything out of context, or you just don't get me, or right. And we're just like, pfft. We're shutting down how they feel, we're dismissing, and we're saying, "Nope, that's not the story. You're incorrect." Yeah? Yikes. We kind of do this, don't we? Saying how you feel, like, is your own emotional boundary. You, like, you have to honor how you feel. Again, oversharing or sharing, like, inappropriate emotional information. This could be, like, with coworkers or, like, from boss to employee or parent to child. And then just having clear and honest communication rather than short or snarky responses or things like, "I'm fine," with like the attitude of like, "I'm not fine," or like, "K," or "Whatever you say," or "Do whatever you want," right? All these typical things that we could respond when we're irritated rather than just saying, you know, like, "This choice that you've made or what you're doing right now is actually hurting my feelings." because that opens the door to vulnerability. Yikes. Okay. And then we've got— okay, so if the boundaries thing was resonating with you guys, let me know. There's a bonus activity in your workbook regarding the boundaries because boundaries is such a huge topic and it's so expansive and I wish that we could like dive more deeply into it today, but we just don't have time. I want to get to like everything that we have to get to. So I give you some prompts and things to dive deeper in your workbook about boundaries. But if the boundaries was resonating with you, let me know in the chat. And also maybe let me know like which one you think you need to work on the most— time boundaries, physical boundaries, or emotional boundaries. Yeah. Let's see what you guys have to say.

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Time, physical, or emotional? I think for me it's time, and I think that a lot of people will be able to relate to that too. Oh, we've got lots of emotional, time, time, time, time, time. Yep, physical. Okay, cool. Okay, we've got a good mix. Yep, time, 100%, time and emotional, all. Okay, cool. Alright, so definitely do those bonus activities that are in, that are in your workbook, but let's dive into this like third portion here of protecting your energy, which is self-care. So I'd love for you guys to let me know in the chat, what is self-care to you? Because I think there's lots of ways that we can take care of ourselves, and sometimes it's the most basic thing that's literally just like getting enough sleep, or, you know, honoring and respecting my bedtime, or drinking enough water. Like, Oh my God, like I do not— speaking of, I'm just going to take a drink. I do not drink enough water. Like that is self-care for me. But it can be these like fun things too, like manicure, face mask, massage, like all those other things. Those count totally. But sometimes it doesn't even have to be that complicated. Moving the bod. I love it. Walks. Coffee, social recharging. Yeah, sleep, yoga, wine, baths, getting enough sleep, eating healthy food, long mindful shower. Amazing. Singing, getting lost in a book, working out, hiking, riding horses. Yeah, so good. Meditation, gratitude, spa. Yeah, cooking, baking. Okay, amazing. So The 3 pillars of self-care that I want you guys to just be aware of are your basic needs, like I kind of talked about. This is like our sleep and our fuel, so food, hydration, sleep, all that kind of stuff, right? Respecting our basic needs, which sometimes we don't do that, right? Daily practices, so things that you can do on a daily basis that you know help you fill your cup. So, these are the things that some of you guys mentioned about like moving your body, or doing yoga, or going for a walk. Like, those are amazing daily practices. Meditating, gratitude, all those kinds of things that help us take care of ourselves. And then, raising your vibration. So, what are the things in your life that you know help you feel like expansive, or on top of the world, or excited, or fun? And making sure that you're doing those things and making space for those things. Space for them in order to fill your cup. And this could be like literally going out to the bar with your friends and getting drunk and dancing. Like, I don't think that we need to think about self-care as so like, "Oh, it has to be super healthy and it has to be super holistic." Like, there is value in all of it, right? In traveling, eating out, exactly, dancing, like going to have a drink. All that stuff, right? Like, there's value in all of it. So it doesn't have to be like always something spiritual or super— you know what I'm saying? You get what I'm trying to say. Okay, so these are the 3 pillars of self-care that I want you guys to focus on moving forward, making sure that you're getting those into your life on a regular basis. The 3rd success secret is to become highly self-aware. Now, building self-awareness is a massive process. Process, and this is something that I work on deeply with my clients inside From Burnout to Badass, and also when I work with them one-on-one. Like, we use lots of different tools and modalities to help build our self-awareness. I don't think we're ever done becoming self-aware. I think it's always this sort of like unfolding and ever-evolving process. So today I'm just