6 Pillars of a Healthy Relationship (& the Red Flags I Ignored)

Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride.

Let's go make shit happen. What's up, guys? Welcome back to the podcast. Today we're going to be talking about relationships. I'm going to be sharing with you the 6 pillars of what I think is a healthy relationship and some of the red flags truly blaring blazing red flags that I ignored in my lifetime. I think it's really funny because I just always assumed I kind of had this story that like, I've gotten really lucky and I've had really healthy relationships. And, you know, a lot of that is true in some ways. But the more that I go on my own, like, personal growth journey, the more that I reflect and look back at my experiences when I was younger and the ways that I was treated and how I operated in relationships relationships, and it is very eye-opening, let me tell you. Like, I thought these things were no big deal, and I look back at them now and I'm like, this is truly shocking behavior. Like, I don't know how I didn't see these things. So I was pretty young. I'm going to be talking about like relationships from the time period when I was like 17 to 20, because as you guys already know, when I was 21, I met Jaime, who's my like longtime partner now. We've been together for over 8 years, so there's not really much to go off of between basically when I was like a teenager slash like really young adult. But I was trying to think about— my coach actually asked me something interesting the other day. She was like, what is your biggest regret? And she was kind of framing the question through the lens of business and how that might be an idea that I could play off of for content. Or the podcast and just kind of looking at the things that I did wrong or mistakes or things that I would do differently. And as soon as I heard that question, like, what is your biggest regret? I didn't think about anything related to business. I really just went to this like one specific relationship that I stayed in for way longer than I needed to. I stayed in this relationship when it wasn't serving me anymore, like way after it was done serving me. So I think that's my— if I were to have a regret, I don't— you know, some people say like, no regrets, you know, nothing is a regret. And I sort of agree with that in the sense of like, I wouldn't necessarily take these experiences back. Like, I don't wish that they didn't happen, because I do believe that everything that's happened throughout my life and on my path has been for a reason, and it's taught me something and it's helped me cultivate certain skills or become a better version of myself or learn what I like or what I don't like. And so every step informs the next one. And I think these things were really important in my journey of getting me to where I am today, which I wouldn't want to trade any of that because I really love where I'm at today. So if I had to think of a regret in terms of like, what is the one thing that I think I could have or should have done differently? I think it would be that. I think it would be leaving a relationship earlier. And like I said, I wouldn't necessarily try to like, if I could go back and like undo it, I don't think that I would. But that's the one thing that like really stands out to me in my whole life of things where I'm like, yeah, I kind of fucked up. Like, that's the only thing that really jumps out at me. So if I had to have a biggest regret, I think it would be staying in a relationship longer than I was supposed to. And I also feel like a lot of people can relate to that because I think it's, I think it's natural. I think it's kind of part of our learning process. We tend to stay in things for a while after they've stopped serving us because we're afraid of the risk. We're afraid of taking a leap. We're afraid of making that move, going into the the next thing, the unknown. What if I never find somebody else? What if no one loves me as much as this person does? What if this is as good as it gets? Like, what if, what if, what if, right? And the same thing with jobs. Like, I think anyone who's ever quit a job or pivoted in their career or changed their career path in some major way, you can probably look back and think, you know, I probably stayed for longer than I needed to, for longer than was necessary. I probably stayed well after I knew that I should leave or that I was planning to leave or that I was going to leave. And so I think that's just part of the natural process of us having to find our way into enough pain, per se, to want to change, right? Most of us only make changes from one of two places. It's either pain or it's desire. So it's something— you want something so badly, so you're going to make a change towards it, or you're experiencing so much pain or discomfort that you can't take it anymore. So you're forced to change. And unfortunately, that is the most common way most of us are going to change from a place of discomfort, not simply from desire. We can have the desire, but until the discomfort is strong enough, until there's enough pain where we're like, oh my God, I would rather take any risk and do anything rather than stay here, that's when we will shift or change. So I do think it's part of the natural, like, learning process of being a human, of like overstaying our welcome in jobs, relationships, friendships, just scenarios until we kind of learn like, yeah, we're safe enough to take the risk into the next thing. So speaking of, if— okay, if this is my biggest regret, right? Like staying in this relationship after it was, you know, it wasn't serving me anymore. There were so many red flags. Let's get into the red flags, shall we? Because as I was thinking through this and reflecting, I'm like, wow, some of these were like literally blazing red. And I was just— I don't know what I was doing, to be honest. I knew— the thing is, I knew that these things were wrong at the time. I knew they were wrong. I knew they were dumb. I knew they were bad. But it wasn't making me leave, which is concerning, right? So let's talk about some of these red flags. The first red flag was that in this certain relationship, this person would kind of try to control what I wore a little bit. So the relationship started when we were in high school, so we were really young, and then it went into college and we went to separate schools. And so there was a period of time where there was like long distance. And as soon as we were not in like the same place, that's when a lot of this like jealous and kind of controlling behavior came out, which I knew then and I know now that it was really truly a reflection of my partner at the time's past and their family life and certain traumas that they had been through and the examples of relationships that they had in their life. And I knew, I knew I knew that at the time, which honestly, like, go young Sam. I was smart enough to recognize that this isn't really about me. And I think that's why I was willing to give so many passes, because I could understand like, okay, this person is acting from a place of their own wounds and their own experiences. And maybe like I can help show them not every, every relationship is like that. You don't have to be so mistrusting. Not everyone is trying to you know, cheat on you or do something behind your back or be dishonest. And so I really felt like, obviously I loved this person, so I felt like if we stayed together, like they would eventually learn that I was trustworthy and nothing was going to happen and I was not interested in anybody else.

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I just— yeah, sometimes you, you, you don't need to always be the fixer. And that is something that I— it's a valuable lesson. I think that's actually one of my lessons that I was supposed to learn in that relationship, because every relationship is ultimately a universal assignment of some kind. There's something for them to learn. There's something for you to learn. And I think one of the things that I was meant to learn through the process of this relationship over several years was that in relationship, it's not my job to fix the other, other person or solve their problems or like be their therapist, I guess. And it's funny because I was just always naturally that kind of person, which is why I became a coach. And, you know, I got certified through the International Alliance of Holistic Therapists and started this whole, like, coaching thing because I was always that person in high school and with all of my friends in college. I was always the one that was like giving the advice, talking about relationships, being really honest, heart to heart, like motivating my friends, standing up for my friends. I was always just naturally that person. But I had to learn through this relationship that it wasn't my job to fix everybody and I couldn't. Fix everybody, actually. So there was this element of trying to control what I wore. And it wasn't like he was like, you have to wear this or that. It was just that if I was going out and I was going to parties— remember, we're in college, we're at two different schools, it's long distance— if I was going out and I was going to parties and I was wearing like a crop top, like I remember specific incidences where I would post an Instagram photo or it was probably Snapchat at the time with my friends, and he would see that I was wearing a crop top and he would get all upset. And he'd be like, why are you wearing that? Are you wanting attention from other guys? Like, you're going to these fraternity parties and you're probably like wanting to hook up with people. And I think he probably even like called me a slut at one point for what I was wearing. Like, major, major red flags, you guys. I'm like laughing. It's not funny. Like, it's totally not funny to treat young women this way or talk to them this way. But I'm laughing because You guys are probably like, Sam is like the last person that would ever put up with that bullshit. Like, what? And I think the same way about myself. I'm like, what in the actual fuck was I doing? Like, the fact that I didn't break up with this person at that exact moment is truly shocking to me. So it was things like that. And when those things were happening, this was always my reaction. It was never like, oh, I'm so sorry, like, I won't do that anymore, or I'm sorry that hurt your feelings. It was literally like, I'm going to wear whatever I want. And if you have a problem with it, then let's break up. Like, I, I, I was in my power, but I think I should have exercised it a little bit more and understood that instead of like giving ultimatums, I should have just been the one to walk away. I should have just been brave enough to leave the relationship. But when you're in love with someone and you can see that they are distressed because it's long distance and it's hard for them and they have a lot going on in their life and in their past and with traumas and things. And you're just like, okay, like, I understand where you're coming from, but also if you're going to be like this, like, we can't be together. So that was kind of my stance. I always stood up for myself, but I didn't leave. I didn't just like walk away, which I think the me now, if someone said that to me, I would be like, you're gone so fast, right? I don't think there's many of us that would tolerate that kind of behavior anymore, hopefully. Hopefully, right? So some other of these very interesting red flags that I tolerated was like he would kind of like try to in some ways hold me back from the things that I wanted to do. Now, when I decided that I was going to go away to school and I was going to go out of state and move away, I don't really remember like the conversations that we had about that. But I do remember him being like generally supportive and us determining like, yeah, we'll be long distance for a while. And like, it just— it was what it was. I don't remember him not being supportive of that. But what I do specifically remember in terms of this, like, not supportive energy was when I wanted to join a sorority at school. So I went away to college and after the first semester, because the school that I went to, they don't do like Greek life sorority rush. Until the second semester, until winter. So when I decided that I was going to rush and try to join a sorority, he was like, so not happy about this. I remember having so many conversations over the phone of, of him, like, totally coming from a place of fear and pain, of assuming that by me joining a sorority that I was going to be surrounded by all of these frat guys and I was probably going to cheat or hook up with people and there was going to be all these guys like wanting to get attention from me. And he just like couldn't handle the idea of that happening. And it was like a lot, a lot of jealousy. I remember specifically having a phone conversation with him in my freshman year dorm room with a roommate that I had at school at the time. I didn't know her before. I like— it was a random roommate and I was literally screaming at the top of my lungs through the phone because I was so fed up and so sick of the bullshit and I was standing up for myself. But like, I shouldn't have even been entertaining these conversations. Like, why was I wasting my energy, like, yelling back and being like, if you don't want me to do this, then we're fucking done. Like, I think back to how that was even part of my life and the level of, like, drama in that. And I just seriously can't relate. Like, I don't even know who that person is because I would never— that would never happen in my life nowadays. But anyways, it was a whole big thing. He was like, if you join this sorority, like, you're going to cheat and these guys are going to be all over you and blah, blah, blah and whatever. And he was basically telling me that I, that I shouldn't do it. And I was like, well, I'm going to do it, so fuck you. Like, I don't really care what you say. So either you have two options, basically. You get over it or we break up. And that's basically what I said. And of course, like, he didn't want to break up, so he found a way to get over it. Now, girlies, we love— we love when the men are the most hypocritical possible, because you will not believe what happened the following year when he went away to school. So he was a year younger than me. The following year when he went away to school, what did he do? Oh, you guessed it. He joined a fraternity. Exactly the thing that he told me that I should never do and he would never do, and that it was all a scam and just people trying to hook up and get drunk and blah, blah, blah. He was a frat king. So we love to see it. The hypocrisy is just like next level. So yeah, there was just like a general overall, like, a lack of trust on his part. And he kind of, when we were long distance, was just sort of of like always assuming that I was interested in other guys or that I was cheating. And it was just like so fucking annoying because I never was like, I literally never was. I was the furthest thing from interested in anybody else. I was like so faithful, like probably to a fault. I was away at school like I should have been having the best time of my life, but I wasn't even talking to guys. Like I would go to the bar and I would just hang out with my friends. I wouldn't even entertain a conversation. With a man. Like, anyone who came up to me and like wanted to buy me a drink or tried to like sweet talk me in any way, I would literally be like, I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend. Classic, you know? I was like so, so faithful, probably to a fault. Like, that my whole first year and most of my second year of school probably was like a bit boring, shall we say. So it was unfair that I was like receiving all of this like a tacky, sort of like untrusting energy when I wasn't deserving it at all. But again, it goes back to the fact that this person was just projecting their own fears and trauma and past onto me, even though it had nothing to do with me. And I knew that, which is why I allowed it for so long. But yeah, like if I could go back and tell my younger self anything, I'd be like, girl, What are you doing? Like, sayonara. Just like, move on with your life. Like, you could be having so much fun right now. Like, what are you doing? I think another thing, if I were to, like, reflect nowadays and let's say imagine myself in a relationship like this as an adult, something that would have been a red flag to me is that this person didn't really prioritize self-growth. Like he didn't really want to go to therapy even though he was technically supposed to. And, you know, he had been in therapy for a long time for a multitude of reasons, but he just always kind of would try to, to not go when, you know, it was something that was supposed to be like benefiting his life and helping him move through a lot of the things that need to be worked on. But also, like, like I said, we were teenagers, like really young adults at this time. And mind you, when we were like 17 to 20, people were not talking about mental health like they are today. People were not talking about trauma. Like, literally, I don't even think I knew that word at that time. So it was definitely still a lot more taboo and like weird. I think nowadays you probably walk into a high school and a lot of the kids are like, oh my God, my therapist said this and I love my therapist because of X, Y, and Z. And but when I was in high school, it was like, if you were in therapy, it's because you were like there was something really wrong with you. Like, that was the perception. Not saying that that's true. It was like the perception from society. So, yeah, but I just think there was like a— there was a lack of prioritization of like wanting to, to move through the things that needed to be worked on. The other thing was these blowout fights, like, like, like me in my dorm room screaming on the phone, like, if you don't Like, why? Why? Why was I doing that? I don't know. And that's like also for me to reflect on, like, girl, what are you doing? Why are you raising your voice? Why are you screaming? Why are you engaging in the drama? Like, just do not. It's not worth it. But we would have these kind of blowout fights. It wasn't like all the time. It was like once in a while. But just there was emotional immaturity, I think, on both of our parts. But I just remember, like, his jealousy sometimes would just become so overwhelming and it would get the best of him. I remember this one specific time he came to visit me and we were at a party and I was having a fun time. And then I don't even remember what happened. Someone probably looked at me the wrong way or something and he, like, pulled me aside and we, like, went outside and we were talking and he was all upset and he was pissed off and he literally, like, punched a wall and almost like broke his fist. He punched like a cement wall and almost broke his fist and then was crying. And then so then we had to leave the party and I was just like, this is not the life that I want to live. Like, this is actually fucked up.