gonna give you some of the, the modalities or tools or ways in which we can start to build our awareness more deeply. So a way to build awareness is to study your soul's blueprint. You can do this through astrology, through human design, through lots of other modalities. Past life regression, which is incredible, and it's, you know, something that I discovered like more recently on my journey, but now I'm a practitioner and I can't wait to bring this to my clients inside of From Burned Out to Badass and my one-on-one clients. Like, I can't wait to offer this new modality and way of building your awareness just about who you are and your soul's journey and where you come from. Right? Working with a professional, obviously, like a therapist, a counselor, a coach, anything like that will help you build awareness. Uncovering your hidden limiting beliefs, learning your core fear and your core desire, which I do with my clients. That's so key because it describes our main motivation for how we show up in the world and why that is. Yeah? Knowing your motivation style is really helpful in order to create more consistency in your life, or just like building a structure that works for you, because the same thing doesn't work for everyone. I'm sure that you felt this in your life, like trying to do somebody else's routine or adopt their morning practice or whatever, or do their workouts or whatever it is, like it doesn't always work because it has to be geared to you. Yeah, and then meeting your inner child, which we're going to go into a little bit more deeply. This is a really, really amazing way to build more self-awareness and start to break down some of the blocks that actually hold us back from attracting the things that we want. So meeting your inner child is something that we all need to do. We all need to do inner child work, even if you had the most amazing childhood. I myself had a really, really incredible childhood. Both of my parents are happily married. They have a loving relationship. Like, I don't have any capital T traumas, which are like big things like bullying or abuse. Or divorce or anything like that. But I do have some little t traumas, which are the common traumas that all of us have. We all have them, every single one of us. So this is where we get to kind of dive in and do some of that— like, I don't want to say dirty work, but it's more of the shadow work, right? So here's some signs of a wounded inner child. Again, like, we're all going to exhibit some of these signs because until we dive in and we do this inner child work and we do the shadow work, like, we are gonna have some of these wounds just because we exist in the world, and it's impossible for us to move through the world without ever getting hurt, right? So signs of a wounded inner child are lack of trust either in yourself or in others, insecurity, low self-worth, having a difficulty feeling your own emotions or expressing them and sharing them with others. The idea of self-abandonment, which we talked about earlier, not having really great boundaries and relying on romantic relationships or partners to kind of like pull you out of that place and just like sweep you off your feet and like save you. You know, you might— may know people in your life, or you may be like this yourself. When you're in a relationship, you feel like you're really good, you're on top of the world. But then if you're not in a relationship you get that like overwhelm of like, who am I? What am I doing? Where am I going? You know, what do I want in life? All these kinds of things. So these are the signs of a wounded inner child. So this is a quote from Dr. Nicole LePera, and she says, the inner child becomes activated when a present-day experience subconsciously touches on a childhood wound or limiting belief. So our inner child is becomes activated, it comes out, it gets expressed when something that we're experiencing presently in our life like hits that button of like, "Ooh, that was a soft spot for me as a kid for some reason." And again, a lot of these childhood wounds and limiting beliefs are going to be things that we're not even conscious of. You know, we don't recognize that they're there, which is the tricky part of doing this work. So this is a picture of me. This is my inner child. And there's an exercise for you guys to do inside of the workbook that allows you to find a photograph of yourself and connect more deeply to your inner child. So after the class today, or, you know, sometime this week, like when you have time, like do those bonus exercises because they're going to be really, really helpful. So ways to heal the inner child: reparenting work. So reparenting is when we become the parent that we needed in those moments or that we didn't have, right? We give ourselves the empathy, the compassion, all of that, that maybe we didn't get in a moment of stress or embarrassment or shame or overwhelm, right? Our parents although they may be stellar, amazing people, they're also just people and they're going through their own experience of the world. And there's a lot of times as a kid where something feels like a really big deal to you because everything is a big deal when you're a kid. I'm sure you know this if you have any kids in your life or if you're a