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We can change and we can grow and we can get better because, you know, none of this shit would fly with me nowadays. And I hope that— I think it's an interesting exercise to look back on some of your past relationships and not only reflect on the things that you missed in the other person, of like, wow, like, why did I put up with that? And where— what does that say about me? And what was I moving through? So like, not only looking at what they did, but also looking at the roles that you played in maintaining that sort of dynamic or allowing certain patterns or behaviors to thrive or to continue. And I think that there were a lot of ways in which I enabled this because I never really put my foot down and just said like, this fully has to stop or I'm leaving. And maybe I did say things like that, but then I never left. So it's like, what's a boundary if you're not upholding it? Do you know what I mean? So yeah, I, I was young, so I'm going to give myself— I'm going to give myself a pass. But it is interesting to look back and be like, wow, So those are some of the glaring red flags that I ignored for a very long time in past relationships. And I kind of want to get into these 6 pillars of a healthy relationship. Now, this is not like science-backed. This is not from any certain, like, scientific journal or article. I was just kind of thinking for myself, what do I think are the pillars of a healthy relationship? And I came up with 6 and then I sort of like did some research online as well and was kind of feeling into like, what do other people have as pillars of healthy relationships? And I will say there's, there's pretty much like a common thread through a lot of these. And you could like, if you were to think of them, you could probably guess them as well. But we're going to run through the 6 pillars and then I'm going to take you through some of the different, like more nuanced elements of my current relationship that I think makes it really healthy. And what's fun about this part is that all of these things actually came from Jaime. So I asked him, I said, we were cleaning up from dinner the other night and I was kind of thinking about this concept that I wanted to do an episode for. So I just asked him, I said, what do you think makes our relationship really healthy? And he like started listing off some things and I just jotted them down in the notes in my phone. So all of this is from his perspective, but then I'll give kind of like my nuance to each thing as well. So the 6 pillars. The first pillar is open communication, because you gotta be able to share your feelings, talk to the person that you're in a relationship with. You have to be able to give feedback. And I think one of the biggest parts of open communication that maybe is overlooked, because when we think of open communication, sometimes we're just like, okay, yeah, being able to, like, share your feelings and speak honestly with your partner. But I think open communication is also your ability to work through conflict. Like, that's when communication is so key. That's also when you realize the most when there is not healthy or open communication in a relationship is when conflict arises. When things are good, you're probably just like, yeah, our communication is sweet. But it's when things get a little bit dicey where you're like, oh shit, like maybe we don't have as good of communication as I thought, or maybe it's not as open as I thought because I feel resistance to sharing how I actually feel about this thing or being completely honest about how what they said made me feel or not being able to kind of take responsibility for my part in the argument or whatever it is. So it's the ability to work through conflict And then the— it's also this idea of taking radical responsibility. And I've talked about this a lot before, but I think there's a lot of things that we always want to kind of assume that it's the other person's fault or like they did this, so therefore that made me feel this way. But if we zoom out and look at the bigger picture, we can almost always find some sort of pattern or connection or way that our behavior or something that we said or something that we withheld and didn't say is also like connected to that main like error moment where you're like, well, you did this and that's why I'm pissed. But you can probably like trace it back a little bit further and find out how you're also like a part of that dynamic and involved in it or allowing it, whatever the case may be. So taking radical responsibility is a huge part in being able to have open communication because we have to be able to stop taking feedback so personally. And this is— this was such a huge lesson for me. And I'll be honest, like, I still have to work on this because I can feel myself when I get feedback, we're going to call it feedback. When I get feedback from my partner, I can feel my ego like jump up out of a dead sleep and be like ready to fight with like knives and swords. And I have to like really, really fight the urge to be defensive. And just like it's been such a work in progress of trying to stop taking feedback so personally and to stop being offended by like everything. Stop being offended by literally anything your partner could say that you could improve upon or something that you did that maybe hurt their feelings or whatever. Like just being like, wow, I'm willing to look at that and go, you know what? I can actually see that. I actually— I really do see that. I see how I came off that way. I see how you felt that way. I think that you're right in these ways. This is my side of the story or like where I was coming from or what I was feeling in that moment. But yeah, like, I totally— I see you and I hear you in that, and you're right, and I shouldn't have done that or I shouldn't have said that, and I will try to do it differently next time. And that is— let's just be real for a second. That is so fucking hard to do. Like, it's— you can feel the vulnerability, like boiling in your blood when you're like, oh my God, I have to admit that I was wrong or that I, that I contributed to this, right? It's so much easier when, like, you don't have to be the bad guy and you can just, like, put everything else on the other person. But if we can stop being offended by everything and taking feedback so personally, we can look at things a little bit more objectively and be like, yeah, you know what? I did do that and I did say that and it probably was hurtful and I can definitely see that. And that's my bad. So I think that was one of like my personal, like, most annoying patterns was that I could feel like myself getting really defensive any time there was a criticism or a critique or like a feedback of any kind coming in my direction. Speaking of annoying traits, an annoying trait in men, I feel this is not to generalize, it's not all men, but Let me know, ladies, if you relate to this. An annoying— an annoying trait that I have experienced with men oftentimes is that— and that relates back to this idea of feedback— is that if you give feedback on something, which is like a constructive criticism, they take it and they just like generalize it. So if you say like, if you give a constructive criticism on something that they've done, or you're like, Hey, like, could you please take the trash out? Like, it's been sitting at the door for like a day and like you said you take it out yesterday or whatever. They're like, oh, can't do anything right. Or like, I guess I just won't do anything anymore. Like, everything I do is wrong or whatever. And it's just like, and maybe like you do that. It's just like one of those things. It's a, it's a defense mechanism so that we don't have to face the criticism. So that we don't have to take radical responsibility, so that we don't have to own our part of the experience, and we can just throw it back on the other person and say, oh, you're not happy with any of the things that I do. And oh, like, you never leave a mess. And like, you did it. Like, no, I hate that. That's one of my biggest pet peeves. And not to say that anyone who does this is a narcissist because there's way more signs of narcissism. But one of the signs of narcissism is someone who could just consistently turn the table on an argument or a conversation and spins it back to you. And they almost make like the criticism or the thing that you were— the concern that you were raising about them, they turn it back and they put it on you and they're like, well, you always do this