teacher or anything like that. When you're a kid, everything is a big deal. And sometimes our parents don't hold space for that, right? You may be really upset about something and they're like, "Oh, don't cry. Don't be dramatic," or "Shake it off," or "Knock it off," or, you know, like, "It's fine. You're worried about nothing," right? They kind of dismiss the thing that was actually really painful or important to you because it probably was a minor thing that as an adult, your parent was like, "Yeah, it's not going to matter in 5 minutes or 5 days or 5 weeks," right? But as a child, everything is important. And so we actually need to be held and to be honored in our feelings, or else we start to create parts of our shadow. Yeah, so when you have a difficult experience and you don't have that person that's there to show up for you and hold space and empathy for how you're feeling in that moment and honor it for you, it becomes something that we repress or we put away or we create inferences. This is how limiting beliefs are formed. Right? We learn, ooh, like when I say what I want or when I speak up or when I'm loud or when I'm my authentic self or when I'm weird, people judge me or they don't like me. Right? And we create that meaning of, oh, just fit in the box, be good, don't do anything weird, like don't do any weird dance moves or jump around or use your voice or whatever because people don't like that. Yeah? People judge you for that. And that could happen in school, friend groups, with teachers, in lots of different places. So we have to do this work of starting to go back to those moments and memories and re-parent and hold that space for ourselves that we needed in order to heal those internal wounds. So this is like what I've been talking about is recognizing your common traumas. You know, I have a common trauma. When I was in 4th grade, I was joking back and forth with my teacher about what I don't know because I was 10 years old, 9 years old, something like that. And my teacher at one point didn't think that our banter was funny anymore. And she yelled at me in front of the whole class. And she said, "You're a brat, Samantha." And like, I remember like going red, flush, feeling so embarrassed. And that was a moment where I probably, I didn't have the adult figure there to like hold empathetic space for the embarrassment and the shame that I felt. So I inferenced that when I'm sarcastic or when I'm funny or when I'm loud, like people really hate me for it. They really don't like that, right? Maggie says, "Oh my God! I just had a huge realization of an inner child wound. Oh my God! Oh my God!" Yeah, it happens like that, doesn't it? Or another example of one for me is I have this habit of chewing the inside of my like cheeks, like I'll go like that when I'm like nervous or anxious or stressed. And this is because when I was little, I didn't listen to my mom with my binkies. She told me that I could only have them— pacifiers, whatever you call them in your country. She told me that I could only have them in my bed and I didn't listen to her and I was very like defiant because I have this personality of like, "I'll do whatever I want." And so she got frustrated with me and she ripped them away from me and she cut all the rubber parts of the pacifier off. And like, that was a traumatic experience to me. I screamed bloody murder. She had to close the windows because she thought the neighbors were going to like call the cops on her. So I developed this habit of chewing the inside of my mouth because I didn't have the sensation of the binky. And that was like what created safety for me. That was a coping mechanism. And then at one point, one of my friend's moms who was a dentist, she said to my mom, like, you know, you can get cancer from, from doing that, from chewing the inside of your mouth. And I remember my mom saying to me at one point, like, I remember exactly where I was. I was in the dance studio. We were walking out. Like, if you have one of those memories that's really ingrained into your mind, like the 4th grade thing that I talked about, or like this where you remember where you were and you remember exactly what someone said. But you don't remember much else about that year of your life, it's like there's an indication that that's a common trauma. Something happened in your emotionality in that moment that is the reason that you remember it so clearly, right? So she said to me like, "Cathy says you're going to get cancer from doing that." As I'm like a 10-year-old kid that's like, "Oh my God! I can't stop doing this and I don't know why but like I'm going to get cancer." You know, and maybe this is my fear that I have. I have a really intense fear around like illness and cancer and things like that. So anyway, didn't mean to go on this tangent, but just to give you guys some examples that maybe helps you unearth some of the things that may exist within you. Ways to heal the inner child are also things that we've talked about already in terms of honoring your needs, setting boundaries, like being there for yourself, right? We have to like show up for ourselves and be there for ourselves and say what we need and set those boundaries. You can also practice inner child visualizations and going back into your