and you make me feel this way. And because you're this way, that's the way I'm this way. And it's just like a constant flipping of the narrative to kind of make you crazy. So anyway, there's that. That's part of like the taking radical responsibility, being willing to own our mistakes and accept constructive criticism. Obviously, we have to be also cognizant of, of giving criticism in a truly constructive way and in a loving way. I think one of the best pieces of relationship advice that I ever heard was, it's not me against you, it's us against the problem. And so instead of when you're in conflict with your partner, instead of thinking like, I have to win this argument or prove my side or show them how they're wrong, and suddenly we're battling each other and it's me against you. Instead, you're like, we're a team and our goal here is to return to connection and to return to love and to return to harmony and fun and joy and laughter. So the way that we're going to do that is to not look at each other and scream at each other, but look at the problem and start to figure out how can we solve this problem and how are both of us individually participating in this thing that's showing up as an issue in our relationship. And all these things are easier said than done. But that was like one of the best pieces of relationship advice that I've ever received. It's not you against me. It's us against the problem. And another one which is quite similar, but it's like, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Basically, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? And a lot of times that's a choice that we're making in, in conflict when we're trying to have this like open line of communication with each other. There's a decision of like, do I want to be right about this? And, and, you know, try my best to really, like, prove that I'm correct and they're incorrect? Or do I want to be happy? And so do I want to take a more loving approach to face this as a team and find a way back to connection? I think that's like so, so helpful and has been so helpful for me in my relationship specifically of just remembering, like, it's not about if I was right or he was wrong. It's about like, how can we get back to connection and how can we return to happiness the fastest by facing this problem together? I pulled a quote because I thought it was really good. It says, communication is about effectively articulating thoughts in such a way that the other person understands them as intended. Obviously, this is a two-way street. The other party must also interpret such expressions as intended. So again, this kind of like flows into the idea of receiving feedback, criticism, sharing of feelings, things like that, where communication isn't just you like blurting out everything and being super honest in like a word vomity way, but in a really like intentional way so that the other person can understand it as it was intended. I think that's the biggest difference. Like, some people think open communication is just saying, well, you made me feel like this and blah, blah, blah. If I'm being really honest, like meh. And it's sort of this like it has this, this undertone to it where it's like if, if, if we want the other person to receive that in a way where they're willing to be open to it and explore the idea of changing something to help improve the relationship, then the way that we communicate that piece of honesty has to be in a way that they can understand it as intended. And so kind of like changing the, the tone and like the medium through which we deliver these really honest, authentic conversations or sharing our feelings is a, is a deeper step than it's not just about being honest point blank because you can be honest and be a dick at the same time, right? We all know that. But you can also be like honest and loving and compassionate and understanding and calm. And that takes a lot of emotional intelligence. It takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of nervous system regulation. Like some people just really— I'm sure you know someone in your life that are not capable of this type of communication, but this is really one of the most important pillars of a healthy relationship because if you can't have this type of communication, it's going to be really hard to move through conflict. Okay, so that was a long one. We won't spend as much time on the other pillars, I promise. So the second pillar is shared values. And I think this is really important because when you're in a relationship, you want for you and your partner to have an aligned vision for where you are going in life. And it's not just things like marriage and kids. I feel like those— that's like the bare minimum. Like, please, you've to know if you're in alignment with your partner on those sort of like big life decisions, whether you want them, don't want them, what that timeline looks like for you, etc. But it's also other things like some of the shared values that Jaime and I have is one of them, like a major one is professional development because we both care a lot about our careers and we really want to develop a career path that that we love, that we're passionate about, that helps people, that allows us to make a lot of money and have this ability to give and share and experience the most out of our lives. So there's the professional development. There's also personal growth because we're both always kind of trying to be that like next level version of ourself. And I think that's really important. But it wasn't always like— it's not personal growth. It's not the same. For both of us. Like, we pursue personal growth in different ways, but I can tell that we both really care about it. And so I think that's, that's something really important to remember, especially for everyone who listens to this podcast, because you're probably really into the personal development world. You've been working on yourself, you're into the mindset stuff, the spirituality, all the things. And sometimes we feel like, oh my God, like I'm with the wrong person or this relationship isn't going to work because He's not growing, or like, he's not reading the books, he's not listening to the podcast, he's not doing personal growth in the same way that I am. But that doesn't mean that your partner doesn't also value personal growth. It could just mean that they're pursuing it in a different way. Obviously, if like they have no interest in it and you know that, that's a different story, right? But I think there were times— I've talked about this on the podcast before as well— there were times in my own relationship where I was like going through a spiritual awakening and I was really questioning my relationship because I thought, Oh my God, like, what if this isn't going to work long term? Because, you know, he's not into this type of stuff and he's, you know, grew up like traditional Catholic and isn't into the spirituality stuff and he doesn't practice yoga and doesn't meditate. And maybe I should be with like a partner who does all of that stuff or who's also an entrepreneur or who's also a coach. And I think there's a lot of that sort of narrative, or at least representation in this industry. Of like coaches with coaches and content creators with photographers and, you know, yoga teachers with like men's relationship coaches or like breath practitioners or facilitators of some kind. And it can feel sometimes like, oh my gosh, me and my partner aren't like that. We don't have shared values in that sense. So I just want to encourage anyone who feels or who might be going through that, that that's not the only way to share your values. Sharing values doesn't mean that you do the exact same activities and that you pursue everything in the exact same way. Just means that on a fundamental level, you care about that same thing. And so I know for a fact that my partner cares about becoming a better version of himself and learning and growing and, you know, being more into his health and wellness journey. And he reads books. Doesn't read the same books that I read, and he listens to podcasts sometimes, but they're definitely not the podcasts that I'm listening to. But he doesn't really do that stuff even nearly as much as I do. He doesn't meditate, he doesn't do yoga, and that's okay. It doesn't mean that he doesn't value personal growth. So another one of our shared values is travel. And I think this one is really, really important because if you're a person who wants to be nomadic or you want to visit a lot of places, you want to travel internationally, maybe you want to live abroad at some point, and you are with someone who like really has no desire, maybe they're even like scared of airplanes or don't want to travel, or they're just like they love their hometown and they never want to leave. There's nothing wrong with that in terms of like the person, but is it going to be a fit for you long term? Is it really going to make you happy if you have to sacrifice a piece of what you want out of life because you guys aren't on the same page with valuing that? Now, could you always like travel with friends and do different experiences? Absolutely. There's so many ways around this, but I think it's just just worth mentioning. Like, some of these things, they can ultimately be deal breakers sometimes. Another one for us is wellness. And I feel like, again, we both have a value for wellness, but we sort of, like, pursue it in different ways. So I'm, like, working with holistic practitioners and nutritionists and acne coaches, and I'm doing liver cleanses and hypnotherapy and like all this other like woo woo shit. And his version of wellness is like eating a lot of protein and going to the gym. And that's fine. Like, that's his— oh, and he likes to swim and he likes to run sometimes with the dog. But like, whatever, it's still a shared value. And we can kind of like bond over it. And I share things with him when I learn stuff. I'm like, oh my God, I'm learning this, all this amazing stuff about glucose levels and like managing your, like, glucose spikes and what to eat for breakfast and why savory breakfast is important. I share all this stuff with him and he's like super interested in it. Does it mean that he's going to change everything that he's eating or the way that he's doing everything? No. And does that have to be wrong? No. I also think there's so much beauty in letting you and your partner be different and kind of like see how you live out and explore your shared values in unique and different ways. So there's another good example. We both also value family a lot. So it's not like if his parents are going to come, like they can stay with us. I think the last time they were here, they stayed with us for like 8 or 10 days. And my family will come, they'll stay with us for like a week. And it's just we know that it's important to both of us to spend time with our parents while we still have them. And there's not a lot of like resentment or like, oh, like, do they have to come and how long do we have to stay? And sometimes like in-laws and that sort of thing can kind of become a challenging, like, sticky point in relationships as well, which is actually one of the things that Jaime said that he thinks is a reason why our relationship is healthy is also because we both have good relationships not only with our own parents but with each other's parents, which is really helpful. And I know sometimes it's not always possible. You can't control like like, you know, if there's amazing or not so amazing people in your family that you like marry into or the relationship that you're in. But it is— I'm not going to lie, like, it is definitely helpful when there's no weird vibes with the in-laws. So that's really helpful. And like family in the sense also of, like I said, marriage, kids, that sort of thing. There was a time in our relationship when we were much younger, I was probably like 23 or 24. And I remember, like, he would always joke about, like, oh, never having kids. Or, like, if I said anything about children, he'd be like, what children? Or, like, like, if I said anything about a baby name, he'd be like, whose baby? Like, just basically, like, making jokes that, like, we weren't gonna have kids. And, or he would say things like, yeah, like, I'm gonna— I'm not gonna have kids until I'm, like, 40. And I'm like, well, your girl's going to be dried up by that time. So, but no, we had— I remember having a very serious conversation with him where I was like, listen, I know you're like a jokester and you like love this stuff, but actually, if you really like truly wake up one day and you realize like, I never see myself wanting to get married or I never see myself wanting to have kids, I need you to let me know right away because I need to leave you. And I literally said it just like that. I was like, if you ever wake up and you realize and you know for sure that it's not in the cards for you, it's not something that you want, you don't see it in your future, I need you to let me know right away so that you can let me go and you don't waste the rest of my life because it's part of my vision. And if it's not part of yours, then we need to go separate ways and we need to find other people. And I was like really serious about that. And so we did. We had like— and I think like people need to be willing to have that conversation because I think sometimes and like, obviously it's not a first date conversation, Cheryl, but sometimes women can be afraid to really own their desires, especially when it comes to family and children and being in a committed relationship. But I do think it's important that at some point, or like earlier on than later, um, you sort of know where the other person stands with that and you are willing to stand in the truth of what you want. Because if you don't stand in the truth of what you want, you inevitably get what you don't want. And so you'll be very sorely disappointed by thinking that they're going to change someday and then realizing all along the real problem was that you never actually just owned what you wanted and decided to be brave enough to go get it, even if it wasn't going to be with this person. So that's really important. So that's shared values. Okay. Third pillar is trust. Like obvious, right? If we don't trust each other, what is the fucking point? The fourth pillar is— I'm calling it teamwork, but I feel like there's a lot of things mixed into this. So when I say teamwork, I kind of mean exactly what I talked about before of like it's us against the problem, it's us against the world, it's us against our like goals and ambitions. Like really having someone who's like a ride or die and you're just a team together. You're like a unit. So in kind of folded into teamwork is this idea of respect and respecting each other, respecting each other's decisions, choices, opinions. Yeah. And just like honoring the other person for being their own fully formed adult human and respecting them as they are and what they bring to the table. The other part of this, like, teamwork thing for me, I feel like, is mutual effort. And so if you're working as a team, you shouldn't have like one player who's doing all the work and the other player who's like totally slacking off. So for it to truly be teamwork, it means that we need to be making mutual effort not only towards the relationship, but also towards— if you live together, it's like household stuff. Just like all the things that are involved in being an adult and being in a committed relationship and sharing a living space together. Like, you guys know, adulting is no fucking joke. And I didn't really ever understand that at like too much until I became a homeowner. And then I was like, oh my God, why are there so many bills? And why are so many people contacting me? And why is there so many things in my mailbox? And like, why do we have so many things to do and so much shit to clean and so many like clothes to launder? And why is the dishwasher literally always full? And it's just like a whole, you know, you know the drill. And a dog that needs to be taken outside like 4 times a day because he's an absolute prince. Like, there's a lot of work to do. So we need to be making mutual effort. Yeah. Not only towards like the relationship, of course, of like how we communicate and making an effort to go on dates with each other or create, facilitate opportunities for connection, but also like the household stuff and all the boring parts of deciding like, hey, you're going to be my life partner and we're going to do life together. So mutual effort and respect are part of teamwork for me. The fifth pillar is quality time. And I just think it's important, like, we've got to be able to find time in the chaos of our busy lives and work and all the responsibilities to really, like, hang out with each other and return to the feeling like we had when we first started getting to know each other, where there wasn't all these responsibilities, there wasn't all of, like, the house duties and the bills and the career and all the stuff. And it was really just like like