life as an inner child and see where you were and what you were doing and kind of create that empathetic space that we were talking about. So I do this with my clients as well. And connecting to the essence of your inner child and finding ways to express it. So remembering how you were before the world kind of like taught you to conform or be a different way and really remember how you were as a kid. Like as a kid, I was really, really creative. I loved to write. I was constantly writing books. Books and stories and drawing and painting and dancing. Like, I would just dance everywhere. I danced all the time, like all the time, always dancing. So dance for me now, you guys probably see me like dancing on stories and doing all that kind of stuff. Like, that is a way for me to connect to the essence of my inner child and express her and live through her. And that's a really, really important part of this healing journey in becoming the version of ourselves that is able to attract with ease because we don't have these internal blocks. So I hope that this is making sense for you guys. It all comes back to the magnetism, but there is a lot of deeper work involved. Ashley says, thank you for sharing those. You just helped me realize a few I've had that I never even realized. Totally. Yeah, we all have them. That's the thing is like, if you think you're exempt, you're not. Sorry. Okay, so the fourth secret is to reprogram your beliefs, right? So now we're like, "Shit, I realize I have some stuff. I need to work through it. Let's reprogram that." So ways to start reprogramming your beliefs is getting to know the voice of your inner critic, which is huge for a lot of us. We're super critical of ourselves, of our bodies, of our success, of our ability, of everything. So getting to know the voice of your inner critic on an intimate level, knowing what she sounds like, What is it that she actually is telling you, right? Because sometimes we're removed from our thought process until we start to practice things like meditation and mindfulness where we actually become the observer of our thoughts. And then we're like, oh, fuck, that's what I'm saying to myself? Like, that is not cool. So getting to know the voice of your inner critic, rewiring those neural pathways through mindset shifts and affirmations and lots of other modalities that we can use to actually start to clear these subconscious beliefs. And practice actively reframing your thoughts. So becoming aware of the thoughts that you're having, and then if it's a thought that doesn't serve you or doesn't serve your future life or what you're trying to attract or where you're going, then just in the moment, be compassionate with yourself. It's not a big deal that you had a negative thought. We all do. And just reframe it. Other ways are, like I said, becoming the observer of your mind through meditation. Having a meditation practice is really, really useful, not only for things like stress and anxiety and overwhelm and all of that and mental health in general, but it's also like, it helps us know more about where our blocks are so that we can start to clear them. A good question to ask yourself when you have those negative thoughts come up or limiting beliefs, or you're in a situation in your life where you're like, "Ugh, this person is just being such a bitch right now. I don't know how to— ugh, I just want to like tell them off or like send this message." whatever, like say fuck it, like you have to ask yourself in those moments, am I willing to see this differently? Like, could I take a deep breath right now and be willing to look at the situation from a different perspective and approach it in a way that my higher self would? Which is hard, right? Like again, this stuff sounds, oh my God, it's fun, like I just reframed my thoughts, but like shit hits the fan when it actually comes time for you to really, really do it in those moments of sadness, heartbreak, stress, anger, right? Like, that's where the actual work begins, when it gets hard. And then finding the learnings inside of those challenges and setbacks and heartbreaks. There's always somehow, some way we are being served by the experiences that we're moving through, even if they are shitty and not fun, right? Even if you are getting fired or being broken up with or you have no money in your bank account or whatever it is, right? All of those events are in some way helping you realize that you need to wake up and make a shift and make a change. If you didn't hit that sort of like rock bottom moment or that moment of adversity or challenge to be like, oh shit, like I really need to I need to fix this, or I don't want to live this way anymore, then you wouldn't begin the process of your own evolution. A lot of you probably discovered personal development or these books and podcasts or even my work because you were in a place where you're like, this isn't it anymore. Like, I don't want to, I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't want to be mediocre or have this average life, or like, this isn't good enough for me anymore. So like, let's do this. I'm waking up, right? Okay. Common limiting beliefs. I'm just going to throw out a couple of the common core limiting beliefs that we can face, but there are millions of limiting beliefs. So again, we could be here for like years if we wanted to go into all of them. So, "I'm not good enough." Like, raise your hand in the chat, say "ay" if this shows up for you in some area of your life, which I can almost guarantee because we are— I think it's all women here right now. Like I'm not good enough, I think, yeah, it's just, it's fuck. So here are some of the ways that I'm not good enough shows up, right? Feelings of unworthiness, imposter syndrome, like who am I to do that? How could I start a business? Who would ever buy that from me? Negative self-talk: I'm so ugly, I'm so fat, why can't I lose weight? Procrastination. Comparison, fear of criticism, right? Oh, I don't want to share that photo or that caption or that thing or tell people that I have this dream or that I'm doing this business because, you know, what if they have an opinion about me, right? This is the "I am not good enough" limiting belief. You guys are resonating. Okay, "People always leave me." And this one may be one that you haven't seen in this way before, but again, the limiting beliefs are going to be boiled down to like this super basic wording of "people always leave me." but it's important to look at how they show up because it might show up for you but you don't realize that that's kind of the root of where it's coming from. So people always leave me, you know, sometimes I think a lot of women have this in the form of the sister wound of girls kind of being nasty to each other or being pitted against each other or being kicked out of a friend group or not being accepted at school or being bullied. So it's not always relationships or this could be from a parent figure that wasn't really there for you or that didn't go to a lot of your events or was kind of just like working all the time. Maybe they were like a great person and really loving, but like they just weren't really fully present with you. So this can show up especially as insecure attachments in relationships. So if you're, if you're familiar with attachment theory, this is again something that I work on with my clients. Knowing whether you are secure, anxious, or avoidant is super helpful, not only for relationships but also just for life in general. People always leave me can also show up as being like clingy in relationships. You know, those types of people that like go all in with their relationship and they don't do anything else because they're just like invested. Or maybe you're a little bit controlling, or you're suspicious, or you jump to the worst-case scenario and you're like, "Ah, he's cheating." Or you have avoided behaviors where you have the fear of like catching feelings for someone, so you kind of like move away. And then like making impulsive decisions or changes because you just kind of like have this like erratic behavior sometimes. So these are just some of the ways that it can show up, and I can see that some of you guys in the chat are resonating. Okay. "I can't be fully myself if I want to be loved or chosen." This is huge. Like you may have never seen it or heard it in this way, but this is huge. Like The thing with me in 4th grade, like, like being myself and like being sarcastic and being funny and being joking, and then having that turn into my teacher like shouting at me and embarrassing me and shaming me in front of the whole class is I can't be fully myself, right? Because when I'm fully myself, people have an issue with that or they don't like that, right? So this can show up as— Fear of communicating your needs or desires, right? Of saying what you actually want. I really need you to blank. I would love if you could do blank. Like, when I say this, I really would love if you could respond in this way. Having a lack of boundaries, like we talked about. Self-abandonment, again. Shutting down or stifling your emotions, right? Being like, "Ugh, I feel really pissed or really sad right now." but I don't want to tell my partner because they're going to think that I'm overreacting or they're going to think that, you know, it's not, it's not a big deal and I should just like get over it, right? So yeah, can show up in lots of ways. Also losing yourself in relationships or avoiding relationships and dating altogether and being like, you know, making excuses of, "Oh, I hate online dating," or, "I hate the dating world these days," or, "People don't even meet each other naturally." or, you know, and it's kind of like when we go deeper a lot of times with that, it's actually you're protecting yourself and keeping yourself safe by not having to put yourself fully out there, which is again, this is the hard part of taking full responsibility for, you know, what's going on in our lives and how we're showing up. OK. And this one: I have bad luck. Ashley says, "Whoa! Nailed it with the avoiding dating." Yeah. A lot of times avoiding dating is just— it's a coping mechanism. It's a way to protect ourselves. We create narratives and excuses that sound really legitimate, and we can even convince ourselves that that's why we're not dating. But a lot of the times it's really not even that. And it can also just be the fear of disappointment or, you know, the fear of putting yourself fully out there or the fear of getting hurt. If that's like a