about fostering that connection. And so making time for that is really important. Quality time is also pretty high on my love languages, so it's always going to be pretty important to me. I'm the person who's like, if we go to a family function and we're together, quote unquote, together the entire day, but it's like a family thing or a big thing with a bunch of people or a big thing with a bunch of friends. No, sir, that doesn't count as quality time for me. We come home from something like that and I'm like, I I miss you. I remember this used to happen like early on in our relationship. We would go somewhere like with a bunch of his friends or like his whole fucking Spanish family, which is like a lot of people. And then I'd be like, I miss you. Can we like hang out? And he's like, what are you talking about? Like, we've spent the whole day together. Like, we've been together all day. And I'm like, not really. I didn't like sit down and have a heart to heart with you. I haven't talked to you in hours. Like, we've been in the same general vicinity, but like, that's not quality time. So I also think if, you know, quality time, whether it's high on your love language list or not, I do think it's an important pillar of healthy relationships. Because if you don't have quality time, it's just going to create too much space for disconnection between you and your partner. So having the conversations about what counts as quality time for you and what what feels like quality time for you, because you and your partner might have a very different idea about what quality time is. One person might feel like sitting on the couch and watching a show together is quality time because you're cuddling or you're hanging out or you're just doing something together. And the other person might be like, that's not quality time for me at all because I'm not talking to you and we're not like having a conversation or laughing or doing anything together. We're just sitting staring at the TV. So if you don't understand also the differences between how you and your partner might perceive quality time, you could be thinking that you're initiating or getting in that quality time and the other person can feel like it's totally lacking. So again, communication is important for that too. And then the last one, of course, is like sex and intimacy, because if you don't have the chemistry, if there's no intimacy in your relationship— and intimacy is so much more than just sex. It's also like having that feeling of closeness, of vulnerability, of kind of like naked truths, I guess, of like just feeling really like safe and seen and held in your relationships. There's a lot more to intimacy than just sex, but also that's a huge part of it as well. Like there has to be the chemistry and it has to work and it has to be enjoyable for both of you and you've got to be on the same page. And there also has to be open communication in that line of things because one person could be thinking that this is incredible and this is so great, and the other person could be like, oh my God, like, I— this is so boring for me, you know? So if we're not talking about it, then you might be thinking it's one way and the other person could be on a totally different page than you. So those are the 6 pillars: open communication, shared values, trust, teamwork, quality time, and intimacy. If you think I missed anything, let me know. Send me a DM on Instagram at Samantha Daily or at Makeshift Happen Podcast. But I want to dive into the things that I really think— or I guess Jaime thinks makes our relationship healthy. So I asked him what he thinks makes our relationship healthy. And I think this is interesting to just get like the other person's perspective. If you are in like a hetero relationship and you can kind of relate to like the, the male-female dynamic of like being the feminine energy in your relationship and having a masculine energy. Maybe this is like relatable to you or just kind of interesting to hear what the man's side might perceive as these pieces of a healthy relationship. Because I think in general, like, women are a lot more open about talking about relationships and what's working and not working, not what's not working, or what we like and what we don't like. And men can sometimes be a little bit more reserved with their emotions or feelings. So it was cool to like have him be so open and actually give like really amazing responses, I got to say. So anyway, I asked him, what do you think makes our relationship healthy? The first thing that he said was that we meet each other's needs and we work as a team. So kind of going back to the teamwork thing, but if one of us is feeling down, the other one is there to really like bring that back into balance or, you know, bring, bring the other person back up. And it kind of like works like that. Because there's going to be times where you feel more in a slump and times where your partner feels more in a slump and you've got to be able to like meet their needs in that moment and work as a team and, you know, bring things back into balance. So an example that I thought of with this was like I told you guys how all of this— there was— I can't remember when this was. I think it was in March, I kind of had this sort of like crisis moment where suddenly it seemed like all this money was missing from the business, right? It was like, oh my God, $250,000. Like, where is it? It's missing. The accounts aren't adding up. Like, where did it go? And it was like this huge, like, crisis for like 24 hours until we figured it out and it was all fine and none of the money was actually missing. But in the, in the moment of really like thinking that this could be like lawsuit or like something super serious or like that, just like all this money is like gone somewhere. I was like really panicking and I had like a moment where I fully was like not, not well and not okay. And like the stress got the best of me. And so being able to have a partner who could like meet my needs in that moment and just like sit with me and like hold me and reassure me and bring that like teamwork element of like, we're going to figure this out together. I felt so much better when I didn't feel alone alone in that moment because he was like, I'm going to help you. We're going to sit down, we're going to print off all the bank statements, we're going to go through everything, we're going to go to the bank, we're going to talk to these people. I'm going to call this number. You do this. Like when I get home from work, like, let's work on this. And it was just this whole, like, collaborative, like teamwork sort of effort to make me feel so less alone in my moment of crisis. And so that was something that he felt, I think, from the masculine energy coming in is like they really like to be able to feel like they can fix or solve something. So that worked really well. And it actually was helpful for me in that moment. But sometimes, as like a feminine energy being, we don't always want the other person to fix or solve. Like, I think that's a source of a lot of miscommunication or conflict in relationships is women just really want a space a lot of the time to like vent and share their feelings and emotions. And they just want to be seen and heard. They don't want the other person to jump in right away and go, well, why don't you do this? And why don't you just call her and say that? And it's not that big of a deal. And don't worry about it. You should just do X, Y, or Z. It's like, no, you're not getting it. You're not understanding the point. I don't want you to solve this for me. I just want you to be here with me. So another beautiful example of how this kind of like plays out in our relationship is just last night I had like a full-on meltdown, bawling my eyes out, like with my ugly cry playlist on Spotify. I knew there was like energy that needed to be moved. There was a heaviness. I needed to cry. I needed to journal it all out. And I was just like having a, like a big emotional release about some, like, some things that were just like plaguing me in my mind, these thoughts. And he comes into the room and I'm like bawling my eyes out and there's literally like a sad playlist playing. And it's just like such a classic image of like the emotional girl, like with her journal, like bawling her eyes out. And I feel like, you know, from a man's perspective, it could be so easy and I was like about to get my period and I knew it. I knew it. I knew I was being just like a PMSy little bitch. But it doesn't invalidate my feelings. It