story or something that's happened for you. It can definitely like close you off. Here I am avoiding dating. Yep. Okay, so I have bad luck. This can show up as sarcastic or cynical humor, playing small, not going for the big things that you desire, right? Like creating businesses or believing that you can have financial abundance. You're just like, I don't know if that's really available to me, right? Chronic complaining. Like, we know a lot of people in our lives, and we also may be this person or have been this person at some point that is always always, you know, finding something to kind of complain about, whether it's the weather, or you go into work and you're like, "Oh, can you believe that email?" or "What a bitch Susan!" or, you know, "This fucking meeting!" or whatever, right? Resentment, jealousy of seeing others that have things that you want. This is huge on social media, seeing people that have things that you want, and rather than being inspired and being like, "Oh my God!" it's totally possible, people are doing this shit, people are creating businesses, people are working for themselves, people are manifesting abundance, and being like, it's possible, you're like, oh, fuck that girl, or she's so annoying, or I can't believe she would post that, or whatever, right? Yeah, afraid to share your goals and dreams because you think that they won't actually come true, or emotionally dumping on others, which is when you vent without real permission to vent. And you just kind of let it all out and share it all with others. Okay. Not me complaining I'm single and then turning down every date I get asked on. Stella, we need to fix that, girlfriend. Okay. So we've built a lot of awareness right now in this phase, right, of self-awareness. But there's, you know, I think we've probably done like 2% of what we can do. Here right now. But what I always say to my clients is building the awareness around the common traumas or the inner child wounding or the limiting beliefs or the patterns that you have is 50% of the work that you have to do. You're already 50% there if you've shined a light on it and you're like, "Oh my God, like I actually see my block now." Knowing that you have a block is 50% of the process. And then we begin the work of clearing the block, right? Which is a lot of what I help my clients do is, you know, take these two parts and really put them together. Like, okay, let's like figure out what's stopping you, what's showing up for you. And then now that we see it, great, let's fucking blast it out of the water, right? So I want to give you guys the reframe formula that I use with all my clients. So take this, write it down, like make a note of it. It's really, really powerful and useful. When you have a negative thought or a limiting belief pop up, or anything that's just like coming into your mind or your head or whatever that is not a representation of alignment with where you want to go, who you want to become, the things that you're trying to attract, all you have to do is be compassionate with yourself, recognize that it's not a big deal that you had a negative thought or a negative tendency or you said something that you wish that you wouldn't or you thought something that you maybe hoped that you wouldn't think anymore because you thought you were over it. Just sit with yourself and be like, okay. I forgive myself for thinking that I thought, fill in the blank of whatever it was that popped up. I choose to believe that blank. And then you fill in the more empowering, more aligned belief that you wish to have. Yeah, so write that down. I forgive myself for thinking blank. I choose to believe that blank. And all of my clients that are here will know that I I give this to them all the time. Okay, the last success secret is to integrate manifestation. So obviously we know manifestation is a huge part of my work and what I teach and what I love, and we talked about it in the Facebook group, you know, this difference between law of attraction, goal setting, and manifestation. So you're already aware of what manifestation is, but I want to just give you a quick recap of of the 5 key parts. And if you want to jot this down, go right ahead. So these are the 5 elements that we need to have when we're working towards any manifestation. We need to have clarity around what it is that we want. Or if you don't know exactly what it is that you want, like a lot of times this happens with career, people are like, "I fucking hate my job, but I have no idea what I would do. Like, I don't know what's next," right? So it can be clarity around what you want, but if you don't have that, You can use clarity around how you want to feel, right? So how do you want to feel when you go to work? How do you want to feel when you wake up to go to your job? How do you want to feel when you're in meetings or when you're doing your specific role? Yeah, there's always a way to create some level of clarity. So clarity, and then vibration, which has a lot to do with alignment and protecting our energy as we talked about and raising our vibration. Embodiment, which is the practice of actually becoming the version of yourself that would have the business or the money or the car or the boyfriend or whatever it is, right? Embodiment is such