doesn't invalidate the fact that I really just needed a good cry. But it was like looking back on it, like zooming out and like seeing the situation, I'm like, it's kind of funny. I feel like he could have come into the room and been like, what's wrong? Like, why are you crying? And trying to like fix it. But he came into the room and he just sat on the bed next to me and he put his, like, arms around my legs and rested his head on my knees. And he just, like, sat in silence with me while I cried. And it was like such a— I remember feeling so grateful in that moment, even while I was, like, ugly crying, bawling, like, makeup everywhere. I just remember, like, looking at him and being like, this is an amazing moment. And it was almost like I was grateful for the pain that I was feeling at that moment. So that I could have that experience with my partner where they were able to just like hold me in my emotion so well. And then he waited a little while and then when I was kind of like settling down from crying, he was like, do you want to talk about it? And I said, yeah. And then I just told him everything that I was thinking and feeling and we just had like a really nice conversation. So being able to meet each other's needs and work as a team There's different ways that we experience it, but I think it's really, really, really important. Another one that he said was that we support each other's goals and career moves, which I also think is so freaking important. And I've talked about this a lot because I've had a lot of roller coaster moments, a lot of ups and downs in my career trajectory, and he has always really been so supportive. Like, that's one of the best things about this man is that he never questions me. He never makes me feel weird about anything that I wanted to do. Like, even when I was teaching in Spain and I was like, I'm going to start this network marketing thing and I'm going to sell shampoo on my Instagram. Like, for a lot of people, that's like weird as fuck. And he never, not even one single time, was like, well, do you think people are going to buy it? Or like, 'Oh, how are you going to do that?' Or, 'Is it really going to make you enough money?' Like, never. Not a single time. I don't even know if I'm that supportive. Like, I'm very business-minded, so I do have a lot of, like, questions of, like, 'Well, how is that going to work?' and 'Where's the money going to come from?' Not in, like, a non-supportive way, but, like, the fact that he just, like, literally never even, like, asked or cared to, like, think that it was maybe like not going to work or weird at all is truly incredible to me. Also, the fact that it was like a US thing and we were in Spain and he was like, I think you can do it. Like, you're amazing. Like, go for it if you want to try it. Like, you should absolutely do it. Just like full send. So much support. And that was the same when I decided to not only continue teaching and do this network marketing thing, but to also pick up a third job that was going to be unpaid and do like an internship for these people that were running an online, like, retreats and meditation business. He was like, absolutely, like, you should do it. I can tell that you're really passionate about it. Like, I think it's going to be good for you. Like, you should totally go for it. Like, always just full support. When I got fired from that job and I had nothing, I had no money, I had no job, and I was in a foreign country where I had very limited options of what I could do for work because I wasn't a citizen. So I couldn't just like work anywhere. He was like, don't worry. Like, it's better for you that, like, you just don't worry about it right now. And I don't want you to be stressed about needing to get a job right away. Like, I'm going to help you. Like, I'll take care of the bills and stuff. Like, don't worry, we've got this. Like, it's all going to be okay. Just so much, so much support. There were multiple times where I was like unemployed while I was in Spain, whether it was because I was in between teaching jobs or because I got fired from something like I was just like all over the place trying to figure myself the fuck out. And this man was just always like so freaking supportive. And now we've kind of experienced it the other way around, which has been cool because now that we've moved back to the US and Jaime is like completely starting over his career, he was a lawyer in Spain, which he's not a lawyer in the US, didn't study US law, didn't take the bar here. It just doesn't work like that. So he decided to really like start over and begin a new career completely from zero, study for real estate, take his exam, like start practicing. And it's just been, it's been really cool to kind of like be able to have the opportunity to get to be on the other side of that support and provide that to him because he always provided that to me. So that's been really beautiful to be able to be like, yes, like you do you, I believe in you, you're going to be amazing, you're going to succeed. Like, I'll support us while you're starting out, like, go for it, chase your dreams, like, I love you, do your thing, basically. Like, I can't say enough for having someone in your life that's just truly always in your corner when it comes to career moves and goals. And it wasn't like we always had like tons of money and it was like, oh, easy to support you because, you know, you had the abundance there when we were like young and in Spain, like, we were not— like, we did not have money. Like, I was a lot of the times at the end of the month, like, I was not getting by. And he was like an intern. When we were first starting to live together, he was still interning. So he was getting paid, but it was like very low. And that's when I was like, you know, unemployed. And he's like, don't worry, like, I got us. I'm like, are you sure? So yeah, I mean, now it's for me to be able to support him and us while he's building out a new career path is a different story. But I think sometimes there is, there is an element of privilege involved. Of course, it's easier to support people when there's not a ton of financial scarcity, but also even in times where we didn't have an excess, we weren't in abundance, we weren't in overflow, we were really supportive of each other taking risks and trying new things and, and following our hearts and, and doing what we wanted with our career. So the third thing that he said was that we trust each other. And of course, I mentioned trust as one of the main pillars of healthy relationships. But my question here that I asked him, because I really also don't know the answer to it— neither of us do— we've just always really trusted each other. And I think I've always been a really trusting person in relationships. But like I described to you, I was in a relationship with someone who, like, did not have trust and did not trust me. However, it never really impacted me becoming a mistrusting person. So I don't know if this is something like I've never really had a reason to not trust people in relationships, so it's easier for me because I haven't had like a trauma with that or something. And same for him. So I just out of curiosity, I'm like, what do you think it is though? Like, why do you think we just so— we just trust each other? I've literally never had the desire to like spy on anything that he's doing or ever look at his phone or even think for a second that he would ever be like— he goes out to party with his friends, he goes out to bars, and he has some pretty wild single friends that are doing some stuff out there, you know what I'm saying? He's like gone to raves, concerts, trips with just the boys, like bachelor parties, all these things. And I've never once ever felt like, oh my God, I should be worried about this or I should be nervous. So I'm like, where do you think that comes from? Like, how did we get— how did we get that? Is it just that we both entered the relationship that way? And he said something which I think is really amazing. He was like, it's because we both love ourselves. We both really love ourselves so much so that even if something went wrong, even if the other person in the relationship did betray us at some point, we would know what is best for us and what we need to do, and we would be able to move on. We don't think that, you know, if a betrayal were to happen, that it would be the end of us or that it would destroy our confidence or our future, or that we'd never be able to move on. He's like, I think the foundation of us trusting