a huge part of the work that I do. And there's so many amazing and beautiful embodiment practices that I do with my clients that really help us create the space to like get out of our heads and into our bodies and actually start like vibing as that next level of ourselves. And then of course we have action. You gotta take the action. You gotta do the things, right? Show up. And then trust, which is this really beautiful, unique element to manifestation that is not part of goal setting or Law of Attraction, which is really believing that what you desire and what you want is on its way to you and that you can have it and you're capable of creating it. So manifestation is not a vision board, a journaling prompt, a meditation or visualization, or something something for you to do. Okay, no, it is not something for you to do. Manifestation is a way of being. Like, I would say manifestation is a lifestyle, but I feel like that sounds cheesy, like manifestation is a lifestyle. But you get, you get what I mean. So the question— these are some questions that you guys need to start asking yourselves., right? Who are you practicing to be, right? Like, the person that you are practicing to be on a daily basis right now is what you are manifesting. It's not a journaling prompt. It's not a visualization practice. It's not a vision board. It's not. It's you. It's who you are. It's who you're practicing to be right now. So who are you when no one's watching? Who are you when you're not posting the tarot cards to Instagram stories, right? And you're not like filming your workout or like taking a photo of your smoothie or whatever. Like, I'm calling myself out because these are things that I will do and then I'll have to check myself and be like, how often do you actually do this? Could you practice being this way more often? Right? Like, fuck! We have to take radical responsibility for who we are and who we're practicing to be. How do you react when it's not fun anymore? That's a good one. How do you react when it's not fun anymore? When you are hit with a situation in life that sucks, or there's adversity, or there's anger, or you're pissed at somebody, or someone is not respecting you or your time or your boundaries, right? Or you're not getting what you want. And you don't like your job or you don't like the relationship that you're in? Like, how are you responding to life when it's not fun? When it's not just, "Oh, I'm gonna do this masterclass and do this journaling prompt and make a vision board." Like, we love all of that stuff, but like, that's only like this much, right? It's who are you when it's not fun? Who are you when it's fucking hard, right? Are you managing your energy on a moment-to-moment basis? It's not, on Saturdays I do a meditation and I look at my vision board and I do some gratitude and I have a cup of coffee and I post it all to Instagram because I feel super aligned and inspired in that one moment. It's like, who are you when you show up to work and you're late for a meeting? How do you respond? How do you show up when someone has a negative response for you? How do you show up when someone has an opinion about you? How do you show up when there's judgment? How do you show up when there's fear of failure? How do you show up moment to moment? Not just when it's fun, right? I hope this is resonating with you guys. I'm like on my soapbox. I feel like I'm preaching right now, but it's because like this is the part that people don't get. They don't do it, right? This is what we talked about in the beginning with alignment. It's like, yeah, we can all do these fun things while it's fun to raise our vibe, But then as soon as it's not fun, we crash and burn. We go back to old self-patterns. We get stuck in doubt. We get stuck in fear of failure. We care about what other people think. We don't honor our needs. We don't respect the boundaries. We self-abandon the fuck out of ourselves. And then we wonder why we haven't gotten where we're trying to go. This is why. Because manifestation is not an activity. It's your life. It's how you live your fucking life. Moment to moment, all the time, all the time. So how can you start being an embodiment of your manifestation rather than like chasing it, right? Rather than being like, oh my god, I need to do this journaling, I need this meditation, I need to do this masterclass, I need this Quantum Quantum, and being like, I need to like get everything. Like, rather than chasing with that energy, how can you just start to like be the pure embodiment of like, I am the queen of my own queendom. I own my life. I run this experience. I show up every moment as my higher self. I check myself. I take responsibility. I notice when I'm falling out of line. I notice when I'm having a negative thought. I reframe those beliefs. I show up with compassion, right? I treat other people how I want to be treated even when it fucking sucks. Sucks, right? Like, how can you start to embody the whole experience as you are rather than feeling like you need to do something, like do something like a journaling or meditation or visualization or whatever in order to like make it happen? Yeah. All right, you guys, that's going to be it for today's episode.

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