each other so much is that we love ourselves so much individually that we would both be okay. And we know that we would both be able to move on and it wouldn't be the end of the world for us. Not to say that we're like in this relationship just thinking like, oh, like, yeah, if we break up, like, no problem. Of course, that's not how it is. But, but I think it's an interesting perspective of like, yeah, the trust comes from us having a really deep foundation, both individually, in which we love ourselves and we're confident individuals and we know what we bring to the table. And we have no reason to think that they are out looking for something else or that they're going to betray us in some way. So yeah, like we go out separately, we go to, we go to parties or bars separately, like we do trips. I'll do a girls trip, he'll do a boys trip. Like we do lots of things not together that I think I think maybe might make some couples nervous or on edge. And I just like literally have never even had a single shred of worry that something would happen. So I think that's really important and totally makes our relationship so much healthier. Um, he also said quality time, so like having our fun date nights together. He's been really stepping up this year, I will say. Like, ladies, if you want more date nights, have an open conversation with your man of like, it would feel so amazing for me if you planned a surprise date for us. Like, that really turns me on. It makes me so excited. I feel so connected to you. Like, it sweeps me off my feet. Like, I would love that. And just like see if they're open to it because it is really fun. If you're a woman who likes to be in her feminine energy and wants to just be able to receive and not have to like plan all the things, you got to communicate that that's what you want. So I will say Jaime has been stepping it up. He's done some surprise dates this year. I posted one of them, which was really fun, on my Instagram a couple of months back where he was like, you have to be ready at this time. And he was like, I'm going to pick your whole outfit and whatever. And it was very cute. He also surprise took me to the Miami Heat game a couple of weeks ago. He surprise took me to a local Spanish restaurant that we had never tried that we've been wanting to try forever. He's like always just kind of like trying to find fun things for us to do, like mini golf. We went to the air show on the beach last weekend where we watched like the, the Navy planes that do all these crazy like routes and cool tricks in the air. He's just like finding things like locally that seem fun or cool for us to do together. And I really appreciate it because your girl has decision fatigue from being a CEO and I don't want to make any decisions and I'm not planning. Doing it, so it needs to be done for me. He also said, like, we're both independent people, which he thinks helps a lot. Like, we can do our own thing and we aren't, like, bothered or, like, too codependent with each other, really. If someone, like, decides that they want to go on a trip or they want to do something with their friends separately, like, it's really not a problem. It's not a big deal. Also, like, if he wants to go travel and be with his family or I want to go home to my family for a while, like we're cool with that. Literally the other day he was like, you should message your friend because she's in Peru right now and you should see if you can like go and meet up with her and just like hang out with her in Peru and like do a little trip. And I was like, it's literally your dream to go to Peru. Like, why would I go to Peru without you? Like, he wants to go there so badly and he's like, I know, but I can't travel right now because I have work stuff going on and you've got listings and things. And he was like, well, you should go. Go. And like that, like, it not only is it like selfless, but it's also like shows his independence. He's like, I'm fine here. Like, I'll take care of the dog. Like, I'm good with my stuff. Like, you go, like, have a good time. Like, truly two independent people that are cool with like doing their own things. Another one that he said was we try to understand each other's interests. The caveat was that we only kind of do this at a surface level, but I think it's enough to show our like support and appreciation for the other person. So things like with manifestation, like I'll teach him little tips or tricks or tools with manifesting and he'll like implement some of them. But there's a lot of them that he doesn't do. I tried to get him to do the 3-5 journaling. He didn't bite. He wasn't doing that one. But he does say that he's open for miracles every day. He's like, Dear God, I am open to receive miracles now. He says that every single day now that I taught him that. So little things like that. And then like with soccer, like he'll try and teach me things or tell me about things and I'll follow along and try to understand like on a surface level. But your girl is not a sports expert, so we do the best we can. He also mentioned how we kind of like take care of each other, like he takes care of me and I take care of him. You know, he does the laundry, he does the grocery shopping. He is like the main caretaker for Storm. He does so many of the things related to Storm. He's responsible for like like ordering his food and vet visits, and he does most of his daily walks. And he actually cooks a lot of our meals nowadays. We kind of share that duty of cooking, like whoever has the space or time for it. But I was like, how do I take care of you? Because then I started to feel like, wait, you do everything. What do I do? How do I take care of you? And he was like, well, you take care of me by being the breadwinner of the house. Giving us this freaking house, decorating like our space and keeping it clean. And he's like, you make things really cozy and nice and you cook meals for us and like physical touch and affection. Like, I'll give him massages and just like things like that. But I think like feeling like you both really take care of one another and are there for one another to support is really important. Okay. Okay, getting to the last few of these. He said, which I mentioned earlier, we both have a good relationship with our, like, in-laws, with each other's parents. We value what we have, meaning like we're not looking for something better. We actually joke all the time now about how wild and crazy the dating market is, like the dating scene. We're like, oh my God, because he has a lot of single friends and I have a few single friends. Friends. And he's like, I don't want to go back out there, do you? And I'm like, absolutely not. He's like, I'm so glad that I found you. And sometimes we hear stories from friends or just like things that we see online and we're like, oh my God, thank God that you're normal. Like, we just look at each other and we're like, thank God that you are normal and not toxic and not crazy. And I just love you so much. So we kind of like build this like increasing appreciation for each other by recognizing that we have something really, really good. And we're really lucky and fortunate and grateful. And so we're not thinking of like, oh, what if I could have something better? Or maybe there's something better out there. Like, it's literally not a thought in our minds. So that's something. The other— the last two things that he mentioned were that we make each other laugh, and like the intimacy and sexual chemistry, which we already talked about. So Hopefully this was helpful for you guys. I don't know. I think relationship stuff is super interesting. If you think I missed anything with these 6 pillars, or there's something really important in your relationships, or what you've learned that you think is super relevant, let us know. Take a screenshot of this episode, share it to your Instagram stories, tag me at Samantha Daily and at Makeshift Happen Podcast. Let me know your main takeaways or if you have any additions and things that you thought that I missed. Also, what I would love to hear, what I would love love to hear is the red flags that you now looking back are like, oh my God, I can't believe that I ignored that or allowed that, because I think that's a really fun conversation for us to have. So shoot me a DM on Instagram. Let me know your worst red flags that you allowed to slide just so we can like have a laugh and reminisce and make this light and fun. All right. I love you guys so much. Thank you for tuning into this episode. I will see you next week. Bye!